8 months and no success....what I'm I doing wrong??

[dufour]

In 8 months I've dated one girl for 3 dates, and another girl for about 7 dates. In 8 months I've chatted to about 30 girls on various dating apps, but their interest soon fizzles away after about a week of online chatting. It starts of with loads of back and forth messages, then after a few days fizzles away to nothing!

 

Last week I was chatting on Tinder with about 6 girls and this has all fizzled away to nothing. It makes me extremely sad alot of these girls are great people but they don't seem to give me a chance...

 

I suffer from anxiety so I struggle to get the confidence to ask them out straight way. Plus if I asked every girl who matched with me out I'd be bankrupt.

[Knix]

it could be multiple things.... hard to tell. you could be taking a while to ask but it could also be too many messages, you could seem controlling... who knows

[sn3akerlover]

That's online dating culture for ya. There's really no way around it. If you're going to continue using it as a tool, I suggest you ask unique and creative questions not the standard rapport interview mode style questions. This will instantly set you apart from the typical guys she talks to. Limit your texts and ask to meet them in person even if it's for coffee- don't wait more than 3 days to do this! If you can close sooner, do it. Just keep in mind some girls are worried for their safety so they won't be willing to meet so fast. Just feel it out based on her vibe.

 

Notice how I said use online dating as a tool above. It's far from reality so it shouldn't be treated as such. It should simply be used to supplement your love life. If it's not reaping any benefits, try something else. Good luck!

[The_Thall_Man]

Hey, OP. At least you're getting responses. You're way ahead of schlubs like me who got pretty much nothing.

 

I think a lot of people are looking for pen pals or something. It's one of the many reasons I just quit.

[Dtrain2EtOWN]

In 8 months I've dated one girl for 3 dates, and another girl for about 7 dates. In 8 months I've chatted to about 30 girls on various dating apps, but their interest soon fizzles away after about a week of online chatting. It starts of with loads of back and forth messages, then after a few days fizzles away to nothing!

 

Last week I was chatting on Tinder with about 6 girls and this has all fizzled away to nothing. It makes me extremely sad alot of these girls are great people but they don't seem to give me a chance...

 

I suffer from anxiety so I struggle to get the confidence to ask them out straight way. Plus if I asked every girl who matched with me out I'd be bankrupt.

 

In eight months you got 2 girls in person and they each came back for more. Assuming you work and sleep and like man things the one girl probably took up a month and half and the other three months. You are doing swell IMO. May not be getting what you want but you are officially in the game and playing. What happened with the 2 in person girls?

[Mysterio]

You got to forget about thinking that your doing things wrong. There is no perfect way to get girls. If there was. Then some one would have marketed it a long time ago.

 

Life is dynamic. We all can't control who likes us or who we like.

[preraph]

Well, that's the problem. You're waiting too long to pull the trigger. They can certainly tell you're fishing without bait. You have to get out of your comfort zone if you want to progress.

[whatnot]

Dating sites are frustrating to begin with. What success I've had....

 

Let'm see you spread your wings a bit. Don't be scared to be yourself....on just about any level. Just be yourself. Think of it as being fun for you in a learning sort of way.

 

Someone will take notice of you and want you. You have to get sick of striking out. So .... strike out!! Swing for the fences. :-)

 

Do not try and build any kind of "meaningful relationship" while talking. You don't have to talk about what you have in common in their profile...blah blah blah....just tell 'em about how you see something unique in their writing style. Stay away from what they're actually writing Lol

 

Notice something about them you find interesting...... that no one else would probably notice. Something that sets them apart. Ask them about that. (everyone notices what they're writing)

 

Tell them what you just told us in your post. (leave out the anxiety stuff). Try and work a question in that's personal to you that you want their opinion on. get'em talking about their opinions. and you're in. Don't let 'em push you around. (In a fun sort of way) make fun of yourself.

 

Understand that a lot of them are married. (cuts down on the rejection factor. They're there to boost their egos lol) And also understand that a lot of them are just like us. They just wanna be noticed. (in a unique, fun interesting sort of way lol

 

OH! what you want to ask them about......is something that they themselves would not have thought that anyone would have noticed. That's flattering to us all when people do that.

Edited April 23, 2017 by whatnot

[Cookiesandough]

I'd say chatting for a week before taking it off the app might be something you do wrong. If she's an attractive lady, she's got multiplr guys trying to chat with her a week. You're just another thumbnail and "hey how was your day" in a sea of the same. Very easy for it to fizzle out. The anxiety of askinh is something you'd need to overcome for more success. You can do a low key meet. Coffee or tea meet is cheap. Even something creative like a walk near a canal etc. It doesn't have to break bank, but if you're attracted to a girl you need to set up the meet or date typically after a few exchanges/no more than 3 days. It will save you a lot of time and filter out people who have no intention to meet.

Edited April 24, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[4x4storm]

All I can say is after 1 year of online dating it can be the most soul destroying thing ever. First thing you have to understand is that the playing field is not in your favour as a man it can be something crazy like 100-1. i'm only 20 years of age and have only ever met woman through websites and apps I can tell you right now they are getting 1000s of messages a day.

 

What I observed is there is a large number of very attractive males on these websites that will downgrade themselves to get an easy score with these woman. If you browse this forum enough you will see this come up a lot "Met guy online and he ghosted me"

 

Honestly dude don't let it get you down 90% of woman on these websites are on there for years and will only hook up with the hotest men that message them. So a lot of average guys will get rejected no matter how creative your message is.

 

But... I will say I have met some very genuine woman on these sites the numbers are very low but they do exist.

[Superchicken]

Women love to talk about themselves (Open to a Lawsuit now).

Find out what interest they like, and what they mostly talk about.

Make them the centre point of your conversations, and stick to their stories.

When at home, read up on what interests her, and so when you chat second, or third time around, you will be better informed to sustain the conversation.

 

 

Never allow too long of a space of silence after finishing on a conversation.

This way, their minds (Evil as they are ) will be occupied, and so no harsh or quick decisions will be made.

 

 

With me, I love comedy. I have always been the clown, or the loud one in the group.

I'm a kid at heart, love to say jokes, and entertain my friends.

I hate to say, I act and think like a 23 year old, but I'm double that age..

I'll NEVER grow up, and I'm not sure its a bad thing.

 

 

Lucky for me, women find a humorous person an asset.

Find yours.

 

 

Party on dude...

 

 

Ted.

[Lilyana76]

When it comes to online dating, I found I had better success with men I knew had read my profile. I think reading my profile means they are interested in getting to know me.

 

Throw some random tidbit in there to grab attention and only respond to those who mention it. For instance in my profile I put, "I love all music, except Tibetan Throat Singing."

 

If someone messages me and says something about Tibetan throat singing, I know they read my profile because they were interested in me, not just my photos.

 

And quite honestly, the fading away after a few messages thing, happens a lot, to everyone, on OLD. It's just par for the course on there. I figured out soon after using OLD that it wasn't for me, I prefer getting to know someone out in the real world. OLDer's just seem to be flakey, or interested in only quick hookups. At least that was my experience.

 

Don't give up! 8 months isn't really too bad, are you doing other things to get out there besides OLD? Like joining new interest groups or volunteering in your community? There are lots of other avenues besides OLD. Get out there!!

 

Good luck!

[tetrahedral]

I have used Tinder with some success. You have to get things moving. If I were a girl, I'd stop talking to you after a week of going nowhere too.

 

Say something specific to her that makes her laugh, banter briefly about something you have in common, and get her # to meet up. Shouldn't take long.

 

The messaging isn't for her to actually get to know you. It's for her to decide you are worth meeting, and possibly getting to know.

 

She's already crossed off whether or not she thinks you are cute... by swiping right. Now she's waiting to find out that you are some combo of funny, can carry a conversation, and bold. The first one you should be able to establish almost immediately. The second takes some conversation but not much. And you are actively hurting her perception of the third by chatting away emptily.

[Titanll]

Ok, so you have anxiety issues. You try OLD which is no different from real life except for the introduction part and you wonder what you're doing wrong?

 

The OLD haters come to tell you just awful and how soul destroying OLD is.

 

Cookies and preraph, as usual, nail the problem...you are acting like a pen pal and not asking for the date soon enough.

 

Oh, you would go broke if you asked out every girl that you matched with? Think about that statement and then tell me what the problem is again...

 

On one hand you are saying that you are not having success then say that you could date yourself into poverty if you simply asked all of the girls out.

 

What happened to the girls that you had multiple dates with? 3 dates? Understandable if you had no connection. 7 dates? That's the beginning of a relationship...so what happened?

[normal person]

In 8 months I've chatted to about 30 girls on various dating apps, but their interest soon fizzles away after about a week of online chatting. It starts of with loads of back and forth messages, then after a few days fizzles away to nothing!

 

Try asking them out rather than boring them for a week with trivial messaging. You don't know if you like someone or not until you meet them in person. You can only convey so much through messaging. Just get on with it, she doesn't want a pen pal. Odds are they all lost patience and went out with guys who were more proactive.

 

Best of luck.

[OatsAndHall]

When it comes to online dating, I found I had better success with men I knew had read my profile. I think reading my profile means they are interested in getting to know me.

 

Throw some random tidbit in there to grab attention and only respond to those who mention it. For instance in my profile I put, "I love all music, except Tibetan Throat Singing."

 

If someone messages me and says something about Tibetan throat singing, I know they read my profile because they were interested in me, not just my photos.

 

And quite honestly, the fading away after a few messages thing, happens a lot, to everyone, on OLD. It's just par for the course on there. I figured out soon after using OLD that it wasn't for me, I prefer getting to know someone out in the real world. OLDer's just seem to be flakey, or interested in only quick hookups. At least that was my experience.

 

Don't give up! 8 months isn't really too bad, are you doing other things to get out there besides OLD? Like joining new interest groups or volunteering in your community? There are lots of other avenues besides OLD. Get out there!!

 

Good luck!

 

I did the same thing but pretty much took it to the next level. My profile page is basically one random diatribe with sarcastic references to movies and music. It worked well for me because:

 

1. It stood out among the rest of the humdrum profiles and it was easy to catch and keep women's attention. A well written profile will tell you more about a person than a pic.

 

2. I could tell if they had actually read the profile if they made mention of it. Some women just fired back a message after looking at my pic and I don't care for that.

 

3. It served as a filter for me. A woman that didn't share my sense of humor probably wasn't going to respond. I had too many dates where my sense of humor didn't fly and they weren't all that fun.

 

On a final note, avoid chatting with women for longer than a few days. Ask them out for a date early on. Some will say "I'd like to get to know you better" and that's just a waste of time for me. You don't get to know someone via text as there's no tone and it's pretty impersonal.

[The_Thall_Man]

I did the same thing but pretty much took it to the next level. My profile page is basically one random diatribe with sarcastic references to movies and music. It worked well for me because:

 

1. It stood out among the rest of the humdrum profiles and it was easy to catch and keep women's attention. A well written profile will tell you more about a person than a pic.

 

2. I could tell if they had actually read the profile if they made mention of it. Some women just fired back a message after looking at my pic and I don't care for that.

 

3. It served as a filter for me. A woman that didn't share my sense of humor probably wasn't going to respond. I had too many dates where my sense of humor didn't fly and they weren't all that fun.

 

On a final note, avoid chatting with women for longer than a few days. Ask them out for a date early on. Some will say "I'd like to get to know you better" and that's just a waste of time for me. You don't get to know someone via text as there's no tone and it's pretty impersonal.

 

Hmmm... sounds not too far off from me. Guess it only works in Canada.

[BlueIvy]

I did the same thing but pretty much took it to the next level. My profile page is basically one random diatribe with sarcastic references to movies and music. It worked well for me because:

 

1. It stood out among the rest of the humdrum profiles and it was easy to catch and keep women's attention. A well written profile will tell you more about a person than a pic.

 

2. I could tell if they had actually read the profile if they made mention of it. Some women just fired back a message after looking at my pic and I don't care for that.

 

3. It served as a filter for me. A woman that didn't share my sense of humor probably wasn't going to respond. I had too many dates where my sense of humor didn't fly and they weren't all that fun.

 

On a final note, avoid chatting with women for longer than a few days. Ask them out for a date early on. Some will say "I'd like to get to know you better" and that's just a waste of time for me. You don't get to know someone via text as there's no tone and it's pretty impersonal.

 

This is so true! I tried OLD before and a few guys literally talked to me for like 2 weeks. And I believe a man should put in work but I hinted about meeting up and they never were proactive. So, I just cancelled him. Then they would hit me long after and I just blocked them. To me, if you are serious, early on you gonna try to meet up and see if there is chemistry.

 

I don't have time to waste just chatting with you and you not asking me out or anything. And it kinda makes me feel they are hoping they get easy sex by talking a good game or they got a girlfriend and trying to cheat on the low.