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When You Are Nobody's Type?


MyrtleMayhem

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Ok so here is my situation. For as long as I can remember I have never liked the way I look and neither have other people as well, including some members of my own family :(. All of my life I have been teased, ridiculed, and reminded of how ugly and "different" I am. So here is another twist in my sad ass story, I am not only unattractive but I am also "ethnically ambiguous", "exotic", or whatever other term people use to describe somebody whose ethnicity you cannot pin point exactly.

 

Not a lot of people look like me. I was always the outcast, the "I don't know what ethnicity she is girl", the "I don't want to be seen with her girl". Things got somewhat better as I got older ,finally guys seemed to take an interest in me but only for sex (like I said they didn't want to be seen out in public with someone like me) or if they did take an interest in me they didn't once they found out I wasn't Native American, Italian, Japanese, etc, or whatever ethnicity they wanted me to be (in case your wondering I'm an ethnicity no one wants to be I'll make you guys guess...)

 

It sucks because I try really hard to make myself as presentable and attractive as possible and no matter how hard I try I will never live up to anyone's standards or be anyone's type. I will never be the tall, blonde babe or the beautiful (insert ethnicity here girl). I don't feel like I'm anybody’s type which means, no guy is picturing me in his head before she sees me. I have even had guys tell me "your cute and all but your not my type", "You're pretty but I only date blondes, latinas", "I like blondes", etc.

 

So what's a girl to do? I have pretty much given up and accepted the fact that I am never going to be any man's "dream girl", never going to get married or have children. Sorry for the long post but had to get this off my chest. I would post a pic but they won't let me but to give you guys some insight I am 5'2" 100 lbs have long black hair, brown eyes, olive skin and stupid Mediterranean or Middle Eastern features but I can pass for a lot.

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Wow, are you of middle eastern decent? If so, some of the most beautiful people on the planet hail from that region.

 

I am going to gi out on a limb and say attitude and self steam have a lot to do with this.

 

That said I knew a Persian guy who I thought was gorgeous, but complained of a similar issue, that many people were standoffish.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again confidence acceptance of yourself and comfort in your own skin are extremely attractive and sexy traits.

 

A lot of confidence and belief in yourself can really hold one back

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maybe use online dating - at least then people can see your pic beforehand and decide to contact you or not. it might be better than in-person avenues since you are so down on yourself. if you get contacts via online dating sites you can assume they are attracted to the pics, since pics are usually why people respond.

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I've never heard of an ethnicity that "no one wants to be."

 

 

Unless you have some kind of actual deformity or disfigurement, then you can be attractive and look good so it's likely not entirely your looks holding you back.

 

 

(and even if you did have some kind of deformity or disfigurement, someone out there would have a fetish for it)

 

 

at 5'2" and 100lbs you are definitely not fat and being petite is a hinderment for men, not for women. There are women that would slit your throat in your sleep to have your body.

 

 

Assuming you shower regularly, brush your teeth, take care of your hair and dress appropriate for the time, place and occasion, it's not really your looks.

 

 

And unless some guy is in some kind of very rigid, traditional religion or culture, I don't know too many guys that are hung up on ethnicity or would exclude a nice gal due to her race or ethnicity. That's just not really an exclusionary criteria for men.

 

 

Any chance the guys you have been around are simply A-holes???

 

 

Maybe you should just get out more and meet more decent guys. Join a charitable organization or community group. Volunteer at an animal rescue league or some kind of youth organization or some kind of veteran support group. Find a place where decent men hang out.

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maybe use online dating - at least then people can see your pic beforehand and decide to contact you or not. it might be better than in-person avenues since you are so down on yourself. if you get contacts via online dating sites you can assume they are attracted to the pics, since pics are usually why people respond.

 

NewMoon I have tried online dating and it was not any better than dating in person. If anything I found nothing but losers, douche bags, and freaks online. Plus once I would meet the potential suitors it was same old song and dance about how I might be cute and all but I am not their type or whatever. What can I say everyone wants a tall, hot blonde.

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Do OLD but don't meet on the "first meeting." Instead, Skype for the "first meeting" and then neither of you are on the spot and can just say "Got to go." Yes, blondes do have more fun, and a lot of guys you'd ask prefer them, but not all guys prefer them. And as men get a bit older and maybe have been through a relationship or two, some of them begin to value personality and other things besides whether you're a perfect 8.

 

I know you're blowing steam, and this is the place to do it, but if those same thoughts about how ugly you are are constantly with you, that's what you need to work on most. You can't let other people tell you your worth. They don't even know you. And if you ever lead with that stuff, saying you're ugly and not the right hair color or ethnicity, you are just opening the door for verbal opinions that those same guys might never have otherwise offered.

 

A wise person once said something along the lines of, Never say anything bad about yourself. Even if the person you're saying it to didn't notice it or doesn't share your belief, you have now put it in their head and if they're around someone else and your name comes up, that may be their first thought and they may repeat it, not ever remembering it came from you and not from someone else. Being self-deprecating only works on star athletes on the evening news after they've beat up their spouse, and not with very many people even then. You need to be your own best promoter and talk about your good qualities, not what you think are your bad ones.

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I've never heard of an ethnicity that "no one wants to be."

 

 

Unless you have some kind of actual deformity or disfigurement, then you can be attractive and look good so it's likely not entirely your looks holding you back.

 

 

(and even if you did have some kind of deformity or disfigurement, someone out there would have a fetish for it)

 

 

at 5'2" and 100lbs you are definitely not fat and being petite is a hinderment for men, not for women. There are women that would slit your throat in your sleep to have your body.

 

 

Assuming you shower regularly, brush your teeth, take care of your hair and dress appropriate for the time, place and occasion, it's not really your looks.

 

 

And unless some guy is in some kind of very rigid, traditional religion or culture, I don't know too many guys that are hung up on ethnicity or would exclude a nice gal due to her race or ethnicity. That's just not really an exclusionary criteria for men.

 

 

Any chance the guys you have been around are simply A-holes???

 

 

Maybe you should just get out more and meet more decent guys. Join a charitable organization or community group. Volunteer at an animal rescue league or some kind of youth organization or some kind of veteran support group. Find a place where decent men hang out.

 

An ethnicity no one wants to be would be anything Middle Eastern or anything that slightly resembles the Middle East. I have found men are not attracted to women who appear to be Southern European or Middle Eastern. I don't know exactly what it is either because every other ethnicity, nationality what have you has it's following. I know that the reason I have a hard time attracting men is due to my Mediterranean/Middle Eastern appearance because I am not hideous. Yes I acknowledge I am no 10 I am probably average and sometimes a little better than average depending on dress and makeup. I know that this is fact because I have traveled the world only to be told the same thing over and over by men of all races, nationalities, and ethnicities so I know it is not just my small town bs.

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LivingWaterPlease
An ethnicity no one wants to be would be anything Middle Eastern or anything that slightly resembles the Middle East.

 

Guess George Clooney missed that memo...:)

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I will tell you that I have a very close half-Syrian (looks Syrian) friend born and raised in the US who did get teased a lot when younger over her unusual nose. But she has a high opinion of herself and is a very interesting and intelligent person and for every one of the mean little jerks that ever judged her harshly for her ethnicity or her nose, there are just as many who are very drawn to her. She has a beauty that it's true has to grow on some American men. She has an average figure and beautiful hair and beautiful eyes and a different nose than we're used to, but also has the most beautiful skin and way of being. I met her online and fell in love with her wit. She has been with the same man (with other men trying to horn in from time to time) for many years now and they are happy and she never ever doubts that he loves her. And I honestly can't think of many women who would say that. It's all about who she is and her wit and her dignity and her refusal to let lesser individuals take her down a peg.

 

You need to get some of that.

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Even the poop that comes out of your butt can find someone who likes it.....sorry to start my sentence like that but there's plenty of man who would like a middle eastern babe. I have seen some unattractive people in my life and they have somebody by there side. I had issues with woman talking to me before i got married. My current wife said I was hot but I had this (I dont give a **** attitude, very stuck up person type bravado ). I think most of it comes from how you carry yourself. When it comes to ethnicity.....the world is changing. I married a woman that has polish,russian,german blood and I'm half brazillian and half cuban. Ethnicity is a good thing. Some people like it plain and others like the swirls. Embrace who you are and one day someone will come and they will embrace you. Good luck.

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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

I see beautiful everywhere because of the beauty in my eyes.

 

I like people, and because I like people, people like me.

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Sorry but most interracial couples (aside from big white women) the man is white and the woman is insert race.

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I get the whole not being good enough for anyone. I asked a guy out twice (once the genre of the movie was just way out there so I gave him a second chance), then started kind of trying to get to know this guy but wouldn't.

 

I would say I am fairly fit and have good hobbies and is of average looks.

 

I think dating is just hard now because no one wants to get out of their comfort zone.

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Are you not attracted to men of your own ethnicity? Do men of your own ethnicity not find you attractive? I'm an Asain guy so I know a thing or two about how no women outside of my own race wants to date me.

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So what's a girl to do? I have pretty much given up and accepted the fact that I am never going to be any man's "dream girl", never going to get married or have children. Sorry for the long post but had to get this off my chest. I would post a pic but they won't let me but to give you guys some insight I am 5'2" 100 lbs have long black hair, brown eyes, olive skin and stupid Mediterranean or Middle Eastern features but I can pass for a lot.

 

Take it from a man. 5'2" 100 lbs, long black hair with 'exotic' Mediterranean features... You are a LOT of people's type physically. That description in itself is definitely not your problem, unless you're in some racist buttcrack of the world where people hate non-whites. If that's the case, then getting a job in a big city might help.

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Move away from Myrtle Beach. Heh.

 

In general, anytime one's locale finds one lamenting 'type' for any significant period of time, hit the road. One has no control over others or their preferences, rather only oneself.

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This will make you feel better.

 

Just look at my pictures. They are in my album.

 

I have a very long and un usual nose. I was told that I was too unattractive to be anyone's "type "

 

But I don't let people's opinions restrict me. I flaunt my curves and nice smile and feel happy for the good features I have and it shines through.

 

Despite my non gorgeous looks, I am treated as an attractive woman by society at large. People constantly tell me that I am attractive.

 

So despite by pictures, which don't look "hot" or "pretty" to 99%of the public, it's my attitude that makes me hot to many.

 

I have men hitting on me daily.

 

My friends friends always ask about me and tell my friends that they think I'm gorgeous.

 

So it's an overall attitude, the way you dress and your pride you take in your appearance that largely dictates how "hot"you are.

 

Yes, my looks are not as immediately pleasing as a classic beauty like Audrey Hepburn or the conventionally "hot"women.. but I have as many admires as my classically beautiful friends.

 

The thing about us girls that aren't skinny tall blonde and with a tiny button nose, is that we have just as many men who go wild over our looks but ONLY when we become proud of our features and carry a certain air of confidence around us.

 

I had the hot young lecturer at my uni fall for me initially and date me once I was finished college for the semester last year. He is gorgeous and had hot young skinny blondes with tiny noses try and flirt with him daily. ..yet he picked me, a curvy brunette with big nose and a nice smile. Go figure.

 

I was also older than the lecture by a fair few years :/

 

 

 

He ended up getting engaged to the next girl he dated. She was ALSO a VERY unconventional beauty; she was NOT a girl most people would think would make men drool. She had totally frizzy curly hair sticking out like an afro..... but then she has the nost full lips and beautiful far apart eyes abd a tiny nose. ...

 

 

Many women like us can have men falling all over themselves for us. Just learn to love your body and be proud and WANT to show it off!

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Here are the words of my ex lecturer guy.....

 

" I am into women who are not classic beauties. I don't care for cookie cutter or typical beauties. I am draw to more unusual looking women who have something about them...tall skinny blondes aren't my thing. Give me a curvy girl with wild hair and an inperfect body over what society deems as "perfection "

 

That sums up his preferences in women. Although he honestly thought I was a girl that would be a pain to date because so many men fancy my unique looks which bugged him.

 

If I had no confidence and didn't love my body type and take a lot of time learning to accentuate my attributes and hide ny flaws, I wouldn't get the attention of many or ANY men.

 

I am sure as ****e that you were born with at least one stunning feature. Plus men LOVE love love short and petite women!!

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Move away from Myrtle Beach. Heh.

 

In general, anytime one's locale finds one lamenting 'type' for any significant period of time, hit the road. One has no control over others or their preferences, rather only oneself.

 

This!

 

You sound like you've internalized all that negatively when it comes to your looks. Types aren't just physical features. Bookworms, shy, athletic, flirty are types, too.

 

If you are in a minority in a majority area either racially or culturally you will feel that way.

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WaitingForBardot
An ethnicity no one wants to be would be anything Middle Eastern or anything that slightly resembles the Middle East. I have found men are not attracted to women who appear to be Southern European or Middle Eastern.

...

Hmmm, my wife is quite happy being an Arab. And I'm pretty attracted to her, as were the suitors I beat out to marry her. SCORE!!!

 

Guess George Clooney missed that memo...:)

There was a memo? ..lol..

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are you middle eastern???

i havent seen more beautiful eyes and faces than those of middle eastern women.

and im a straight female.

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Are you not attracted to men of your own ethnicity? Do men of your own ethnicity not find you attractive? I'm an Asain guy so I know a thing or two about how no women outside of my own race wants to date me.

 

I am only partially of Middle Eastern descent, my mother is a white woman. I find all types of men attractive including Mid Eastern ones however I am not compatible with Mid Eastern men because for one most of them are Muslim and I am not Muslim I am a Christian. Sorry but I don't want to pursue a relationship with a Muslim. Second most Mid Eastern men (regardless of religion) are very conservative in nature. I am a modern very modern woman and I don't want to adhere to their 7th century mindset. And finally while some Mid Eastern men are attracted to their own a lot of them want the Swedish blonde.

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Take it from a man. 5'2" 100 lbs, long black hair with 'exotic' Mediterranean features... You are a LOT of people's type physically. That description in itself is definitely not your problem, unless you're in some racist buttcrack of the world where people hate non-whites. If that's the case, then getting a job in a big city might help.

 

Thanks and trust me it's not just Myrtle Beach I am not sought after anywhere :( I have traveled all over the country and Europe and no one has ever told I'm beautiful or really appreciated me. When I was in Europe everyone was disappointed when they found out that while yes I am an American but I wasn't the Anglo/scandanavian girl with honey blonde hair and a southern accent. It's the story of my life.

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Thanks and trust me it's not just Myrtle Beach I am not sought after anywhere :( I have traveled all over the country and Europe and no one has ever told I'm beautiful or really appreciated me. When I was in Europe everyone was disappointed when they found out that while yes I am an American but I wasn't the Anglo/scandanavian girl with honey blonde hair and a southern accent. It's the story of my life.

 

Well what could be so unattractive?

 

Do you have a huge nose? I have a nose exactly like Meryl Streep which is considered "ugly "by most people and yet I am considered hot.

 

Come on now..... do you have crooked or yellow teeth.

 

Dreadful acne?

 

I highly doubt that at 5"2 and only 100 with nice long hair, that you're going to be hideous.

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