Complete Noob Here

[KrimzonWolf]

I'm a guy who has no experience dating. I can talk to just about any girl without feeling a lot of anxiety, but I'm still a noob.

 

Here's my issue. As of right now, it's been difficult for me to find someone I like who likes me back. There have been girls who wanted to "hang out" with me, but I frankly didn't really care for their company so I politely declined/not reply to their Facebook messages. I would very much like to get into a casual relationship, but I'm afraid to make any moves simply because of the non existent track record I have with relationships and dating in general. There are quite a few attractive girls at the Church I attend, but I would hate to say something wrong and have someone I'd have to avoid on a weekly basis. I could start going to a different Church, but a majority of my friends go there and it wouldn't be cool if I just stopped going.

 

Please advise.

[TheTraveler]

There are so many social activities associated with church I don't see why you aren't trying there. That is like one of the easiest places to meet people

[Jammer25]

Do you mean casual as in, non-exclusive? Or as in a friendly-and-see-if-it-leads-to-something-more relationship?

 

Assuming you don't have much anxiety talking to girls, like TheTraveler said you should try church events and just ask a girl you like to hang out. I don't think it would be awkward since you don't currently seem to be too involved in the church events.

[KrimzonWolf]

Do you mean casual as in, non-exclusive? Or as in a friendly-and-see-if-it-leads-to-something-more relationship?

 

Assuming you don't have much anxiety talking to girls, like TheTraveler said you should try church events and just ask a girl you like to hang out. I don't think it would be awkward since you don't currently seem to be too involved in the church events.

 

Yes that is true. I haven't been going that long, and I'm not quite certain about all the events that take place, because it is a big Church. However, that being said the Church does offer free dance lessons on Thursday nights. The only catch is that you have to bring a girl.

[KrimzonWolf]

There is one particular girl that I've been wanting to talk to. But I've been holding back simply because most of the time she's talking to her other girl friends and it would be rude to just interrupt their conversation. I've noticed that she doesn't speak much while she's with her friends, so I'm guessing she's just trying to not attract attention, as she does have quite a striking appearance.

[KrimzonWolf]

Also, yes I would like the relationship to be as Jammer stated "friendly and see if it leads to something more relationship"

[todreaminblue]

if you realize most people who have feelings get a bit nervous when trying new things.....people at church or girls at church should in all effect be more compassionate and understanding......so just ask and talk to girls there....the one you particularly like .....if she is single she will attend single events...that cuts out a lot of hey i have a boyfriend lines doesnt it...so be confident...

 

 

you arent doing anything wrong by being interested in a girl and seeing where things go.......be respectful polite ..be funny ....if you can if not ..wait until you feel more comfortable around her to be funny and crack a few jokes or light teasing..........

 

 

most respectful women would welcome and be interested in making new friends..thats what single events are for .........and for sure give props for a man approaching......try and catch her by herself or take the seat next to her at a function or do.....you could inquire if the seat was taken...but going by my own personal preference i like a guy to be a bit bold...i can be a bold girl ...whther i am scared or not..... nerves i overirde them.........and i specifically tend to go for bolder guys.....open guys who arent scared of me to acually lean in close ...i dont actually bite or have ever bitten anyone or would i ever.......in public or priavte itnentionally hurt anyone...humiliate or ridicule and i thinkl that si what most guys fear .....from what i feel .....

 

 

...i hate feeling that im scary thing from men..that i might humiliate them......i am a submissive in actual fact.....a sub who can step up...lol.....i dotn hurt people ...and msot women dont by the way.........and i would be forgiving of nerves ..and make him feel as comfortable as i possibly could.....even if i had no interest at all i would never be rude or objectionable......because that's not very christian is it ...and i try to be a good one.....most good women would be forgiving of nerves ...i dont think i am exceptional.....so go for it ...be who you are ...i know a lot of people will say that's so old....but old school...should come back.....in my opinion..it was a lot easier for guys to date and ask ..and easier for women to be women and accept.........i wish you well......deb

Edited April 13, 2017 by todreaminblue

[1fish2fish]

Many churches have groups that meet for bible studies and activities in the evenings - I bet there's a college/career fellowship group that you could attend. I dated several guys from my CCF group all throughout college, and some of those friendships are still alive 30 years later.

 

Dating within a church can be tricky, especially if there's a nasty breakup. But don't get too far ahead of yourself and worry about that now.

 

Get involved in some sort of group/bible study/Sunday school (most churches also have singles bible studies or Sunday school classes) and meet people. As you get to know the members, and they get to know you, relationships tend to form organically on their own. Good luck!

[d0nnivain]

Stop fearing that you will "say something wrong." Conversation doesn't have to be perfect. As long as you aren't vulgar or rude -- it is Church after all -- you won't have to switch Churches. Just be pleasant. Even if she rejects you, hold your head high & be polite. It's a big enough Church that you won't have to interact. You will be able to smile tightly & nod from across the room.

[kendahke]

Since you're attending church, look into youth activities at your church where you would be in the same setting for the same reasons with women you may be attracted to. That way, you can casually ascertain without having to totally put yourself on the line. You can observe them, talk with them without it being a one-on-one date-y kind of thing.

[preraph]

Here we go again with the guy who doesn't want to talk to a girl who is with friends. Everyone is usually always going to be with friends! Get over it. What you do is you go up to the group of friends standing together and start talking to ALL of them. And then honestly, your best move here is to then notice which one or ones seem interested in talking back to you and not just focusing on the hot one unless she seems really interested. So don't put yourself in the awkward position of ONLY talking to the one who may or may not shoot you down. Talk to the group and hope she acts interested, but if not, one of the others may show real interest, and the worst that can happen is now you have a new group of women friends who also have other friends.

 

Date within the church. The good thing is if things get messy, you can go to the church counselor for advice how to handle it.

 

And one other thing. Especially at church or school, it behooves you to just be open and friendly with everyone. Why would you reserve your being friendly to just one girl? The best way to meet people is to have lots of acquaintances and friends who introduce you to others. Besides, no one wants someone who only focuses on who they think is most attractive because it's so shallow.

Edited April 13, 2017 by preraph

[KrimzonWolf]

Thanks guys for all the great input. The main reason I was worried about saying something wrong is because of a very weird experience I had during a semester at college.

 

So there was this girl that I liked in a class that met right after mine, so often she would sit just outside the door and wait until my class adjourned. I knew her sister from another class I had, but her sister was more of an acquaintance than a friend per say.

 

The girl was very shy, and not very easy to talk to. She would hang out with her friends mostly, so it was always weird to break in and flirt. But I kept everything light and made stupid jokes, and she was slightly amused.

 

I had messaged the girl's sister about doing some artwork for me one night. The very next day this girl came right up to me after I sat down in the lunch room, and started to talk to me. I could tell she was extremely nervous, so I didn't try to ask for her number or anything. But I found we had very similar interests. The conversation was rather short, and I could tell she started mentioning random subjects to try to keep it going. So I just got up and kept talking to her as I walked to class, and just ended it with a "Nice talking to you, I'll see you later".

 

The next class period my teacher told us about a classical guitar concert that was going on, and that he would give us extra credit if we went. So I thought that would be the perfect opportunity to ask this girl out. We both had the same teacher, so I assumed he told her the same thing. I found her sitting outside the classroom and asked if she was going to the concert, she said yes, and then I asked if I could sit by her. She told me I could sit with "the group". I saw this as a minor red flag, as it was evident that she didn't feel comfortable sitting next to me. So I thought that at least she would be there at the concert and I might can talk to her.

 

I arrive at the venue. The place is packed. I start looking for this girl. I walk up and down the aisle, and I can't seem to find her. Suddenly me and her lock eyes, and to my dismay she did not save me a seat. So I stand up during the hour long concert in the back wondering what to do. I became very angry and confused. This basically clouded my judgement for the rest of the evening. After the concert was over, I started to talk to her friends. They were really cool, and said they were going to Waffle House to hang out and I was welcome to come along. BTW I had not spoken to the girl at all during this time.

 

We are walking to the car, and a homeless man starts talking to us in the parking lot asking for money. So me, being the stupid person I was, gave the homeless man $16 dollars. I guess I became desperate, and thought I could show how compassionate I was to the girl, despite her not saving me a seat.

 

So off we go to Waffle House. I sit down in one booth with some of her friends, and she sits down in a booth behind me with just two of her friends. She's the only person sitting in the seat, so I get the brilliant idea to ask if I can sit by her. So I go to the bathroom, say a quick prayer, and then go ask if I can sit by her.

 

She tells me she's fine with a very cold look on her face.

 

So...I go back and sit down with her friends. I sat and talked with her friends for about 30 minutes and then I couldn't stand it anymore and left. I swear that I saw her every day I went on campus for the next 3 months. I did everything thing in my power to avoid her, so I wore hoodies and stuff like that to cover my face.

 

She obviously was never comfortable with me in the first place, but I still have no idea why she would force herself to talk to me if she was really that nervous. I've thought that maybe her sister pressured her into talking to me, but why would she do that? I never had any trouble talking to her sister. Her sister was older than me so we just talked in class and I never attempted to ask her out.

 

It's stuff like this that I'm afraid of.

 

Granted the odds of this happening again are very slim. But there are plenty of variations that could have made it a whole lot worse.

[smackie9]

This is what you do....stop worrying about it so much. Ask a girl out, but keep it simple, and know there is no obligation on your part to commit to another date whatsoever. You can't mess up if the girl likes you back. If they are not interested, there is nothing you could have done to change that. It is what it is.

[KrimzonWolf]

So here's the deal. I'm an 18 year old guy, and I want to start dating a little. But I'm only going to be focused on dating girls my age or slightly younger.

 

Please correct me if I'm wrong about this, but in my mind the priorities of a woman at age 18 are going to be different than from a 25 year old woman. When I say priorities, I'm speaking about the levels of expectations that women are looking for in guys.

 

Now I'm not wanting to be cheap about this question, I'm just wanting to know where I stand. For a woman at age 18, is she going to be more interested in a 18 year old guy who has an apartment/small house, vs another 18 year old guy who lives with his parents?

 

Right now I'm looking at moving out into a small house. Not for reasons concerning relationships, but just because I don't like my parents telling me what to do all the time.

 

Thoughts?

[Bejangled]

Hi KrimzonWolf

 

Would an 18 year old woman be more attracted to a guy living in his own house? The answer? It depends, as always on the girl.

 

Many 18 year olds still live at home nowadays because they are studying at a nearby college etc. It's not outrageously odd to still be with your parents at 18.

 

Having said that, if you can support yourself, pay your bills and show consistent maturity, then that certainly would add to your likability. At 18, you're entering the age of independence and for many girls (and women), a person who is able to take of themselves is always attractive.

 

Word of advice though. At 18, living on your own could attract girls who want to use your house as a party house or a bolt-hole where they can temporarily escape their parents. You may end up getting used....but maybe at 18, stuff like that doesn't really bother you?

 

I wish you luck.

[act00]

It's always good when someone has their own place with no parents, roommates, or kids causing restrictions.

 

It's normal at 18 that people still live at home. I agree with Bejangled that if you have your own place, it could turn into the "safe house" for young ladies trying to escape their own parents and have that freedom, and they will use you, and the house, to its fullest extent. Worse, when they use your place as the party house, or even just the escape, but do not contribute at all, financially or even clean. They eat your food, use the TP, shampoo, drink your drinks, and never wash a dish. They never bring food and drink over, take you out, cook a meal, supply the shower with their own supplies (if they stay a lot), etc.

 

Roommates: I have dated men with roommates who have strict rules around having people over. You don't bring strangers over. You have to be dating awhile before bringing the girlfriend home, and even then it's restricted to a couple nights, and minimal sleepovers. This roommate has no desire to be paying for a third person who is now a roommate by extension. If you are looking to have roommates, know the rules and if you are okay with them. Keep in mind, you don't want a roommate that brings a lot of strangers over either. I have dealt with theft, destruction of property, and of course using up all my food and supplies, and the increase of utility bills, while the boyfriends/friends/sisters have a place to live for free.

 

Yes, a young man with his own place is going to be a bonus, but establish boundaries and stick with them.

[Lilyana76]

I think at 18 it is perfectly normal to still be living with your parents. Finding girls 18 and a little younger, they aren't going to bat an eye at you living at home, because more than likely they are as well. It won't deter your chances in finding a girlfriend at all.

 

The main thing to think about is, can you afford it? Sure having your own place is nice, but at 18 are you making enough money to pay for this place and still be able to have a social life and take your future girlfriend out? Is a future girlfriend going to be ok coming over and just hanging out because you cant afford to go out?

 

You are young, and any potential girlfriend is going to be younger. I suspect having your own place will not be a huge factor to them.

[d0nnivain]

Under 25, before you complete your education & get established in your career, living at home is no big deal. If you still live with mom & dad past that, it becomes more problematic.

 

 

Most women under 20 care about how cute the guy is or maybe about what kind of car he drives. I don't remember giving a flying fig or even a passing thought to his living arrangements.

 

 

At your age dating someone with your lifestyle is key. If you are out of high school, dating a high school girl won't work. Similarly, if you can't get into bars & she can, it will cause friction. Stick to women who are situated like you.

 

 

Have fun.

[BaileyB]

You are only 18, just starting out in life. I would say for me, it wouldn't matter where you lived. What I'd want to know is that you have some desire to go to school or get a job, that we have fun together, and that you treat me well.

 

Good luck to you!

[darkmoon]

if the guy looks after his mother, then I like him more, I so approve of the protection etc he offers

 

but if he is being controlled by her, then he is still a kid - do not be a Mommy's boy ever

[kendahke]

So here's the deal. I'm an 18 year old guy, and I want to start dating a little. But I'm only going to be focused on dating girls my age or slightly younger.

 

for the purposes of this question, how much younger are we talking about? 14? 16? 17?

 

Please correct me if I'm wrong about this, but in my mind the priorities of a woman at age 18 are going to be different than from a 25 year old woman. When I say priorities, I'm speaking about the levels of expectations that women are looking for in guys.

 

Until she's over the age of 18, it's her parents' priorities you need to be worried about.

 

Now I'm not wanting to be cheap about this question, I'm just wanting to know where I stand. For a woman at age 18, is she going to be more interested in a 18 year old guy who has an apartment/small house, vs another 18 year old guy who lives with his parents? Right now I'm looking at moving out into a small house. Not for reasons concerning relationships, but just because I don't like my parents telling me what to do all the time.

 

Thoughts?

 

Yes, but you have to be really clear and look out for her wanting to move in with you because she feels she's tired of her parents telling her what to do. Her parents may not be as bad as your parents, but exercise their parental authority with her because they don't want to become grandparents yet.

 

I'd say be more concerned when their interests amps up upon learning that you live on your own--you may then be dealing with someone who is going to use you for their own ends and not necessarily because they want to be with you--no matter what she's saying to get her 2 week residential qualification (a lot of places say a resident is someone who has spent 2 weeks in a dwelling and are receiving mail there. Find out what it is for your state so you know)

 

Just be careful and don't accept on face value that they want to be with you because you're you---they may want to be with you as a means to their ends.

[smackie9]

When I was a teenager I only dated older guys because they had a job, money, a car, could buy me liquor and had their own place. Living on your own makes you a hot commodity in the eyes of the younger.....

[Popsicle]

When I was 18, I could care less if he had his own place or even a car. (I dated guys my own age or younger).

 

I was all about having fun together and connecting, and being attracted and just being together. I didn't care where we were or what we did. It was all good to me.

 

I guess I still want the same things 25+ years later, but now I'd really like it if he had his own place and a car. Lol

[KrimzonWolf]

for the purposes of this question, how much younger are we talking about? 14? 16? 17?

 

 

 

Until she's over the age of 18, it's her parents' priorities you need to be worried about.

 

 

 

Yes, but you have to be really clear and look out for her wanting to move in with you because she feels she's tired of her parents telling her what to do. Her parents may not be as bad as your parents, but exercise their parental authority with her because they don't want to become grandparents yet.

 

I'd say be more concerned when their interests amps up upon learning that you live on your own--you may then be dealing with someone who is going to use you for their own ends and not necessarily because they want to be with you--no matter what she's saying to get her 2 week residential qualification (a lot of places say a resident is someone who has spent 2 weeks in a dwelling and are receiving mail there. Find out what it is for your state so you know)

 

Just be careful and don't accept on face value that they want to be with you because you're you---they may want to be with you as a means to their ends.

 

I would not feel comfortable dating anyone under 16. Thank you all for your valid input. I will say that I have had women use me, and I do not want to fall for that again.

[Hunxima67]

Don't worry about it. Just take it easy.