Inexpensive dating coach?

[40daysforthen253]

I am seeking a dating coach who can advise me over the phone or Skype. I found a few good ones but they're pricey. Any recommendations for ones not too expensive? Thank you.

[madjac74]

I'll do it for free

[Zippy2000]

Dont spend your good money on dating coaches. They are a WASTE of money.

 

Use your own experience or use this forum to gather peoples opinions and advice and use your judgment and suit what right for you from the information gathered on here.

 

Theres nothing worse than following advice from a dating coach only to not get anywhere. Its not like you get driving lessons and pass. A dating coach can only give you their own subjective advice.

 

Ultimately its up to the the man or woman you date who will give you the "pass" in your dating lessons. lol

[CC12]

I'll do it for free

 

Same.

 

What do you need help with, OP?

[40daysforthen253]

I'll do it for free

 

To madjac74 and CC12, thank you so much.

 

I’m 24. I have little dating experience (blank canvass).

 

I seek someone to guide me over the phone as I plan dates, send messages etc.

 

To begin, I hope to start messaging my Tinder matches (I have over 300). It also may be helpful if you could prescribe for me an activity per day that I must complete.

 

My big goal is a week or two before the end of February when I go on a date per day (no matter how small) with a different girl. This will be a huge accomplishment.

 

So again, I’m seeking someone to guide me on the phone. Thank you in advance for any support.

[40daysforthen253]

Same.

 

What do you need help with, OP?

 

I appreciate it CC12. Elaboration above.

Edited February 10, 2016 by 40daysforthen253

[d0nnivain]

Dating coaches are a waste of money.

 

 

If you have 300 matches on Tinder what do you need a coach for? How old are these matches? If more than 48 hours, consider them expired. People on Tinder expect instant gratification from what I understand. Substantial delays like this end of February business you are contemplating will never fly.

 

 

So my 1st coaching tip to you is learn to be decisive & act immediately. A few hours to think about what you are going to say or do, OK fine. A few days is not acceptable.

 

 

Tomorrow's exercise is assess your finances. How much do you want to spend per week or per date? For 1st meets they suggest inexpensive things like coffee for a reason. You can go broke buying every date dinner.

 

 

Third exercise: Make a list of inexpensive places around you where you can take these dates & scout some of them out if you have never been there. Depending on the weather they can be outside things, play mini golf; stroll a boardwalk, take a hike etc.

 

 

Fourth exercise: think about what you want to say. practice the ask. would you like to meet me at Bob's Coffee shop on Main street on Thursday at 7:00 p.m.? or whatever it is you need to ask but get comfortable with the specifics. Avoid vague things like wanna hang out sometime?

 

 

Fifth exercise: come up with at least 10 ways to expand your social circle that do not involve technology -- no tinder, no FB, no OLD. You can get the info about the event from a computer or app but the event & your interactions must be conducted IRL.

 

 

Sixth exercise: show up at those real life events. Make a plan & a commitment to go at least once per week.

 

 

If you haven't found somebody to date by then, come back.

[40daysforthen253]

Thank you very much d0nnivain. Answers below.

 

1. How much do you want to spend per week or per date?

 

As little as possible. In part because I'm anxious over the "who pays?" stuff. Thinking $10/date

 

2. Make a list:

• A nearby park with a couple coffee shops and gelato places nearby
  
• Barnes N' Nobles + coffee
  
• a movie
  

I love to walk around. Any weather is fine with me. I'm not a fan of restaurants. Note: I'm very oblivious to this stuff. Is stuff like this normal for a "date"? I realize I'm overthinking this. Also, I don't drink (and there are no bars in walking distance, which would be a problem).

 

3. Practice the ask

• Want to check out Westchester Park on Arnold street on Saturday at 4 pm?
  
• Want to go to Barnes and Nobles and maybe stop by the park that's next to it? How about Saturday at 4 pm?
  
• I've been meaning to see Zoolander 2. Want to go with me on Saturday at 7 pm. Where do I pick you up?
  

4. Come up with 10 ways to expand your social circle.

 

This one's tricky. I'm in a new town where I don't have many friends. I plan on being in this town for only another month and half.

• I just committed to dance lessons. The studio has a weekly party. I also started weekly yoga classes last week.
  

Edited February 10, 2016 by 40daysforthen253

[smackie9]

I'll do it for free

Me too! ........

[d0nnivain]

I didn't mean for you to answer here. . . just that you know the answers.

 

 

Make sure barnes & noble you pick has a coffee shop. You don't want to be standing around a book store. That is not a convenient way to get to know somebody.

 

 

The 1st date that amount is probably fine. Post that assume the person doing the asking paying. So you ask, assume you pay. However, if the person you invited offers, let them pay. Be leery of Dutch treat. If you never want to see them again, fine. But if you do want a 2nd date, use their offer to pay 1/2 as a spring board. How about I get it this time & you can pay next time?

 

 

How's your wardrobe? Do your clothes fit? Are they clean & appropriate for the activity you will be doing?

 

 

Since you are new in town, research the town. When you meet new people ask them Qs about the area. Do they know a good dry cleaner? out of the way book store? What's the best kept secret in town? People like to be helpful so let these strangers introduce you to their city.

[smackie9]

You want to expand your social circle start to get to know people in your class or at work, invite them over for dinner, tell them to bring a friend and a bottle of wine, have a board game ready for after dinner. That's all it takes.

[smackie9]

I didn't mean for you to answer here. . . just that you know the answers.

 

 

Make sure barnes & noble you pick has a coffee shop. You don't want to be standing around a book store. That is not a convenient way to get to know somebody.

 

 

The 1st date that amount is probably fine. Post that assume the person doing the asking paying. So you ask, assume you pay. However, if the person you invited offers, let them pay. Be leery of Dutch treat. If you never want to see them again, fine. But if you do want a 2nd date, use their offer to pay 1/2 as a spring board. How about I get it this time & you can pay next time?

 

 

How's your wardrobe? Do your clothes fit? Are they clean & appropriate for the activity you will be doing?

 

 

Since you are new in town, research the town. When you meet new people ask them Qs about the area. Do they know a good dry cleaner? out of the way book store? What's the best kept secret in town? People like to be helpful so let these strangers introduce you to their city.

Photos of what you would normally wear on a first date....this is where we can really help you with it.

[hasaquestion]

Photos of what you would normally wear on a first date....this is where we can really help you with it.

 

I'd be curious about this myself as a guy. I'd think if you're a dude, and you want to up your style, you should start out with the straight up basics. White shirt and dark denim of good fit and quality, oxfords and a navy blazer if you want to dress it up, low key suede sneakers and a decent hoodie if you want to dress it down. You don't get to break rules until you know them first.

[40daysforthen253]

I didn't mean for you to answer here. . . just that you know the answers.

 

Post that assume the person doing the asking paying. So you ask, assume you pay.

 

Curious what you meant here. Could you please clarify? Thanks.

 

How's your wardrobe?

 

Not seeing an "attach" feature to post a photo.

 

I'd probably wear a J Crew button-down with black jeans from Topman's (or baggier blue Old Navy jeans).

 

https://www.jcrew.com/mens_category/shirts/irishlinen/PRDOVR~B9749/B9749.jsp

 

http://us.topman.com/en/tmus/product/clothing-172005/mens-jeans-172012/washed-black-stretch-slim-jeans-3468018?bi=0&ps=20

 

 

Shoes like these.

 

http://uncrate.com/p/2013/08/greats-sneakers-xl.jpg

[40daysforthen253]

You want to expand your social circle start to get to know people in your class or at work, invite them over for dinner, tell them to bring a friend and a bottle of wine, have a board game ready for after dinner. That's all it takes.

 

Thanks so much, Smackie 9. Clothes in previous post.

 

Just to be clear, my first priority is to overcome my fear of asking a girl on a date.

 

I'm not yet worried about doing really well, looking really good, having the type of social circle that would result in a second date or long term stuff etc. That will become my focus soon after I just do a date or two.

 

Tremendous thank you to everyone for your support.

Edited February 10, 2016 by 40daysforthen253

[Miss Peach]

I really like Evan Marc Katz's blog. His focus is on strong women but he has a lot of free material there and on youtube that applies well to both sexes.

 

I'm happy to provide some book recommendations too if interested. Is your concern inexperience? Self-esteem? Figuring out what you want?

[d0nnivain]

OP you said you were unclear about who pays.

 

 

If you ask a woman on a date, you pay. If she asks you on a date IMO she should pay because she asked. However, some women think all men should pay all the time. To protect yourself, always have enough money on you (combo of cash & credit) to pay for the date no matter who initiated it. If you get stuck with a check, you can cover it but perhaps never date someone you perceive as using you again

 

 

Did that clarify things for you?

[smackie9]

Thanks so much, Smackie 9. Clothes in previous post.

 

Just to be clear, my first priority is to overcome my fear of asking a girl on a date.

 

I'm not yet worried about doing really well, looking really good, having the type of social circle that would result in a second date or long term stuff etc. That will become my focus soon after I just do a date or two.

 

Tremendous thank you to everyone for your support.

dress for success....they say that for a reason. When you got a good look going on, people will notice you, and when people notice you, it gives you an ego boost, and when you get an ego boost you gain confidence. It's all about feeling good about yourself....that will bring on the confidence. Confidence is key in winning a girl over. Try it sometime.

[40daysforthen253]

If you ask a woman on a date, you pay.

 

Thank you so much. And thanks, smackie9 for the clothes advice.

 

I'm guessing the next step is to find a girl and ask her out. I could (and will) do it through "the weekly commitment (yoga class)." I will build my social circle, too. Something I can do today though is start with a more recent tinder match. Good?

 

I'm imagining it like this.

Me: "hey, ____. (Insert comment on something in her photo)."

Her: thanks for noticing that

Me: ____

Her ____

4 messages in?

Me:Been meaning to check out the coffee shop by Westchester Park on Arnold Street. Sat morning?"

Her: can't do sat.

Me: np. sunday?

Her: ok

Me: (I send my number). what's yours?

Her: #

 

We meet at the coffee place. Maybe walk around the park if she'll brave the cold. We say goodbye. and that's it. If it's going really well, I suggest that we do a next date at ______ (e.g. we talk about how we like comedy. i propose we see Zoolander 2 tomorrow night).

 

QUESTION:

Good plan?

 

Notes:

---I'm anxious about my date ideas. This is part hold me back. I have this idea that it must be incredible. To just show up, drink a coffee, talk for a while (especially as different genders often have different interests), and leave sounds like it would bore her.

---- I don't drink. Should I make it before a certain time of day so she's comfortable?

---It sounds like possible the most comfortable date idea is going to a bar. I'm fine with ordering something to hold so she's comfortable. Problem is I'd have to get in my car. This may sound neurotic but I'd be pretty reluctant to drive even if I've just had a couple sits. Any suggestion for how to play this?

Edited February 11, 2016 by 40daysforthen253

[Robratory]

This one's tricky. I'm in a new town where I don't have many friends. I plan on being in this town for only another month and half.

 

Just on a practical note, wouldn't it be better to wait until you're back home? I mean, what if you fall hard for someone? What if someone falls hard for you?

 

I'm envisioning something like this.

 

Me: "hey, ____. (Insert comment on something in her photo)."

Her: thanks for noticing that

Me: ____

Her ____

4 messages in?...

Me:Been meaning to check out the coffee shop by Westchester Park on Arnold Street. Sat morning?"

Her: can't do sat.

Me: np. sunday?

Her: ok

Me: (I send my number). what's yours?

Her: #

 

Eh... get the point more quickly. Consider this:

 

You: initial message.

She: initial reply.

You: Let's meet for coffee and see if we can stand each other. How about Saturday morning?

She: one of three possible responses: "Yes," "Can't Saturday but how about Sunday morning," Something else that means "no" no matter what it sounds like (and that includes saying "can't do sat" and not offering an alternative).

 

I don't feel that great about the date ideas I came up with. This is part of what's held me back. I have this idea that it must be incredible. To just show up, drink a coffee, talk (especially as different genders often have different interests), and leave sounds like it would bore her.

 

Not for a first face-to-face meeting after meeting online. For that, a short coffee date is perfect. If the chemistry is there, you can extend the date if you both have time, and if not, you can arrange the next date.

 

As for date ideas, the best dates are the ones where you spend three hours just talking and the time flies by. But dates don't have to be incredible. You're not selling tour packages. Once you find a few mutual likes, you can suggest doing things that touch on those mutual likes. If she likes museums or art, and you do too, go to an exhibit or gallery, and then have a bite to eat after to talk about the experience. Except for the first couple of times, dates are something you should both plan.

[40daysforthen253]

^ one more thought.

 

An alternative date idea is to go to a glassblowing exhibition right next to that coffee shop. Should I propose the coffee and then propose bouncing to the exhibit or vice-versa? The exhibit is friday evening. Is it weird to propose that time?

[hasaquestion]

---I'm anxious about my date ideas. This is part hold me back. I have this idea that it must be incredible. To just show up, drink a coffee, talk for a while (especially as different genders often have different interests), and leave sounds like it would bore her.

---- I don't drink. Should I make it before a certain time of day so she's comfortable?

---It sounds like possible the most comfortable date idea is going to a bar. I'm fine with ordering something to hold so she's comfortable. Problem is I'd have to get in my car. This may sound neurotic but I'd be pretty reluctant to drive even if I've just had a couple sits. Any suggestion for how to play this?

 

Chill out big guy. This is supposed to be fun.

 

If you don't drink, then don't get a drink. Be a man and be who you are and get a damn soda. And if she asks? Tell her you don't drink. No need to explain yourself or anything like that.

[hasaquestion]

^ one more thought.

 

An alternative date idea is to go to a glassblowing exhibition right next to that coffee shop. Should I propose the coffee and then propose bouncing to the exhibit or vice-versa? The exhibit is friday evening. Is it weird to propose that time?

 

Wait... So there's no girl yet, but you're figuring out where to take her Friday and what you're going to drink and wear, then you're gonna find the girl between now and Friday?

 

Personally I think taking a girl - the key word here being girl - to a glass-blowing exhibition for a first date is a hardo move. Something like drinks is much more easygoing. You aren't taking her out to impress her you're taking her out to get to know her. If you don't drink, maybe you can make it dessert at a bar that you know serves good cuisine instead.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Thank you so much. And thanks, smackie9 for the clothes advice.

 

I'm guessing the next step is to find a girl and ask her out. I could (and will) do it through "the weekly commitment (yoga class)." I will build my social circle, too. Something I can do today though is start with a more recent tinder match. Good?

 

I'm imagining it like this.

Me: "hey, ____. (Insert comment on something in her photo)."

Her: thanks for noticing that

Me: ____

Her ____

4 messages in?

Me:Been meaning to check out the coffee shop by Westchester Park on Arnold Street. Sat morning?"

Her: can't do sat.

Me: np. sunday?

Her: ok

Me: (I send my number). what's yours?

Her: #

 

We meet at the coffee place. Maybe walk around the park if she'll brave the cold. We say goodbye. and that's it. If it's going really well, I suggest that we do a next date at ______ (e.g. we talk about how we like comedy. i propose we see Zoolander 2 tomorrow night).

 

QUESTION:

Good plan?

 

Notes:

---I'm anxious about my date ideas. This is part hold me back. I have this idea that it must be incredible. To just show up, drink a coffee, talk for a while (especially as different genders often have different interests), and leave sounds like it would bore her.

---- I don't drink. Should I make it before a certain time of day so she's comfortable?

---It sounds like possible the most comfortable date idea is going to a bar. I'm fine with ordering something to hold so she's comfortable. Problem is I'd have to get in my car. This may sound neurotic but I'd be pretty reluctant to drive even if I've just had a couple sits. Any suggestion for how to play this?

 

That all sounds fine.

 

I agree that a dating coach would be a waste of time because they would be subjective and drive you towards the type of woman they would try to attract.

 

The older I get, the less advice I have expect to be yourself.

 

I would also say all this applies to dating seriously and finding a future wife.

 

If you would like to hook up and have sex with women and trigger attraction, I do think that can be done, but is difficult for most men and that is a completely different thing.

[risjurad]

Dont spend your good money on dating coaches. They are a WASTE of money.

At least in the job hunting world, I hear they generally do NOT do this. You'd think this would be a good industry, but many of them do NOT want to get sued or whatnot when the seeker ends up not finding jobs.

 

 

Use your own experience or use this forum to gather peoples opinions and advice and use your judgment and suit what right for you from the information gathered on here.

I'd have to disagree in part. If some of us HAD experience, we wouldn't need to be asking now would we?

 

 

Theres nothing worse than following advice from a dating coach only to not get anywhere. Its not like you get driving lessons and pass. A dating coach can only give you their own subjective advice.

So what's the difference between a dating coach and the users here? The posters here also offer their own subjective advice. Well, here, it's free, and you do have a whole community to tally various types of suggestions, so I will acknowledge that.

 

 

There was a woman who went on a date with a guy. He pulled out his penis at some point. She gave him another chance, whereas he pulled out his penis again on the next date. You'd think guys would know not to do stuff like this, but evidently not. Although this is an extreme example, the person who told this story is a user here on LoveShack.org, so this should go to show that if there are things that we're way off on, or doing right, it's good to have a 2nd opinion. As the advice askers, we will need to think about and filter out just what does and shouldn't apply to us.

 

 

Ultimately its up to the the man or woman you date who will give you the "pass" in your dating lessons. lol

Push come to shove, those who aren't good at dating still need to be able to "get their foot in the door". Don't matter if you're boyfriend and husband material when women won't even go out on a first date with you because of how your profile picture is a turn off, or you say something that results in NO follow up date.

Edited February 11, 2016 by risjurad