alone

[an0nym0us123]

hello, afraid this is another "will i be alone forever thread", i have read many threads here and else where and i guess the answers to me if any will be the same, but who knows some one might say something encouraging. sorry in advance if this is rambling.

 

basically i will be 30 next year, never had a girlfriend, well had one once for about 5 min, its never really bothered me untill this last while.

 

i am an only child, live in the middle of nowhere, had a few freinds at school but not at home so had to amuse myself. left school and started to work on my dads small farm, by 19 i decided to start going out, i must say that between 19-25 i did have a good time, although never had much luck with girls have had brief intimate encounters but nothing to write home about.

 

looks were never on my side and at the age of 18 i knew i had to try and improve the situation, started lifting weights, at home as there are no gyms worth speak of for 40 miles. it became no.1 in my life, mixture of fitness/bodybuilding/powerlifting. it did pay didvidends in my early 20's, the girls loved 6 pack abs and muscles. if i was at festivals or abroad on a lads holiday id get a fair bit of attention with the top off, but never really managed to make anything of it.

 

at the start of this year had a bout of mild depression, which has taken me on a roller coaster, never really felt lonely untill now, and when i googled the subject the discussion on forums did not make me feel any better!

 

i started my own buisiness but its going to take years to get going properly, i have a house i can move into if i desire buts its too near home and my parents are too intrusive, i own some land and will inherit more along with property. i have somewhere i could build a house if i wanted, i count myself lucky in this regard as i will never need a morgage.

 

at the start of the year when i had this depression i to knew i needed to focus on something so i found myself back in the gym (at home) training extremely hard, i found the buzz helped me through the day. i know find myself in the best shape of my life, im not one to brag but i can blow 99.5% of other men out of the water in terms of how good ones body is, but alas a few square inches of face lets me down.

 

never been confident, only confidence i have comes from the gym and thats not much, never been any good at chatting up girls, my mates seem to speak complete crap to girls and an hour later they are in bed with them.

 

it seems now i am stuck in the middle of nowhere, virtually no girls about, most of them have left for bigger cities. i try to remain hopeful and motivated but its a hard slog, i honestly think in 10 years i will be in the exact same place doing the exact same thing. thought about internet dating, but its got desperate written all over it (sorry i dont mean that to be offensive to anyone who does it just how i would feel doing it) also if my friends ever found out the ripping id get would be endless, nothing, and i mean nothing goes un known in this small community.

 

ive been rejected so many times, also taken on a wild goose chase by girls leading me on just for a laugh. i have had oppertunities i could have made more of but i was too cautious, wondering were the real or not. a couple of time i rejected girls, quite harshly, suppose in a revenge kind of way, not something im proud of. in the last 5 years or so ive not had any interest from anyone. going out to the local bar is pointless, as its just fill of old men.

 

anyway if you read this then thankyou, i know there are probably hundreds of similar threads here and there is no quick fix solution, if any one says anything i will be glad to read them.

 

thanks

[Satu]

I think you need to move.

 

Move away from where you live.

 

Move away from your history.

 

Move away from the image of yourself you've formed.

 

Move away from your imagined future.

 

 

Do that and get back to me.

 

 

Take care.

[an0nym0us123]

I think you need to move.

 

Move away from where you live.

 

Move away from your history.

 

Move away from the image of yourself you've formed.

 

Move away from your imagined future.

 

 

Do that and get back to me.

 

 

Take care.

 

thnks

 

perhaps i should have done that at the start, i was clever enough to have gone to university i just didn't bother, or want to.

 

i have a large amount of money invested here and for the most part i love what i do, there are just some aspects of the place that get me down

[Satu]

thnks

 

perhaps i should have done that at the start, i was clever enough to have gone to university i just didn't bother, or want to.

 

i have a large amount of money invested here and for the most part i love what i do, there are just some aspects of the place that get me down

 

I think you've settled for a kind of familiar comfort, but a comfort that doesn't make you happy.

 

It's easy to stay where you are.

 

Easy to carry on being who you are.

 

Change and growth involve pain and discomfort.

 

To be blunt:

 

You sound lazy.

 

Not lazy as in shirking work.

 

Lazy as in shirking growth and change.

 

You've become comfortable with not having what you wanted.

 

Not satisfied. Just comfortable.

 

I think thats whats keeping you stuck.

 

I think you need some pain.

 

 

Consider this:

 

 

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

 

― C.G. Jung

 

 

Take care.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

You need to approach dating with as much dedication as you do with your business.

 

Obviously online dating isn't something that appeals to you so maybe you should try going along to singles events in your nearest town or city. Perhaps you could join a few clubs that give you the opportunity to meet women with similar interests.

 

Build friendships and network to help you meet someone special. If you have to hire help in order to do it, that is a small price to pay. Get out yourself out there and socialize.

 

Try and approach it with a positive attitude. Be considerate of their feelings and expect the same in return. You never know, you might meet someone who might not be right for you, but her friend might be.

 

It is worth a try.

[an0nym0us123]

I think you've settled for a kind of familiar comfort, but a comfort that doesn't make you happy.

 

It's easy to stay where you are.

 

Easy to carry on being who you are.

 

Change and growth involve pain and discomfort.

 

To be blunt:

 

You sound lazy.

 

Not lazy as in shirking work.

 

Lazy as in shirking growth and change.

 

You've become comfortable with not having what you wanted.

 

Not satisfied. Just comfortable.

 

I think thats whats keeping you stuck.

 

I think you need some pain.

 

 

Consider this:

 

 

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

 

― C.G. Jung

 

 

Take care.

 

i accept what you are saying, i am quite a determined person if i set my sights on something i can move heaven and earth, just when it come to women the whole thing falls down

[preraph]

Sounds to me like you need to go get yourself a gym membership somewhere and go on weekends to meet people.

[Satu]

i accept what you are saying, i am quite a determined person if i set my sights on something i can move heaven and earth, just when it come to women the whole thing falls down

 

Get yourself a really nice journal and start writing about how you would like your life to be.

 

Write about how you would feel, living that life.

 

Write about having a loving partner, and how you would behave towards each other.

 

Don't hold anything back, just write it out without giving any thought to its possibility, or impossibility.

 

It will kickstart some change.

 

 

Take care.

[an0nym0us123]

Sounds to me like you need to go get yourself a gym membership somewhere and go on weekends to meet people.

 

if there were good gyms locally id be there in a flash, but there aren't because no one lives here its just a wilderness! however my best mate is in a town with big gyms and am planning going with him some days, its just such a long drive for a workout!

[an0nym0us123]

You need to approach dating with as much dedication as you do with your business.

 

Obviously online dating isn't something that appeals to you so maybe you should try going along to singles events in your nearest town or city. Perhaps you could join a few clubs that give you the opportunity to meet women with similar interests.

 

Build friendships and network to help you meet someone special. If you have to hire help in order to do it, that is a small price to pay. Get out yourself out there and socialize.

 

Try and approach it with a positive attitude. Be considerate of their feelings and expect the same in return. You never know, you might meet someone who might not be right for you, but her friend might be.

 

It is worth a try.

 

well singles events would certainly get me out of my comfort zone! id probably just freeze in that situation. i honestly think some of my problems i have communicating go back to being a lonely child and having no friends at home and school wasn't that brilliant for me either. a couple of months ago i met this girl through work which is not often and i was able to kick off conversation easily, but in a night club or bar im as good as useless!

[Satu]

well singles events would certainly get me out of my comfort zone! id probably just freeze in that situation. i honestly think some of my problems i have communicating go back to being a lonely child and having no friends at home and school wasn't that brilliant for me either. a couple of months ago i met this girl through work which is not often and i was able to kick off conversation easily, but in a night club or bar im as good as useless!

 

The thing is, everybody else there will be feeling something similar.

 

They all go there hoping to meet somebody they like, who will also like them back.

 

I don't think you'd meet one person there who didn't feel a bit like you.

 

But you go anyway.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

well singles events would certainly get me out of my comfort zone! id probably just freeze in that situation. i honestly think some of my problems i have communicating go back to being a lonely child and having no friends at home and school wasn't that brilliant for me either. a couple of months ago i met this girl through work which is not often and i was able to kick off conversation easily, but in a night club or bar im as good as useless!

 

I wouldn't suggest trying to meet someone at a nightclub, but at a club/group activities where you can meet people who are interested in the same activity, be it sports, games, book club, whatever! So many possibilities..

 

It can start off as building friendships and progress to something else if you meet someone special. Less pressure than a singles event, although it might be good to push you out of your comfort zone a little.

 

I think you are at a perfect point in your life to start dating.

[Satu]

I met one of my lovers at an astronomical society meeting.

 

We arrived seperately and left together.

 

Maybe it was in the stars.

[grays]

You have to move. If you're still there in ten years I think it's very possible you'll be in the same situation. You need to be in a city. It will make all the difference.

[ZA Dater]

My only comment is this.

 

Don't give up what you live to pursue what at best is a might be, if you love where you live, love what you do then I see no reason to thrown that away in the hope you may find someone.

[an0nym0us123]

My only comment is this.

 

Don't give up what you live to pursue what at best is a might be, if you love where you live, love what you do then I see no reason to thrown that away in the hope you may find someone.

 

i wont be moving, unless things go pear shaped. i have no qualifications, if i move i will end up in some menial job, just working to make someone else rich. i like my job for the most part and i have a chance of making it work, i make my own decisions and have done my whole life, i dont think its possible for me to work for other people now. the area i live in is fine, the weather is bad in the winter time but people come hear on holiday to admire its beauty. the population is fairly old, many people come here to retire, young people leave to find work and for more excitement.

[preraph]

if there were good gyms locally id be there in a flash, but there aren't because no one lives here its just a wilderness! however my best mate is in a town with big gyms and am planning going with him some days, its just such a long drive for a workout!

 

Yes, it's a long drive for a workout, but you need to make long drives to bigger towns to meet people regularly anyway.

[staggerlee71]

you should definitely stay where you are. Loving your home and job is very fulfilling and that always adds to s relationship when you do find one. Its very difficult to hate your life and be in a relationship.

 

How about volunteering? I volunteer with Habitat to meet new people.

Also, you mentioned you live in area where tourists visit. How about a part-time job, weekends or a couple Saturdays a month in a job where you interact with tourists etc. Also can meet women you work with. Its part-time so you can stop work if you get something going. The money is just a by-product. I worked on a ski resort and met many great people from all over.

 

I find personality comes more naturally in these types of environments.

[an0nym0us123]

had a bit of time to think things over, read quite a lot, actually looked at online dating as a solution to being in a very remote area, in the end i have simply come to the conclusion that im not cut out for dating, read so many stories on forums about how dates were going well but for some stupid reason it went wrong, like using slightly the wrong word at the wrong time, or texting back 30 secs sooner than you should. seriously if the girl liked you it wouldn't matter what tiny mistake you made. i know im not going to have the patience for this kind of pi**ing about, so honestly its as well not to even start.

 

last night i drew up list of the girls who over the years have fancied me or who thought did maybe not as a relationship but at least for a bit of fun, took quite a bit of thought but it turned out quite a bit longer than i had thought. my problem was always that i hate people knowing what im up to, still do, i would have gone with a lot more of these girls if it had been kept secret. anyway thats water under the bridge.

 

i will try and get out more but im not holding my breath for anyone to suddenly come into my life, maybe it will happen, if so fine, otherwise just accept it as fate and move on. will put my efforts in to growing my business.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

It's not that unusual

[Kics]

I actually did write qualities that I wanted in a men. I did end up finding him. I try online dating but wasn't for me, but have had 2 people close to me that found their love there. They use Tinder btw. I actually found the guy at the gym. He approach me and started conversation with me. I would try joining organization around you and joining like cycling classes. My bf actually goes to yoga with me. Don't give up hope you will find a good girl. You should go to theraphy it helped me a lot because I was suffering from loneliness and other stuff and it's great to talk about what our problems are. Good luck don't give up!

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I actually did write qualities that I wanted in a men. I did end up finding him. I try online dating but wasn't for me, but have had 2 people close to me that found their love there. They use Tinder btw. I actually found the guy at the gym. He approach me and started conversation with me. I would try joining organization around you and joining like cycling classes. My bf actually goes to yoga with me. Don't give up hope you will find a good girl. You should go to theraphy it helped me a lot because I was suffering from loneliness and other stuff and it's great to talk about what our problems are. Good luck don't give up!

So you met him at the gym, I'm guessing he's been with lots of other girls before you

[an0nym0us123]

I actually did write qualities that I wanted in a men. I did end up finding him. I try online dating but wasn't for me, but have had 2 people close to me that found their love there. They use Tinder btw. I actually found the guy at the gym. He approach me and started conversation with me. I would try joining organization around you and joining like cycling classes. My bf actually goes to yoga with me. Don't give up hope you will find a good girl. You should go to theraphy it helped me a lot because I was suffering from loneliness and other stuff and it's great to talk about what our problems are. Good luck don't give up!

 

its a nice thought that suddenly out of no where someone will pop up and we all live happily ever after, i think its just a fairy story though.

 

seriously i dont know what to do, is it worth the years heartache and stress maybe end up with nothing? for 30 years i never felt lonely untill a few weeks ago, probably stemming from some mild depression i have been going through.

 

as of now i dont feel lonely at all, i do feel a bit annoyed that there is something i cant do, i feel annoyed that i look the way i do, i feel slightly bitter about the whole situation, some people seem to just fall in and out of relationships at their free will.

 

i dont know if there are any women who would want to be with me, i have a fledgling business started, its taken a lot of work and money to get it where it is and a decent sized loan, at the moment i am not flush with cash but the future is looking ok. i have little or no charm, although i am sarcastic and a wind up merchant when i get going, i suppose im average looking or slighty below although im probably too hard on my self in this department.

 

people ask what have you to offer a woman? the truth it seems is not a lot. and considering there and legions of single men in my area, better paid (at the moment) better looking and with more charm there is no reason to come to me first.

 

sorry if this looks like self pity, its not, just trying to work out if there's any point trying, is it worth the emotional turmoil or just sit back and let the world go by?

[CoffeeChick]

its a nice thought that suddenly out of no where someone will pop up and we all live happily ever after, i think its just a fairy story though.

 

seriously i dont know what to do, is it worth the years heartache and stress maybe end up with nothing? for 30 years i never felt lonely untill a few weeks ago, probably stemming from some mild depression i have been going through.

 

as of now i dont feel lonely at all, i do feel a bit annoyed that there is something i cant do, i feel annoyed that i look the way i do, i feel slightly bitter about the whole situation, some people seem to just fall in and out of relationships at their free will.

 

i dont know if there are any women who would want to be with me, i have a fledgling business started, its taken a lot of work and money to get it where it is and a decent sized loan, at the moment i am not flush with cash but the future is looking ok. i have little or no charm, although i am sarcastic and a wind up merchant when i get going, i suppose im average looking or slighty below although im probably too hard on my self in this department.

 

people ask what have you to offer a woman? the truth it seems is not a lot. and considering there and legions of single men in my area, better paid (at the moment) better looking and with more charm there is no reason to come to me first.

 

sorry if this looks like self pity, its not, just trying to work out if there's any point trying, is it worth the emotional turmoil or just sit back and let the world go by?

 

Not just in love, but I find I have to put myself through some emotional turmoil to get the things that truly benefit me in the long run. You have to work for things, and when you get knocked back, get back up.

 

It doesn't sound like you're completely convinced you want a relationship, either that or you're comfortable with the status quo. You should at least be aware of what you can do to remedy your single status should you so desire.

It is scary, and being rejected hurts. I have trust issues and sometimes sabotage my chances at being close to someone to protect my comfortable single state of being. And it's nothing to do with an unhappy household growing up (parents are married 37 years), it's just me and my lack of confidence.

 

You might regret choosing to be alone in your more vulnerable years, so whilst you shouldn't force yourself into a relationship, keep an open mind. If you want it badly enough, you'll get it no matter what.

[angel.eyes]

You have a lot going for you--a stable living situation, a work situation you love, etc. Where you fall down as a potential relationship partner is with softer people skills. That's where I would focus mg attention--not on shredded abs and killer biceps. Look at most guys walking down the street with their girlfriends. Most of those guys are just in so-so shape. What they do have is an ability to relate to their girlfriends (empathy, caring, sociability, etc.).