Can't get a girlfriend. Help!

[Jkerr3]

I cant get a date to save my life..... every girl I talk to says they have a BF or give me there number and dont text back or answer my calls. Honest question, am I ugly or something? ((URL removed by moderation)) I put some PIC's of me in the above link.

I dont have a confidence problem, I approach women where ever, at the bar, at the mall, in class "im in college" and almost always get denied...... I dont say anything rude like "nice ass" or something like that. Just a normal friendly conversation, usually if the convo is going well after a few minutes I'll ask the girl to go to lunch with me. Usually I either get denied, or she gives me her number and doesn't return my text. I cant help but think I must be doing something wrong. I dont have any desire to be a player or anything either, do I come off that way by approaching women? I just dont get it.....

People say I should focus on the other aspects if my life, well I do. I make six figures, I exercise regularly, I travel often, hang out with friends, ect... But I'm just going crazy, and I'm worried I might be becoming legitimately depressed b/c its like no women like me and I cant figure out why or how to fix it. I really need some advice.

I have a lot of friends and a good personality, I'm not weird or anything. And I dont flaunt my money either, I'm not trying to attract gold diggers.

Edited October 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[CalvinM]

You're drafting in the first round right now. Just enjoy being social and single, don't worry about getting in a relationship. Make some female friends and get to know the women in your class better.

 

In ten to fifteen years you'll look back and be thankful you were social in school when you're in a long term relationship.

 

The other thing I'd suggest is join some co-ed sports teams, if you're into sports. Or a cooking class. Meet people, find out what you're into.

[EricaH329]

I think you're very handsome! I honestly couldn't tell you why you aren't having any luck, other than dating really is a numbers game. You will fail more than you succeed.

 

It's great you have the confidence to ask girls out! You are way ahead of the game! My only advice to you, is to keep it up! It's easy to get discouraged, but if you completely stop then you definitely won't find someone.

 

Keep at it!

 

(And BTW - Never allow yourself to feel depressed because someone else is missing out on what you have to offer. Stand firm in your confidence! Please remember that you are much better off without those that don't want to be in your company or share your life with you. Women don't hold the key to your happiness - you do.)

[Jkerr3]

You're drafting in the first round right now. Just enjoy being social and single, don't worry about getting in a relationship. Make some female friends and get to know the women in your class better.

 

In ten to fifteen years you'll look back and be thankful you were social in school when you're in a long term relationship.

 

The other thing I'd suggest is join some co-ed sports teams, if you're into sports. Or a cooking class. Meet people, find out what you're into.

 

It could be short term or long term, it just doesnt happen......

I work a lot and everyone I work with is 40+ y/o, there's a girl I like in my class but of course she has a BF. I'm honestly starting to think I'm cursed or something. I just dont get it.

[kpl]

For what it's worth I think you're cute!

 

OP how old are, if you don't mind?

[Jkerr3]

I think you're very handsome! I honestly couldn't tell you why you aren't having any luck, other than dating really is a numbers game. You will fail more than you succeed.

 

It's great you have the confidence to ask girls out! You are way ahead of the game! My only advice to you, is to keep it up! It's easy to get discouraged, but if you completely stop then you definitely won't find someone.

 

Keep at it!

 

(And BTW - Never allow yourself to feel depressed because someone else is missing out on what you have to offer. Stand firm in your confidence! Please remember that you are much better off without those that don't want to be in your company or share your life with you. Women don't hold the key to your happiness - you do.)

 

Thanks,

I just cant figure out why its so difficult to land a date. My life is starting to feel like **** honestly......

It's easy to say you dont care what people think about you, but when you constantly get shot down it becomes hard to think that way.

[Terry8889]

Maybe you're hitting on the hot girls only, try with the mild good looking ones to see how it goes. I'm not saying you can't do better but usually the "hot" ones have too much male attention and too many options to chose from. Maybe you are seeming desperate with them, try to be their friend first and then go from there. I know if a guy invites me for lunch or asks for my number he is romantically interested in me, and if I REALLY like the guy and I have seen him around before I will say ok, otherwise I say no thank you or give the wrong number, most of them looked desperate to me. So chill a little and be friendly and just be a fun, cool guy and a friend at first. Start a friendly conversation and do not ask for a number and invite her for lunch on the first time she meets/talks to you.

[Revan32]

How are you making 6 figures while in school?

 

I'd say you're above average looking. Especially considering you're black. What type of girls are you going after? Don't go after the blondes because you're going to strike out a lot. Keep to the girls who look like yourself and you'll have a lot less rejection.

 

Your fashion is right on. (though I'd lose the vest)

[Jkerr3]

For what it's worth I think you're cute!

 

OP how old are, if you don't mind?

 

I'm 21, I'll be 22 in like 2 weeks:cool:.

 

And thank you!!!!

[Revan32]

or give the wrong number

 

Jeez thats screwed up. At least spare them some dignity and just tell them you have a boyfriend.

[Jkerr3]

How are you making 6 figures while in school?

 

I'd say you're above average looking. Especially considering you're black. What type of girls are you going after? Don't go after the blondes because you're going to strike out a lot. Keep to the girls who look like yourself and you'll have a lot less rejection.

 

Your fashion is right on. (though I'd lose the vest)

 

Honestly I was a nerd in highschool "took a bunch of compsi classes", I taught myself how to code and got a job as a programmer straight out of HS. I've been working hard at it and slowly started making more and more money ever since.

 

I don't have a racial preference per say, although I do like girls my color "rihanna/beyonce" or Asian.

 

and it was cold outside but not quite cold enough for a jacket so I threw on a vest.....

 

Usually I wear a suit to work though "I like suits".

[EricaH329]

Thanks,

I just cant figure out why its so difficult to land a date. My life is starting to feel like **** honestly......

It's easy to say you dont care what people think about you, but when you constantly get shot down it becomes hard to think that way.

 

The bolded part explains a lot. Unless the feeling of rejection is what's making you feel like your life is sh*t (which it shouldn't be), then perhaps you're seeking happiness in a place where you'll never find it.

 

You have to be happy - or at least content - with where you are in life in order for someone else to add to it.

 

I get shot down too. We all do. But that doesn't mean we aren't great! It just means other people can't see it, or don't feel we are great for them.

 

If it's really bothering you that much, then i'd suggest stop trying to date for awhile and redirect your focus onto yourself.

[Jkerr3]

Maybe you're hitting on the hot girls only, try with the mild good looking ones to see how it goes. I'm not saying you can't do better but usually the "hot" ones have too much male attention and too many options to chose from. Maybe you are seeming desperate with them, try to be their friend first and then go from there. I know if a guy invites me for lunch or asks for my number he is romantically interested in me, and if I REALLY like the guy and I have seen him around before I will say ok, otherwise I say no thank you or give the wrong number, most of them looked desperate to me. So chill a little and be friendly and just be a fun, cool guy and a friend at first. Start a friendly conversation and do not ask for a number and invite her for lunch on the first time she meets/talks to you.

 

The thing is I dont encounter any women at work, and there's only a handful of girls in my classes "the 2 that I like both have BF's". So generally I tend to only encounter women at shopping malls, bars, events, and most of them I'll likely never see again unless I get their phone number.

 

I've been taking cycling classes and there's a lot of girls in the class "although I dont really feel like talking once it's over b/c I'm so damn tired lol".

[kpl]

I'm 21, I'll be 22 in like 2 weeks:cool:.

 

And thank you!!!!

 

OK! Np, it's true. I think you may be letting the situation get you down a bit and it may be apparent to women you are dating. It sounds like your confidence may be taking a hit. Find other things to build it up...like doing things you enjoy, women should not determine your happiness. Erica is dead on, try not to let someone else determine your self worth.

[Jkerr3]

The bolded part explains a lot. Unless the feeling of rejection is what's making you feel like your life is sh*t (which it shouldn't be), then perhaps you're seeking happiness in a place where you'll never find it.

 

You have to be happy - or at least content - with where you are in life in order for someone else to add to it.

 

I get shot down too. We all do. But that doesn't mean we aren't great! It just means other people can't see it, or don't feel we are great for them.

 

If it's really bothering you that much, then i'd suggest stop trying to date for awhile and redirect your focus onto yourself.

 

My life is pretty awesome outside of being unable to get a date lol

I have a fair amount of friends, I'm very close with my family, I travel a lot and make good money. But the fact that I cant get a date no matter what I do is just killing me.

 

If there is something wrong with me or off putting about me and I cant think for the life of me what it is.

[Jkerr3]

OK! Np, it's true. I think you may be letting the situation get you down a bit and it may be apparent to women you are dating. It sounds like your confidence may be taking a hit. Find other things to build it up...like doing things you enjoy, women should not determine your happiness. Erica is dead on, try not to let someone else determine your self worth.

 

I'm not dating anyone.... I cant even get that far. I do things that I enjoy but I cant help but feel lonely. My parents always ask if I have a GF or if I'm dating and I always say no, I think there starting to think I've got a problem. I'm starting to think that too, every single one of my friends has had a GF before and I've never had one.

[Terry8889]

The thing is I dont encounter any women at work, and there's only a handful of girls in my classes "the 2 that I like both have BF's". So generally I tend to only encounter women at shopping malls, bars, events, and most of them I'll likely never see again unless I get their phone number.

 

I've been taking cycling classes and there's a lot of girls in the class "although I dont really feel like talking once it's over b/c I'm so damn tired lol".

 

Lol I see well if a complete stranger comes to me out of nowhere and asks for my phone number while I am shopping at the mall and that is the first time I see him I usually won't have any interest in him. Idk why but that is just how it works for me and my friends, we never give phone numbers or accept invitations from random dudes at the mall. Once I had this random handsome, tall, blue eyed, hottie ask for my number once, but that was the first time I saw him. The first thing that came to my mind "maybe this guy is a rapist or a psycho" so I denied my number Lol

Edited October 13, 2015 by Terry8889

[Jkerr3]

Lol I see well if a complete stranger comes to me out of nowhere and asks for my phone number while I am shopping at the mall and that is the first time I see him I usually won't have any interest in him. Idk why but that is just how it works for me and my friends, we never give phone numbers or accept invitations from random dudes at the mall. Once I had this random handsome, tall, blue eyed, hottie ask for my number once, but that was the first time I saw him. The first thing that came to my mind "maybe this guy is a rapist or a psycho" so I denied my number Lol

 

Any recommendations for where I should go too meet woman?

[ZA Dater]

Way I see it there are many positives here

: you are comfortable approaching, kudos because at 31 I cant do that.

: you seem to come across well based on the way you write.

: you seem to have confidence

 

I can but echo what others have said, perhaps go back to basics and spend time not looking for a date.

[Jkerr3]

Way I see it there are many positives here

: you are comfortable approaching, kudos because at 31 I cant do that.

: you seem to come across well based on the way you write.

: you seem to have confidence

 

I can but echo what others have said, perhaps go back to basics and spend time not looking for a date.

 

So just be single the rest of my life?

I'm never going to meet a woman at work or in class, I feel like I've got to take matters into my own hands.

 

I look at it like if you apply for 25 jobs and no one even gives you an interview, should you just stop trying to find a job and be broke? Or should you try and change something with your approach b/c you must be doing something wrong.

[ZA Dater]

So just be single the rest of my life?

I'm never going to meet a woman at work or in class, I feel like I've got to take matters into my own hands.

 

I look at it like if you apply for 25 jobs and no one even gives you an interview, should you just stop trying to find a job and be broke? Or should you try and change something with your approach b/c you must be doing something wrong.

 

I'd agree with a lot there but I honestly think some people are just better at dating than others for reasons nobody knows. O get more satisfaction from work than anything dating has given me.

[Jkerr3]

I'd agree with a lot there but I honestly think some people are just better at dating than others for reasons nobody knows. O get more satisfaction from work than anything dating has given me.

 

So I'm just ****ed is basically what your saying......

[ZA Dater]

So I'm just ****ed is basically what your saying......

 

No because you approach people and that's a dam good ability to have, wish I could do that. If you ask enough surely someone will say yes.

 

I think you can do it just need to maybe have bit more patience.

[Jkerr3]

I'd agree with a lot there but I honestly think some people are just better at dating than others for reasons nobody knows. O get more satisfaction from work than anything dating has given me.

 

I don't buy this though, there must be a reason. I mean it's like saying some people are just better at sports than other, no there's a reason why there better lol. It's not just completely random....

[EricaH329]

I don't buy this though, there must be a reason. I mean it's like saying some people are just better at sports than other, no there's a reason why there better lol. It's not just completely random....

 

If there's a reason, we wouldn't know it. Only you would, and maybe the girls you've approached. If you feel like there's something wrong with yourself, then take the necessary steps to change it. If you don't, then keep trying to date. Someone will like and accept you for who you are.