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I'm not meant for love?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 20th June 2017, 12:39 AM   #1
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I'm not meant for love?

I'm sad. I just realized I might never get to experience true love. I can't imagine how that feels to have a man get down on one knee and propose to you. To have him claim you proudly, to wed in an elaborate ceremony with both families. I'm 30 and most at my age have found some type of love. For every news article I see of some couple or for every couple I see on the streets I feel gutted. Instagram is the worst. I looked at some wedding pictures and I felt like ultimate complete crap. Everyone looks so happy and complete.


Why haven't I found my better half yet? Ok so I might have done things backwards having a child at 19 but does this mean I'm to be alone forever?
What's worse is I don't think I want anymore children. I've been a mom for a huge chunk of my life. I can't imagine doing it again so if by some miracle I meet a nice guy what's going to happen if he wants children...

I went to college. I thought maybe I'd find a quality relationship there but nope I just went unnoticed. Typical. Maybe I'm too shallow for true love since outside appearance and professional status means so much to me.

I guess I'm jealous and maybe feeling a bit hopeless and I'm just trying to accept my fate. It's hard. How do you cope?
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Old 20th June 2017, 1:18 AM   #2
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I'm a granny too lol, 30, and don't have a relationship with a special someone either. And, I also am not certain I want children, of my own that is, but I'm not certain. Maybe, though not incredibly likely, I could adopt, but I'm not even sure, maybe not.
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Old 20th June 2017, 1:22 AM   #3
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On one hand, you've got a child. That's pretty cool. A young mind to mold. A bit of immortality.

On the other, guys your age often don't like the baggage of children. The other challenge is getting around single guys when in the family way. Any preference of single/childless or divorced, say like a divorced father? Considering that you don't particularly wish to have any more children, the latter might be preferable for a LTR.

I remember dating a wonderful lady, quite memorable, and considered marrying her, but she was, as she put it, 'done' with children, at that point already a grandmother so, when I met the lady who did become my wife, her being childless at 40 and interested in children tipped the balance for a long-time single guy like me.

Men are everywhere. You may have, at some level, the same problem I did for years; demographics. If all the men you meet are married or in relationships the dating pool is thin to non-existent. Geography in that case could be your friend. Once in a better dating pool of single people, I noted opportunities opened up markedly and dating became far easier and actually fun instead of a grueling challenge.

The cool thing about love is it'll be with you until you're dead. Not perhaps in your face and enveloping you all the time but it's around. It's kinda fun to rediscover it from time to time. Part of life. It'll work out.
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Old 20th June 2017, 1:25 AM   #4
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We don't know infallibly what the future holds in regards to having a soulmate.
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Old 20th June 2017, 9:50 AM   #5
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I don't adhere to the Soulmate thing. I think you just have to chill and make sure that you don't program your mind into having too much pressure on being coupled up.

Society makes it seem like a lot of people are happy. We all don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Of course when you go out your going to be happy doing a activity that you enjoy. Your most litkley looking at new couples that are together and people out on dates when your out and about.

How about couple that have been together for 20/30 40 /50 yrs. I would gage them as a lot more realistic, than some 20 somethings that are going out. Until a couple is tested. They are no couple by my book.

Be happy being single for now. When you are couple up and if you have another kid. Its not going to be always about you. If you have a bad couple of days with your Souse/BF. Then what. You can't just walk away. You have to work it out. Even if you don't win so to speak. I personally think the best age to be really coupled up is past 30. That 12 yrs from 18 to 30 in the real workd and getting away from your family environment. I am 46 and I am not looking back on my life as being single as some torture era for me. I am currently single and I get to what I want.

When I get into my next relationship. I won't be able to do what I want at a drop of a hat. I will always have to run it by my GF/Wife.

My timeline is this. 2 yrs being a couple. Year 3 engaged/Living together. Yr 4 married. Depending on how smooth things are between us. I may shave off a year.
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Old 20th June 2017, 10:33 AM   #6
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I have known many many women who subscribe to this 'woe is me' mentality. Even been there myself when I found myself single again at 40 after being married for 20 years.

What I've come to know is that men can pick up on a woman's 'desperation'. And I don't mean desperation in the sense that you'll do anything to have a man, any man, but in the sense that you feel incomplete without having a partner to validate your existence and your loveability.

That's NOT an attractive quality for many men. Just as it isn't for women when they meet men with the same self-pity attitude.

I know it's a lot easier said than done but you really need to work especially hard to redirect your focus. Take it away from what you LACK and focus more on what you HAVE and celebrate those things. Stop doing things with the full intention of finding a soulmate and do things because it makes YOU happy and fulfills something in you without the hope and expectation of a man at the end of it.

There really is something to be said that when you stop focusing so hard on what you don't have it will appear when the timing is right.

Celebrate your singleness and embrace the freedom it gives you and do whatever it takes to be the best version of yourself rather than wallow in sadness about the things you don't have. It's counter productive and will keep you stuck indefinitely.

Good luck.
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Old 20th June 2017, 12:59 PM   #7
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I know someone who is like 40+ or 45+ yrs old and has 2 children and she found a man, happily married and own a house. She was single for maybe, 20+ years? or 15+? Not sure, but hang in there.
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Old 20th June 2017, 1:00 PM   #8
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OP if it makes you feel better, I'm 29 and have never dated or anything and I'll probably never find a girl. So yea.
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Old 20th June 2017, 1:15 PM   #9
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Why does not having a special person in your life a bad thing. Why can't we be happy with out it.

I see it this way. No matter what. Single or not. WE will go through the ups and downs of life. If your not. Your really not living. I think that being single is actually the norm and being couple up is the anomaly. I don't know anyone that was single from birth to death.
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Old 20th June 2017, 1:18 PM   #10
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OP, at least you already have a child so you don't have to worry about your bio clock.
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Old 20th June 2017, 2:42 PM   #11
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While there is the balance and truth of being content to just be you on your own, to want someone is a natural thing to desire.
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Old 20th June 2017, 3:29 PM   #12
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Stop being shallow...

The keyword I picked up was went "unnoticed"
Which tells me you just wait to be approached... that men are suppose to buzz around and you pick from the flock. Since apperance and position is important to you, why not approach these men.

You have to put your self out there.

Last edited by Sweetfish; 20th June 2017 at 3:38 PM..
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Old 20th June 2017, 7:30 PM   #13
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Stop with the pity party!!!! I'm 43 years old. Divorced with three kids. I thought having the marriage, kids and the white picket fence was awesome!!! Once I got into the thick of it all my husband lost his mind and just turned into a completely irresponsible child. The only beautiful thing to come out of it was my kids. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. And men do not like desperate women (the good one's will go the opposite direction if they see you coming) and you will attract what you put out there. So stop focusing on finding the perfect man and instead focus on you. Being single at 43 has been great. I've had some dating hiccups since my divorce but not for a second have I freaked out and started thinking about the ticking time clock.
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Old 20th June 2017, 8:10 PM   #14
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its normal to feel lonely when you arent with someone special ....who you call your guy who calls you his girl..... so im not going to hop on that stop the pity party train.....being in a relationship has its good days and bad days just like being single does......what i do know without a doubt it is better to be lonely and single than lonely in a relationship.....that is far worse....

when you have waited for that right guy who never seems to be on the horizon and you are actively looking ....you might miss him......by searching in all the wrong places......i could have had dates...i could be with someone for the sake of being with them but i wouldnt be happy.....it would me with them because i might just be scared to be alone..

im actually not scared to be alone..i have more than one personality to drive me insane all by myself......they have board meetings often when i meditate...but i get lonely for love...im human...and its a human natural desire to want to be with a lover....and getting lonely ....thats also human....no pity party there...just facts....anyone who hasnt been lonely or says they arent or havent been single and lonely are lying....


...in and out of relationships i have felt alone.....and i have turned down dates for the simple fact i know some of the the guys are asking me because they are scared to be alone........and im warm and sensitive and trustworthy so they go for me.....but i need more than that to date a guy or be with him ...i want to know he is truly ready for a relationship and wanting to be with me for the right reasons....because im playing for keeps...i like to know them first..and happiness its the way i want to feel and i want him to feel so...i wait.....


i dont want to date a heap of wrong guys to find the right one...its damaging i feel to do this.....tiring....disappointing..and i dont need an ego boost.........too much choice is actually in my opinion worse than too little......destroys focus...gets confusing...my empathy kicks in and i feel sorry for them......and im focused on being in the right relationship for the right reasons with my guy who i am right with ...i will be his right hand girl.........

stay hopeful and live your life.....be happy....and when you feel lonely reach out to the ones who love you most....and laugh....loads.....loneliness disappears with laughter....join groups you find passion about..be among people who share similar interests to you...not for a relationship...but to explore your passions......i wish you peace.......deb
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Old 27th June 2017, 10:24 AM   #15
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I don't see whats wrong with being single. What type of bad day do I have being single. Nothing. The only thing I guess is that I don't have physical affection on a regular basis. Thats the only thing I don't like being single.

I get to do what I want. I don't have to really consult anyone. I have lots of friends and family to engage with. I work out. Bike ride and go for long walks. I go to music concerts big and small. Movies as well. Wing night at local watering holes with friends and family.

So someone tell me where the downside to being single with. I see a lot of couples breaking up around me. I think that much more scary if is such thing to happen, after you have invested so much time into someone.

I see it this way for myself. At age 46. The lady that is coming to me long term is going to be more steady. Realistically. I see a woman in her late 30's early 40's that just wants a steady relationship, and is not out there trying to compeat with her GF's and other women for men's attention. So I will reap all of her affection and not have to really worry about her being distracted by other guys trying to make a play for her.

She will be more the girl next door, than the wise cracking gal that is at the bar every weekend or the Glamour Girl that needs too much attention.

Thats how I see things.
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