Peyman Posted July 17, 2016 Share Posted July 17, 2016 This is my first post and I am hoping I get some good responses. Please bear with me as English is not my mother tongue. So I am 25 and I never been in any relationship. I am shy and a bit too selective on who I want to be in contact with. I grew up in a very different culture and when I was a teen I moved to US. Long story short, It took me 10 years to slightly open up and start looking for relations. About 2 months ago I started looking for a relationship actively and I forced myself to setup online dating apps. I have had some matches which is surprising to me since I do not see myself as a good looking person at all. I blew most of those opportunities because of lack of confidence and simply not knowing how to communicate. One of them really stands out to me because this girl chose me and started contacting me (the way this other apps works is females choose who to talk to). She was a nurse interested in long term relation, very friendly, the same age as me and very attractive. I got her phone number but I couldn't setup a date and didn't have the confidence to move forward and she stopped responding altogether. I basically could not believe that she liked me and I thought this is going to go nowhere. Anyhow I am trying to look back at these as experiences and stop blaming myself. Now I am at a point that I am able to setup dates to the point of "hook ups" but something deep down stopping me from doing anything casual despite my fairly strong and annoying sex drive. I am not sure if its still rooted in me not being able to finish things off (confidence), being too selective, or something else. Also my workplace does have nice girls and actually one of them directly asked me if I am looking for a girlfriend, but since I love my job and do not want any kind of drama in my workplace, I am ignoring the workplace dating altogether. So I am wondering do I move on with hook ups and forget about the idea of "meaningful first time" or do I hang on and grind through until I find someone who want to be in long term relationship with me? What is it that I am doing wrong? This is very hard since its impacting my everyday performance and I am not sure how to handle it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 17, 2016 Share Posted July 17, 2016 Reading your post, it's obvious what the issue is. You know you are not ready for a relationship because you are not confident enough and have bad self-esteem and rightly know you are not going to be good enough. But the problem is not your looks, but you probably need a psychologist to find out why your self-esteem and confidence is so low that you know you don't feel good enough to attempt dating. You're only 25 so spend the next couple of years in therapy and see if you can't get to the bottom of whatever it is, whether it's low self-esteem or social anxiety. Fix it and don't let it ruin your entire life. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peyman Posted July 17, 2016 Author Share Posted July 17, 2016 Thanks for the response. I hope it it takes a lot less than couple of years. I am not entirely convinced about psychologists. I mean at the end they are in it for the money and that doesn't give me a lot of hope. I guess I have to give it a try. Sooner or later this has to get fixed. Link to post Share on other sites
Beach Guy Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 (edited) Since inexperienced, you should try casual dating first (not necessarily hookups) before jumping into a LTR. Edited July 18, 2016 by Beach Guy Link to post Share on other sites
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