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Anyone else feel bad after using OLD?


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I swear this stuff really takes its toll on my self esteem. Almost seems like a gambling addiction to me that I need to stop. It's made me more depressed lately. Can anyone relate?

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I've recently gotten back into online dating and I do find it depressing. For me it stems from having a couple of bad experiences where I got attached only to find that that after meeting they were either much older or larger than what their photos presented.

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bluefeather
Because OLD has made me feel worthless

 

Yeah, but why? You didn't explain your experiences at all.

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Cookiesandough

I think I look at it with clinical detachment now. It's more like a case study to me.

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I swear this stuff really takes its toll on my self esteem. Almost seems like a gambling addiction to me that I need to stop. It's made me more depressed lately. Can anyone relate?

 

I think you are taking OLD a bit too seriously. You might substitute real life interactions with OLD, similar to some people focusing on social networks to an unhealthy degree.

 

If that is the case I would indeed give it a rest and focus your time on family, friend and going out.

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OLD was awful & depressing. I got off it immediately & never looked back.

 

I don't know anyone who enjoys it.

 

If it is making you depressed get off OLD. It is that simple.

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I agree with what you guys wrote. I'm gonna work really hard from now on to keep myself in the real world and off these sites.

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Shining One
I swear this stuff really takes its toll on my self esteem. Almost seems like a gambling addiction to me that I need to stop. It's made me more depressed lately. Can anyone relate?
Yes. This matches my early experiences in OLD. In retrospect, I became too emotionally involved in results early on.
Because OLD has made me feel worthless
I remember this feeling. I felt "wrong" being me. I used my OLD results as a measuring stick for my self worth, which was a huge mistake.
I think I look at it with clinical detachment now. It's more like a case study to me.
This is how I view OLD now, or how I did in my last few forays into it. It's simply a tool to meet people. Emotional detachment is important.
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MonkeyLogic
OLD was awful & depressing. I got off it immediately & never looked back.

 

I don't know anyone who enjoys it.

 

If it is making you depressed get off OLD. It is that simple.

 

I enjoyed it! But enjoying it has more to do with having realistic expectations. It's just a way to meet people. That's it. It has nothing to do with self worth.

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Michelle ma Belle

Meh. I've been on and off for a few years now. Had some amazing experiences as well as some horrible ones and even ones that were a tad scary. Just how it goes.

 

I think Monkey Logic is correct that your expectations need to be realistic. You can't take anything online too seriously. It's important to keep things in perspective and navigate with a sense of humor otherwise it may harden you. I also think taking frequent breaks is super important as well, again, if only to gain some much needed perspective.

 

Sometimes it's good to look up from your phone or computer and just live life, with or without a partner.

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JuneJulySeptember
I swear this stuff really takes its toll on my self esteem. Almost seems like a gambling addiction to me that I need to stop. It's made me more depressed lately. Can anyone relate?

 

Yea, I can relate. The initial message stage was very rough for me.

 

In a way, OLD was kind of an eye opener. It was like ... wow, this many women really do care this much about money, race, and height. I guess I was kind of naive before that.

 

When I did get dates though, they were generally pretty pleasant experiences. The other day, I went back through my email and looked back at some of the women I met and had conversations with. Since I met my GF on there and she has become one of the most reliable people in my life, I can only look at it positively no matter what the experiences. But some of the other dates were also not bad.

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BryanSmiley

Yes. I might be biased but from experience, and all I’ve read on the boards etc. – I really think the saturation on OLD sites/apps is seeing women be overwhelmed with attention and men increasingly pushed down the ‘notice’ list let alone ‘time to talk to and give a chance mini list’.

 

Someone on here did a test with 2 profiles and it absolutely backed this up. I think a lot of the game on OLD is women and to a lesser degree men – wanting an ego boost without too much in the way of willingness to make an effort or meet. On the negative side for both I think women become put off with the sheer volume of men interested, pick and choose the top 5 best looking to talk two, then are disappointed when it doesn’t work out. Meanwhile a lot of men are sick of having poor return rates. That’s honestly the direction most sites/apps are going from experience and everything I’ve read. Of course there’s some positives and I’m experiencing some, but it’s less common. Be prepared for bits of interest but flakiness, and few whom stand out!

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HarmonyDriven

I agree with MonkeyLogic, OLD is strictly a way to meet people you normally would not meet otherwise. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

For the most part, I liked OLD, it worked for me. Met lots of great guys, met some not so great guys, have a few really funny stories to tell my grandkids.....well maybe not and can't since I don't have any grandkids.

 

I think people in OLD need to lighten up, enjoy the process and be thick skinned, don't let others get you down. Work on yourself, work on your people picker.

 

You have to have the right attitude with OLD, or it gets OLD fast..... :)

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Yep , totally.

 

Looked at mine a few times last few wks, first time in a few yrs.

Tbh , it really makes me feel sick. l dunno .

Haven't done anything in there, just "tried" to browse a little , only lasted 5mins.

Tried again a few times since , same.

It just feels wrong.

 

l know getting over gf has things to do with it too but it's also the whole date site thing, l'd never find the kinda women l like in one of those places.

Dunno what lifes got in store for me now but l'm about 600% sure it isn't in there.

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normal person

Does anyone want to elaborate on why it makes them feel "sick" or "depressed?" I'm really interested in this but it seems like most people really aren't given explanations as to why it makes them feel that way.

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just saying on another thread often people mention some couple they know married that met on date sites so things can happen.

 

for me , l've known two very very special women in my life , ex w and now sadly ex gf.

for me it's just when l started to look through on there, things they'd say, looks, attitudes,lack of quality, the whole thing.

lt was like are you kidding me , couldn't even stand in the shadow of my women yet l'm suppose to go through this crap just to meet you. But l guess that's not really fair because there were l'm sure some very decent genuine people on there among it non the less.

l dunno though , that's just the feelings it gave me.

Edited by Chilli
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Actually yeah not fair really, because l did meet 3 great ladies , didn't go anywhere but only because we weren't really each others types when we met but non to less, nice women some guy would be lucky to have.

 

So , ya never know.

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Does anyone want to elaborate on why it makes them feel "sick" or "depressed?" I'm really interested in this but it seems like most people really aren't given explanations as to why it makes them feel that way.

 

Constant rejection after sending out so many messages and posting your best pictures. I'm over it now but that's my reason it made me depressed.

 

I started talking to more women in real life, wow what a difference. A good difference.

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OatsAndHall

I quit OLD initially because it was bumming me out. I'm a self-confident guy but that self-confidence took a hit in the early stages. Send out dozens of messages, get a few replies, go out on a few dates, rinse and repeat.

 

I jumped back on the horse with it, developed a thicker skin and just accepted that fact that it was going to be hit or miss and enjoyed myself more. I had some quality dates and had one long term relationship born out of it. But, in the end, the time and energy invested just isn't worth the minimal return for me.

 

At this point, I am just enjoying my small social circle, work and my solitude and seeing what comes along in RL. But, I'm not really actively looking for someone right now and am much happier.

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Gr8fuln2020

There is certainly an amazing 'release' that comes with not having to try so hard to find someone and maintain the rigors of OLD, but it doesn't last long, in my experience. After a while, I go back to being 'serious' about searching again, reinvigorated and ready to tackle another few months of hope and disappointment.

 

After about two years of 'casual' dating, I have relocated and redefined my goals of finding a LTR. So far I've met some nice ladies, but not quite what I need. I'm back on EH and, as it has been in the past, there are some promising prospects with characteristics that I am seeking. We'll see....

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OatsAndHall
The more I do online dating the more destined to be alone I feel

 

Start hunting for those guys in the real-world, Cookie. I can't think of a guy that wouldn't be thrilled to take you up on a date if you approached them.

 

:D

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