ECarlson Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 I'm at my wit's end here. I'm 25, never had a girlfriend, and have been trying to get one for years now. I've tried literally everything, meeting girls in real life, speed dating, online dating. Nothing has worked. I never make any progress, and as a result, I can't learn from my constant failures because I never know what it is I did wrong. I've never wanted anything more than I've wanted this, and I feel like I just want to cry out. I feel myself becoming more bitter and more resentful with each failure. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like there's an outside force that's deliberately trying to prevent me from ever meeting anyone. I'm just trying to vent here, but I just don't know what to do anymore... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 How are you around women in general? Are you comfortable being in their company? Do you have female friends? If all you do is 'trying to get a girlfriend' but can't really relate to women as individuals, as your peers and treat them accordingly, then that is a problem. Also, make sure your personal grooming is up to snuff. Clean, well fitting clothes, decent haircut, smelling nice (though not like you've bathed in a vat of Old Spice). It all adds to bump your self confidence. Confidence is important. Desperation and neediness are very unattractive traits and women generally pick up on that vibe pretty quickly. Same goes for bitterness and resentment. It sends us running for the hills. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Inflikted Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 I'm sure some will disagree with me, but truth be told, dating and relationships really aren't worth the stress and the trouble. Me, I'm nearing 28, and I've similarly never even come close to dating anyone. I've gone through the whole gambit of anger, frustration, bitterness, sadness, loneliness, etc. over the years, but I've come to accept that it's just not in the cards for me, and that it's just one of those things I'll never experience. It is what it is. The point is, I no longer stress about it or feel bad about it, or anything like that. It's just how my life, in particular, is, and I finally accepted it, and have made progress in moving on from wanting it. So, I guess my advice is to "move on", as well. Honestly, that's not too far off from what others will tell you; though their advice will be more along the lines of "Focus on you, and making yourself happy, and making a life you can be happy with, then eventually you'll find someone". And truth be told, you'll probably find someone eventually. Most "normal" people do. It's us abnormal people that will never actually find anyone. Just going by sheer odds, it's more likely that you fall into the "normal" category. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ECarlson Posted August 26, 2016 Author Share Posted August 26, 2016 How are you around women in general? Are you comfortable being in their company? Do you have female friends? For the most part I can approach and talk to women without any problems. I can feel comfortable in their company, though sometimes I may feel slightly intimidated. I've never been really popular with girls, back in high school I always got a sense that they thought I was creepy and weird, and I guess there's still a part of me that thinks that women still think that of me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ECarlson Posted August 26, 2016 Author Share Posted August 26, 2016 If all you do is 'trying to get a girlfriend' but can't really relate to women as individuals, as your peers and treat them accordingly, then that is a problem. This is actually what I mean. I say I'm looking for a "girlfriend", but what I really mean is I'm looking for a companion whom I can really relate to, and if that just so happens to evolve into a relationship, great. It's always been really difficult for me to make friends, and again, I've always gotten a sense that most people don't want to be around me. I guess I just want to prove to myself wrong, that this isn't actually the case. But I'm scared because I feel each rejection makes me believe that maybe I'm right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 You have to become really comfortable in your own self, enjoying life, and engaging with the people you interact with. Other people often mirror back to us how we feel about ourselves. If you have a negative view of yourself, most people will fall into step with that. Nobody can love you more than you love yourself. So learn to love yourself. Forget the girlfriend issue for a while and fall in love with yourself. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 You have to become really comfortable in your own self, enjoying life, and engaging with the people you interact with. Other people often mirror back to us how we feel about ourselves. If you have a negative view of yourself, most people will fall into step with that. OP, Satu is right on the money here. If you don't particularly like yourself, how can you expect anyone else to like you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 Other people often mirror back to us how we feel about ourselves. If you have a negative view of yourself, most people will fall into step with that. If I met two women and one said "I'm attractive, intelligent, and fun." And the second woman said "I don't quite like the way I look in pictures, I'm not that smart and I haven't been to all that many places." I'd be more inclined to pick the 2nd by a good margin. Whether you think the 1st way or the 2nd is a domino effect that to me affects how you treat people, who you respect, and how you live your entire life. I would agree however that most people would like the 1st person better. However, I think finding somebody compatible is more important than getting the masses to like you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 If I met two women and one said "I'm attractive, intelligent, and fun." And the second woman said "I don't quite like the way I look in pictures, I'm not that smart and I haven't been to all that many places." I'd be more inclined to pick the 2nd by a good margin. If the second woman said this without any bitterness, self-loathing or resentment she is comfortable with who she is. Regardless of the lack of good pics, intelligence and worldliness. It's all about a person's attitude. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 How is your social life? If you don't have much of one, you're going to struggle. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 If the second woman said this without any bitterness, self-loathing or resentment she is comfortable with who she is. Regardless of the lack of good pics, intelligence and worldliness. It's all about a person's attitude. Bitterness is something that almost everybody exhibits in their life when they don't get a fair shake, whether it be the opposite sex rejecting you or somebody who doesn't deserve to make more $ making a lot more. If a woman said to me, "I have such bad luck with men. They've dumped me for better looking men and cheated on me. I'm getting bitter and resentful." I can sympathize. I would probably do what was in my power to change her opinion rather than be turned off. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 (edited) For the most part I can approach and talk to women without any problems. I can feel comfortable in their company, though sometimes I may feel slightly intimidated. I've never been really popular with girls, back in high school I always got a sense that they thought I was creepy and weird, and I guess there's still a part of me that thinks that women still think that of me. My guess is that there's nothing terribly wrong with you. You're probably not an Adonis or Mr. Charisma, but those are really not things most people change. Just stick with it. In terms of bitterness... Bitterness is a result of thinking you are not getting your fair share. The way around it is to not think of yourself so much. Think about others. Edited August 26, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 How are you around women in general? Are you comfortable being in their company? Do you have female friends? If all you do is 'trying to get a girlfriend' but can't really relate to women as individuals, as your peers and treat them accordingly, then that is a problem. Also, make sure your personal grooming is up to snuff. Clean, well fitting clothes, decent haircut, smelling nice (though not like you've bathed in a vat of Old Spice). It all adds to bump your self confidence. Confidence is important. Desperation and neediness are very unattractive traits and women generally pick up on that vibe pretty quickly. Same goes for bitterness and resentment. It sends us running for the hills. Specifically, how do you relate to women as individuals and as your peers? Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 Bitterness is something that almost everybody exhibits in their life when they don't get a fair shake, whether it be the opposite sex rejecting you or somebody who doesn't deserve to make more $ making a lot more. In life and especially in love, there is no such thing as 'a fair shake'. You have to be be able to give something worthwhile (personality, sex, status etc) to get something back. Nobody ever said it was fair.... but you get what you give generally, 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 Specifically, how do you relate to women as individuals and as your peers? Seriously? Get them to know as people. As one of you, just with different genitalia. We are not sodding aliens. Engage, be respectful, take us for who we are. It's really not that difficult. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted August 27, 2016 Share Posted August 27, 2016 (edited) .................. Edited August 27, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember Link to post Share on other sites
Romantic Gentleman Posted August 27, 2016 Share Posted August 27, 2016 I've been there too buddy. Let me ask you something first though. Do you have a hobby, or do something you love? When you find something you're truly passionate about, everything else will fall into place. You must be happy within yourself, before you find happiness in other people, especially women. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Seriously? Get them to know as people. As one of you, just with different genitalia. We are not sodding aliens. Engage, be respectful, take us for who we are. It's really not that difficult. It sucks and it is too bad they don't teach that stuff in school 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 How is your social life? If you don't have much of one, you're going to struggle. Exactly this. There is a direct correlation between dating success and social life. I have yet to meet someone who has lots of friends who cannot find a date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 (edited) In life and especially in love, there is no such thing as 'a fair shake'. You have to be be able to give something worthwhile (personality, sex, status etc) to get something back. Nobody ever said it was fair.... but you get what you give generally, As far as I can tell, bitterness comes from reality failing to meet up to expectations.. with the primary one being that some how it should be "fair". Fairness is a human invention. No where is it written that life is required to be "fair". OP, I completely get how being single has become this massive thorn in your side, but that focus is pulling energy away from other aspects of your life. You need to breath and put it down for a while. A girlfriend isn't going to solve all your problems. A relationship isn't going to solve all your problems. The question you've got to ask yourself is .. would you date you? What exactly are you bringing to the table? Because that's what it's about man. What you bring to the table. Edited August 30, 2016 by neowulf Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Horse Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Because that's what it's about man. What you bring to the table. Well I bought some KFC, dats some real sht right there. I bring me some KFC to the mother firetruckn table! Link to post Share on other sites
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