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Other online alternatives


LookAtThisPOst

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LookAtThisPOst

I was considering other online alternatives to meeting women. For instance, I'm a part of a few community groups on Facebook, some involving just everyday community stuff, some are special interest groups for people who share the same interests as I do.

 

I look for "Single" listed for their relationship status and go from there.

 

So what I'd do is try to connect with people that way through PM.

 

Have any of you gentleman tried that before?

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Not a man here, but wouldn't it be more comfortable to participate in open conversations with several members before honing in on someone via PM?

 

H and I got to know each other by commenting on posts of mutual interest. If he'd strayed into PM territory rather than keeping it all out (where others could chime in), I'd have been a little creeped out.

 

You get a wider audience this way as well.

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LookAtThisPOst
Not a man here, but wouldn't it be more comfortable to participate in open conversations with several members before honing in on someone via PM?

 

H and I got to know each other by commenting on posts of mutual interest. If he'd strayed into PM territory rather than keeping it all out (where others could chime in), I'd have been a little creeped out.

 

You get a wider audience this way as well.

 

Well, most of whom I contacted aren't participant on the public posts, as it's not a message board like this one. Hardly conversational, a post would get "likes", but people would rarely comment. Let's just say these groups people aren't sociable openly like on a message board like this one.

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I guess it depends what your first PMs are like. IF it's on point to what the person you're PM'ing said in the group conversation it might well work. You just might get into a conversation that segues into more personal topics. It probably would help if your FB profile has some appeal to the woman in question, as that is pretty much what she has to go by on you.

 

If, on the other extreme, just PM'ing several other people in the group to express romantic interest, will get one labelled a creeper in *really* short order. Don't go there.

 

I agree w MidwestUSA. Treating an online group as a sort of dating site w/o respecting that people are in the group for the topic and NOT to get hit on, generally turns out pretty bad. Typically people have a certain amount of on-site contact before they go to PMs.

Edited by Imajerk17
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I guess it depends what your first PMs are like. IF it's on point to what the person you're PM'ing said in the group conversation it might well work. You just might get into a conversation that segues into more personal topics. It probably would help if your FB profile has some appeal to the woman in question, as that is pretty much what she has to go by on you.

 

If, on the other extreme, just PM'ing several other people in the group to express romantic interest, will get one labelled a creeper in *really* short order. Don't go there.

 

I agree w MidwestUSA. Treating an online group as a sort of dating site w/o respecting that people are in the group for the topic and NOT to get hit on, generally turns out pretty bad. Typically people have a certain amount of on-site contact before they go to PMs.

 

Hm, well, there's another option, too. I would sometimes bump into single people on Facebook that share the same mutual friends as I do and would use that as an icebreaker. In most cases, it's people that went to the same high school that I used to. Though we didn't all graduate the same year, I figure it's a good way to segue into it.

 

"Hey, I see we know the same people and went to the same high school, what small world. What year did you graduate?"

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I think it will backfire.

 

My single girlfriends comment about all the "creeps" they have never personally met who try to strike up conversations via FB, looking for dates.

 

It is stalkerish and generally not appreciated from those females I know on the receiving end.

 

Stick to sites where people have put themselves out there for that purpose.

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I totally agree with that post. If approached by a stranger on a non-dating site (like facebook), I get the creeepy/stalkerish/cowardish vibe immediately.

 

Online dating IMO is the way to get dates online - real intentions are stated upfront instead of trying to 'play friends'.

 

 

I think it will backfire.

 

My single girlfriends comment about all the "creeps" they have never personally met who try to strike up conversations via FB, looking for dates.

 

It is stalkerish and generally not appreciated from those females I know on the receiving end.

 

Stick to sites where people have put themselves out there for that purpose.

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LookAtThisPOst
Online dating IMO is the way to get dates online - real intentions are stated upfront instead of trying to 'play friends'.

 

Yeah, well, I've exhausted my options on those sites, so I was figuring moving on to other alternatives.

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LookAtThisPOst

Believe it or not, I have a friend I used to work with...he's married and has added quite a few single ladies to his friends list. When I would ask them how they knew him, I kind of kidded around as he was a salesperson, "He try to sell you a car? lol"

 

They would tell me they were at a time where they just added anyone that sent a request...one was a realtor lady that said "I'm a realtor, I have no qualms accepting friends requests."

 

These ladies admitted to not even have known him in real life and just accepted an arbitrary friends request from him w/o batting an eye. *shrug*

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No women with whom I'm acquainted would accept a PM from an unknown man unless they have many mutual friends. It's generally considered creepy.

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Yeah, well, I've exhausted my options on those sites, so I was figuring moving on to other alternatives.

 

Have you tried meetup groups?

 

Also maybe it is just the way you approach OLD - do you get no success with initial response (to your messages) or lack of success in actual dating (e.g. women don't want to meet you for 2nd-3rd date)?

 

What do you think is the deal-breaker and which sites do you use? E.g. if you think it is a particular stat - there are smart ways to work around it without lying. If it is just a confidence issue (you don't initiate) - changing the media won't help.

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Hm, well, there's another option, too. I would sometimes bump into single people on Facebook that share the same mutual friends as I do and would use that as an icebreaker. In most cases, it's people that went to the same high school that I used to. Though we didn't all graduate the same year, I figure it's a good way to segue into it.

 

"Hey, I see we know the same people and went to the same high school, what small world. What year did you graduate?"

 

LATP, here is a 30,000-foot view.

 

Facebook isn't a dating site. Using Facebook as you would OKC or Match or POF, is a good way to get yourself labelled a creeper. People HAVE gotten together through FB. But the advantage of FB is that you can show more of yourself than you can a typical OLD profile, either by interacting through the public site or having the same mutual friend (that thinks well of you). Typically there is something there--attraction, a mutual good friend, or some surprising commonality that the two of you share--BEFORE the first PM is sent.

 

On that note: The opening of "hey we went to the same high school how about that" might be a great ice-breaker if you both now live (say) across the country in the same area (e.g., two people who went to the same high school in Oregon are now happening to be living in the same zip code in Georgia), because then it would be quite a commonality. BUT, as you both grew up in the area and stuck around, not so much.

Edited by Imajerk17
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I agree with the others, this is not a good idea.

 

I never add anyone I have never met to FB unless they have been women and pet owners (I used to be a mod on a per forum). No way would I add some guy I had never met whom we had friends in common with - that is just creepy.

 

I barely ever log in to FB these days but I have a whopping list of strange guys who attempted to add me or mail me who I just ignore. I recall one and I would decline his request and he would submit his request again right away.

I actually do know the guy IRL and his behaviour around me is odd to say the least - but he has sat on my request list unanswered for the past few years. If I decline it he will add me back again for the umpteenth time.

 

People talk too, obviously, and ask who 'so and so' is so mailing or even chatting up too many women in the same vicinity is never a good idea. This happens on dating sites too as well as FBm other social media and also IRL.

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Believe it or not, I have a friend I used to work with...he's married and has added quite a few single ladies to his friends list. When I would ask them how they knew him, I kind of kidded around as he was a salesperson, "He try to sell you a car? lol"

 

They would tell me they were at a time where they just added anyone that sent a request...one was a realtor lady that said "I'm a realtor, I have no qualms accepting friends requests."

 

These ladies admitted to not even have known him in real life and just accepted an arbitrary friends request from him w/o batting an eye. *shrug*

 

For the realtor lady, accepting friend requests creates a business advantage. Don't make the mistake of thinking she wanted them as actual friends or to date.

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normal person
Yeah, well, I've exhausted my options on those sites, so I was figuring moving on to other alternatives.

 

That's your problem, not there's. Just because it hasn't worked out for you doesn't mean these women have to be receptive to your private message personal life inquiries. If they wanted to be bothered about dating while they're online, wouldn't they have an online dating profile?

 

Technically you're not doing anything wrong, but that still doesn't make it a good idea.

 

Believe it or not, I have a friend I used to work with...he's married and has added quite a few single ladies to his friends list. When I would ask them how they knew him, I kind of kidded around as he was a salesperson, "He try to sell you a car? lol"

 

They would tell me they were at a time where they just added anyone that sent a request...one was a realtor lady that said "I'm a realtor, I have no qualms accepting friends requests."

 

These ladies admitted to not even have known him in real life and just accepted an arbitrary friends request from him w/o batting an eye. *shrug*

 

There's a big difference between adding a "friend" within the context of possibly doing business and adding a "friend" who might just want to send you messages asking you out.

 

If I were you, I'd respect peoples' boundaries. If they're using OLD, they're fair game. If they're not and you decide that you want make an advance anyways, you might make them a bit uncomfortable and you'll have to deal with whatever comes of that.

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PrettyEmily77
Yeah, well, I've exhausted my options on those sites, so I was figuring moving on to other alternatives.

 

I know of couples who have met on fb, but kind of accidentally - on a mutual friend's page or one of those 'debates' on current affairs. They didn't deliberately set out to meet single people on there, though.

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Yeah, well, I've exhausted my options on those sites

What does that mean?

 

I call foul on the concept of "exhausting [all] options" as I found a husband on those sites but only after HUNDREDS of conversations and more than 50 "first dates." It took more more than three years of constant and daily interaction with those online.

 

How many sites have you been on?

How long have you been on them?

How many conversations do you attempt?

 

Look, those sites are fluid in that new people are joining all the time so they could hardly be "exhausted."

 

Granted, it is a numbers game but it takes perseverance. So I will ask again: What does "exhausting [your] options" really look like to you?

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I know of couples who have met on fb, but kind of accidentally - on a mutual friend's page or one of those 'debates' on current affairs. They didn't deliberately set out to meet single people on there, though.

 

LOL, I got into a discussion about the underratedness of Supertramp and Roger Hodgson's Fool's Overture. Then I saw that fellow debater and I had more than 30 mutual friends (made the background check easy). And actually, we'd gone to the same high school, although I graduated before he was out of eighth grade. :laugh:

 

I think you know the rest of the story. I'm getting us tickets to Roger as a surprise; he's here two nights in December. :love:

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Believe it or not, I have a friend I used to work with...he's married and has added quite a few single ladies to his friends list. When I would ask them how they knew him, I kind of kidded around as he was a salesperson, "He try to sell you a car? lol"

 

They would tell me they were at a time where they just added anyone that sent a request...one was a realtor lady that said "I'm a realtor, I have no qualms accepting friends requests."

 

These ladies admitted to not even have known him in real life and just accepted an arbitrary friends request from him w/o batting an eye. *shrug*

 

I have an online friend who occasionally warns the people she's friends with, about a "creeper" using her page to try to chat women up (or scam them in some way). She tells them where to go, and posts their name for everyone to see.

 

I wouldn't pick up names from "likes" or the list of people in a group. That is creepy, I'm afraid. It will also probably get back to a person, if you're asking about how they ended up on another person's list.

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LookAtThisPOst
What does that mean?

 

I call foul on the concept of "exhausting [all] options" as I found a husband on those sites but only after HUNDREDS of conversations and more than 50 "first dates." It took more more than three years of constant and daily interaction with those online.

 

Well, you really can't call foul as results can vary, esp. via geography. Where you live, if it's a bigger city it makes sense, where I live, within around a 30 min. driving radius, the same faces keep coming up. I've even taken year long brakes, return within a year to do a search and see the same faces of the women I've already emailed a year ago, and of course ignored me...I think to myself, should I try contacting them...again?"

 

I have gotten responses, and dates...at the most around 3 per year, not the 50 you spoke of, but...you're a woman...so it's easier to get 50 first dates.

 

Look, those sites are fluid in that new people are joining all the time so they could hardly be "exhausted." [/qyote]

 

Then we'll have to agree to disagree on that, but hey...if you don't believe me, then I can't do anything to change that.

 

Granted, it is a numbers game but it takes perseverance. So I will ask again: What does "exhausting [your] options" really look like to you?

 

If I keep seeing the same faces on the site through the years, that would speak volumes of how I've exhausted my options.

 

I already explained that I've emailed the women I needed to email that I thought were a good match for me, sometimes it was rather uncanny on how nicely matched we were...for some I was quite shocked THOSE specific women didn't respond considering how we were both into the most obscure of interests.

 

I would go as far as even pointing out specifics in their profile.

 

Though, like I said, I have gotten dates, they amount to about 3 a year. I think I have gotten as far as 5 in some years.

 

But really, we're here talking about alternatives to online dating.

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LookAtThisPOst

 

I wouldn't pick up names from "likes" or the list of people in a group. That is creepy, I'm afraid. It will also probably get back to a person, if you're asking about how they ended up on another person's list.

 

Usually, I typically find them through the, "People you may know..." or "suggested friends" column, this pretty much justifies approaching them. There's a common theme between that and sharing the same mutual friends, so even FB doesn't recognize the creep factor, but rather encourages people to add them via their feature.

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Usually, I typically find them through the, "People you may know..." or "suggested friends" column, this pretty much justifies approaching them. There's a common theme between that and sharing the same mutual friends, so even FB doesn't recognize the creep factor, but rather encourages people to add them via their feature.

 

That's missing the point of the feature. It's to connect those who may actually know each other, not give people an excuse to cyber approach people they don't know in hopes of procuring a date.

 

I agree with others. FB isn't a dating site, and while it's not a crime to shoot someone you don't know a message, it's not likely to be positively received.

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I agree with others. FB isn't a dating site, and while it's not a crime to shoot someone you don't know a message, it's not likely to be positively received.

 

Well, might as well put that all in the same boat, file that also under the "Other venues or places being approach may not be well received" i.e. the grocery store, bookstore, library or just out in public in general. If it's at grocery, they are like, "I am busy shopping, I don't like being approached while I'm running errands, or be bothered in the coffee shop when reading, etc."

 

It seems women have made it more difficult for men to approach them outside of regular social circles. Of course, it may not be the issue if the guy is attractive to them.

 

There have been situations I actually DID meet the person in real life, though it was briefly at a Meetup or a local party, the result wasn't still well received. I recall last year at a Halloween party that I met a woman there...when I got home, I PM'ed her saying that it was nice meeting her at my friend's Halloween party...she accepted my friends request but was unresponsive to my messages. She would even "Like" my posts, but still be unresponsive. I had to boot her from my list.

 

So it's moot on whether I had met her in real life or not.

Edited by LookAtThisPOst
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LookAtThisPOst

I wanted to add whoever said they had friends requests or PM's waiting for them on their end, pretty much shows that I'm not the only guy that that has attempted this and it's not uncommon. I have met single men in my real life social circles admit to me that they had certain women on their friends lists only because they thought "she was cute.", otherwise they've never met them outside of that. So it was even normal for him. I met him, he's a cool guy actually, nothing abnormal or creepy about him. He's a single guy doing what single guys do.

 

Believe it or not, I had scored dates this way, so like playing the slots, you'll eventually find a person that would well receive a cold turkey online approach.

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LATP, if you're already getting a chilly response from women, Facebook isn't going to help. The same things that hold someone back w women are still in effect. The difference is now *the way you are approaching itself* is now objectionable, as many women think getting friend requests from strangers is weird (as everyone is saying). You'd be better off fixing the impressions you are giving off to people, so that they are more receptive to you at Meetup, Starbucks, online, ect, even the grocery store. ( you've gotten a lot of suggestions here on that--in general it really would do you good to consider what everyone is saying on your other threads)

Edited by Imajerk17
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