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Do asexual people date? And if so, how?


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I believe I may be asexual, though I guess I can't say that for certain. In general, I do find the prospect of having a normal heterosexual relationship with a woman to be appealing, but I don't actually find myself ever feeling personally attracted to anyone. Even when I've been around people in the past who are discussing celebrities or whoever that they find attractive, I have no real opinion, because I'm simply not "attracted" to anyone, myself. I'm no more attracted to a super model than I am to any normal woman. I just don't feel it for anyone.

 

Now, I'm not necessarily "looking for advice", here. I'm more just curious about this topic, in general, and I'm intrigued to know how one in such circumstances goes about dating and having normal relationships, including sex and intimacy, and everything that comes along with that. I, myself, have more issues than just potential asexuality that pretty much disqualify me from the world of dating, so I'm not even really factoring myself into this conversation at all. I'm just curious if asexual people are able to date and have normal "love lives", and if so, how.

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Maybe this article could answer some of your questions

 

What is it like to be asexual? - BBC News

 

Thanks for the info. Reading that article, it would appear I fall under the category described as such:

 

"Asexuality is distinct from the condition of people who lack sexual desire but find that problematic.

 

'There has been lots of research on hypoactive sexual desire disorder, which is classified as a personality disorder, and it is if you do not experience sexual attraction and it's causing you suffering. So lots of people who later came to be defined as asexual either were or might have been defined as having this condition.'"

 

So, that's... bothersome. Hm. Nobody else has any input, eh? Granted, I know asexuality and similar disorders aren't exactly common, so I guess it's not surprising that a lot of people don't have any experience with it or how to address it.

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I mean, I have no official information on this, but it seems like if you aren't sexual, then you'd just pursue friendships and have some close friends to spend time with.

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I mean, I have no official information on this, but it seems like if you aren't sexual, then you'd just pursue friendships and have some close friends to spend time with.

 

Well, for me, personally, it comes down more to the fact that I just don't feel personal attraction towards anyone. I still desire intimacy, and biologically, I do still feel "arousal", but I simply don't find myself attracted to anyone in particular.

 

And on some level, that bothers me, because that's quite an inner conflict. I mean, how can one desire "romance" and "intimacy", but then not feel attraction to anyone?

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Maybe you're just a highly rational type? What is your Myers Briggs type?

 

I had the time in my 20s in which I just couldn't justify dating for reasons similar to what you described. However - I've always had very high sex drive - I just did not target it to a particular human.

 

Later in life I learned to find meaning in dating/sex beyond the 'being in love' fairy tale, and have had lots of sex in long term relationships. The only thing I never justified is ONS - doesn't make any sense to me from a logical perspective. I'd always be the one who hates dating but likes being in a relationship.

 

But back to your question: if you're actually asexual, I don't see why not date like-minded people. It will be a problem only if you date someone with high libido, because it will be a major incompatibility.

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amaysngrace

I think maybe if an asexual person gets together with a highly sexual person who is totally into them it will change the asexual person into being a sexual one but it's just that there's been no one to awaken that side of them yet so their sexuality went into remission.

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I think maybe if an asexual person gets together with a highly sexual person who is totally into them it will change the asexual person into being a sexual one but it's just that there's been no one to awaken that side of them yet so their sexuality went into remission.

 

From what I've seen the libido is intrinsic trait, it is not affected by circumstances (I mean someone can force themselves if they mate with high-libido partner, but that will be situational and revert if they split).

 

I used to have an asexual (I think) male roommate and high-libido female roommate who was very attracted to him. No advances from her end led to sex although he was visibly enjoying her company and the attention...

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