LookAtThisPOst Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Recently, I talked with a woman that gave up online dating altogether. EVERY guy she went out with was either going through a divorce, rough patch in am marriage or, went BACK with his ex. It's like online dating has become a staging area for those in some kind of "breakup/divorce/marriage on the rocks" transition. As if the site is some kind of way to cope and bringing down legit singles with them. Yes? Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Seems like if you're dating people in their 30's and 40's or beyond, a lot of them will have had break ups. I've been doing a ton of OLD the last couple of years and I've run across a few people who're relatively fresh from a break up, but I haven't run into many who seem messed up about it. Actually, one of the best dates I had was very early on, after my break up from a 25 year relationship. We had not texted much and didn't know a lot about each other. Met for coffee and maybe an hour into I asked him how long it'd been since his ten yr relationship actually ended. He said four days ago! lol And they had two children under two! It was a great date. A very lovely guy. I haven't seen him since that night, but I think we both have crushes on each other. We adore each other on Facebook. lol And that's fine with me. I see that as a date that really enhanced my life even tho it didn't lead to a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Who is not coping from break ups? Relationships are so temporary these days it seems like almost all of us are getting over something. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 Who is not coping from break ups? Relationships are so temporary these days it seems like almost all of us are getting over something. I don't think you understood what I was getting at. I was saying it seems a good fraction of the pie of people on dating sites are on them when they are reeling from a break up/going through divorce, etc. Sometimes they binge date, then go back to their ex. It was like they never needed to be on the site in the first place. With the woman I talked to last night, ALL of those dates were in the p**ser for that reason and she dumped online dating. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 I don't think you understood what I was getting at. I was saying it seems a good fraction of the pie of people on dating sites are on them when they are reeling from a break up/going through divorce, etc. Sometimes they binge date, then go back to their ex. It was like they never needed to be on the site in the first place. With the woman I talked to last night, ALL of those dates were in the p**ser for that reason and she dumped online dating. There is probably some truth to that, but there are many people who are going through a divorce or recently split up who are ready to move on and don't bring any drama (well, there may be legal issues to complete, but that isn't always a problem). I started dating again a month after moving out, having decided quite some time earlier that I was divorcing her after 24 years. Within 6 months I found the woman I married as soon as my divorce was final - that was 16 years ago and we agree it was the best decision both of us have ever made. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 I don't think you understood what I was getting at. I was saying it seems a good fraction of the pie of people on dating sites are on them when they are reeling from a break up/going through divorce, etc. Sometimes they binge date, then go back to their ex. It was like they never needed to be on the site in the first place. With the woman I talked to last night, ALL of those dates were in the p**ser for that reason and she dumped online dating. My point is quitting online dating for that reason doesn't solve her problem. There are very few people out there looking for their first relationship. The rest of us have a past. No matter what form of dating she chooses there will be people going through a break up or dealing with a recent break up. There will also be people who have dealt with and are in a more stable position concerning their past. The problem was not online dating. The solution was learning to screen better and to move on when appropriate. One problem people who struggle with dating consistently have is an inaccurate view of the dating landscape. They often "can't see the forest for the trees". Apply odd solutions to misidentified problems. Actions that don't take them any closer to their goal of finding a suitable mate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 My point is quitting online dating for that reason doesn't solve her problem. But it may help though as she's getting out there meeting people face-to-face, which there's less of a chance of meeting those kinds of people still hurting from breakups. A long time ago, I dated a woman that was dumped by her boyfriend cold turkey, I didn't know she was hurting, but I did know she was dumped...but I didn't know if it had an impact. So we dated for 4 months, and I was good friends with her female friend, too. She broke up with me because she said she'd prefer to focus more on college than dating. Her friend later told me that she was still hurting from being dumped before meeting me. So essentially I was a rebound. So apparently online dating is a haven for that kind of thing, very easy access and the percentage of that occurring is quite high as compared to going out and meeting people face to face. It just makes sense, because with the online venue it's so EASY to just throw up a profile when all teary-eyed about a break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Shorty Shortison Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Yeah I have experienced the same thing and it makes me feel weird cuz I haven't had a relationship at all and it's hard to relate to these gals who seem like their on the rebound. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Yes, OLD is rife with women who are freshly out of a relationship. They get attention from guys (who are actually looking to date peope) and use them as a crutch. They're just wasting others' time to help them feel better. All the dates I went on from OLD a few months ago were with women who were just out of a divorce and/or breakup. That's the reason I quit OLD. I wish these women would learn to stop using other people as a crutch. Don't date unless you're ready. Stay off OLD. I waited until I was ready to date to (gasp) get on a dating website. And I was the odd man out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 I wish these women would learn to stop using other people as a crutch. Don't date unless you're ready. Stay off OLD. Yep...from other people I've talked to in the real world, it sounds like there's an influx of using OLD as a crutch of getting over their ex's, or, date a few online lonely hearts who want the real deal until ghost and get back together with their ex's. Usually it's men they've been with for a while, a lot of on and off breakups, too, but they always wind up back with them. In the interim, it's very easy and a keyboard/click away from throwing up a profile. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 I second all these generalities. It does seem like OLD is a convenient ego-boost for the down-hearted. No one wants to be alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts