Men who are more dominant

[ThatGreekLady]

I think I would like to find a man who is more dominant in a way, not controlling or inconsiderate, but more dominant.

 

I also think I would like no find a man who is dominant in bed. (not BDSM, but light stuff)

 

I don't know how I can find someone like this. Any ideas on where to look and how to approach or encourage them to approach me?

[JustGettingBy]

By dominant do you mean closer to 'confident and deceive'?

[LostOnes05]

Always a catch 22 with people who have dominant/strong personalities. You have to realize that your opinion may be put on the backburner. You may also encounter other personality traits with someone that is overly confident (good and bad). Also depends on what you consider dominant.

[stillafool]

I think I would like to find a man who is more dominant in a way, not controlling or inconsiderate, but more dominant.

 

I also think I would like no find a man who is dominant in bed. (not BDSM, but light stuff)

 

I don't know how I can find someone like this. Any ideas on where to look and how to approach or encourage them to approach me?

 

Stand in line, there are a lot of women that want this man.:laugh:

[jen1447]

Do they still make dominant men?

 

OP, are you on OLD? You could prob just state your needs in your profile if so, I guess, but otherwise there's really no way to narrow them down that far w/out getting to know them. You pretty much won't just recruit a guy with x-y-z specific traits by being demure or whatever.

 

You could also make a guy that way after you got to know him.

[OneLov]

Full Definition of dominant

 

 

1. 1 a : commanding, controlling, or prevailing over all others <the dominant culture> b : very important, powerful, or successful <a dominant theme> <a dominant industry>
   
2. 2 : overlooking and commanding from a superior position <a dominant hill>
   
3. 3 : of, relating to, or exerting ecological or genetic dominance
   
4. 4 : being the one of a pair of bodily structures that is the more effective or predominant in action <dominant eye>
   

 

 

 

 

How can someone be dominant but not controlling?

 

I find this interesting because you tend to hear, "I want a guy that will actually listen to me and care about my feelings" more often.

[morrowrd]

Do they still make dominant men?

 

 

Yes they do. I guess I'm old fashioned - women are supposed to be "soft and weak" and men strong, in charge, and dominant. It's in our blood. (or most of us)

[xxoo]

Be a bit strong willed yourself. It'll weed out the less dominant (they may be attracted to you, but they won't challenge you). And dominant men won't mind some fun challenge, as long as you don't try to control him.

[redbaron007]

Have you tried dating military (as in Blue Berets/SEALs/Delta Force, not quartermasters/clerks), maybe police officers,...

[carhill]

So, OP, are you looking more for Bill Gates dominant or tool pusher dominant? Refined or rough? A tool pusher is the guy who runs an oilfield or offshore platform drilling crew. I can tell you from personal experience with the latter that commanding respect isn't for the faint of heart, or weak-willed.

 

I know a lot of strong-willed, dominant men who are respected in their professions and amongst their peers. I've also known plenty of MW's who were and are married to dominant men. Their biggest complaint is basically what has been outlined by others, e.g. behaviors ranging from lack of sincere empathy or compassion to dismissing of opinions to outright controlling behaviors, like family are employees to be bossed around. Some guys compartmentalized better than others but the basic, core personality characteristics still rule.

 

Good luck in your search!

[BluesPower]

Yeah be they don't have them where Jen lives, she would convert them anyway.

 

GreekLady, come to Texas, there a plenty of actual men here. I am but off the market for now.

 

This must be a real problem out there though. Sometimes I meet guys that just seem like such weak sissy men, I feel like I have to wash my hand for some reason.

[ThatGreekLady]

I meant someone who is more of a leader, it's not the same as being controlling I think. Think of more traditional relationships, but not necessarily a traditionalist.

[BluesPower]

That is what dominant men usually are. They are leaders. They don't have to be cocky or over controlling but they know what they want and they know how to get it.

 

Military and LE is a good idea. Most of those guys are strong in many ways. They usually know how to lead, and they are clear headed.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Yeah be they don't have them where Jen lives, she would convert them anyway.

 

GreekLady, come to Texas, there a plenty of actual men here. I am but off the market for now.

 

This must be a real problem out there though. Sometimes I meet guys that just seem like such weak sissy men, I feel like I have to wash my hand for some reason.

 

Personally, I like being a weak, sissy man.

 

I pet dogs, and cats and give dollars to people on the street, volunteer with mentally disabled, and I'm friends with my ex-girlfriends and I chat up other guys for no other reason except to get to know them.

 

There were times I went to go see my ex-girlfriend and my buddy asked me if I was getting laid. I said no, we were just gonna hang.

 

He called me a *meow, meow*.

 

It's such a failing shame of this world that kindness and lack of ulterior motives is seen as weakness and that guys are left to all follow the clone of being 'a real man', which most interpret to mean being an unscrupulous bastard.

 

And what is this sh@t about actual men and actual women? To me, an actual woman has a vagina. And even that is blurry in the year 2016.

Edited September 13, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[BluesPower]

Are you really serious??? Or, is that a joke?

 

Yeah, you are joking, right? This is sarcasm, I read about it somewhere.

 

Please tell me you are kidding...

[JuneJulySeptember]

Are you really serious??? Or, is that a joke?

 

Yeah, you are joking, right? This is sarcasm, I read about it somewhere.

 

Please tell me you are kidding...

 

I also love Mariah Carey and sing songs by Sarah McLachlan during karaoke.

 

Seriously, think about how much of a failing shame it is that guys in this world have to think of themselves as less than men (or borderline gay) for doing what they enjoy...

[BluesPower]

I don't care what music you like and sing. If you are gay, that is fine, I really don't care.

 

I am probably a troglodyte, and I am fine with that too.

 

But understand this, I am proud of myself and my kids. I have 2 boys that are strong young men. They are leaders in every part of their lives. They are chick magnets they are the best musicians their age in a huge city. They don't lie steal or cheat in any way they always treat women and other people with respect.

 

They take no crap off anyone, and they can whip most men their size if they have to. They never start trouble but they always finish it. And they are always helping other people. They are 19 and 21.

 

When I die, I want men like my sons in charge so that I know other strong men a looking after my family and my country.

Edited September 15, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for typo...~ V

[jen1447]

That is what dominant men usually are. They are leaders. They don't have to be cocky or over controlling but they know what they want and they know how to get it.

 

Military and LE is a good idea. Most of those guys are strong in many ways. They usually know how to lead, and they are clear headed.

 

Not necessarily military. (Disclaimer - I love them so this isn't a criticism). What they're mainly conditioned to do is obey, so unless they're command they can be kinda wishy-washy w no one to tell them what to do. (And you might find yourself taking on that role whether you want it or not).

 

I don't see generally submissive men as less 'man' or gay fwiw. Gay men like other men, not women who they submit to, and for straight guys it takes balls to set aside social pressure and stereotypes and submit to a woman.

[ThatGreekLady]

I actually think most gays are not submissive. I don't know most gay guys I have met are quite confident and assertive. Maybe these were just my experiences.

 

Anyway, I don't want to demonize men that are effeminate or say they're not real men, but I would personalyl prefer a man who is more dominant and that is the point of the thread.

 

Military men are quite tough, I am attracted to them.

Edited September 13, 2016 by ThatGreekLady

[CarrieT]

OP, I found my husband on CollarSpace-dot-com.

 

Now I like BDSM but what I wanted was a Dominant who could handle a strong, intelligent Alpha woman. We live in a BDSM marriage, but - honestly - my husband isn't nearly as hardcore as I would probably like.

 

He is probably exactly what you are looking for. Interestingly, he went to a military academy prep school which trained him to be a natural leader.

 

I don't think what you are looking for is that hard to find, frankly. It is just a matter of knowing how to hold out for that which you desire.

[ThatGreekLady]

I don't like BDSM (except mild stuff) but I would want an alpha man

[CarrieT]

I don't like BDSM (except mild stuff) but I would want an alpha man

 

That's my point. You could go on sites like CollarSpace, Alt, or FetLife and spell out what your desires and limits and hard-limits are. Your "mild stuff" might be someone else's extreme.

 

Just expand your vocabulary because the "alpha man" that you want is someone else's "Dominant" and it is worth finding that happy medium.

[Miss Peach]

OP have you read anything by Dr. Pat Allen? She has been a famous MFT Therapist for over 40 years. She has done a lot of research into gender roles. She basically says someone needs to be the dominant one and one person the submissive or otherwise you will collide.

 

She basically says that if you want to play the feminine role (don't necessarily need to be female) you need to be 'passive, patient, and vulnerable'. You need to flirt but not be in charge, etc. Basically it runs off passive men. She says if you want a passive man you need to be the opposite by asking him out, setting up the date, etc.

[xxoo]

I meant someone who is more of a leader, it's not the same as being controlling I think. Think of more traditional relationships, but not necessarily a traditionalist.

 

These men are not hard to find. In fact, they are frequently right at the center of whatever is happening. But, they are in high demand.

 

To attract such a man, show him respect and be someone he respects. Show him admiration and be someone he admires. Your roles may be different, if you are more into traditional roles (as am I), but each person complements the other in an indispensable way.

[xxoo]

 

She basically says that if you want to play the feminine role (don't necessarily need to be female) you need to be 'passive, patient, and vulnerable'. You need to flirt but not be in charge, etc. Basically it runs off passive men. She says if you want a passive man you need to be the opposite by asking him out, setting up the date, etc.

 

I do agree with this.

 

A dominant man will ask you out if he's interested. So there is no need to ask him out, anyway.