Mrlonelyone Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Nothing much really new to report. Which in itself is something. I am back to the place where I have no interest in anyone around me. Even if they make a move ... I just don't care. Someday maybe I will be able to get what I do eventually want. I am in search of someone to even feel a little for much less feel it back for me. Any thoughts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Broaden your horizons. Try OLD if you haven't already, it will introduce you to hundreds, if not thousands of people you'd never meet otherwise. Explore a different part of the city. Break your routines and step out of your comfort zone. If something isn't working, try something new until it does. That's how I change things. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 I've done OLD to death. Free and paid sites all kinds of pictures. A few dates but the truth is I've just never really given a damn about any of the people I met by that means. At best they were a fun night and physical release nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 IMO, focus on other things and let nature take its course. If the feeling returns, don't discount it, rather let it flow. I noticed some of that recently around a few ladies I normally find attractive. There was 'yeah, they're attractive' (widely so, from the attention they get) but I'm just 'meh' about feeling anything so accept it and leave it at that. I remember going through a similar stage in my early 30's for perhaps four or five years and then, like magic, the feelings returned and, in short order, a number of relationships and getting married occurred. Perhaps that's outlier for a man, IDK, but outlier has been my normal in life so I go with it rather than fight it. Ride the wave instead of standing defiant to it. Up to you. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 I know it's like ... in the past I could go into a social situation and If I didn't have a sweetheart already I could feel something for someone just enough to have some fun. Now it is like I hold up my heart and feel ... nothing. I could care less and that is what scares me. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 IMO, think of it as a baseline. While I couldn't honestly state I was at peace with that place as a young man, it feels really good as an older man who's BTDT. Incredibly peaceful. Life can be incredibly robust without an intimate partner. We choose what we make of our lives. If/when a partner happens around again, bonus. Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron007 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I know it's like ... in the past I could go into a social situation and If I didn't have a sweetheart already I could feel something for someone just enough to have some fun. Now it is like I hold up my heart and feel ... nothing. I could care less and that is what scares me. This could be one of two things: 1> You realize that your happiness is not at the mercy of the whims of women/bosses/weather/etc.. This is why your temperament/mood/attitude does not change in the presence/absence of attractive women. You believe: "If it happens, it happens. If not, fine, I'm still fine." If this is the case, you have nothing to worry about. 2> This could be a symptom of depression. I'm not a therapist but you can reflect on your general behavior. Are you as sociable as before with friends & family or does this "don't care" attitude permeate those relationships as well? Do you continue to enjoy your hobbies? If your "don't care" attitude permeates other aspects of your life, then you may want to seek treatment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 Allitle of both what you said and what Carhill said and Probably a lot of subclinical depression. I just feel so unloved and unlovable right now. Even if I had a really present, engaged intimate partner I might still feel this bad. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 That's very insightful, recognizing emotional states independent of a partner or their love and care. My bet is things will work out fine. As a scientist, it's natural to analyze and quantify; sometimes stuff defies all the best science. Sometimes you believe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobouspo Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 OP, I remember prior posts of you caring for elderly parents if I am not mistaken. Is that still an issue that affects your dating life? Is that a cause of your depression perhaps? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron007 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Allitle of both what you said and what Carhill said and Probably a lot of subclinical depression.I just feel so unloved and unlovable right now. Even if I had a really present, engaged intimate partner I might still feel this bad. I think the first thing you need to do is take the Beck Depression Inventory, the standard 21-step psychometric test for depression. It's available online from hundreds of sites free of charge. Even if you go to a psychiatrist, he/she will first administer this test at check-in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 OP, I remember prior posts of you caring for elderly parents if I am not mistaken. Is that still an issue that affects your dating life? Is that a cause of your depression perhaps? Yes it is. It is hard to have a love life with the "You live with your parents" assumptions. Even when I explain that they need me to take care of them. You know how some people are about that. Link to post Share on other sites
sickoflove11 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 I also feel like this and was wondering if something was wrong with me. For two years I had no interest in anyone. If they were interested in me, I was flattered, but didn't care in the slightest about them or getting to know them. I finally found someone who made me feel again. It was great, I was so happy I thought he felt the same. Turns out he was just playing games and I was a fool. I feel so awful now. After two years of being happy alone, one dumb guy could ruin all that progress. I feel dumb for letting him get to me that much. Now I'm back to no feelings or care for anyone. But I crave to have those feelings again. I hope you get what you are looking for. I'm sorry I have no advice, just thought I'd share that you are not alone Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 This sounds a little like dating burnout. I also have been feeling the same for the past year. No one seems attractive enough (mentally or physically). I am not quite sure if it's from disillusions of having dated for several years and still not finding a suitable partner, if I am just a little depressed or what. I guess my answer is not of much help, but just wanted to say I understand your feelings. As for living with the parents, the right person won't care and will understand. There is nothing more important than family in this world. Let us know if you find out what is making you feel this way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted July 8, 2016 Author Share Posted July 8, 2016 It has been a couple of months and I am still in basically the same place. Have had a little bit of feeling for a new man but more of the I think he likes me kind of variety not so much a liking for him. Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Nothing much really new to report. Which in itself is something. I am back to the place where I have no interest in anyone around me. Even if they make a move ... I just don't care. Someday maybe I will be able to get what I do eventually want. I am in search of someone to even feel a little for much less feel it back for me. Any thoughts? Maybe you need to take a break because you're burnt out with women. Stop looking and give up. Focus on yourself. Later, if you decide to come back, you can come back when things feel fresh again. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts