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Doomed to be alone?


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I am not a person who goes to clubs etc. and i am very shy when it comes breaking the ice, so basically, i do not advance women in real life.

 

I have dated so i have found women sometimes at least.

 

But now, i got dumped about 1,5 months ago. No, i am not yet over her but i would just like to meet new people.

 

But. I already played trough Tinder (got 1 match who actually talked with me and met me, after that: Nothing).

I am in various dating web sites. Nothing.

 

What is wrong with me? I am decent looking guy, i have good profiles, when i write to women i always make a personal post and not "hi cute! how are you?"

Just getting frustrated here. Feels like i am no good anymore.

 

I'm i too old (31)? Too ugly? Too handsome?

 

I don't smoke, i don't do drugs, barely drink, i'm a nice, easygoing fellow and easy get by with. Am i too kind? :D

 

Ok ok, maybe i am venting now. But still.

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Probably nothing wrong with you. What do you do in your day? If you isolate yourself then obviously meeting people is going to be a lot harder. Do you have any passions? Interests? Find something you love and work to find people that share that interest.

 

For example the best way I've ever found to meet people was taking martial arts classes. I was serious about it so I didn't do it just to meet people. But it forces you to get physical right away and breaks the ice without all the awkwardness. Actually met two of my best friends there, and two girls I had relationships with. Another one I did was live drawing. Basically just people who love art that draw a nude model. Great fun and you can meet some cool people. Point is, get out there and immerse yourself in your passion and make an effort to approach and be approachable. You don't need a relationship clearly as you're still hung up over the ex. Just go with the idea of talking to different people.

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I'm kind of in a similar boat.

 

It becomes difficult if you're like me and your passion is not something that's social OR too varied.

 

For example, a few of my passions are:

 

New and varied experiences - Hard to develop rapport with someone when you're doing something different every weekend. If I'm going kayaking one weekend, hiking by myself the next, or hanging out with established friends at a new bar it's hard to develop a core group.

 

Art consumption - If you're reading, seeing movies, going to concerts, or visiting the occasional museum, the same is true.

 

Balance - Coupled with those above, I really love my downtime.

 

I love sharing all of the above with someone else, but it can be tough to find someone with whom to do these things.

 

I go to the gym, but honestly, I don't want to pick up a girl at a gym. Maybe you would? Don't be a creep and hang outside the door, but if you see the same girl day after day, just drop a "hi!" here and there, then start inserting random comments and then, after a little while, crack a joke that makes her smile. Comment on a song that's playing over the speakers or something

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You don't have to go to night clubs but you may want to try joining some clubs that interest you. . . a group through which you can pursue a hobby. It's easier to have a conversation when you have something in common.

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My hobbies are:

 

Making music

Video games

gym, running

 

Pretty much that's it. I went to gym and sure there are some nice looking girls there, but currenly i cannot afford to go to gym. I'm unemployed and little low on cash :(

 

I mean i live in Finland. Here talking to women somewhere else than in a bar is strictly forbidden :DD

 

I just feel like i don't belong anywhere.

 

I am too geeky for a normal girl (i play videogames, A HUGE CURSEWORD to most women) and then again, geeky girls are too geeky for me.

 

I am too sporty for normal girl, but not sporty enough for a sport girl.

etc.

 

I'm little bit everything and little nothing :D

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I am really worried that i will never find anyone again.

 

I found my ex by a miracle and i really loved her. It took me 2 years to find her after my last breakup.

 

I've been back in dating game now for 2,5 months. I am in 3 different online dating sites and in Tinder. NOTHING. Can't even get out for a cup of coffee.

Well, I met this one woman, but she is nothing i am interested in.

 

And one of the OLD sites is international (OKCupid) and still nothing.

I think i have a good profile, not too long, not too short and it tells the important things about me. Also i have a nice picture of me. That's as good i look.

 

Am i doomed to be alone? Last time it took me 2 years to find a GF after breakup. I am afraid it takes me 2 years again to find someone who i can love and who loves me.

 

I really miss my ex, i think about all the stuff we could do together.

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Truthfully, I think you should be focusing more on addressing and fixing your self-esteem issues rather than worrying about dating. Your thread about the absolute mess with your ex suggests you don't have a lot of self-worth, which I think played a big part in the relationship and its aftermath.

 

It's cliche, but it's true: You need to love yourself first. It doesn't sound like you do. There's a sense of desperation in your posts. I'd wager you give off the same vibes in real life, and I'm also willing to bet that's why you allowed yourself to be treated so poorly by your ex during and after your relationship.

 

Do not worry about dating right now, because at best, you're just going to find someone new to burden with the unfair task of providing you with your sense of self-worth and happiness.

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Truthfully, I think you should be focusing more on addressing and fixing your self-esteem issues rather than worrying about dating. Your thread about the absolute mess with your ex suggests you don't have a lot of self-worth, which I think played a big part in the relationship and its aftermath.

 

It's cliche, but it's true: You need to love yourself first. It doesn't sound like you do. There's a sense of desperation in your posts. I'd wager you give off the same vibes in real life, and I'm also willing to bet that's why you allowed yourself to be treated so poorly by your ex during and after your relationship.

 

Do not worry about dating right now, because at best, you're just going to find someone new to burden with the unfair task of providing you with your sense of self-worth and happiness.

 

I was perfectly happy before my ex. I am just too nice and have problems standing up against people. I hate confrontrations.

 

I work out, i do music, i go out for walks, relax by watching tv shows. I see my friends...etc. I like how i look, i like the way i dress. I've spend hours and hour "self searching". I know what i like, i know what i hate. It was after my 2nd GF when i spent 8 months just to get known to me. Who i was. I dated many women (just a coffee / movie) to give myself and idea what kind of women i really like.

 

Before my ex, i was fine by myself, i was happy. I enjoyed being by myself, but i missed the love and closeness of other person.

I am suffering now, but i know I can be happy alone, but i want someone into my life i can share things with. Someone to laugh with. You know what i mean.

 

Am i happy now? No i am not. Still suffering from the breakup but i will rise again. I have stuff in my life i am not satisfied with, but they are is something i cannot affect to (getting a job).

 

Sure i could've said my ex millions of times "*uck off bitch." Throw her stuff out from balcony and be total a-hole towards her, I didn't want to. That would've been something i'd regret later.

 

I was picked on when i was a kid. In school, almost every day because i had such quick temper. Maybe i am afraid of confrontations.

 

I have no idea then what is then wrong with me.

 

I have no idea.

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impatiently_patient

Just put Instagram filters on your photos and you'll be up to your neck with options. So goes the wisdom of Loveshack.

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Also i seem to have hard time describing myself on those online dating profiles.

 

I am a mixed bag (Well we all are.)

 

At one moment i can write a poem, make a song, and at one moment i drive 200km/h on a race track, or push myself on the limit at gym.

 

I like boxing, i used to box. Loved the feeling of getting punched and punching back.

 

I try to avoid all the "i am nice, easygoing, open minded" cliches.

 

Hell, maybe i just write who i really am. Oh, now i see. I am not perfectly "satisfied" with myself. Because i feel some things i like is a turn off to women.

 

But i guess really shouldn't hide anything. If someone is turned off because i occasionally listen videogame music, that woman is not for me. Or if i like to visit old church because i like handiwork of old buildings.

 

My ex did not care. I warned her before she came visit me first time. As my apartment has some gaming stuff on the shelves. Not much. I am not that geeky.

 

She didn't care. She even played with me.

 

She started playing Curse of Monkey Island 2, on xbox 360 by herself! How can you not love women like that?

 

Sorry. Still miss my ex. I find all the women i talk with boring. They lack the spark my ex had.

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Also i seem to have hard time describing myself on those online dating profiles.

 

I am a mixed bag (Well we all are.)

 

At one moment i can write a poem, make a song, and at one moment i drive 200km/h on a race track, or push myself on the limit at gym.

 

I like boxing, i used to box. Loved the feeling of getting punched and punching back.

 

I try to avoid all the "i am nice, easygoing, open minded" cliches.

 

Hell, maybe i just write who i really am. Oh, now i see. I am not perfectly "satisfied" with myself. Because i feel some things i like is a turn off to women.

 

But i guess really shouldn't hide anything. If someone is turned off because i occasionally listen videogame music, that woman is not for me. Or if i like to visit old church because i like handiwork of old buildings.

 

My ex did not care. I warned her before she came visit me first time. As my apartment has some gaming stuff on the shelves. Not much. I am not that geeky.

 

She didn't care. She even played with me.

 

She started playing Curse of Monkey Island 2, on xbox 360 by herself! How can you not love women like that?

 

Sorry. Still miss my ex. I find all the women i talk with boring. They lack the spark my ex had.

 

 

You are still not over your ex. You need to work on getting over that so you don't start a rebound relationship. You are in no place to date now. It would not be fair to date someone else. You wouldn't be emotionally available. There's that rule you give the same amount of months you dated your ex in order to start dating again.

 

I have been single for almost 3 years. I think what people are trying to say is you have to be happy single before you can get back in dating game.

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You are totally not over your ex.

 

I'm over my ex. Though I find that no one else whould have loved me like my ex did. It's the fact despite how emotionally unstable and manipulate he was. Nonetheless, I won't let it controls my dating live. No one can compare to him yet no one is the same.

 

It's the dating game itself sucks.

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I would just like to meet new people. Go to a movie, have a cup of coffee. Just talk, spend some time with someone...I've been trying to get a date for over a month now. Just to see other people. I am not ready for anything serious, i know that.

 

My last tinder match is from over month ago. I have talked with people in WhatsApp and online. "Well, we should see someday!" is best i can get. And i know "someday" is same as "No".

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Skip OLD. Join a running club & a hiking club. Go to an open mike night & see if you can sit in on someone else's set.

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Nikki Sahagin
I'm kind of in a similar boat.

 

It becomes difficult if you're like me and your passion is not something that's social OR too varied.

 

For example, a few of my passions are:

 

New and varied experiences - Hard to develop rapport with someone when you're doing something different every weekend. If I'm going kayaking one weekend, hiking by myself the next, or hanging out with established friends at a new bar it's hard to develop a core group.

 

Art consumption - If you're reading, seeing movies, going to concerts, or visiting the occasional museum, the same is true.

 

Balance - Coupled with those above, I really love my downtime.

 

I love sharing all of the above with someone else, but it can be tough to find someone with whom to do these things.

 

I go to the gym, but honestly, I don't want to pick up a girl at a gym. Maybe you would? Don't be a creep and hang outside the door, but if you see the same girl day after day, just drop a "hi!" here and there, then start inserting random comments and then, after a little while, crack a joke that makes her smile. Comment on a song that's playing over the speakers or something

 

You sound really cool!

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You're from Finland? Isn't it quite small..? Population wise I mean. A girl who came to study at the same uni as me said that it was around 5million.

I digress.

This might not be the best advice you have had today but being as you said you like running and hiking, why not travel? Hike abroad. Stay in a hostel. Find people to go with...find a running partner(s).

Or...I am not sure how much you train or if you like marathons/fun runs etc. Why don't you do some marathons/runs at home or abroad? Maybe you can find a group locally(or nationally) who are going to go and do a particular run together.

I have a friend in Canada who likes running and eventually went with a group of people to South Africa to do a run through a national park

 

Just another way to meet people...possibly.

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Yes, finland is a small country population wise. Only around 5 million. In my home city there lives around 160 000 people.

 

I give up. I am too weird for normal people and too normal for weird people. What makes me weird? I like video games. In finland, if you like to play video games you are considered to be a nerd who stays inside 24/7.

 

I have dated models. My ex is beautiful as hell. I know i can get myself a good woman.

I am not a bad looking man. But i can't even get a date!! Why???

 

I have released a song, world wide. I am somewhat talented in musical area. I play videogames. I go to gym. I look ok. I don't smoke. I am fun, open minded...

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Ok....now this possible date of mine is giving the "i'm too busy" answer.

 

My ex-gf travelled 160km to meet me. I have travelled to another city too just to go for a date.

 

I don't really buy those "i'm too busy this week" answers. You can always skip a gym, or some other hobby to find time.

 

I really want my ex back. I just don't feel anything when i am talking to these other women.

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I don't think anyone is doomed to be alone because we are never truly alone, a positive mind is a powerful tool, never giving up motivates us and the only time we truly feel alone is when we allow self doubt and negative thoughts to kick in.

 

The reality I think is this, many of us are battling and many of us, me included put ourselves down so much we start to effect our entire lives with negativity. It just takes a moment to change ones outlook and you know what a different outlook can give different results.

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How to pick up women in real life? I have never asked woman out in real life. Ok ok, well, i tried twice, did not succeed.

 

Anyway. I think i cannot find woman from OLD sites. I've been trying 3 months now and can't even get for a cup of coffee.

 

I just would like to see new people, i do want to start anything serious now, but i would just like to talk with people, go to a movie, you know, casual dating.

 

Nothing. Every time i manage to start talking with someone then i ask then for a coffee etc. "Oh, i'm pretty busy for few weeks".

 

And this is after talking for a week in whats app.

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I don't smoke, i don't do drugs, barely drink, i'm a nice, easygoing fellow and easy get by with. Am i too kind? :D

 

Ok, so that's the bare minimum of what you need to be to get a girl. But what makes you interesting? Why would people want to hang out with you?

 

I have always though that meeting people via friends is the best way to go. You don't mention your friends and going to events with them where you could meet new people - what's going on in your social (non romantic) life?

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Ok, so that's the bare minimum of what you need to be to get a girl. But what makes you interesting? Why would people want to hang out with you?

 

I have always though that meeting people via friends is the best way to go. You don't mention your friends and going to events with them where you could meet new people - what's going on in your social (non romantic) life?

 

My friends are all gearheads. Not many women in those circles.

I am not gearhead myself so...

 

But i got rejected again. Well, at least this time i got talking with someone :D

But when i suggested meeting "...i can't really imagine you as anything else than friend"

 

I am not the most interesting guy. I am like a normal guy, i live.

I don't dismantle bombs, stop terrorist threats etc.

 

I have great humour, i make music, i like to out hiking, i like to go gym sweating...what do i need to be? James Bond? Succesful artist?

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Seriously,

 

I am in 4 different OLD sites.

 

OkCupid

Tinder

Suomi24 (a finnish dating site, even paid 10 euros for 1 month premium)

HappyPancake (another finnish dating site, 100% free)

 

I've been on those for 3 months now. All i've got is 5 whatsapp contacts,and talked to few people. And i saw this woman once and we went outside walking (not a date, just to spend time).

 

I managed to talk this nice girl, but she turned out not to be so nice after all. She said that because i am unemployed she will not want anything serious with me. Well, she seemed like high-maintenance anyway. Not my kind of girl.

 

And my EX-GF had dates immeaditely after breakup. Is it easy for a dumper to find a new, better man?

I am struggling even to go for a cup of coffee...

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JuneJulySeptember
Seriously,

 

I am in 4 different OLD sites.

 

OkCupid

Tinder

Suomi24 (a finnish dating site, even paid 10 euros for 1 month premium)

HappyPancake (another finnish dating site, 100% free)

 

I've been on those for 3 months now. All i've got is 5 whatsapp contacts,and talked to few people. And i saw this woman once and we went outside walking (not a date, just to spend time).

 

I managed to talk this nice girl, but she turned out not to be so nice after all. She said that because i am unemployed she will not want anything serious with me. Well, she seemed like high-maintenance anyway. Not my kind of girl.

 

And my EX-GF had dates immeaditely after breakup. Is it easy for a dumper to find a new, better man?

I am struggling even to go for a cup of coffee...

 

My success rate (or failure rate) was pretty similar. And there's nothing wrong with me and I bet you anything there's nothing wrong with you. I actually have messaged women who have rejected me or stopped communicating with me and asked for critique on my profile and they had none.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOWSKRH3E64

 

Watch that. Dating is not something that is a right or something that all people can get. At least you have had a girlfriend and sex before and so have I.

 

Know what I mean? Life's not fair. Try and think of those less fortunate than you instead of those more fortunate, and it will change things a bit. I'm trying to do this more myself too.

 

Nothing wrong with some venting though.

Edited by JuneJulySeptember
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