LookAtThisPOst Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 I had started getting to know a lady of interest recently and we talked about dating. She said she's never done online dating, but has dated a lot, a good amount was through being set up by friends or being introduced in some fashion. I was wondering if, considering if you had a relatively lengthy dry spell, would you resort to being set up or introduced via friends to other singles? I think I read somewhere that people may not like it in case it doesn't work out, but...you know...nature of the beast and all. Kind of like trying to go water skiing without getting wet. Link to post Share on other sites
telemakus Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 I had started getting to know a lady of interest recently and we talked about dating. She said she's never done online dating, but has dated a lot, a good amount was through being set up by friends or being introduced in some fashion. I was wondering if, considering if you had a relatively lengthy dry spell, would you resort to being set up or introduced via friends to other singles? I think I read somewhere that people may not like it in case it doesn't work out, but...you know...nature of the beast and all. Kind of like trying to go water skiing without getting wet. I try and get friends to set me up but they agree vaguely then drop it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Poster Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 It's actually my preferred way to meet someone. You don't have to deal with the cut-throat online dating world, or the awkward hitting on random people scene. You also have a mutual friend that serves as an ice breaker and an ally in all of it. They can vouch for me and give me additional info on her. I think it's perfect. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 I had started getting to know a lady of interest recently and we talked about dating. She said she's never done online dating, but has dated a lot, a good amount was through being set up by friends or being introduced in some fashion. I was wondering if, considering if you had a relatively lengthy dry spell, would you resort to being set up or introduced via friends to other singles? I think I read somewhere that people may not like it in case it doesn't work out, but...you know...nature of the beast and all. Kind of like trying to go water skiing without getting wet. *Resort* to being set up? I reckon it's the best way to go. At the very least, you know that your friends have already done the vetting process for you. My hubby and I were sneakily set up 25 years ago. Our friends got it very right. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 (edited) Isn't that how many many people get together though. Not always an explicit set-up per se, but (for example) a couple throws a get-together and invited and present are a single guy friend and a single female friend who didn't know each other previously. Or something like this. Statistics show that MOST couples have met through their social circle. Edited March 21, 2017 by Imajerk17 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 After a dry spell? Resort to? Naw - thats what on line dating is for - something to resort to after you have run out of options in your social circles. In 2001 my friend threw a Halloween party - I said I needed a ride - he said he knew of a friend who could give me a lift. By no coincidence was it a single, male friend of his, who he thought would be interested in me. We are married now. I "set up" my friend J with my cute study buddy who happened to live across the street. They are married with children now. In high school my neighbor set me up with a guy she thought I would like from her school (I went to school out of area). He was my "first love" and a perfect high school BF. Both my sister and brother are married to someone they were "set up" with by friends. I know a few who have met their person through OLD, but most I know found their others more organically, through friends or other social circles. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 This is a pretty much standard way to meet someone IME. My first love was a set up and then another longer relationship was initially me and him and became a set up as our mutual friends were aware we liked each other so pretty much enabled us to be in the same places when out and about for the few months after we met. I don't see this as a last resort at all, online dating is a last resort. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 I would actually prefer this way, helps cut through all the BS, they're less likely to be someone I consider toxic and we likely have something in common. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Yea that's the best way to meet someone. I have yet to be setup to this day 1 Link to post Share on other sites
telemakus Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Yea that's the best way to meet someone. I have yet to be setup to this day No me neither. I'm seeing one of my oldest friends tonight. I think I'm finally gonna ask him why. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 What we have here is a Quality person setting up another Quality person. Nothing is perfect. I think its the best thing for the most part. Its like an arranged marriage and I think that Friends have a better inside track than family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 Hm, didn't expect these responses. Some time ago, some people were complete against the idea of being set up by their friends because if things didn't work out, they'd blame the friend or there'd be some kind of awkwardness there. So after thinking about this, they don't want to set their single friends up, too much of a risk of an awkward situation. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Hm, didn't expect these responses. Some time ago, some people were complete against the idea of being set up by their friends because if things didn't work out, they'd blame the friend or there'd be some kind of awkwardness there. So after thinking about this, they don't want to set their single friends up, too much of a risk of an awkward situation. I think it depends upon the execution. I would (and have) set friends up where it's been apparent to me that there was a little something there between them when I have seen them around each other. Fleeting glances - eye contact, touches - little things like that. I am not so sure I would just pick a female friend and a male friend and say - hey - go on a date - nah! No way would I do that actually. I would definitely never attempt any set up where just one had expressed interest in the other or asked me to set something up for and with them. Link to post Share on other sites
telemakus Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 I think it depends upon the execution. I would (and have) set friends up where it's been apparent to me that there was a little something there between them when I have seen them around each other. Fleeting glances - eye contact, touches - little things like that. I am not so sure I would just pick a female friend and a male friend and say - hey - go on a date - nah! No way would I do that actually. I would definitely never attempt any set up where just one had expressed interest in the other or asked me to set something up for and with them. In other words if you have a good looking male friend and a good looking female friend who flirt with each other you'd set them up (something they could probably figure out for thenselves). If you have 1 ugly friend who is into 1 good looking friend you'd not get involved (despite looks not being at all important in attraction apparently) Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 This would be great but most people don't want to get involved in case it ends up a disaster. Others don't want to see people happy... and still others have at least one person on their radar they'd want for themselves if their own relationship went south. They're not going to fix THEM up. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Huh, I wonder if anyone has stories to share that validates these fears that some seem to have. I mean, how DID people meet before OLD? I am not talking about the dark ages, more like oh, 1995? I had NEVER met my husband before a friend lightly arranged a meeting. I had never met my high school BF either, but a life long friend knew him, and thought we shared a lot in common and "would make a cute couple" And low and behold we did.... I guess if the relationship went bad I could have - blamed her for introducing us? Seems highly unfair, as it was an introduction, no one forced anyone to become a couple - free will, choice and all of that. When I was younger, I and my female friends were always on the lookout for someone suitable for our single and looking friends ( we would call it "hunting" hahaha). We would purposely invite certain people to get togethers so that they had a chance to mingle etc. I never thought of it as something nefarious, or fraught with danger. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 In other words if you have a good looking male friend and a good looking female friend who flirt with each other you'd set them up (something they could probably figure out for thenselves). If you have 1 ugly friend who is into 1 good looking friend you'd not get involved (despite looks not being at all important in attraction apparently) Who told you looks are not at all important? Of course they are, in varying degrees to every single person - people need to be attracted to each other to want more than friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 I think it depends upon the execution. I would (and have) set friends up where it's been apparent to me that there was a little something there between them when I have seen them around each other. Fleeting glances - eye contact, touches - little things like that. I am not so sure I would just pick a female friend and a male friend and say - hey - go on a date - nah! No way would I do that actually. I would definitely never attempt any set up where just one had expressed interest in the other or asked me to set something up for and with them. Those people have already interacted. That isn't really "setting someone up" . I'm talking about you introducing 2 people who have not even met. Link to post Share on other sites
telemakus Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Who told you looks are not at all important? Of course they are, in varying degrees to every single person - people need to be attracted to each other to want more than friendship. Well the people claiming that ugliness is no barrier to being attractive. If they are in any way important then an ugly person is not going to hit the minimum requirement. Link to post Share on other sites
NinjaTurtlesAreCool Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I think it's a great idea and not a 'last resort' at all... at least, it shouldn't be. One of my pet peeves, however, is when people say they'll introduce or set you up with someone and then not follow through on that. I get this constantly - me and a friend have a running joke with it, in fact, as it happens to both of us so often. I don't think people do it deliberately, but it's frustrating as anything when someone says something along the lines of "you'd be a great match for my friend, I'll have to introduce you" and I say "that sounds interesting, yeah - I'd be up for that" and then nothing. Ever again. I've even had it done to me on here on a couple of occasions - if you check my threads. Like I say, I think the intention is there, so I don't believe it's done as a joke but I always make a point of politely saying yes and thanks but at the same time I'm wondering whether that person will be the first to actually do that... or whether they'll just be like all the others and never actually do it. One of the worst is when I meet friends at a party or some sort of gathering. I can guarantee there'll be a conversation and I'll be asked if I'm married now or if I'm in a relationship and I'll say no... cue the "oh, that's surprising... I thought you were for some reason" and then - more often than not, that's followed by someone piping up "oh, you'd be a great match for my friend X - yeah, you'd get on great. Let's see if we can set you two up." This actually happened to me yet again just before Christmas - I just shot my friend a knowing look and responded - "yes, please do - that would be nice". Surprise of surprises, I haven't heard anything more. I've even had a couple of the same people do it to me on more than occasion. These same people, it seems, have it engrained in their mind that I'm married, say they're surprised I'm not and offer to introduce me to their awesome friend. Never happens. I see them again, they express surprise that I'm not married and round we go again... So please, don't just say things like that lightly and if you don't intend to do it... don't offer! Sorry if that sounds like complaining (it's not really) but I can't tell you the number of times it has happened to me now! Link to post Share on other sites
telemakus Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I think it's a great idea and not a 'last resort' at all... at least, it shouldn't be. One of my pet peeves, however, is when people say they'll introduce or set you up with someone and then not follow through on that. I get this constantly - me and a friend have a running joke with it, in fact, as it happens to both of us so often. What happens is they say it with every intention but naturally they show the girl in question a photo or two of you from facebook or something and the idea gets quietly dropped. Link to post Share on other sites
NinjaTurtlesAreCool Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 What happens is they say it with every intention but naturally they show the girl in question a photo or two of you from facebook or something and the idea gets quietly dropped. Hahaha! Yeah, cheers for that! I think, if they ever get to the point of looking at my Facebook, it's more likely they're running because of my pics like me doing a Spider-man pose while being cuddled by a famous (female) celeb (there is a very long story behind that pic)... I'd imagine it looks the epitome of geekiness, given what I'm doing and who it is (but it was HER suggestion)! Link to post Share on other sites
telemakus Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Hahaha! Yeah, cheers for that! I think, if they ever get to the point of looking at my Facebook, it's more likely they're running because of my pics like me doing a Spider-man pose while being cuddled by a famous (female) celeb (there is a very long story behind that pic)... I'd imagine it looks the epitome of geekiness, given what I'm doing and who it is (but it was HER suggestion)! That'd do it. Link to post Share on other sites
NinjaTurtlesAreCool Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 That'd do it. In which case, they've quietly done me a favour... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Those people have already interacted. That isn't really "setting someone up" . I'm talking about you introducing 2 people who have not even met. So you mean 'blind date' type set ups then. Well, you didn't say that in your OP so I figured you meant all set ups. No, I wouldn't go on one, nor would I set anyone up - not for a blind date. Link to post Share on other sites
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