Cookiesandough Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 (edited) * dating sites/apps What is with that??? I see it a lot on here (I guess because naturally it is often disastrous) and I remember my experiences on online dating. I would get guys from different continents messaging me (one guy asking if I'd be willing to relocate to london??). I had my search settings set nearby, but somehow they got by it. Even the ones who message from an hour away. What is their angle? Maybe they don't see much they're interested in nearby? II also considered it's a way to keep a distance, figuratively - .keep things casual. It's so easy to be indifferent from far away. A girl who lives 5 miles away is going to want to see you two days a week, things will progress. A woman 100 miles away at a distance can't expect that. Even an hour away is actually 2 hours of money, investment.. to a total stranger. It's just odd to me and I don't quite understand it. Plus you have to connect in other ways(FaceTime, emails, texting) a lot more often to keep it alive.. Perhaps a different communication style? Any ideas? Perhaps from men who have done this? Edited April 23, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
sn3akerlover Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Hmm, I never quite understood it either. I guess living here in NYC an hour is an acceptable traveling distance. That being said, I have my limits too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 It seems like they're just trying to see what level of attractiveness they can get, like just an ego boost game. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted April 23, 2017 Author Share Posted April 23, 2017 Hmm, I never quite understood it either. I guess living here in NYC an hour is an acceptable traveling distance. That being said, I have my limits too. Yeah, sorry I should stop measuring distance with time 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted April 23, 2017 Author Share Posted April 23, 2017 (edited) It seems like they're just trying to see what level of attractiveness they can get, like just an ego boost game. That is probably a big reason they do it. I forgot to consider that! But reading experiences here a lot of people do actually travel far. Like pops thread the guy lived at least an hour and he came out to see her or they met midway. From some threads, some of these guys live across the country and they fly them out/fly in to see them. And one guy I dated lived 2 hours away. I'll never do long distance or even mid distance again. I just can't deal. Edited April 23, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 I think they're just casting a wide net. Maybe they didn't have any luck with the more local girls, so they stopped caring about distance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 That is probably a big reason they do it. I forgot to consider that! But reading experiences here a lot of people do actually travel far. Like pops thread the guy lived at least an hour and he came out to see her or they met midway. From some threads, some of these guys live across the country and they fly them out/fly in to see them. And one guy I dated lived 2 hours away. I'll never do long distance or even mid distance again. I just can't deal. I mean, to me an hour is nothing. I live in a big spread-out town and it can easily be an hour to even go visit a friend who lives in a suburb. An hour shouldn't stop anyone. But I was talking about those who live thousands of miles away and have no intention of ever relocating but are just playing make believe dating online. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Or maybe they are married. When I was doing OLD very briefly, I got this message from a guy 3-4 hours driving distance away without showing any pictures. Normally, I wouldn't even bother with someone without a picture. For some reason, I was somewhat intrigued by his profile; out of curiosity, I asked him to share a picture. He did send me a couple and explained that he was in a very senior position at his job and didn't want the younger folks working for him to see him on a dating site...not sure how many women would buy his story 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I don't think there's any deep tactical reason to it. I started talking to Timshel when she was in Florida and I was in Boston simply because I saw her, there was something about her and I needed to talk to her. That was the extent of my thinking really. See, you're wondering why they would message you when they're so far away but even realizing you're far away and it would be difficult to meet is a few steps ahead of most guys minds when it comes to women they like. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 But I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles To fall down at your door 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I message women from far away if I am attracted enough. You may call me overly idealistic but the hope is that if we hit it off they would move to my location. My ex moved 5000 miles to live with me and I met her online. That relationship lasted 3 years almost. To be fair her moving was a big reason the relationship failed eventually. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Maybe it works for the guy and there simply are enough women willing to relocate to London. The cost of living is brutal, but that may not be the first thing that comes to mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
blockrockinbeat74 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 To me a LDR is anything that would require a drastic change of life, and yet another big part of the reason I don't want to meet anyone online - I'm simply not prepared to move away for a guy. You may call me overly idealistic but the hope is that if we hit it off they would move to my location. Just curious - you say you message women far away if you are attracted enough, in the hope they would move to you. Do you envisage moving to them? If not, that's more selfish than idealistic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lilyana76 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Most of the men that I found in OLD that were messaging me from farther distances, were not really there for a relationship. A few of them were catfishing, or pretending to be something they weren't. I actually had one guy, in our first conversation, ask me for money lol If they aren't catfishing, then I think they're not really serious about a relationship. Unless they live in a rural area. But if they live in a fairly decent sized city and are messaging me from farther than 100 miles, I'm thinking they are looking for an ego stroke and not serious about anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 (edited) I have heard of stories where people, despite the many miles between them, have forged a connection *here* on this forum, ended up meeting in person and falling in love, and then they relocated to be closer. @gaius and @Timshel [if I may use you as examples, you did bring it up here so I hope it is OK] are but one example. People will do a lot for love, including travel and relocate. There are many many people who live far away from someone. There aren't nearly as many people who live nearby. So mathematically it is a lot more likely that the someone who could be perfect for someone (if they could only get rid of the distance) lives far away. I'm not saying it is ideal though, by any means. MEanwhile, there is also the possibility that the other person isn't really single or doesn't really want a relationship. I mean, it is easier to have a pen pal or phone buddy than it is to meet up and have to deliver on the in-person chemistry. Anyway, just giving you some reasons why it may be happening, I'm not even saying that you should write back and give the person a chance. If you don't want to write back, then don't. Also, there may be a way to filter out communication from those beyond a certain distance? Edited April 24, 2017 by Imajerk17 Link to post Share on other sites
blockrockinbeat74 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I have heard of stories where people, despite the many miles between them, have forged a connection *here* on this forum, ended up meeting in person and falling in love, and then they relocated to be closer. @gaius and @Timshel [if I may use you as examples, you did bring it up here so I hope it is OK] are but one example. People will do a lot for love, including travel and relocate. There are many many people who live far away from someone. There aren't nearly as many people who live nearby. So mathematically it is a lot more likely that the someone who could be perfect for someone (if they could only get rid of the distance) lives far away. I'm not saying it is ideal though, by any means. MEanwhile, there is also the possibility that the other person isn't really single or doesn't really want a relationship. I mean, it is easier to have a pen pal or phone buddy than it is to meet up and have to deliver on the in-person chemistry. Anyway, just giving you some reasons why it may be happening, I'm not even saying that you should write back and give the person a chance. If you don't want to write back, then don't. Also, there may be a way to filter out communication from those beyond a certain distance? That makes sense when things sort of just happen, ie when people meet accidentally, whether online or not. Going out of your way to message someone who lives in another country on dating apps does sound like stretching it a bit, IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Just curious - you say you message women far away if you are attracted enough, in the hope they would move to you. Do you envisage moving to them? If not, that's more selfish than idealistic. It's not selfish, that's just what I want. I'm established in life and I have a business. The women I'm interested in are not necessarily established. That's the deal on offer, and I realize it's a tall order, but I'm certainly not forcing anyone to do anything. I understand if it's not someone's cup of tea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Menomena Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 I live in a borough surrounding NYC, and honestly 90% of the nearby 21-24 year olds were either not my physical type at all (overweight/masculine) or had nothing in their profile or what was written was just kind of lame/boring. Then the less than a dozen profiles of local girls were typical of the kind of more attractive girls I see walking around outside on any given spring/summer day - Colored leggings, backwards caps, typical hourglass/athletic shape, etc.. The girls who actually lived in NYC or nearby but out-of-borough were way more numerous and thus had generally more attractive and had slightly more interesting profiles on average but all of which were likely 30-50 minutes away. A lot of the NYC profiles in particular were more 'ambitious' on the whole. Aspiring models and actresses are a dime a dozen. They likely all want a guy who's in a similar field and tall, muscular and very handsome. I'm probably average at best, average height and athletic but not a beefcake. lol That's why I'd be willing to travel 30-50 minutes. But maybe I should reconsider now. I wouldn't waste time with O.L.D anymore anyway, I'm going to have to go out to places to cold approach at this point. That's the only likely way when I don't have a large social circle outside of a few guy friends who couldn't introduce me to any women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AmericanNinja Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 Hi, sorry I cant help because I'm only freshman in highschool and I don't think you want advice from me. but can you help me out in my situation http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/622572-i-like-girl-but-have-no-classes-her Link to post Share on other sites
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