Should Finding Love be Hard or Easy

[Mysterio]

I think that as we get older we pick up skills/wisdom and it should make our choices work for us.

 

What I keep seeing on this board is this Tortured mentality from people, esspeically younger people. That your lacking something with out a love interest in your life.

 

Movies/TV/Plays/Books/Poems/Songs all play off this game of the following. Your basically missing out if your don't have a love life from age 16 to 96 or so.

 

In your experiance with observing family/friends. Should we all be really struggling or should everything be easy.

 

As I have stated in other posts. My Male friends that have had it easy. For some reason. Most of them met their major SO when they were still under their parents thumb. My friends that moved away from their family home had it harder.

 

It feels to me on both side of the genders. If the Woman is not really into the Man and is not the driving force. It won't work. So for guys its more a waiting game.

 

I think it should be easier than hard. Friendship is easier for me. How can a love match be hard.

 

I have personally just chilled when it comes to the Dating thing. Unless a woman makes some major moves on me. I am not going to be the driving force in getting us together. Other than talking to her and being well dressed and groomed. A love connection will have to be on her shoulders. Which should be easy.

[Silverstring]

Well first, statistically most people are in relationships, so finding someone to be in a relationship with is relatively easy. Relationships themselves take work of course.

 

But what you'll see consistently at least on this forum, is people who struggle rarely look to themselves to try to figure out what they're doing to make it such a struggle. You'll see a lot of blame on others, but rarely do they look at their own thoughts, actions, beliefs etc. as being the main contributor to their failure to have success in love.

[The_Thall_Man]

^

That sounds a bit like a platitude for platitudes.

[d0nnivain]

Finding love is challenging. There are so many people in the world & so many variables. Finding the right combo of things that click is tough.

 

 

Once you find that person, staying in love is easier. Yes, you have to nurture your relationship but that should be enjoyable & fun so it's not work.

[Mysterio]

I think most of us are going to experience serial monogamy. Unless its too stressful to have a relationship end and start a new one. Also Age plays a factor. I asked my 66 female friend and she said that if her current relationship ends that's it for her. I don't believe her, but that's what she said.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Well first, statistically most people are in relationships, so finding someone to be in a relationship with is relatively easy. Relationships themselves take work of course.

 

But what you'll see consistently at least on this forum, is people who struggle rarely look to themselves to try to figure out what they're doing to make it such a struggle. You'll see a lot of blame on others, but rarely do they look at their own thoughts, actions, beliefs etc. as being the main contributor to their failure to have success in love.

 

The fact that most people are in relationships or married is meaningless. Many people in relationships are unhappy and/or at least one person never is/was in love and/or people are being treated badly. There is this mindset of couple based society, people are terrified of being alone so they prefer almost any relationship to being single.

 

It's extremely easy to find a relationship if you drop your standards.

 

I personally need to have that mutual click, both physically and mentally and need to be treated well. I refuse to settle for less. Finding such a relationship at an older age is challenging due to low number of singles and high level of baggage.

 

Staying in a relationship is the easy part. People that find relationships "hard work" picked the wrong partner. When you meet someone that lights up your life, it doesn't feel like work at all.

[blockrockinbeat74]

I don't know about easy or hard, but at least it should be natural, simple.

 

That your lacking something with out a love interest in your life.

 

That mindset is also flawed, IMO. You're not lacking anything without a love interest in your life, being single isn't a problem in and of itself. Not being happy about it is.

 

I've been single for a couple of years (3 in August) but I haven't tried to be in a relationship in that time, because I needed that time to process things after a very difficult marriage.

 

I've not found being single to be an issue, I've not found people treating me differently because of it other than the odd friend trying to set me up, I still go out and socialise with my married friends (not very often because we all work and have kids, but no less than when I was married), I do some volunteering when I'm free, etc.

 

My life hasn't changed drastically since I've become single (well it has, but for the better mostly) and I've always had that feeling that I'll find someone to share my life with eventually; it's not a be all and end all, though, and I like my life just as it is. Besides, where I live, about 35% of the general population is single so the odds aren't that bad.

[Mysterio]

My current life is like this. I work at the hospital and I am a .9. That means I have 9 shifts in a pay period. I can pick up one extra. I usually just leave it at .9.

 

Wk 1- 6 nights. Wk 2-4 days of in a row and 2 evening shifts on the weekend

Wk 3 3 evening and 1 day shfit. Wk 4-2 days and 3 nights. Something like that.

 

I work out at the gym at least 4 days a week. I live in a Condo and have a cat. 3 times a month I go to a pub on Tuesdays for Soul night. If I don't have major plans with family and friends. I am at another pub on the weekends seeing bands. I splice in Movies when an intereresting one comes out.

 

I watch a little tv and have set tv programs that I watch on a regular basis. So tv maybe a 1.5 hours a day. I may surf the net and play my Video Games once in a while.

 

My preference is to be out socializing with family and friends. So its not like I just stay home all the time.

 

 

I guess I feel brianwashed that I Mysterio have to go out and make this great huge effort meeting a love match. I guess I feel like I am really missing out. some of my make friends have had their relationships just had it land in their lap. They really did not do anything much for their women to make it happen. My buddy MK was actually slightly depressed when his Wife made the moves on him.

 

I guess I thought dating and going out with women would be a lot more fun along the way to meet a ideal match. I seem to have a little bit more fun with my female friends than just going out with random women.

 

As of this post. I have not made a major atempt to find love. I am living my the ideal that I can have it come to me through prayer and a little effort. If I run into a woman that is engaging. I will see where it goes. The days of just liking a woman just for looks and a little repore are over.

[anduina]

There's a distinction between falling in love and finding love. Love can't be manufactured and shouldn't be perceived as a goal since you can't force it to happen to you.

 

In order to fall in love, one must be emotionally vulnerable. The less trusting, more judgmental and closed you are, the less likely it will happen to you since the seed falls on fallow ground.

 

To summarize, it's as easy or hard as you make it for yourself.

Edited April 22, 2017 by anduina

[Ronni_W]

Unless a woman makes some major moves on me. I am not going to be the driving force in getting us together. Other than talking to her and being well dressed and groomed. A love connection will have to be on her shoulders. Which should be easy.

 

"Should be easy" for you, yes, because you would not be making any mental or emotional effort; nor, actually, any physical effort. (Being well-dressed and groomed is a personal thing for one's personal sense of being in the world. On it's own, it doesn't count towards making the efforts needed to be in an actual, mutually rewarding and enriching, emotionally intimate, mentally equal relationship.)

 

If you're willing to just leave it all up to the other person, then what more can you realistically expect than dregs and left-over efforts? Why should people spend Energy on you if you're not willing to do the same in equal measure - for yourself in your own relationships and, secondarily, also for them?

 

I guess I feel brianwashed that I Mysterio have to go out and make this great huge effort meeting a love match.

 

If you feel brainwashed then by definition you're not brainwashed; you're fully aware of what's going on in your own mind (about the thing you feel 'brainwashed' about).

 

It's not about making a great huge effort; only efforts in line with and equal to what you expect your 'love match' to be doing. Why should people spend Energy on you if you're not willing to do the same in equal measure - for yourself in your own relationships and, secondarily, also for them?

 

As Jerry said, "It doesn't make any sense!"

[BaileyB]

My experience, dating was hard but now that I've found the person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life, the relationship has been relatively easy....

[whatnot]

The fact that most people are in relationships or married is meaningless. Many people in relationships are unhappy and/or at least one person never is/was in love and/or people are being treated badly. There is this mindset of couple based society, people are terrified of being alone so they prefer almost any relationship to being single.

 

It's extremely easy to find a relationship if you drop your standards.

 

I personally need to have that mutual click, both physically and mentally and need to be treated well. I refuse to settle for less. Finding such a relationship at an older age is challenging due to low number of singles and high level of baggage.

 

Staying in a relationship is the easy part. People that find relationships "hard work" picked the wrong partner. When you meet someone that lights up your life, it doesn't feel like work at all.

 

Wow. Falling in love, for me, has been the easy part. It's the staying in love I've found to be the challenging of the two.

 

We've had such different experiences. It's the rare couple that's been married for decades that I've not heard...."You've gotta work at it". I don't hear many "Once we found each other, the rest has been easy. Finding him/her was the hardest part of all".

[Mysterio]

As I said before. My Male friends made no major significant effort when it comes to being with their GF/Wives. They did not go up first or make first major contact.

 

My friend MK that is a Chiropracter. He did nothing. His wife did all the work for the most part and he was a bit meloncholly when they met. As he had just broken up with a friends with benifit type of thing.

 

I will make an effort, in the sense that if I am in a room with a woman around my age and she is talking to me. Flirting with me. I may suggest an outing. It won't be me just asking out a random woman that I think is pretty. I guess I will have to have a personal connection and see how she is towards me than just some cold call dating.

 

I think that has been my downfall. trying to make a romantic connection without some sort of repore.