Starting to feel undatable...am I?

[JustGettingBy]

I (24m) have been unable to start a relationship in my life. Friendships? Tons, I have a few circles of friends. Are some of those friends women? Yes, I can have platonic friendships with women, and accept that that's the furthest I'm going to get.

 

As I've stated a few times, I have trouble interpreting, or partaking in flirting. It should be noted that I have aspergers syndrome, and despite over coming many of the notable, stereotypical disadvantages:

 

Very few people view me as rude

 

I have long lasting friendships, and when friend groups split up, I'm one of the few nobody cuts ties with

 

I can understand sarcasm

 

I don't make conversations all about me and the things I like

 

I'm quite considerate of others

 

In fact, I've become the opposite of a lot of these, since I was diagnosed young and able to have coping strategies (I became so considerate people here may refer to me as a door mat, I see sarcasm when it isn't there and am unaware the person actually is suggesting something that ridiculous, I'm so worried about being labelled creepy that I hardly ever approach anyone for anything---even if its innocent, etc.)

 

I however feel that because of some of the negative things posted about people with aspergers in this recent thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/552350-guy-says-he-s-dating-me-because-he-can-t-get-anybody-else and CFF's post here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/552622-s-only-creepy-if-you-re-low-value-article that having aspergers automatically makes me unable to date, or 'having no relationship value'. At least, that's the vision most people here seem to have. It should be noted that most people I hang out with mention I get flirted with or hit on the most out of anyone in that particular friend group, but I've never noticed any sober woman flirting with or hitting on me. In fact, I have never recognized any person flirting with any other person when either is sober.

 

It should be noted that many of my friends (both male and female) say I would be a good catch once I get a full-time job (I work part-time and have graduated college 3 times. I volunteer a lot for public relations work, which is what I most recently studied, and apply for several jobs per week).

 

A few of my males friends who were trying to make me feel better even said things like "I'm trusting you not to say anything to her or do anything about this to her, by my GF has mentioned to me a couple times on how you're kinda hot". Most people I know think I'm genuinely funny, I have an athletic build, including abs, and am debt free.

 

Does a single diagnosis make me unable to get a date, to where women will turn me down? I know that the longer I go without a relationship, the more of a red flag it becomes, and I don't want to keep crying myself to sleep. I'd prefer honest answers to false hope.

[todreaminblue]

hey.....

 

no you are not undateable......i read your other thread where you provided the link for this one...what makes people undateable is if they believe they dont have a problem or issues....you recognise yours...and would be understanding of others with issues........mental illness used to be a taboo area...i think there's a lot to say for the wealth of info out now about your issue and many other mental concerns.....that have made people with mental illness and mental conditions not so ...for want of a better word....scary......

 

i have a mental condition i am a multiple personality i believe ...doctors say i am schizo affective..but none of the medications or treatments they have had me take in the past are effective........but whatever...i recognise i have issues.....and i date....not right now...but i do....date.....i dated a level four schizophrenic....it didnt work out...mainly because he would use illegal self medication substances and monitor himself to combat the effects of vitality draining pyschotropics...and i dont want to live in that kind of lifestyle....he didnt beleive he was sick at all...and he was very ill......it would never have worked.....my beliefs and values are and were different .....

 

i also have dated people without mental issues...and to me....their issues were unrecognised...like respecting personal space for one.....far worse than having aspergers is an issue of groping people when you first meet them....

 

keep working on you....and be open to possibility.....see if there are any free groups around where you could do some talk therapy......it would be good for your socialisation skills anyway...and you might make some new friends...and have a little fun......who knows who you might meet......do a search in and around your area you live in.....i am sure there will be some or some group close by........i wish you well....deb

[ghsmith71]

You're athletic build will help a lot. Girls love that.

[ZA Dater]

Nobody is un dateable, I would quickly vanquish that mind set if I were you.