The_Fool Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 A few weeks ago, I posted an online ad. I got several responses, but there was one that just blew me away. She and I started e-mailing back and forth: long e-mails, every day. I anxiously awaited her next message, and she hinted that she did the same for mine. So, about a week goes by and Friday rolls around. I ask her what her weekend's like and if she'd like to go out. I gave her my phone number and IM information. She had nothing planned. Saturday afternoon comes and I get a hurried e-mail saying that she had been busy, but she'd get ahold of me later that night. Nothing happened. The next Tuesday, we chatted a bit online. She still seems very interested, dropping hints about doing things with me. I was at work and had to run, but said I'd chat with her later. This was about two weeks ago. I never saw her online since. Until last night. Really late at night, she came online and started to chat with me. It was a very brief conversation, nothing major, and she left 5 minutes into it without an explanation. Now, I'm not one to normally get worked up over someone that I'd just "spoken" to a few times online, but we really hit it off at first. For the life of me, I can't seem to get her out of my mind. She seemed very interested. Sorry for the long background (but it seems that happens a lot around here!) Did I make a mistake by not e-mailing her more after that first weekend, or was I right to wait for her to respond? I wanted to say something, but I didn't want to seem too pushy or creepy. I'd still like to get to know her better, and even go out with her, but I'm not sure if it's too late... or if her interest has just waned. Or should I just get over it and chalk it up as a failed Internet dating attempt? Link to post Share on other sites
Sckott Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Don't mean to sound cliche', but "actions speak louder than words", usually. If you have her email address, send her something short and simple, saying you enjoyed the conversation and that you hope to hear from her again. But if she doesn't contact you again, DON'T take it personally. Literally, in the dating world, you can meet many people who seem interested, seem INTERESTING, even quite captivating... But if something's going on or someone doesn't re-engage with you, DO chalk it up to another attempt that didn't continue into true courtship. Let it loose, and if she doesn't contact you, either she's not interested, busy or other. Link to post Share on other sites
bebegal Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 This is just my opinion but: In my situation--im a typical girl-- I love male attention, all of it. but if im not interested in a guy--dating him-- I will play the same game. I will give them enough to keep them interested-- such as talking to them, talking about future plans with them, but when it comes down to actually making the plans- i disapear. A few days later i give them some excuse that ive been working a lot etc. IMO: guys never just want to be friends--so if we tell you that straight up we lose you and the attention that you give us. I am actually doing this to a guy right now who I truly like as a friend but just know I cant date him( Very different religions) The best thing you can do.. disapear.. if we like ya well come get ya believe and if we dont.... better for you to move on. The longer you stay the more you get placed in friend category. While we are leading you on.. we are out dating/pursuing other men, unforuntatley. Hope this helps........ Link to post Share on other sites
iceisles Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by bebegal I will play the same game. I will give them enough to keep them interested-- such as talking to them, talking about future plans with them, but when it comes down to actually making the plans- i disapear. A few days later i give them some excuse that ive been working a lot etc. That is a real shi__y thing to do. If I caught onto your game, I would cut you loose in an instant. Link to post Share on other sites
bebegal Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 as if men do not play the same game... I said I was just being honest Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles That is a real shi__y thing to do. It is, but it is also a fact that many girls crave male attention and will do a lot to get it - fair means or foul. Credit to Bebegirl for being honest. I feel sorry for that guy though... Link to post Share on other sites
bebegal Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 ReluctantRomeo Credit to Bebegirl for being honest. I feel sorry for that guy though... So many men post on here with the same story and I think this is what happens-- when guys wonder why the girl isnt ever going through on the plans and disapears. Believe me... we get burned by so many men that we need others to pick us up and restore our self esteem it helps us to feel that yes we are truly desirable. Its an awful thing to do but in that situation we are thinking about ourselves and not the other person. Just be careful if you see a pattern from your girl.. If she says she is always "busy".... I am **so busy** that I cant return the phone call for some guys and others I sit waiting by the phone for.. and they invited me out Id be ready in 20 minutes Busy= I dont [color=darkred]want[/color] to make time for you Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by bebegal So many men post on here with the same story and I think this is what happens... we get burned by so many men that we need others to pick us up and restore our self esteem it helps us to feel that yes we are truly desirable. Its an awful thing to do but in that situation we are thinking about ourselves and not the other person.... I am **so busy** that I cant return the phone call for some guys and others I sit waiting by the phone for.. Busy= I dont [color=darkred]want[/color] to make time for you Sad but true. It also applies the other way too - girls who keep hanging around wondering if he'll call. Irony may not be the best well to drink from, but it's a very deep one Link to post Share on other sites
Author The_Fool Posted March 7, 2005 Author Share Posted March 7, 2005 Thanks, everyone! I think I might just do what Sckott suggested, but I suspect that what bebegal said is what's going on here. The times we have talked lately, she always starts out with how busy she's been as her excuse for not talking to me in a week. She was always busy before (we both were), but she always used to make the time to write. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 Busy means * not interested * ...Save yourself alot of grief and wondering when you give it just 5 days.... 5 days no contact = not interested. When someone says " Oh I have been soooo busy ...blah blah " I note that in my memory files and said " Oh okay " and I move on....Do it .... If they care ,they will be burning the phone lines.....unless of course they are not a phone person but at least should be emailing you with PLANS...not game.... Link to post Share on other sites
iceisles Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 It would be so much easier if people were just honest. If I'm not interested, I just say so. None of this "I'm busy" crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The_Fool Posted March 8, 2005 Author Share Posted March 8, 2005 Yeah, I suspect you're right, Mary3. It just seemed so promising at first, and she was the one who contacted and pursued me at first, that I was hopeful. I wish I'd had a chance to see this before I sent off one final e-mail. At the very least, I never pestered her or anything. I just asked her out once, and then this morning (a couple of weeks later) sent off an e-mail telling her that I'd enjoyed talking to her and I hoped to get a chance to know her better. At least I don't feel like too much of a schmuck. Thanks for your help, everyone. Better luck next time, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
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