laurenleethat's-a-me Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Hello everyone hope you're all well I'm gonna try and be as basic as I can with my question, so you don't have to read pages of rubbish lol I'm basically extremely skeptical that I'll EVER meet anybody in the future who I'll feel a close connection with and who feels the same way about me too The reason why is mostly because of a relationship I was in with someone in the past where there was a big feeling of care and respect (he was always caring, there for me and faithful) on his side. The reason why that r/s buggered up was because I met this fella when I was young, insecure and in a very dark place. In VERY basic terms... I hurt him. We can't be together for that reason. I've only just started realizing, 5 years down the line now, that I care about this fella so much and wish I'd said yes when he'd asked me to marry him 4 years ago -seems like 10 or 20 though with how much I have changed now. Unfortunately as I said I can't be with him and so there's nothing I can do to be with this guy. I'm so frightened and upset that I'll have to settle for someone who I don't feel these feelings I feel for him for :S I've heard of marriages and r/ships where one or both people involved don't really care about eachother -I'm terrified that'll be me in the future because I screwed up with the guy I was with in the past and had my chances with him Can anyone offer me any advice or anecdotes at all? I'm so scared I'll just be alone and without someone who cares forever Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 If you expectation is to fail, I'm sure you'll achieve that goal! Instead, expect to succeed, but knowing what it is you want, simply do not settle for less. That may mean ending (or not getting deep into) any relationship that feels like settling compared to what you want. And I think you are right to hold out for the same level of reciprocated feelings. But, if you don't seek, you will not find! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Well, you just don't marry someone if you two don't mutually love each other or marry anyone who you might love but who isn't capable of responsibility or being a good partner. You're in control of that. You don't HAVE to marry at all. But my feeling is someone else will come along for you. Concentrate on your career and putting money away and don't wait for a partner to go do the things you dream about like traveling or buying a home, whatever it may be. Living your life in an interesting fashion as a single person will make you more worldly, more interesting, and put you in situations to meet more people. It's the only path that you really can't lose on. So live to the fullest! That way, if he comes along, great. If not, you'll be happy anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 If it takes 5 years to realize that you were truly in love with him, I would be willing to bet that you are in love with the memories that have become a little more rose-colored during that time. Focus on something new, almost anything will do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author laurenleethat's-a-me Posted April 23, 2017 Author Share Posted April 23, 2017 No I worded that bit a little wrong What I was meant to say was we're still in contact and it's come up to 5 years and since 2 years ago I've started falling in love with him Sorry for the confusion Link to post Share on other sites
Author laurenleethat's-a-me Posted April 23, 2017 Author Share Posted April 23, 2017 Where did I ever state that I didn't want to marry ? I don't want to end up one of those 30-somethings who are still on their own And I would have been a great partner but as I did say in my post I met him wehn I was younger and stupid -you don't even know what was going on with me then stop making judgements? Link to post Share on other sites
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