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daughter, dad, and me makes three!


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Hey, everyone. I met a cool guy, but I have a problem and don't know how to broach this subject. I haven't talked to him about it bc we are not that serious, at least not yet.

 

The problem is his daughter. Or not really his daughter, but how he wants to include her in ...everything...

 

For example, he lives in antoher state. He picks me up, and I spent most of the weekend with him. His daughter is just a few years younger than me, and she bounces around btwn her mom's house and his house. As you can imagine, when she was there it was awkward trying to have sex. For a minute, I thought i would be sleeping in the guest room. :lmao:

 

I have a great time with him, but when it's the 3 of us, I feel like a 3rd wheel. It's dad and daughter, oh and yes, hot tater is there,too.

 

He took me home, and he wanted to bring her. We went bowling, to the mall, out to eat, saw a movie. Things would have been very different had she been there. It's nothing she's doing, it's just awkward for me. Plus, i'm introverted and prefer to be in as small a group as possible.

 

He did say his 2nd ex wife had a problem with the daughter. I can see where she's coming from. It's not actually the daughter, it's why on earth does she have to be included in everything??? Has anyone experienced this? I'm confused...

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I can't understand why his adult daughter would even want to go along on your dates with him on a regular (?) basis. It seems bizarre.

 

I think you should just talk to him about it. If she lives with him part time there isn't much you can do about her being in the house when you are there, but surely you can request one on one date night time with him. At any rate, if you think you want a longer term thing with him, you should get to know her. It will become less awkward as time goes by. Any chance she will be moving out soon?

 

Or invite him to stay the weekend at your place so you have more privacy.

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GunslingerRoland

I've never heard of such a thing... it sounds like a good plotline for a tv episode though.

 

I can't understand anyone's motivation in it...

 

The daughter doesn't have special needs or anything important that's missing in the story?

 

I just can't imagine any adult woman wanting to join in on all their dad's dates.

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She's definitely not disabled in any way. She's a 23 year old college grad.

Really, i don't think she wants to be there. I think that's more of his idea.

One night we were supposed to go bowling together (all 3), and she went to her moms. I dont' know if she was avoiding going bowling with us, but i have a gut feeling she was.

I'm still living at home, so that' complicates things. If I had my own place, i'd just get him to stay with me.

 

This could def be a tv plotline, as could my life. :lmao:

 

I feel like the tag along step mom who is encroaching on father daughter time. I really like this guy, too.

 

She did say something about buying a house. I hope it happens soon!

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Bizarre, that would make me super uncomfortable.

 

Yeah no family members, friends or other tag alongs on dates.... Especially early in a relationship.

 

But a daughter close to my age would also weird me out (but I am not into older dudes either...)

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Do you think he could be trying to 'hurry up' a relationship between you and his daughter hotpotato?

Thats a possibility.

Bizarre, that would make me super uncomfortable.

 

Yeah no family members, friends or other tag alongs on dates.... Especially early in a relationship.

 

But a daughter close to my age would also weird me out (but I am not into older dudes either...)

 

 

No, i wouldnt bring family or friends along on first dates either. I actually felt like the tag along. :(

 

Honestly, hes a bit out of my age range, but he is everything else i want.

Maybe he's just inviting her along because he feels bad leaving her home alone?

Could be, but she can always go to moms, grandmas, her boyfriend. I could,see how hed want to include her to some extent. Im really happy she didnt come with us on the ride home. Whew, letting that out felt good. Its hard to talk abt things like sex when shes around!!!

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None of this sounds normal to me, but haven't dated as a parent.

 

What I see of intact families with kids that age is that usually the kid is very busy with their own life and the parents love spending time with them whenever possible. If you are there for a whole weekend, I wouldn't expect him to do nothing with his daughter the whole weekend. It seems logical to me that he'd want to see his daughter on the weekend, share some meals with her as usual, whether he's dating or not. Dating a local person could allow for more dating time/daughter time, but having you there for the weekend makes that a lot tougher.

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Do you think part of the awkwardness is because you and the daughter are similar in age?

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Why?

 

Serious question. Are they uncomfortable, or just you?

 

Ufff I couldn't imagine being in the same car while my dad, and his new GF (who is just a few years older than me) discussed sex :sick:

 

There should be boundaries between a father and daughter. Discussing new sexual relations shouldn't be a "family" conversation in my book.

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Ufff I couldn't imagine being in the same car while my dad, and his new GF (who is just a few years older than me) discussed sex :sick:

 

There should be boundaries between a father and daughter. Discussing new sexual relations shouldn't be a "family" conversation in my book.

 

I'm reserving judgment, esp since Hotpotato didn't say who is or isn't comfortable talking about it. Maybe none is, and then I'd wonder who's bringing it up? Or is the problem not having time to talk about it otherwise?

 

But as for sex as a topic of discussion, they are all adults. I talk about sex in general with my parents AND my teenage daughter, and would imagine feeling comfortable talking about it around an adult child of someone I'm dating.

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HP, is he a lot older than you? My apologies, I have no idea of your age.

 

Having asked that though at any age (me being at any age anyway and if I were you) I would likely have a brief chat with her when he isn't there (toilet break or something) and say something like 'Does your Dad always drag you out with him when he goes on dates? Has he not sussed you'd rather cosy up with a movie and have some time for yourself yet when he is out? A woman needs 'some' nights where she gets control of the remote control!!' (with a smile and a laugh).

As in make her your friend. You may well be able to put a stop to this if you two 'gang up' for want of a better phrase.

 

He might be thinking she might feel left out - dunno - but she is 23, He may well be close to her which is good but always out on each date is weird.

 

Maybe though there is something not so good that has happened to her in the not too distant past - they may not be speaking up (understandable) - this is something else to bear in mind.

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Why?

 

Serious question. Are they uncomfortable, or just you?

 

I dunno, i guess talking abt how much i want to bang her dad would be kind of awkward to hear? Lol

 

They seem fine. It feels like a daddy daughter outing when shes around, i just so happen to be there. I dont expect him to do nothing with her, but i think he takes it a bit far. Riding back with her would have been completely different.

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Ufff I couldn't imagine being in the same car while my dad, and his new GF (who is just a few years older than me) discussed sex :sick:

 

There should be boundaries between a father and daughter. Discussing new sexual relations shouldn't be a "family" conversation in my book.

Thats how i feel. I wouldnt want to hear dad and gf get flirty and talk about what happened last night.

Do you think part of the awkwardness is because you and the daughter are similar in age?

 

Yes. Weve had the if discussion, like if i were the stepmom. I wouldnt teally be like a,stepmom. Turns out his daughter and i grew up with some of the same fav movies.

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GunslingerRoland

This is a very messed up thought, but some guys fantasize about banging their daughters friends. Given the fact that he is already dating someone his daughters age, and trying to make them into friends, could he be trying to fulfill this fantasy the other way around?

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How long have you two been dating?

 

This is weird. If she is an adult, then it's not like he has custody and she has certain weekends where she HAS to be with him. I think it's great that they have a good relationship but it's beyond odd that she would want to go on dates with you all and that he is the one who suggests it. You should definitely talk to him or reconsider if he's that cool after all.

 

I have dated guys with kids, but they were actually small children not adults. That's a situation I've not been in and don't think I'd really want to be in a where my bf's child is almost my age...that raises other kinds of issues.

Anyway the situation is bizarre but all you can do is talk to him about it and/or decide if it's a deal breaker or not.

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Thats how i feel. I wouldnt want to hear dad and gf get flirty and talk about what happened last night.

 

Probably no one wants to hear that.

 

Does he want to talk about this in front of his daughter? Or is it that his daughter is around so much that you don't have sufficient opportunity to talk about banging?

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I'm reserving judgment, esp since Hotpotato didn't say who is or isn't comfortable talking about it. Maybe none is, and then I'd wonder who's bringing it up? Or is the problem not having time to talk about it otherwise?

 

But as for sex as a topic of discussion, they are all adults. I talk about sex in general with my parents AND my teenage daughter, and would imagine feeling comfortable talking about it around an adult child of someone I'm dating.

 

I'm confused.

 

Do you mean some sort of general conversation about sex or like discussing your sex life with your parents and daughter?

 

From how I read it I thought it was a matter of feeling strange having sexual talk and such, as you would with your partner, around their child. Adult or not, I would find it a very strange form of boundary crossing to discuss the sex life I'm having with their dad with a bf's adult child....mom, aunt, sister, anyone really esp in a new relationship. And I wouldn't flirt in a sexually open way with their dad in front of their face...that's a little much for me.

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I'm confused.

 

Do you mean some sort of general conversation about sex or like discussing your sex life with your parents and daughter?

 

From how I read it I thought it was a matter of feeling strange having sexual talk and such, as you would with your partner, around their child. Adult or not, I would find it a very strange form of boundary crossing to discuss the sex life I'm having with their dad with a bf's adult child....mom, aunt, sister, anyone really esp in a new relationship. And I wouldn't flirt in a sexually open way with their dad in front of their face...that's a little much for me.

 

It was unclear to me. What does "talk about sex" mean? Can mean a lot of things! That's why I asked.

 

Talking about specific sex acts with your partner--well, no one wants to hear that! Not just our kids.

 

I would flirt a bit in front of adult kids, and I'd be comfortable with my adult kids flirting a bit in front of me. So if it is flirting in general, comfort levels will vary.

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This is going in an ewww direction. I'm sticking to the idea that maybe he is trying to help a relationship/bonding along between them.

 

Have you talked to him about it HP?

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