I wonder what the most likely meaning for this response it.

[kliljoy27]

So, I was talking to a girl over the course of a day (via text) and at the end I mentioned that we should meet up over winter break. To which she responded "We can always give it a shot!"

 

There are a few possibilities floating in my head.

 

1) On the fence Yes (Not sure if it will work out, but wants to try?)

2) On the fence Yes (This time unsure about her schedule, but will try if she finds an opening)

3)Solid Yes (Just waiting for break to cement the plans)

4)Soft No

[Philosoraptor]

5) Don't read so much into her words.

 

She gave a positive response. How about bringing up some suggestions on what to do during that outing?

[kliljoy27]

5) Don't read so much into her words.

 

She gave a positive response. How about bringing up some suggestions on what to do during that outing?

 

I didn't bring up anything at the time, as it still is 2 weeks in advance at minimum. So it seemed a little premature

 

But I got some ideas floating around in my head.

 

And yea, I need to stop overthinking stuff. It's one of my biggest problems.

 

Also, I noticed that we barely acknowledge each other in person, even though we agreed to get together over break.

Edited December 7, 2016 by kliljoy27

[Mysterio]

Give it a shot means positive response. Don't read into it more than that.

[kliljoy27]

Give it a shot means positive response. Don't read into it more than that.

 

True, I basically accept that now.

 

I am just curious if that wording implies that she took it as asking her on a date? As I didn't word it as such.

[kliljoy27]

So, I sent her "I meant to ask if you want to do something next week. I'm free for Monday if that works for you." to try cementing something

 

She ended up replying with "I'm actually on duty mondays :/" Seems to kinda sound genuinely disappointed? but it's hard to tell from texts. (She is an EMT so...)

 

But I ended up asking her something along the lines of asking when she may be free. No reply yet, been about a day already.

 

Then, the following night, my idiotic friend sent "Hey (Girls Name), I know you're busy but I was wondering if you were free to hangout next week?" and again, no answer

 

I don't know if I should just give up? Maybe bring it up again? Maybe just wish her a happy B-day next week? Or?

[devilish innocent]

It's her turn to offer a response about when to get together. I don't think there's any point in saying anything more about it if she can't return the message.

[kliljoy27]

It's her turn to offer a response about when to get together. I don't think there's any point in saying anything more about it if she can't return the message.

 

Maybe. It's just out of character for her to not respond at all.

 

I won't bring it up again, but I will still send her a Birthday Message next week. Maybe that could do something?

 

I've kinda been figuring that it may be some social anxiety. I am kinda thinking that she started to overcome her anxiety enough to make a tentative agreement but not enough for it to be set in stone.

 

That could explain that and her specifically mentioning her Birthday in the same conversation as when we agreed to do something

[kliljoy27]

So, I ended up wishing her a Happy birthday, and she responded with "Thank You!!" and spoke for a little. She told me she was going a way for a week (Could been hinting at maybe doing something when she got back)

 

So, then when she got back I asked how the trip was and we spoke for a little while again. I mad some terribly, slightly teasing joke, and she laughed (Hahah) and teased me slightly as well.

 

So. Who knows..

[Satu]

Her responses are as vague as your suggestions.

 

 

"We should meet up over winter break." Vague.

 

"We can always give it a shot!" Vague.

 

"I meant to ask if you want to do something next week. Monday?" Vague.

 

 

Be more definite:

 

 

"Would you like to go to/see/do with me on Friday/Other Day?" Not vague.

 

 

Take care.

Edited January 11, 2017 by Satu

[normal person]

I am just curious if that wording implies that she took it as asking her on a date? As I didn't word it as such.

 

No offense, but if you didn't word it as such, that's your fault. It's not cool to put the onus on her to try and figure out what your intentions are. I'll go as far as saying it's rude and childish. If you have romantic intentions; if you want to take her out on a date, invite her out like a grown adult -- decisively and definitively without any ambiguity -- so that she knows the circumstances and doesn't have to decipher your code for you. Don't do it half-heartedly to save face if she says "no." It doesn't work like that. If you want her time and attention, it's then your responsibility to accept the vulnerability of the situation, not her responsibility to try and figure out what you mean with ambiguous messages.

 

You should let her know you like her and you want to see her and accept whatever response you get with maturity. If she declines, respect her decision.

If she does want to see you, take the lead, consider when she's free, consider doing something she might enjoy, and pay for it yourself. Remember, this was your idea, so don't make her feel like she has to do anything she doesn't want to do -- that includes figuring out whether or not it's a date. This was your idea, so that makes it your responsibility.

 

Whether she wants to go out with you or not, she'll at least respect the fact that you stepped up to the plate and owned it rather than pushing the process of defining the interaction onto her because you're too scared to face rejection. Right now she probably doesn't.

 

When you're definitive and direct with your question, you'll get a definitive and direct answer one way or another.

 

 

So. Who knows..

 

If you don't know, why don't you take the reigns and figure it out rather than just sending a bunch of vague messages that don't lead to any sort of conclusion?

Edited January 11, 2017 by normal person

[kliljoy27]

No offense, but if you didn't word it as such, that's your fault. It's not cool to put the onus on her to try and figure out what your intentions are. I'll go as far as saying it's rude and childish. If you have romantic intentions; if you want to take her out on a date, invite her out like a grown adult -- decisively and definitively without any ambiguity -- so that she knows the circumstances and doesn't have to decipher your code for you. Don't do it half-heartedly to save face if she says "no." It doesn't work like that. If you want her time and attention, it's then your responsibility to accept the vulnerability of the situation, not her responsibility to try and figure out what you mean with ambiguous messages.

 

You should let her know you like her and you want to see her and accept whatever response you get with maturity. If she declines, respect her decision.

If she does want to see you, take the lead, consider when she's free, consider doing something she might enjoy, and pay for it yourself. Remember, this was your idea, so don't make her feel like she has to do anything she doesn't want to do -- that includes figuring out whether or not it's a date. This was your idea, so that makes it your responsibility.

 

Whether she wants to go out with you or not, she'll at least respect the fact that you stepped up to the plate and owned it rather than pushing the process of defining the interaction onto her because you're too scared to face rejection. Right now she probably doesn't.

 

When you're definitive and direct with your question, you'll get a definitive and direct answer one way or another.

 

 

 

If you don't know, why don't you take the reigns and figure it out rather than just sending a bunch of vague messages that don't lead to any sort of conclusion?

 

 

Part of the reason that I haven't been so forward with her is that she is very shy and I am trying to find a balance with her. But I will probably just try to be forward next time.

[kliljoy27]

Her responses are as vague as your suggestions.

 

 

"We should meet up over winter break." Vague.

 

"We can always give it a shot!" Vague.

 

"I meant to ask if you want to do something next week. Monday?" Vague.

 

 

Be more definite:

 

 

"Would you like to go to/see/do with me on Friday/Other Day?" Not vague.

 

 

Take care.

 

Yea. I am probably gonna try something like that. "Hey, do you want to go grab lunch next Tuesday?"

[kliljoy27]

I am half tempted to say something like this to her and just, hopefully, be done with it.

 

""Hey, I've been holding this in for a while, but I really like you, but I've always been afraid of losing you as a friend as well because I care a lot about our relationship, but I had to get this off my chest, I don't really care if you don't feel the same way, but I'd still like to remain your friend as well if I could."

[Satu]

I am half tempted to say something like this to her and just, hopefully, be done with it.

 

""Hey, I've been holding this in for a while, but I really like you, but I've always been afraid of losing you as a friend as well because I care a lot about our relationship, but I had to get this off my chest, I don't really care if you don't feel the same way, but I'd still like to remain your friend as well if I could."

 

You've now gone from one extreme to the other

 

Just invite her out to do something nice with you!

 

 

Take care.

[kliljoy27]

You've now gone from one extreme to the other

 

Just invite her out to do something nice with you!

 

 

Take care.

 

I know. I really wish that this was like 2 weeks ago. I know just what I woulda done. Now I'm trying to figure this. Torn between just outright saying it and being done with it, or saying something where I'm taking her out to lunch (or something)

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I am half tempted to say something like this to her and just, hopefully, be done with it.

 

""Hey, I've been holding this in for a while, but I really like you, but I've always been afraid of losing you as a friend as well because I care a lot about our relationship, but I had to get this off my chest, I don't really care if you don't feel the same way, but I'd still like to remain your friend as well if I could."

 

I would strongly urge you to reconsider sending that message. You have a much better shot asking her out directly (a specific time and place). If she comes up with an excuse again, consider that the final brush off and put her in the friend-zone. No need for an awkward conversation.

[kliljoy27]

I would strongly urge you to reconsider sending that message. You have a much better shot asking her out directly (a specific time and place). If she comes up with an excuse again' date=' consider that the final brush off and put her in the friend-zone. No need for an awkward conversation.[/quote']

 

Probably. Still kinda trying to find best course of action. Given as she is very shy and probably hasn't been in a relationship and as such is nervous.

[normal person]

Part of the reason that I haven't been so forward with her is that she is very shy and I am trying to find a balance with her. But I will probably just try to be forward next time.

 

If she's shy, then she's probably less capable of meeting you halfway with your ambiguous messages, meaning you need to be more decisive and direct, not less. She won't fill in the blanks for you, if you know what I mean.

 

You've now gone from one extreme to the other

 

Just invite her out to do something nice with you!

 

Take care.

 

I've got to agree with this post. Don't overthink it, don't overdramatize it (it's just asking someone out, not asking them to marry you), just ask confidently, succinctly, and directly without any ambiguity.

 

"Hey, I have a lot of fun hanging out with you and I think you're cute. Do you wanna go to XYZ bar this weekend?"

 

Done. Best of luck.

[kliljoy27]

If she's shy, then she's probably less capable of meeting you halfway with your ambiguous messages, meaning you need to be more decisive and direct, not less. She won't fill in the blanks for you, if you know what I mean.

 

 

 

I've got to agree with this post. Don't overthink it, don't overdramatize it (it's just asking someone out, not asking them to marry you), just ask confidently, succinctly, and directly without any ambiguity.

 

"Hey, I have a lot of fun hanging out with you and I think you're cute. Do you wanna go to XYZ bar this weekend?"

 

Done. Best of luck.

 

True. I think I'll just say something kinda saying that I want to take her out on so and so day. Maybe "Hey, I want to take you for lunch this weekend, if you are still up for it."

 

Truthfully, she probably does know that I am interested in her. But yea, I never out right said it. So if she is interested, she may be doubting if I actually feel the same for her.

[normal person]

True. I think I'll just say something kinda saying that I want to take her out on so and so day. Maybe "Hey, I want to take you for lunch this weekend, if you are still up for it."

 

Truthfully, she probably does know that I am interested in her. But yea, I never out right said it. So if she is interested, she may be doubting if I actually feel the same for her.

 

Tip: If you don't want there to be any ambiguity, you need to:

 

1). Make very clear that there is sexual attraction/romantic intent, not toe the lie between friendship and romance. Do this by preempting your question with a low pressure compliment. "I have fun talking to you," "You're cute," "I like how you..." are all acceptable

 

2). Not take her to lunch (or coffee), because lunch isn't sexy/romantic, it has a much more friendly vibe. Take her somewhere hip and fun for drinks and/or dinner. Much more conducive to romance.

 

Best of luck.

[kliljoy27]

Tip: If you don't want there to be any ambiguity, you need to:

 

1). Make very clear that there is sexual attraction/romantic intent, not toe the lie between friendship and romance. Do this by preempting your question with a low pressure compliment. "I have fun talking to you," "You're cute," "I like how you..." are all acceptable

 

2). Not take her to lunch (or coffee), because lunch isn't sexy/romantic, it has a much more friendly vibe. Take her somewhere hip and fun for drinks and/or dinner. Much more conducive to romance.

 

Best of luck.

 

Hmm.. Time to think of a new place then. My original idea was take her Ice Skating in Central Park then for a nice dinner later. But that's more of a Christmas time thing.

 

Drinks are not really an option, as I am 20 still.

 

I think if I do a compliment type thing it will be "I have fun talking to you, and I want to take you to _______ this weekend, if you are still up for it that is."

Edited January 12, 2017 by kliljoy27
Typo's

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Hmm.. Time to think of a new place then. My original idea was take her Ice Skating in Central Park then for a nice dinner later. But that's more of a Christmas time thing.

 

Drinks are not really an option, as I am 20 still.

 

I think if I do a compliment type thing it will be "I have fun talking to you, and I want to take you to _______ this weekend, if you are still up for it that is."

 

That sounds like a nice date. Go with it!

 

The only part I would leave out of the message is "if you are still up for it that is". It sounds a bit negative and off putting.

 

Good luck!

[kliljoy27]

That sounds like a nice date. Go with it!

 

The only part I would leave out of the message is "if you are still up for it that is". It sounds a bit negative and off putting.

 

Good luck!

 

That reason I mentioned that is that she agreed to do something over break. But that was about a month ago now.

 

But, yea I'll probably do something like that. Just kinda meh weather for it. Being 50-60 out and all. Plus all the nice Christmas decorations are gone now.

 

But yea, I think I'll still do it. Assuming she finally agrees...

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I can understand why you might be feeling a bit defeated at this point, but try not to let it show in your message. You want to make her feel excited about going out, not tense and awkward.

 

Do you know if she is into anything is particular, like bowling? That might be another option. Something that you will both enjoy.