Why I ask/wonder "why are you still single"

[barbossa]

I meet what appears to be a great catch on paper.

 

But then I wonder if they are so great why are they still single? If someone is a good catch they would be noticed by lots of people and asked out, scooped up fast.

Surely there has to be a logical reason

 

If a person is in their (30 years old +)and never married or never been close to getting married, no serious long term relationships, it makes me wonder why ?

 

I look at the people around me, family , friends, or even girls I tried messaging on OLD months or even years ago. ...notice they are still there

 

Youngish, pretty , fit, accomplished girls ( since I don't check out dude profiles ).... been active on the site for 6+ months, if you are actively looking and you keep remaining single you either are too unreasonable in what you are trying to find or you have a bad personality which makes you hard to deal with ( in my opinion)

 

I have been set up a few times, introduced to people and I think wow how can this person be single ?

It's only when I get to know them do I understand either they have unreasonable expectations or are just too difficult to deal with

 

If a guy is broke it makes it hard for him to date, settle down so I can understand, I myself prefer to be getting paid more so i can date with more comfort and pay for things easier

 

Relationship and finding someone need compromise and flexibility, otherwise they deserve to be single

[Gaeta]

There is no 1 answer to this question. Each person has his/her reasons.

 

I was single for years and got really tired of people asking why is a woman like me single! Well, look at my history on here and you'll see I was single because I was picking the wrong men. I was pretty, successful and could get dates just like this and boy did I date! BUT I invested my time, efforts and feelings in the wrong men. After a few years of jumping left and right I grew and finally met the right man for me.

[Sunkissedpatio]

The most useless thing you can do is ask someone why they are single, not only will you not get the truth you will likely just put them off.

 

You can wonder why all you want but that level of judgment will make you very jaded fast.

 

It's like asking someone in a job interview to discuss their weaknesses, no one ever tells the truth because they don't want to rule themselves out.

 

Talk is cheap. The only way you will know why someone is single is to get to know them and with time. If you don't feel you want to invest the time to get to know someone then don't. But asking them why they are single is pointless and will not get you the answer you are looking for.

 

People, and relationships are complex and there is no one catch all answer to why people are single.

 

If you can answer honestly and without hiding anything why you are single then that's a good place to start.

[BlueIris]

I meet what appears to be a great catch on paper.

 

But then I wonder if they are so great why are they still single? If someone is a good catch they would be noticed by lots of people and asked out, scooped up fast.

Surely there has to be a logical reason

 

If a person is in their (30 years old +)and never married or never been close to getting married, no serious long term relationships, it makes me wonder why ?

 

I look at the people around me, family , friends, or even girls I tried messaging on OLD months or even years ago. ...notice they are still there

 

Youngish, pretty , fit, accomplished girls ( since I don't check out dude profiles ).... been active on the site for 6+ months, if you are actively looking and you keep remaining single you either are too unreasonable in what you are trying to find or you have a bad personality which makes you hard to deal with ( in my opinion)

 

I have been set up a few times, introduced to people and I think wow how can this person be single ?

It's only when I get to know them do I understand either they have unreasonable expectations or are just too difficult to deal with

 

If a guy is broke it makes it hard for him to date, settle down so I can understand, I myself prefer to be getting paid more so i can date with more comfort and pay for things easier

 

Relationship and finding someone need compromise and flexibility, otherwise they deserve to be single

 

Are those the reasons you are single?

 

Because I know lots of other reasons that some people are single and those wouldn't even be in my top 5 if I were making assumptions.

 

Think about it. Why are those the conclusions YOU draw?

[JuneJulySeptember]

I don't believe there's such a thing as a universal 'great catch'.

 

First off, being successful just means making a lot of $. Let's get that out of the way first. Nobody says that a guy who is teaching 8th grade English in a lower-income neighborhood and making 43K a year, or is a social worker for foster children is successful.

 

Secondly, the way you live your life should be what makes you happy, not conforming to dogmatic ideas of success, intelligence, and fun ... such as speaking a lot of languages, being well read, and having skydived all over South America. If you like to sit at home and watch TV and go bowling, then do that.

 

I do believe that some people are universally physically attractive, and that is where most of the idea of the 'great catch' comes from.

 

Other than that, the idea of a woman who is vice president (at 'some company'), has nine different social activities lined up every weekend, and has a jillion friends is pretty much a turn off to me.

 

A good catch to me is a woman who is laidback, open-minded, loyal, and down to Earth.

Edited November 8, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[SwordofFlame]

I agree with not asking the question as it's not very helpful. Sometimes you can tell why someone may be perpetually single after a few dates though, even after the first date.

[VeveCakes]

Could be anything.

They have high standards and don't put up with crap.

They arent ready to be serious

They are multi dating

People are intimidated by them

They are in a relationship trying to cheat

They are crazy

 

Take your pick...just never assume someone isn't worthy because they are single! After all, you are single too!

[victoria88]

If a person is in their (30 years old +)and never married or never been close to getting married, no serious long term relationships, it makes me wonder why ?

 

(...) if you are actively looking and you keep remaining single you either are too unreasonable in what you are trying to find or you have a bad personality which makes you hard to deal with ( in my opinion)

 

If a guy is broke it makes it hard for him to date, settle down so I can understand, I myself prefer to be getting paid more so i can date with more comfort and pay for things easier

 

Relationship and finding someone need compromise and flexibility, otherwise they deserve to be single

 

 

My comments:

1) "being unreasonable in what you are trying to find"- I want to be in love with the man (or to really like the man=to feel attraction for him) before I go out with him. Do I have unreasonable expectations?

"hard to deal with"- I am a very nice person.

 

Sometimes there are many other reasons (you can think of 2 reasons only but there are another 8 at least)

 

2) If a girl is broke she may decide not to date (just like men would not date). Some women (like me) prefer to pay their bill in the restaurant (an effort to have some equality and besides it seems fair). Here is another reason-sometimes a person feels soooo bad and depressed of not having money/work that this person does not want to have a private life (until the financial situation is becoming better). Yes, some women have pride and dignity, and are ambitious in their careers.

(it is another question that when a woman has a job and wants to have a relationship with a man she is in love with, he may just tell her he has a girlfriend=>you can add this to the other reasons why someone cool is alone)

 

3) No one deserves to be alone...

 

4) Often beautiful women with excellent education (Master), around 30 (or +) and with a great personality are alone. Some women want to find the right man and to have a great relationship with him.

Edited November 8, 2016 by victoria88

[PrettyEmily77]

Regardless of their reasons for being single, does the fact they are single not make it easier for you to date them? As opposed to, you know, not single?

 

Seems to me you are looking at it the wrong way, OP.

[Miss Peach]

Anytime I'm single men try to scoop me up quickly. It can take a little bit for me to find something who is a good enough of a match I feel comfortable settling down with them.

[Buddhist]

But then I wonder if they are so great why are they still single? If someone is a good catch they would be noticed by lots of people and asked out, scooped up fast.

 

So your basic assumption then is that all single people must by necessity of being single be dysfunctional in some way? Okay, I don't see how that serves you really. If all the good people are gone then sorry to say, you must be one of the 'bad' ones too.

 

If a person is in their (30 years old +)and never married or never been close to getting married, no serious long term relationships, it makes me wonder why ?

 

Wonder away but the grand assumption underlying this kind of logic is that all people must try to be in relationships at a young age and all the successful ones get married or have longterm relationships. As if the entirety of humanity must follow one specific pattern.

 

Youngish, pretty , fit, accomplished girls ( since I don't check out dude profiles ).... been active on the site for 6+ months, if you are actively looking and you keep remaining single you either are too unreasonable in what you are trying to find or you have a bad personality which makes you hard to deal with ( in my opinion)

 

Well as long as you recognise it's your opinion and not necessarily reality then I think there may be hope for you to think outside the box.

 

Relationship and finding someone need compromise and flexibility, otherwise they deserve to be single

 

And once again we have people judging another person's worth based on their relationship status. As if being in a relationship makes you worthy and not being in one makes you unworthy. I think this kind of logic is very problematic, glad I don't subscribe to it myself. Marriage and partnership are not indicators of someone's value nor of how much others want them at all. I love it how in these kinds of arguments the basic premise of choice never figures into the logic. People can be single by simple choice to do so. It's really easy, you just don't bother dating or accept invitations to do so.

[barbossa]

I meet what appears to be a great catch on paper.

 

But then I wonder if they are so great why are they still single? If someone is a good catch they would be noticed by lots of people and asked out, scooped up fast.

Surely there has to be a logical reason

 

If a person is in their (30 years old +)and never married or never been close to getting married, no serious long term relationships, it makes me wonder why ?

 

I look at the people around me, family , friends, or even girls I tried messaging on OLD months or even years ago. ...notice they are still there

 

Youngish, pretty , fit, accomplished girls ( since I don't check out dude profiles ).... been active on the site for 6+ months, if you are actively looking and you keep remaining single you either are too unreasonable in what you are trying to find or you have a bad personality which makes you hard to deal with ( in my opinion)

 

I have been set up a few times, introduced to people and I think wow how can this person be single ?

It's only when I get to know them do I understand either they have unreasonable expectations or are just too difficult to deal with

 

If a guy is broke it makes it hard for him to date, settle down so I can understand, I myself prefer to be getting paid more so i can date with more comfort and pay for things easier

 

Relationship and finding someone need compromise and flexibility, otherwise they deserve to be single

 

Asking someone this question will hardly ever bring out the truth

no one admits their bad faults

[Toodaloo]

Asking someone this question will hardly ever bring out the truth

no one admits their bad faults

 

I do and gladly. If they can't accept my obsession with always having a good stock of loo rolls then quite frankly its just not worth it.

 

I am single because I chose to get out of a really crappy relationship and free myself up to meet someone better who was more suited to me. I haven't met that person yet but at least now I have the chance to.

 

Or should I have stayed in that crappy relationship and cheated or waited until someone came along and rescued me? Because of course doing that means I am worth something??? Hell no. I am single because I am worth so much more than I was getting.

[basil67]

Asking someone this question will hardly ever bring out the truth

no one admits their bad faults

 

A lot of people can't see their bad faults. How can one admit to what they can't see?

[basil67]

Have you considered that those you are wondering about aren't actively looking for a partner? Or that they are half-hearted at best?

 

Mind you, I've been actively looking online for a nice pair of boots for a while. Perhaps I'm too choosy?

[preraph]

Not everyone wants to be "scooped up." When I was in my younger years, I was more interested in my career and living my dream, and my dream wasn't domesticity.

[Herbalist]

These are just generalizations with special exceptions aside.

 

It seems that men are more goal-driven when dating and focus like a laser on their goal, whether the goal is just a fling, serious relationship, marriage or whatever. So then a lot of them perceive it like they have 'failed' if they wind up being single for a long while.

 

Whereas it seems like women tend to think of relationships as nice but not necessary. So they might stay single for several months to several years if they never find someone that they really like, and it just is what it is.

 

So then it seems like men and women have a resulting tendency to perceive each other differently when it comes to a date who has been single for a while, since people often project.

 

Women tend to think positively of a man who is selective, as this implies that the woman he chooses was actually special to him. While men tend to assume that a woman who has been single for a while must have been trying really hard to get a boyfriend but failing.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I look at the people around me, family , friends, or even girls I tried messaging on OLD months or even years ago. ...notice they are still there

 

Noticing the same thing around here on POF and OK cupid. I took about a year long break, came back....still on it. Before that I was on those sites pretty consistently, still the same people....of course, I come back and I'm like, "Crap, they are STILL here? Oh well, I try them again...still nada."

 

They remain permanent fixtures of the online dating world pretty much. Why they are still single? Because of the what I just explained in this post, they pretty much have succumbed to the superficialitys of online dating and unrealistic expectations, but they would need to seriously relocate to a bigger city because they won't find what they want here.

[NJ123]

Noticing the same thing around here on POF and OK cupid. I took about a year long break, came back....still on it. Before that I was on those sites pretty consistently, still the same people....of course, I come back and I'm like, "Crap, they are STILL here? Oh well, I try them again...still nada."

 

They remain permanent fixtures of the online dating world pretty much. Why they are still single? Because of the what I just explained in this post, they pretty much have succumbed to the superficialitys of online dating and unrealistic expectations, but they would need to seriously relocate to a bigger city because they won't find what they want here.

 

Yeah, I've noticed the same exact thing myself when I was on those sites. I saw so many of the same women on there & of course it's hard not to ask yourself why they're still on there. And it's likely due to them either not taking online dating seriously & using it for ego boosting or promoting instagram or whatever, or as you said they're incredibly superficial to the point where they're looking for a guy that almost doesn't exist.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Noticing the same thing around here on POF and OK cupid. I took about a year long break, came back....still on it. Before that I was on those sites pretty consistently, still the same people....of course, I come back and I'm like, "Crap, they are STILL here? Oh well, I try them again...still nada."

 

They remain permanent fixtures of the online dating world pretty much. Why they are still single? Because of the what I just explained in this post, they pretty much have succumbed to the superficialitys of online dating and unrealistic expectations, but they would need to seriously relocate to a bigger city because they won't find what they want here.

 

Yeah, I've noticed the same exact thing myself when I was on those sites. I saw so many of the same women on there & of course it's hard not to ask yourself why they're still on there. And it's likely due to them either not taking online dating seriously & using it for ego boosting or promoting instagram or whatever, or as you said they're incredibly superficial to the point where they're looking for a guy that almost doesn't exist.

 

Uhm, call me captain obvious but they are also still seeing you on there after a year. I wonder what their assumptions of you are?

[NJ123]

Uhm, call me captain obvious but they are also still seeing you on there after a year. I wonder what their assumptions of you are?

 

I went back on those sites after like a year & was only on it for like a week or two until I deleted it again. Those people are highly likely consistently on there if I see dozens upon dozens of the same people on there after all that time. Huge difference.

[Sunkissedpatio]

I went back on those sites after like a year & was only on it for like a week or two until I deleted it again. Those people are highly likely consistently on there if I see dozens upon dozens of the same people on there after all that time. Huge difference.

 

What if they did too? I am sure they have the same assumption of you. "Oh there he is again, a year later and he is still here."

 

It goes both ways. You have no idea, nor are you really in a position to judge.

 

Just sayin....

 

Guys might say that about me who recognize me from my last time on OLD. Well I was gone for almost 5 years and in a relationship for most of that time so really people's assumptions are simply that. My assumption of those same guys I see is that they too were in a relationship and are back. I never stop to wonder if they are damaged goods. It is what it is.

Edited November 10, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[LurkerXX]

Well you can people on the spot, and guarantee that you will go no where with them. Or you can take the risk we all take when we date and risk finding out there is a reason that precludes going any further...and risk them feeling the same way about you.

[Inflikted]

Meh. I'm a guy just about to turn 28, and I've never dated or been involved in any way with another person. Of course, I know why. I'm very unattractive physically (and not for reasons easily remedied, such as being overweight, rather, for things I can't change). And that would be fine, because most people aren't "10/10" attractive, but make up for it in other ways.

 

Me, I don't have anything. I don't have a good personality. I'm not interesting or exciting or adventurous. I'm not particularly intelligent. I'm not funny. I'm not charming. I'm super introverted and socially inept. I have no stories or experiencea to share. I have no interesting outlooks or perceptions of the world. I don't have a good job/ income.

 

I don't particularly sympathize or empathize well at all. I don't care much about anyone. I'm fairly selfish and self-absorbed.

 

I don't have experience with dating, romance, love, intimacy, or sex, and I can't imagine anyone my age would have the patience for my lack of experience. And rightfully so.

 

Dating, relationships, love, sex, etc. are just things I'll never get to experience. Which sucks, but I've "moved on" from lamenting that. It just is.

 

At my age, the prospects are running dry, anyway. Most people my age have been dating around for many years and are starting to settle down. Most people eventually want to start families sooner or later; me, I don't want kids, but good luck finding someone that's on the same page with that. There are no real options for me, and as someone that never got to date and figure out what I "want" out of dating, I don't really get that opportunity anymore. But I guess it just is what it is.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Uhm, call me captain obvious but they are also still seeing you on there after a year. I wonder what their assumptions of you are?

 

That's my point, I'm single because they refuse to respond. I guess you could call it a chicken/egg thing They are the reasons they are single, and it's because the aren't even willing to give me a meet n greet at least, esp. if they live only minutes away.

 

You'd kind of figure they would give a guy a shot if they are seeing the same faces of the men that send them emails. Sure, I'll follow up with an email if they've been on the site forever, but still...nada.

 

Occasionally one could kick in and we'd meet up, but that's rare.

 

And...that's why they're single and so I've pretty much exhausted all my options of the locals on these dating sites.

 

"Oh there he is again, a year later and he is still here."

 

Some say that they may have started to date someone exclusively, for a few months/years and came back, but no...there had been a few that would be "Online Now" daily as indicated by the message near their screen name.

 

And it's likely due to them either not taking online dating seriously & using it for ego boosting or promoting instagram or whatever, or as you said they're incredibly superficial to the point where they're looking for a guy that almost doesn't exist.

 

Yep...there was a few of them I knew I was pretty much compatible with, I tried to convince of that in the initial email, but they choose to be permanent online fixtures or aren't taking it seriously. They would need to relocate if the locals aren't for them or consider long distance online dating.

Edited November 11, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst