Anybody else in a bad (or good) place for dating?

[The_Thall_Man]

I moved back to Phoenix, Arizona a little over four years ago (to further my career), and it's been extremely hard to find any single, eligible women here. Haven't had a date in over three years now. It's a big metro, but not a great place for people in my sitch, and therefore I'm trying to get out.

 

Anyone else in a bad area... or maybe a good one?! I'm trying to find people in a similar place in life as myself and settle down. Or is this just a dead concept? Most people around me seem to have found something that works, but here I am with no options in sight. Maybe I'm looking in all the wrong corners of the Valley of the Sun.

Edited April 20, 2017 by The_Thall_Man

[darkbloom]

I moved back to Phoenix, Arizona a little over four years ago (to further my career), and it's been extremely hard to find any single, eligible women here. Haven't had a date in over three years now. It's a big metro, but not a great place for people in my sitch, and therefore I'm trying to get out.

 

Anyone else in a bad area... or maybe a good one?! I'm trying to find people in a similar place in life as myself and settle down. Or is this just a dead concept? Most people around me seem to have found something that works, but here I am with no options in sight. Maybe I'm looking in all the wrong corners of the Valley of the Sun.

 

Where have you been looking?

[The_Thall_Man]

Where have you been looking?

 

I'm open to anywhere in the valley. In the past, I've dated girls that were a pretty good drive away. It's a sprawl. A bit of distance isn't a big deal for me. It's kinda how people roll out here. I'm SE valley at the moment.

Edited April 21, 2017 by The_Thall_Man

[darkbloom]

I'm open to anywhere in the valley. In the past, I've dated girls that were a pretty good drive away. It's a sprawl. A bit of distance isn't a big deal for me. It's kinda how people roll out here. I'm SE valley at the moment.

 

I meant destination wise. Like bars, bookstores, etc.

[The_Thall_Man]

I meant destination wise. Like bars, bookstores, etc.

 

These days, I don't really "look" anywhere. I got really burnt out on the idea of "putting myself out there", i.e. choosing places and activities based on the likelihood of there being girls I might be attracted to being there (in spite of it not really what I was wanting to do). I'm just going about my life as I see fit, and am doing the things I enjoy, and hopefully that'll be a conduit to meeting someone special (I'm not holding my breath though). Hasn't worked yet.

 

That said, in general, I mix it up: I pretty rarely do bars these days (though when I do, it's generally a place I actually like as I'm back on the south side of town again), I used to go pretty regularly with coworker friends when I was up in north Scottsdale. I hit up a bookstore maybe every month or so, to catch up on music and sailing mags. I get out to shows when artists come through that I dig. Been a bit off on that as I'm saving up to go to Red Rocks to see some of my favorite bands next month. Sometimes, I'll just check out whoever is at the few original music venues that exist in this crap town. I do First Friday every few months. I'm more inclined to go down there if I've got an interested friend who wants to check it out. I do Meetup every once in a while. It's hardly the haven for potential dates as the Internet plays it up (at least in PHX). It's the topical groups these days. I tried the singles Meetups a number of times and they were not my demo in the least. I go to car events like The Pavilions car show, and racing events I'm interested in when they come through, which amounts just Indycar these days. I'm a bit of a foodie so I try new restaurants on pretty regular occasion. I like chilling at coffee shops on the regular too, mostly indie places like Coffee Rush or Echo, but sometimes just a Starbucks (which more of are closer).

[The_Thall_Man]

Or did you mean specific places? I'm assuming not many (if anyone) on here know the area. I mean, that's kinda always been a struggle for me. I don't really know what specific places are a good mesh for my personality type, style, interests, place in life, etc. + are good environments for singles actively looking. I knew a few before I moved to Portland, Oregon for more than half-a-decade, but they were all gone and the scene shifted before I came back in 2013.

Edited April 21, 2017 by The_Thall_Man

[Mysterio]

I guess I am lucky. I have Women friends I can go out with. I just don't get the physical affection that I crave some times.

 

I thought that dating would be more fun. So that when I meet a woman that I will settle down. I would have the dating experiance to show her a good time. I think its been very hard on me. I would be better off just using my women friends as an influence to treat my lady well whenever it happens. More than the Women I have dated.

[The_Thall_Man]

I guess I am lucky. I have Women friends I can go out with. I just don't get the physical affection that I crave some times.

 

I just fly solo a lot. I'm not really uncomfortable by doing so, as I'm used to going out by myself. It gets old though, and I've really got to be in the mood to go out alone if I want to go out. That's less-and-less these days.

 

I've got friends, just not a social circle that's active or goes out to mingle or whatever. At best, I can pull one of my friends away from their lives for an evening to go do something: An evening at the pub, out to a restaurant, or out to a rock show, etc.

 

I thought that dating would be more fun. So that when I meet a woman that I will settle down. I would have the dating experiance to show her a good time. I think its been very hard on me. I would be better off just using my women friends as an influence to treat my lady well whenever it happens. More than the Women I have dated.

 

I'm with you on that. I thought as I got into a place in life where I really wanted to find something for the long-haul (the proverbial one, if you will), I'd find people more-and-more eager to date around to see what was out there, but the frequency of dates I've had have become FEWER-AND-FEWER, from maybe a couple of dates a year, down to maybe one a year, to the point I'm at now where it's been well over three years since anyone's been interested enough to grab a cuppa joe or whatever.

 

I honestly don't have much experience with "dating", i.e. first and second dates. I've had my fair share of relationships, long- and short-term, but in my experience, after a couple of dates the relationship becomes "a thing".

[darkbloom]

These days, I don't really "look" anywhere. I got really burnt out on the idea of "putting myself out there", i.e. choosing places and activities based on the likelihood of there being girls I might be attracted to being there (in spite of it not really what I was wanting to do). I'm just going about my life as I see fit, and am doing the things I enjoy, and hopefully that'll be a conduit to meeting someone special (I'm not holding my breath though). Hasn't worked yet.

 

That said, in general, I mix it up: I pretty rarely do bars these days (though when I do, it's generally a place I actually like as I'm back on the south side of town again), I used to go pretty regularly with coworker friends when I was up in north Scottsdale. I hit up a bookstore maybe every month or so, to catch up on music and sailing mags. I get out to shows when artists come through that I dig. Been a bit off on that as I'm saving up to go to Red Rocks to see some of my favorite bands next month. Sometimes, I'll just check out whoever is at the few original music venues that exist in this crap town. I do First Friday every few months. I'm more inclined to go down there if I've got an interested friend who wants to check it out. I do Meetup every once in a while. It's hardly the haven for potential dates as the Internet plays it up (at least in PHX). It's the topical groups these days. I tried the singles Meetups a number of times and they were not my demo in the least. I go to car events like The Pavilions car show, and racing events I'm interested in when they come through, which amounts just Indycar these days. I'm a bit of a foodie so I try new restaurants on pretty regular occasion. I like chilling at coffee shops on the regular too, mostly indie places like Coffee Rush or Echo, but sometimes just a Starbucks (which more of are closer).

 

Perhaps we have crossed paths before. I'm pretty familiar with everywhere you've listed.

[The_Thall_Man]

Perhaps we have crossed paths before. I'm pretty familiar with everywhere you've listed.

 

Perhaps. I can tell you I'm an average height guy, with a beard, brown hair (undercut), slim fit black pants, and either a button down or band shirt... but that pretty much describes every other hipsterish guy in most of those spots.

[darkbloom]

Perhaps. I can tell you I'm an average height guy, with a beard, brown hair (undercut), slim fit black pants, and either a button down or band shirt... but that pretty much describes every other hipsterish guy in most of those spots.

 

No. No. The uniform varied depending on the breed. There is an alarming amount of denim jorts. More than I am comfortable with.

 

Do you also have the hipster black glasses?

 

Also, what bands? That really differentiates whether the hipsters accept you as their own.

[The_Thall_Man]

No. No. The uniform varied depending on the breed. There is an alarming amount of denim jorts. More than I am comfortable with.

 

Do you also have the hipster black glasses?

 

Also, what bands? That really differentiates whether the hipsters accept you as their own.

 

Ha ha. I use the term hipster loosely and bit ironically. People (especially in Arizona) throw it around to mean anybody that isn't the suburban norm these days. I lived and played in a band in Portland, Oregon (a.k.a. hipster Mecca) for six years. I know what actual hipsters were like.

 

I just don't really categorize myself that much, though, or spend too much time cultivating a look. I just look like someone you'd expect to see at a more modern rock show, I guess. ¯\(°_o)/¯

 

I do not wear glasses... well, sunglasses. #BecauseArizona

 

As for bands? I'm into a lot of modern prog rock rock and prog metal; I dig a lot of underground/alt hip hop; and am into electronic music like downtempo and ambient, and I'm really into synthwave at the moment. I dunno, a lot of what I like ranges from somewhat obscure to pretty niche, and very little mainstream stuff appeals to me. In that respect, I guess I'm painfully hipster. I just enjoy what I like.

Edited April 22, 2017 by The_Thall_Man

[darkbloom]

Ha ha. I use the term hipster loosely and bit ironically. People (especially in Arizona) throw it around to mean anybody that isn't the suburban norm these days. I lived and played in a band in Portland, Oregon (a.k.a. hipster Mecca) for six years. I know what actual hipsters were like.

 

I just don't really categorize myself that much, though, or spend too much time cultivating a look. I just look like someone you'd expect to see at a more modern rock show, I guess. ¯\(°_o)/¯

 

I do not wear glasses... well, sunglasses. #BecauseArizona

 

As for bands? I'm into a lot of modern prog rock rock and prog metal; I dig a lot of underground/alt hip hop; and am into electronic music like downtempo and ambient, and I'm really into synthwave at the moment. I dunno, a lot of what I like ranges from somewhat obscure to pretty niche, and very little mainstream stuff appeals to me. In that respect, I guess I'm painfully hipster. I just enjoy what I like.

 

Do you frequent the crescent ballroom?

[The_Thall_Man]

Do you frequent the crescent ballroom?

 

Not frequent. Been there maybe three or four times. I dig that you can go and hang and not have to buy a ticket if you're not there for a show. It's a cool venue, but for whatever reason, none of the artists I like end up playing there. ¯\(°_o)/¯

 

Casey Moore's is more my go-to if I'm just going out with a buddy for a few drinks. It's a lot closer to where I live (SE Valley). Downtown is more of a haul.

Edited April 23, 2017 by The_Thall_Man

[preraph]

Try some random places to meet people. Go to Alice Cooper's bbq place. If you usually do sports bars, do a music club, or vice versa. Google Phoenix and meetups and see if you can find a coed special interest group where you at least know you'll be doing something you enjoy and maybe eventually network, make new friends, and get introduced to women! Good luck!

 

Go to the zoo or the arboretum or just new places.

[Cookiesandough]

I live in Indianapolis, a moderate size city, but pretty family-oriented and not too much excitement haha.. Not a singles scene to speak of! I'm considering a move to NYC (not for dating, have a job offer there and I love that city ) They say dating there is awful, but from what I've heard sounds appealing. The face-paced, add nature of it, so many new people to meet. Sounds like it'd be easier to meet a match. Plus people not settling down as early as they do where I'm at. But this is just hearsay and I'd probably find it a nightmare too

 

I also might move to Chicago..Again, not for dating. I just like bigger cities.

Edited April 23, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[The_Thall_Man]

Try some random places to meet people. Go to Alice Cooper's bbq place. If you usually do sports bars, do a music club, or vice versa. Google Phoenix and meetups and see if you can find a coed special interest group where you at least know you'll be doing something you enjoy and maybe eventually network, make new friends, and get introduced to women! Good luck!

 

Go to the zoo or the arboretum or just new places.

 

Wow, I don't remember the last time Alice Cooperstown (fun fact: I was born in Cooperstown, New York) was mentioned, ha ha... probably before I moved to Portland! Is that place still open? I kinda assumed it was where townie dads back that worked downtown went after work to watch sportsball stuff back in the day. Is it a good place for the single crowd?! I wish someone would clue me in on this stuff.

 

I mentioned Meetups is post #5 of this thread. They're not good around here for someone in my place in life, IME. I've not been married or had any kids yet. Are there good Meetups for that? Which ones? I can't find any.

Edited April 24, 2017 by The_Thall_Man

[Lilyana76]

I live in the biggest city in my State, and it seems a very good place for dating. I've expanded my social circle and met a lot more people. The city is growing quite rapidly due to jobs still coming in. Always seems to be new people around.

[The_Thall_Man]

I live in Indianapolis, a moderate size city, but pretty family-oriented and not too much excitement haha.. Not a singles scene to speak of! I'm considering a move to NYC (not for dating, have a job offer there and I love that city ) They say dating there is awful, but from what I've heard sounds appealing. The face-paced, add nature of it, so many new people to meet. Sounds like it'd be easier to meet a match. Plus people not settling down as early as they do where I'm at. But this is just hearsay and I'd probably find it a nightmare too

 

I also might move to Chicago..Again, not for dating. I just like bigger cities.

 

I've heard not much more than bad things about NYC dating-wise. Definitely not my list. I could never afford to live there anyway.

 

I'm trying to get to somewhere that can scratch my sailing itch. I'm on my way to doing what this couple has done: Gone With the Wynns

 

I just gotta find my first mate!

 

 

 

 

 

I live in the biggest city in my State, and it seems a very good place for dating. I've expanded my social circle and met a lot more people. The city is growing quite rapidly due to jobs still coming in. Always seems to be new people around.

 

What city/metro is that?

Edited April 24, 2017 by The_Thall_Man

[Lilyana76]

Sioux Falls, South Dakota

 

It's not too big yet, but its getting bigger every year. I think last census was 200,000.

[The_Thall_Man]

Sioux Falls, South Dakota

 

It's not too big yet, but its getting bigger every year. I think last census was 200,000.

 

Wow... I have a hard time believing the dating scene is better there than in the 4.3 million we have here in Phoenix! This place is terrible though, I dunno why.

 

It doesn't matter though, you guys got no ocean and I've got a 50'+ catamaran to buy. My dream girl is a mermaid, not a sasquatch, ha ha!

[Lilyana76]

At least this sasquatch shaves

 

You are right, we are kind of land locked here. Knowing my luck I'd be one of those that gets motion sick on the ocean lol

 

Lots of wilderness here outside of the city, hiking, camping, fishing (yes we have rivers and lakes)

 

It's a rather pretty state, just kind of flat.. and no coast in sight

[The_Thall_Man]

At least this sasquatch shaves

 

You are right, we are kind of land locked here. Knowing my luck I'd be one of those that gets motion sick on the ocean lol

 

Lots of wilderness here outside of the city, hiking, camping, fishing (yes we have rivers and lakes)

 

It's a rather pretty state, just kind of flat.. and no coast in sight

 

Zero appeal. Sorry. I grew up in the Adirondacks. I've seen mountain majesty. Lived here in Arizona and spent six years in rainy Oregon.

 

I need to find a place where I can find a sailor girl and adventure like all the other liveaboards do:

 

I figure Florida is a good place to start. Arizona. Is. Not. It.

[Cookiesandough]

Yeah it's expensive.]. I would be living in next to squalor for awhile haha but I' love the job and place.

[CarbonCopy]

I live in Indianapolis, a moderate size city, but pretty family-oriented and not too much excitement haha.. Not a singles scene to speak of! I'm considering a move to NYC (not for dating, have a job offer there and I love that city ) They say dating there is awful, but from what I've heard sounds appealing. The face-paced, add nature of it, so many new people to meet. Sounds like it'd be easier to meet a match. Plus people not settling down as early as they do where I'm at. But this is just hearsay and I'd probably find it a nightmare too

 

I also might move to Chicago..Again, not for dating. I just like bigger cities.

 

NYC is exciting. You will never be bored here. The dating scene is definitely not good, but there are many attractive men so lots of eye candy. But if you move here, definitely take advantage. Go to all the museums, go to Broadway and off-Broadway shows, go to the parks, the wonderful restaurants, a Yankees or Mets game, etc. I was born and raised here and I'm constantly discovering new and exciting things to do here!