How many of us are kissless virgins?

[OrangeParty]

How do you cope?

 

I've pretty much made my peace with it. That's not to say I don't think about it, because I do and feel sad about it, but I just let it be a glimmer of hope instead of obsessing about it. More like an observer. It's interesting to hear about why people are unlucky, or what they think is the reason.

[l8estnews]

Just to clarify, when you say kissless virgins, you mean virgin sexually even from a kiss? Not even a peck?

[OrangeParty]

Not 100% literal, but someone who has never had any sort of romantic (never been kissed) and sexual relationship (never had sex). Basically an extreme version of being single for a long time -- most people have at least dated before, or been in love, even though it might be years ago.

 

But to never have anyone even interested in you? I'm curious how many are like me.

[St.Rosa]

dont know your age, but there are people out there with zero experience. you're not alone.

[justanickname]

I think the interest from other persons and the kissless experiences are not really relevant.

After all, I think it is your choice to kiss a random person (if you really want to experience it), or wait until the right time and might-be-right person.

[IfonlyIknew]

I don't think this one has anything to do with being unlucky. It's all about making connections with people. Step outside of your comfort zone, look people in the eye, make small talk, have confidence.

[OrangeParty]

dont know your age, but there are people out there with zero experience. you're not alone.

Of course I'm not alone, in this planet of 7 billion, there will be people with my experiences. But given the amusing responses so far in this thread, it's clear that this is such an alien concept to LS posters.

[l8estnews]

Not at all. I've never had a formal and proper relationship and I am turning 27 in a couple of months. Sex, though, is another matter. But I have already reached the point that I don't enjoy sex alone. I really am looking for something more.

 

Sometimes, I am okay with being alone, sometimes (like last night) I almost cried for badly wanting genuine intimacy. But, oh well, sometimes we really have to go with the flow and let what life throws at you run its course yah know? My thoughts are, we will all gonna die anyway. So, it doesn't matter if people experience this or that.

[Dark Horse]

21 year old male here, i'll be 22 in a few weeks and i'm a kissless virgin.

 

I will admit, I like to visit the profile of various users here and read their threads about the dates they've been on, the times they've had sex with men, and the relationships they've been in and I often feel left out and sometimes get angry because iv'e never had the chance to date or to have sex. Iv'e never even been on a first date because most of the time women ignore me!

 

One woman here in particular talks about how she can't get a boyfriend and is going to be forever alone yet she's been on multiple dates, had sex with multiple men, and made a thread about how to please her FWB. And i'm like really?? You're complaining about not being able to get a boyfriend?? Lady, I can't even get a first date! Okay maybe her frustration is understandable, not every date which involves having sex leads to getting into a relationship.

 

But you know what? I'm young, I have a lot of things going for me. I guess I should be happy for the things I do have going for me! Someday i'll get the opportunity to date, have sex, be in a relationship, but I will just have to wait longer than most people. I guess that means when I finally do have it, it will appreciate it that much more hopefully.

 

I'm honestly thinking about leaving this site because of the emotional turmoil I get from reading about people dating and having sex. I just feel an extreme amount of jealously.

Edited November 28, 2016 by Dark Horse

[Dark Horse]

OP if you're a kissless virgin, loveshack forums really isn't the place where there's a lot of people like that. You should sign up for social anxiety forums, there's a lot of lonely guys (and girls) on that site.

[OrangeParty]

 

One woman here in particular talks about how she can't get a boyfriend and is going to be forever alone yet she's been on multiple dates, had sex with multiple men, and made a thread about how to please her FWB. And i'm like really?? You're complaining about not being able to get a boyfriend?? Lady, I can't even get a first date! Okay maybe her frustration is understandable, not every date which involves having sex leads to getting into a relationship.

I roll my eyes so hard when I read stuffs like that. I'm 31. These people can't even wrap their heads around being 31 and never experiencing any sort of romance or physical pleasures.

 

 

OP if you're a kissless virgin, loveshack forums really isn't the place where there's a lot of people like that. You should sign up for social anxiety forums, there's a lot of lonely guys (and girls) on that site.

 

On the other hand, I like lurking and reading about people's stories and then learning from those. It's not like I can "learn" to date or be romantic in the real world. Right now I'm just interested in being a better version of myself, so even if I never find someone, I am content with who I am. I don't have social anxiety though, so I probably don't really belong there.

[JustGettingBy]

I originally came on LS to learn how to start a romantic relationship. After being here for a while, I sometimes I feel I only come back to remind myself that I may be lucky to have never been in a romantic relationship.

[justanickname]

I roll my eyes so hard when I read stuffs like that. I'm 31. These people can't even wrap their heads around being 31 and never experiencing any sort of romance or physical pleasures.

...

Right now I'm just interested in being a better version of myself, so even if I never find someone, I am content with who I am. I don't have social anxiety though, so I probably don't really belong there.

 

Well, I'm 31 (32 soon), same situation. And I find it pretty common in where I live; although that is less than those are married or having a relationship. Maybe because I live in Asia so that is easier for us? I guess in Western culture might be a bit hard to find someone like us.

Anyway, it sounds a bit theoretical, but as long as we are happy with our situation then I think it should not be a big deal.

Ah, and to be clear, I am not against relationship and marriage in my future (if any).

[JuneJulySeptember]

How do you cope?

 

I've pretty much made my peace with it. That's not to say I don't think about it, because I do and feel sad about it, but I just let it be a glimmer of hope instead of obsessing about it. More like an observer. It's interesting to hear about why people are unlucky, or what they think is the reason.

 

There's a few guys I know who are just about age 40 or older and I can pretty much guarantee you they have never had a relationship or sex (without paying). I know about 8 guys out of all the guys I know who fall into this category. Some of them are my co-workers, some I've known for years through other friends. If I think a little harder I can probably come up with 10 or a few more. They generally are of the 'very passive, never do anything over the weekend' types, though one is of the foul mouthed, offensive type.

 

Regardless, the common thread among all of these guys is they NEVER try. I will never hear of them hitting on a woman, or getting rejected from OLD, or similar because they don't. I know because I talk to them. The other common thread is that they don't seem to care. They seem perfectly content with their lives and staying completely away from women ... forever. In other words, you won't see them on here whining (like me ).

 

I do think that all guys who 1) are willing to take the first 'reasonable' woman who likes them and 2) willing to really try, will eventually strike gold. Reasonable might mean she has a few kids, is a couple of dozen pounds overweight, or has some debt. Regardless, if somebody was willing to date you and you refused them, you can't call yourself a 'kissless virgin'.

 

Willing to try means you're willing to get rejected by a hundred, couple of hundred women before one is willing to date you. I know first hand how tough women are. If single again, it's plausible I could get rejected by a couple of hundred women over a few years before finding ANYBODY who would want to date me. That's the way things are.

 

So, yes, I do think those guys can find someone, if they are willing to do the above. On paper, the rational choice would be to give up. Who would be willing to get rejected by over a hundred women just to date some woman who has some decent sized flaws? But in reality, companionship and the experiences it can bring can be a beautiful thing.

 

It's something to consider at least before slipping into a lifetime without romance, which like I said, is very much a reality for a number of guys.

Edited November 29, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[carhill]

How do you cope?

Water under the bridge but my remembrance was focusing on my business and sports/hobbies.

 

I've pretty much made my peace with it. That's not to say I don't think about it, because I do and feel sad about it, but I just let it be a glimmer of hope instead of obsessing about it.

If you can accept the real, even if it is occasionally sad, IME that helps. That doesn't mean one can't take steps to socialize and enjoy their own life on their own terms, but rather accept the milieu as part of life.

More like an observer.

Sure, or disinterested participant. I noticed it most markedly when hosting parties in my late 20's and early 30's and everyone attending, my social group, was married with children, some even with teenagers.

It's interesting to hear about why people are unlucky, or what they think is the reason.

Luck and reasons vary wildly but I could boil it down to two:

 

1. Most importantly, improper socialization and my own wrong-headedness for the demographic to succeed in. Bad tools and too stubborn to change.

 

2. Historical demographics favoring fewer women being pursued by more men. That's the death of anyone, any man, who isn't in top notch mating form, especially if not widely attractive. During those virgin years, it was the rare woman who wasn't repartnered before getting a divorce and, by the time I was 25, everyone I had contact with was married. Most were married between 18-21 and had kids. MW's (women having affairs) were already active in the 20-25 mother age group.

 

Of course, banging around at the time like a bumbling idiot with women didn't help, but I wouldn't understand that until years later, most markedly assessing after having girlfriends and being married for a decade. Reflection offers insights not seen in the moment.

 

Now I just dabble in the social and go my own way and kissing and sex are in the past; accepting the real. Hey, at least the last woman who kissed me didn't throw anything at me or cuss me out this trip. Small victories.

 

To comply with your parameters, I don't recall markedly kissing in a sexual way until my late 20's and was a virgin until mid-30's. This was mostly due to lack of available *and interested* partners. MW's were a dime a dozen but I had too many rules about that.

 

Hope that helps!

[LargoLagg]

I originally came on LS to learn how to start a romantic relationship. After being here for a while, I sometimes I feel I only come back to remind myself that I may be lucky to have never been in a romantic relationship.

From what I've been reading, and in fact, for the reason I came here, you are in the WRONG PLACE to learn how to start a relationship.

 

People with relationship problems come here. The best thing you can learn is when you have problems,

 

1) it was inevitable

and

2) it's not always your fault.. or anybody's fault

 

That said, I'll give you the secret to finding and having warm relationships:

 

1) Seek people - don't seek relationships.

2) Some people will be crappy to you - it's not your fault

3) You'll be crappy to some people - that is your fault, but it is also forgivable

4) Don't hold yourself back - fortune belongs to the bold

5) Don't play games - always be yourself, because in the end, that's who you want them to fall or not fall in love with

6) You can't win them all, and you won't lose them all, even if it seems like it

7) The person can be good and the relationship can be bad

 

PURSUE WHO YOU WANT Not getting them is not losing.

[Dark Horse]

Even though iv'e never been in a relationship, sometimes I like posting here because users here actually give good advice sometimes. As opposed to the women have it easier, or negativity, or agree and amplify posts that are typical of Social anxiety forums responses.

[ZA Dater]

I roll my eyes so hard when I read stuffs like that. I'm 31. These people can't even wrap their heads around being 31 and never experiencing any sort of romance or physical pleasures.

 

I am 32 and in the same position you are. I think really you have two options

 

1: Take seriously the comments passed by others and the constant want t try and set you up with people you have no interest in. In other words become a project.

 

2: Simply just find other things in life, there are many things to enjoy, believe me I spent probably 10 years feeling sorry for myself in point 1 above and it took me to some really dark places, as soon as I adopted point 2 I felt much better. Yes, I do feel alone and yes I do wonder what it would be like. A lot of that wonderment is tempered by the fact I look around and how many people do I really like, how many dates have I been on where I really want the person. Very, very few is the answer, sure I guess people like us could scrape the bottom of the barrel but why, what would be achieved? People scorn at my lack of experience, its been used as a subtle put down many times but its how one reacts, how much you let things like this get to you.

 

I do believe based on the very few great dates I have had that the whole experience can be fantastic, absolutely so but I also think unless you find that person who talks to your heart and mind, accepting something lesser is merely accepting false hope.

[ZA Dater]

PURSUE WHO YOU WANT Not getting them is not losing.

 

A very good piece of advice!

[LargoLagg]

Not 100% literal, but someone who has never had any sort of romantic (never been kissed) and sexual relationship (never had sex). Basically an extreme version of being single for a long time -- most people have at least dated before, or been in love, even though it might be years ago.

 

But to never have anyone even interested in you? I'm curious how many are like me.

I don't think I know anyone like that, although I'll concede that this is probably not trumpeted.

 

There is one friend I had, we were both in our twenties, he had a great personality but he was very, very heavy. He had confidence problems, not much luck in the dating world, but he managed to snag a girlfriend every so often.

 

I bring that up only to observe that more than likely, the issue was his weight, and totally within his control. I guess he liked the food more than girls and exercise. But you? Surely in all your years, you've gotten some feedback.

 

Honestly, what would you say it is that gets you this far in life without having connected in this way? Surely you have a theory.

[LargoLagg]

I do think that all guys who 1) are willing to take the first 'reasonable' woman who likes them and 2) willing to really try, will eventually strike gold.

This made me laugh.

 

My very first relationship, I fell in love and got dumped and it hurt bad. So bad, in fact, that she broke my rejection button. I never really felt rejection from any woman ever again. As I timidly ventured back into the dating world, I learned this truth by getting rejected early and often. I quickly realized that I couldn't care less. It was liberating, and over the next 15 years, I honed my game, and I dated way above my league as a result, always had a girl, usually more than one, all because I was willing to "endure" rejection more than any other person I knew. Throw enough **** on the wall and some will stick.

 

In the end, I became a ladies' man. I owe it all to my very first girlfriend. She was the best thing that ever happened to me.

[OrangeParty]

 

Honestly, what would you say it is that gets you this far in life without having connected in this way? Surely you have a theory.

I have lots of theories, but none of them pass the test. For every theory about my flaws that I can come up with, I can think or read about someone similar who has no issues.

 

The closest I can think of is lack of trying in the last two years. I've been focusing on myself instead. Then again, I am almost certain there is someone out there who never tried and still had someone wiggle their way into their life.

[guest572]

I was 26 when I got a boyfriend, and a virgin until 27. As a very shy person, I never really put myself out there much. I had a lot of rejections at a young age and stopped trying in my late teens/adulthood. I know that a lot of people have their first time at age 16, 18, 20 etc.. Yes, I felt like I was missing out on something, and not a complete woman or human being because I hadn't experienced this thing that everyone raves about. It wore my self esteem down because I felt like there was something wrong with me for being that age and never having had any luck with getting dates or kissing etc. Because of the low self esteem, I withdrew even more which didn't help. Eventually I got fed up and made it my goal to get out there and get some action, basically. With my first boyfriend, I was a nervous wreck about the whole thing. It had become source of a lot of anxiety for me and a bit of a hurdle. I thought there might be something physically wrong with me or that I was somehow incapable. It was a huge relief once I got past that 'hurdle'. But I realised I was making a huge deal out of nothing. I've since had a few partners, and this has continued to slowly build my confidence.

 

Being a virgin is just that. It shouldn't define you or make you feel bad about yourself or like you're missing out. It just means you haven't gotten there yet and there is no shame in it and nothing wrong with you.

Edited December 5, 2016 by Brightnight

[Dark Horse]

I will tell you one thing, it ***ing sucks to be so ***ing horny and wanting a girlfriend so bad 24/7 and not being able to get one!

 

I have a mixture of emotions right now. I want to ***, I want to get a girlfriend yet I cant, I can't talk to women because of emotional problems.

[LargoLagg]

I have lots of theories, but none of them pass the test. For every theory about my flaws that I can come up with, I can think or read about someone similar who has no issues.

 

The closest I can think of is lack of trying in the last two years. I've been focusing on myself instead. Then again, I am almost certain there is someone out there who never tried and still had someone wiggle their way into their life.

AMEN! You're right about all of those things, the flaws, the lack of trying, the wiggle factor.

 

I know a Mr. Got Wiggled. He's my brother in law. He is girl shy to a fault. I remember two really, really nice looking girls throwing themselves at him, just giving every signal a girl can give without ripping her clothes off.

 

He just sat there in each case, afraid to act. Really, he was afraid he might do something wrong, maybe come on too strong or too weak or I don't know what. He was afraid he'd be rejected. I told him that rejection isn't so bad once you get used to it. It's not personal, but he could not understand because he was unwilling to face that fear the first time. The first time is always the roughest.

 

Don't let that be you. Go out there and get rejected horribly. Make a game of it. Accumulate as many as you can in one night. Inoculate yourself with experience. I've been told no more than any other guy I know. Same thing with yes.

 

You're also right about not being able to wrap my head around not being with anyone and being 31. It is so far outside of my experience that it seems other-worldly. I've only known two guys who had that level of trouble. Brother in law and Mr. Way Too Nice. Ultimately, they both had trouble because of their approaches in dealing with women. Also, they rejected sound advice.

 

I hope something breaks your way soon. Anyway, time is precious. You'll never have now ever again. Don't waste it.