Bialy Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 I want to make sure I'm asking important dating questions at the appropriate time. When is it a good time to make sure you're dating someone who... -is tired of the dating scene and wants to be settled down with one person (e.g. Exclusivity)? -wants to have a child (one or more)? In your experience, when is the best time? I feel like these are pretty damn important questions, but I should be careful on when to ask them. I'm not in my 20's. I want someone who is seeking to build a relationship, is tired of the dating scene, mesh a fun life together, and wants to be a father. A friend of mine believes in letting these conversations come up naturally by the other person. She believes these conversations typically come up within two months. And that I should let the guy bring it up. What do you think? Is she right? Or, should these things be brought up after 3-4 dates? Or, longer? When do you find out if you're on the same page with long-term goals? Is there ever a good time to ask? Link to post Share on other sites
AMJ Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Definitely within 3 or 4 dates. It's not like this needs to be a discussion about whether the two of you are going to end up together long term, it's just learning about intentions and goals in general. I mean, I'm at a point where complete strangers think it's fine to ask me if I ever want to have children, or why I don't have children, why I'm not married, etc..it's not like these are taboo subjects. If a guy is squeamish at the question or marriage, that shows you that he's nowhere near ready for that in his life. The good time to ask is your decision. Do you want to spend 5 dates with someone, really like them, and THEN find out that they never want the same things you do (marriage, kids)? If these things are important to you, then you should bring them up. Sure, you can wait for the guy to bring it up...but you might be waiting for a very long time, if these are things that aren't important to him. I think when you're with someone who does want these things, the conversation tends to come up anyways. When I was young and didn't care about anything serious ever, I never brought these topics up, didn't care whether the guy wanted any of these things, because I was never considering him to be potential husband material. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 I really think it's best to ask them when it feels right to you B. Everyone's got diff hopes and priorities, so the only thing that really matters is what yours are and how you can best pursue them. If that means asking early, so be it. Anyone who's your type anyway won't run off bc of 'scary' questions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 I'd ask the important questions early on. That way we aren't wasting each other's time if our goals, morals etc don't line up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Dunno, Usually there`s a click between two people. Where you go home feeling all warm and so do they. People don`t always want the same things. But that can change for either person the more they want to spend all their time together. I have never dated online etc.. Or taken a list of things i insist on... `kids?` `No?` `Bye` `Are you a curry person or do you prefer a good Chinese?` `Chinese?` `I see`...... But the key is probably, does she or he make your nipples spin and your nether regions behave in uncontrollable but exciting ways.... (As you get to know them more and more.... Just my few quid. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
confusedgirlfriend11 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 I think when the moments rights but early on. It also depends how you position it. The way you say "tired of the dating scene" sounds quite negative. Maybe position it as a positive in wanting to be in a relationship. The child question could come up if you are talking about your families. Maybe if they say they have nieces or nephews you could casually ask if they have thought of having children of their own. It's good that you don't want to waste peoples time but equally you never know what could happen in the future. What if you met the partner of your dreams but they wasn't able to have children? These things could happen so although it's important to see if they share similar views towards children than you do, it's also important to know things can change. Link to post Share on other sites
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