Why is it so hard to date in the UK?

[tomtheman1234]

Why is it so hard to date in the UK? Most of my friends are settling down but I am still single and still unlucky in love. At the moment I am trying Internet date. Which as we alll know is a bit hit and miss. Over the last 2 years. I dated a lady but we were not right for each other and did not have much in common. So after 4 dates I ended it as I can't date someone I fancy if we don't have things in common. I was also making all the effort. Then went to Phuket and had a holiday romance.

 

Then last month I thought I had found my Miss Right only after a month she ended it after telling me how much she likes me and has feelings for me. She also said she as a single mom did not have time to give me a proper relationship as her kids come first. In the last few years I have been on a few first dates that did not lead to a second date. Some of these first dates were nice some were just rude and horrible. All the dates I went on I was nice and kind not pushy and did nothing wrong. I did go on 2 first dates this weekend. 0ne seemed to go well and she said she was busy this week but we could meet up next week. The other 1 went well but she text me to say I was not her type after all which is fair enough.

 

Since my late teens when I started dating I have had a few great relationships so I know I am not undateable.

I just wonder why I am so unlucky in love.

Edited November 15, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added paragraphs and moved to In Search Of ~6

[JasonBourne]

Hi,

 

I'm curious, are you from the UK? I think the experiences you are having are probably replicated all over the world, to be honest.

[Satu]

Forget the internet.

 

People can waste years on it and never get anywhere.

 

Instead expand your social circle, and do things that will bring you together with people who have similar interests.

 

I don't mean internet based things like meetup groups, but actual clubs and societies, that have frequent meetings.

 

I meet one of my lovers at an astronomical society meeting.

 

I met another at a violin group.

 

Seriously, forget the internet.

 

 

Take care.

[Shanex]

It is hard to date at all.

 

I partially agree with Satu, while the Internet may be a waste of time or turn you into more an asocial that you already were, it does help getting to know new people, implying you want and can meet them.

[Gloria25]

Dating sucks in the US (United States of America) too...

 

It's not isolated to the UK.

 

People just suck now a days...

[Shanex]

Dating sucks in the US (United States of America) too...

 

It's not isolated to the UK.

 

People just suck now a days...

 

I guess dating overall sucks in the west. LS being an international community I am always interested in hearing how that work in other parts of the world. The notions of commitment and monogamy, are they more respected in more traditional nations ? maybe so, maybe I am assuming and just wrong.

 

I'm aware of my flaws, but it is so easy today in western nations to dispose of someone without looking back, that I wonder if I wouldn't already be happily married with a number of children in a different culture

[Satu]

Other than the meetings I mentioned above, all my pairings have started via serendipity and synchronicity.

 

I've never made any effort or done any searching, ever.

 

I do sympathise with anyone who wants a partner and can't find one though; that must be difficult.

[tomtheman1234]

I have even considered going back to Phuket to find love but every time I mention it people say that Thai girls are just after your money or a visa. Yes that's true with lots of Thai girls but they are not all like that surely. end of the day I will just keep trying. My Miss Right has to be out there in the world.

[Satu]

I have even considered going back to Phuket to find love but every time I mention it people say that Thai girls are just after your money or a visa. Yes that's true with lots of Thai girls but they are not all like that surely. end of the day I will just keep trying. My Miss Right has to be out there in the world.

 

I don't think you'll need to go that far to meet someone.

 

Get out and about, become more social, make some new acquaintances, do things with people, be adventurous.

 

And take a break from internet dating!

 

 

All the best.

[VeveCakes]

Sucks up here in Canada too.

 

I actually think society has a lot to do with it nowadays. Too many options. Back in the day you saw someone you liked, got butterflies...had dates etc.

 

Now we look at a photo and a quick blurb and dismiss them before we get a chance to see if we click in person.

 

Then after a date you might have sat around thinking of your dating partner whereas now we go back on our phones and scroll to see what else is out there.

 

It's hard nowadays, but don't lose hope. It's pretty much all we have.

[Els]

I guess dating overall sucks in the west. LS being an international community I am always interested in hearing how that work in other parts of the world. The notions of commitment and monogamy, are they more respected in more traditional nations ? maybe so, maybe I am assuming and just wrong.

 

I'm aware of my flaws, but it is so easy today in western nations to dispose of someone without looking back, that I wonder if I wouldn't already be happily married with a number of children in a different culture

 

This is somewhat true, but it's a lot more nuanced than that. Also, it works both ways. For instance, on LS, if your wife gains 50 lbs or stops having sex with you for 3 months, the general consensus is that you should leave her. But in, say, Asian communities, divorce is extremely taboo, so it's not really considered acceptable to leave your wife and family for any such reasons. You will be severely socially ostracized if you do. Lots of guys have remained in extremely unhappy marriages because of that.

 

IMO a happy medium is best.

 

Anyway, as far as the OP's question goes, my friends in the UK are mostly paired up, so it can't all be that bad.

[JustGettingBy]

 

I actually think society has a lot to do with it nowadays. Too many options. .

 

Paradox of choice is a real thing.

[ashy555]

Dating sucks here in Australia too...

 

Actually I went to the US at the start of last year for 6 weeks. The amount of times I was approached on the street or in a pub was ridiculous. I was in New York for 6 days over christmas by myself and was invited to 2 family christmas', and scored a few dinners with strangers. I was even picked up in the middle of times square in a hefty crowd. Come home to Australia and not one person will approach me, so i find it tough to meet in real life. American men just seem to be way more confident. I don't know..

 

Anyway I've been pretty single for the whole 26 years of my life. My whole family are married. All of my 18 cousins are married or engaged. I am always asked at every wedding and every christmas "how are you still single"? blah blah blah. In fact MOST of my cousins met their significant others online. So I am constantly being told to look there. I am trying but its really tough and am not getting any luck either. I don't even know what a relationship feels like.

 

I really hear ya... But like so many people say. Our timelines are all different. One might meet someone special at 20 and others at 50..

Some are more lucky than others.

I do sit here and wonder why everyone but me etc etc. It only makes me feel like garbage though. I guess the best thing we can do is keep ourselves busy and work on being the best versions of ourselves and one day(hopefully) it will happen.

[Sweetfish]

Dating and economics go hand and hand.

[Imported]

Just ask a girl out. How hard can this be.

 

 

 

 

And then try again. Big deal.

[PegNosePete]

Why is it so hard to date in the UK? Most of my friends are settling down

You contradict yourself. If dating is so hard then how are your friends settling down?

 

It sounds like you're doing just fine, you're getting dates and 2nd dates and short relationships. Dating isn't the problem, it's just a question of keep trying until you find the right one.

[Shanex]

This is somewhat true, but it's a lot more nuanced than that. Also, it works both ways. For instance, on LS, if your wife gains 50 lbs or stops having sex with you for 3 months, the general consensus is that you should leave her. But in, say, Asian communities, divorce is extremely taboo, so it's not really considered acceptable to leave your wife and family for any such reasons. You will be severely socially ostracized if you do. Lots of guys have remained in extremely unhappy marriages because of that.

 

IMO a happy medium is best.

 

Anyway, as far as the OP's question goes, my friends in the UK are mostly paired up, so it can't all be that bad.

 

I agree on all points here, especially the first paragraph, in the end I don't know if we are such great ''advisers'' here. But the debate as to whether divorce should be either easy or not taboo has divided this forum a number of times.

 

Anyway I don't think it is as bad in the UK has the OP puts it.. no more than elsewhere.

[Kayley]

Yes! I just don't understand where to meet people.

 

Don't understand why friends manage it & I have no luck

[Satu]

Yes! I just don't understand where to meet people.

 

Don't understand why friends manage it & I have no luck

 

Forget the internet.

 

People can waste years on it and never get anywhere.

 

Instead expand your social circle, and do things that will bring you together with people who have similar interests.

 

I don't mean internet based things like meetup groups, but actual clubs and societies, that have frequent meetings.

 

I meet one of my lovers at an astronomical society meeting.

 

I met another at a violin group.

 

Seriously, forget the internet.

 

 

Take care.

 

 

You have to get out there and do things.

[Kayley]

Funnily enough I am actually sitting here hunting for clubs etc lol

[Satu]

Funnily enough I am actually sitting here hunting for clubs etc lol

 

Good for you.

 

You'll meet some interesting people who don't spend all their time texting people they don't know, and trawling the dating sites.

 

 

Take care.

[Kayley]

I hope so. Dating aside I feel I need more in my life. I need enjoyable things to do

[Satu]

I hope so. Dating aside I feel I need more in my life. I need enjoyable things to do

 

When you do things you love to do, there are all kinds of positive spinoffs and unexpected benefits.

 

Go for it

[Mumbles]

But in, say, Asian communities, divorce is extremely taboo, so it's not really considered acceptable to leave your wife and family for any such reasons. You will be severely socially ostracized if you do. Lots of guys have remained in extremely unhappy marriages because of that.

 

Mmm. Depends on what you mean by Asian I think. If you're talking Indian then maybe - I don't have first hand experience there. More broadly Asian though, talking China, Japan, SE Asia, marriage isn't viewed the same as currently in the west, its a lot closer to the old view of marriage in western culture where you married for social standing, finances, to have children, or other not-so-romantic ideas.

 

Specifically talking SE Asia and China, its extremely common for married couples to have boyfriends or 'second wives' on the side. Whilst this isn't trumpeted to the world, its not entirely hidden either. Its very common to have children with your second or third wife (they are not polygamous of course, by law, these extra wives are not legal wives). It goes both ways too, often the husband will have and live with his second wife, the wife will have and live with her boyfriend. At social events, the husband and wife will come together to 'be seen'.

 

True divorce is also not completely unknown. If the wife was a successful lawyer and the husband married her to get a leg-up in social standing, then she's disbarred for some reason, divorce often ensues. If the husband was financially well off, the wife might have married him for that (social standing again) - he loses all his money and the wife will divorce ... its really quite common, but often not loud and overt.

[Mumbles]

I guess dating overall sucks in the west. LS being an international community I am always interested in hearing how that work in other parts of the world. The notions of commitment and monogamy, are they more respected in more traditional nations ? maybe so, maybe I am assuming and just wrong.

 

I'm aware of my flaws, but it is so easy today in western nations to dispose of someone without looking back, that I wonder if I wouldn't already be happily married with a number of children in a different culture

 

I've had this thought flit past my mind as well. However, I wonder how much of it is simply grass-is-greener syndrome.

 

In the westernised nations, by and large, the notion of financial co-dependency is (largely) gone. One way or another people can get by on their own. It might not be pretty but you likely won't die in a gutter.

 

Other places are not always so lucky (?). In the cultures you are thinking of, my guess is that these same cultures also continue to maintain strong extended family links ... is that a fair assumption? Its largely, I think, because there is no other way to survive. Even in those places where that circumstance is no longer completely true, it will have been, in living memory, and culture changes only very slowly.

 

In a lot of westernised cultures we're probably 3-4 or possibly 5 generations away from a time when it was tough, honest to goodness tough, to get by on your own.