What is the female selection process when choosing a guy?

[singlelife]

Ladies, when you are out at the bar or the supermarket what goes through your mind when choosing a mate or even a fwb?

[d0nnivain]

FWB

 

 

1. Is he hot?

2. Is he a good kisser?

 

 

Relationship:

 

 

1. Is he hot?

2. Is he smart?

3. Is he clever

4. Do I like his sense of humor?

5. Is he ethical

6. Is he strong enough to put up with me?

[spiderowl]

Is he physically attractive to me?

 

Does he know how to behave with people - i.e. treat them with respect?

 

Is he good at talking/communicating in an interactive way, not just lecturing others?

 

Does he smell nice? It's surprising what difference this makes.

 

Does he take care of himself generally - doesn't smoke, only drinks moderately, washes his hair, shaves or keeps facial hair neat?

 

Does he show interest in me and make an effort to make contact?

 

Of course his views about various subjects matter too. If his politics is way different from mine or he has sexist or racist views, then I would rapidly lose interest.

[singlelife]

FWB

 

 

1. Is he hot?

2. Is he a good kisser?

 

 

Relationship:

 

 

1. Is he hot?

2. Is he smart?

3. Is he clever

4. Do I like his sense of humor?

5. Is he ethical

6. Is he strong enough to put up with me?

 

What about is he in a high paying job? Doesn't matter?

[d0nnivain]

What about is he in a high paying job? Doesn't matter?

 

Whether he was employed mattered to me. I have a high paying job so it wasn't as critical for me. I didn't want a lazy bum though. Some women do find a man taller & more attractive because he's standing on his wallet. lol

[singlelife]

Whether he was employed mattered to me. I have a high paying job so it wasn't as critical for me. I didn't want a lazy bum though. Some women do find a man taller & more attractive because he's standing on his wallet. lol

 

Hmmmm. But basically you want different things from a fwb than a mate? You just want hotness from a fwb. Not brains or personality?

[Jabron1]

In my experience there are 3 categories:

 

1. The lover

2. The provider

3. The friend

 

Can you provide tingles? If so, you go in the first category. If not, it's on to the second or third.

 

Do you tick other boxes such as having the right lifestyle and background? And is she looking to settle? If so, you may just fit the second.

 

If you are just generally useful, like a wheelbarrow or a paintbrush, you will probably fit the third.

 

Personally, I don't settle for less than number 1.

[singlelife]

In my experience there are 3 categories:

 

1. The lover

2. The provider

3. The friend

 

Can you provide tingles? If so, you go in the first category. If not, it's on to the second or third.

 

Do you tick other boxes such as having the right lifestyle and background? And is she looking to settle? If so, you may just fit the second.

 

If you are just generally useful, like a wheelbarrow or a paintbrush, you will probably fit the third.

 

Personally, I don't settle for less than number 1.

 

 

Women are so complicated.

[deckard11]

What a shock, all about looks with women. So much for the "looks don't matter" bs.

[singlelife]

What a shock, all about looks with women. So much for the "looks don't matter" bs.

 

IKR! BUt there's nothing wrong with that. Women got needs too!

[SherryEast]

What a shock, all about looks with women. So much for the "looks don't matter" bs.

 

No, it's not all about looks. I find myself recently extremely attracted to a guy who honestly, when it comes to his face, isn't perfect. Yes, he keeps his body in great shape but it's more that I can tell we're on the same level and have a lot in common.

[ChickiePops]

Well..I would imagine it's different for all of us..because we are all different people..just like men are all different people.

 

So..yeah...

[dreamingoftigers]

What a shock, all about looks with women. So much for the "looks don't matter" bs.

 

They didn't when I was younger.

 

Now they do in the peripheral sense. As in, a guy doesn't have to look "good" to me. In fact, conventional handsome men don't tend to attract me that much. It's weird. I like certain "niche" things.

 

I like men that are more "fair" in complexion after having been married to a blond/blue-eyed man for ten years and men whose appearance doesn't suggest alcohol consumption or smoking. Because I don't drink or smoke, it's a real turn off. I like men that are chubby, instead of gaunt. Thin men look "small" to me. But I overweight, so I think it's relative.

 

Other things I look for: 1. Very important to me, does he talk like the type of guy looking for an emotionally-healthy interaction with another human being? Or does he act like a Vagina Collection Unit trying to use his overrun 'game' to 'score?' Even a guy actually looking to score could score as long as he didn't treat me like "if I don't score here, I'll just collect the next vagina over there." Yuck. I find guys who present as 'high-count guys' gross me out. Right out the gate and there is no recovery. I love sex, but I don't want to feel like I am sharing a local tampon with 30 other girls who do questionable crap. No thanks. Yuck. And funnily enough, so many guys seem to buy into this "hypergamy, social proof, alpha male" crap. I'm sure it gets certain guys laid because certain girls like that formulaic bullshyte. Not me.

 

2. Does he listen and respond to the words coming out of my mouth? That should be pretty self-explanatory.

 

3. Does he have good boundaries? Is he relatively emotionally healthy? Does he act like a charmer, victim or rage? Because if he does, no thanks. All of that shyte just turns to shyte. Charmers just try to keep stuff superficial and blow smoke up your arse. Victims are constantly looking for someone to save them (usually from their own bad choices) and Ragers are just looking for someone to blame.

 

4. Is he racist or sexist? Are "women" the problem? Because I am a woman, so I am not going to date a man to be the focus of his "problems." Screw that. I don't expect each man to answer for all of the other men that rape, molest kids, murder, cheat and swear on Sunday, so I don't expect to be answering for other stupid women who cheat, fake pregnancies, belittle a man or keech off of him. I am my own person. I answer for me and that's it. I didn't make whatever law you hate or whatever standard you feel has been "imposed on men." And racism is another way to blanket everyone. I have too many friend from too many different backgrounds to tolerate having a racist mate. I'm not going to embarrass myself by dating one.

 

5. Is he stable? Does he make plans and ditch them? Does he have a lying problem? Addiction? Excessively moody? Any kind of destabilizing factor? I like a stable man. Stability is HOT. I'm not kidding.

 

The list is pretty much in order too. Looks kind of don't rate as much as the other stuff. Certain things attract me, but I am pretty easily swayed I find. Especially if a guy has a decent personality.

[basil67]

When you're out, it's the initial attraction which matters. For me it would be his smile (if you're looking at me without smiling, you haven't got a chance) and cleanliness.

 

All the other stuff is part of the 'getting to know you process' and won't be immediately apparent.

[deckard11]

No, it's not all about looks. I find myself recently extremely attracted to a guy who honestly, when it comes to his face, isn't perfect. Yes, he keeps his body in great shape but it's more that I can tell we're on the same level and have a lot in common.

 

Oh I forgot, not just looks but you all want a good body too. []

Edited April 25, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Sexual reference redacted

[William]

Folks, a couple things.

 

1. This question is directed at members who identify as heterosexual females regarding their selection process when choosing a guy, ostensibly at the supermarket or bar, as examples, so first meetings. If you so identify, this is your space to share that information and opinion

 

2. Don't expect timely responses from the thread starter but feel free to provide general responses to the topic.

 

Thanks!

[Gloria25]

When I was younger, FWB material just required that I'm attracted to him and the sex was good (didn't even have to be great).

 

Now, over the years, I've been playing a dangerous game where I just can't get horny for a FWB if he doesn't have certain qualities - and these qualities are that of someone I would date in real life (i.e. ambition, education, fitness, looks, goals, similar views on stuff, etc.).

 

Right now, I have to watch myself with my new guy. I like him and gosh, not only is he skilled with the sex , but he has so many qualities of a guy I would date long term. I'm trying hard to suppress thinking about him and so far am doing ok, cuz I am objective enough to realize that there is stuff that ain't gonna make us long term (i.e. places in life).

 

So for me, at this point in my life a guy that I'm FWBing may have many of the qualities that I'd want from a guy that I'd date long term.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

For guys its approaching, initiating/escalating, for women its screening, filtering out the guys they don't want

[elaine567]

For guys its approaching, initiating/escalating, for women its screening, filtering out the guys they don't want

And men do not filter out right at the start???

How many men will approach girls that they do not consider "hot" enough?

[ChickiePops]

Oh I forgot, not just looks but you all want a good body too. []

 

I prefer a guy with a belly actually. My current boyfriend has one and I love it.

 

So..there goes your theory..:laugh:

 

Also, are you saying that all men are so incredibly tolerant of women who don't have perfect bodies? Because if so...:laugh:

 

I'm sorry you got hurt, I hope you get over it soon. But not all women are evil...

[singlelife]

When you're out, it's the initial attraction which matters. For me it would be his smile (if you're looking at me without smiling, you haven't got a chance) and cleanliness.

 

All the other stuff is part of the 'getting to know you process' and won't be immediately apparent.

 

Interesting.

[dreamingoftigers]

Interesting.

 

The whole "I'm so cool, I drive X car and make X dollars" just turns me right off.

 

I like a real person, not a stat sheet that's mostly fake anyways.

 

I like raw, messy, imperfect sex. Not some douche who has his "moves" that he learned from porn in his Mom's basement.

 

Plus, I am not wealthy, and did not marry wealthy. But the last two generations of my family gave been very wealthy. (I don't lack anything either, and have turned a lot down from family). A LOT of men figure they can use money to manipulate. It surprises me how many people go sniffing after cash. So I get it, it works to get quick, easy lays for probably a lot of guys. But here's the thing, the last two generations of men on both sides have been wealthy [] jerks and terrible husbands. I don't like users, and I think when a guy flashes his cash around etc, he's often looking for someone to use. I'm practically allergic to it. LMAO. It may sound totally weird, but it is definitely something I am hypervigilant about.

Edited April 25, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[basil67]

Interesting.

 

Does this surprise you?

[basil67]

Hmmmm. But basically you want different things from a fwb than a mate? You just want hotness from a fwb. Not brains or personality?

 

Yeah, I'd have to echo that.

 

FWB should be eye candy and awesome in the bedroom. Personality is not required because he's not there to talk to.

 

Brains, personality and awesome in bed is important for someone who you're planning on spending your life with.

[dreamingoftigers]

Yeah, I'd have to echo that.

 

FWB should be eye candy and awesome in the bedroom. Personality is not required because he's not there to talk to.

 

Brains, personality and awesome in bed is important for someone who you're planning on spending your life with.

 

This might be kind of funny. If I had an FWB arrangement, I would want less F and more B. (Religious conversion since my youth, no FWBs. Plus, I'm married anyway.)

 

I wouldn't care if he was "hot" so long as he was uninhibited and eager.

 

If it was a mate, I still want all the sex, but the friendship matters more and I would have a bit more of a looks criteria.

 

Maybe I should stop posting. I think I'm a bit too much of an outlier to help with your data collection.