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Finding geeky women in the UK - officially given up


NinjaTurtlesAreCool

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NinjaTurtlesAreCool

Well, following on from my previous thread about finding single geeky women in the UK around my age, I have decided over the last month or so to officially give up on that dream.

 

I initially gave up a while back but then decided to try again. As an experiment, I threw open my OLD profile from 'UK only' to global... and got lots of views and quite a number of messages. I got a majority of messages from ladies in the States. Reading their messages and looking at their profiles, they seemed to be exactly who I'd love to meet (in most cases anyway). I got some really polite and very complimentary messages as well as expressions of disappointment at the fact I didn't live near.

 

But from the UK? Nothing, unfortunately.

 

I've done a convention at least every month this year, with 3 on one month and a couple of months with 2. Fun and enjoyable - I made some great friends... but single geeky women in their 30s? None.

 

I've chatted in forums - again, made some great friends but no single geeky women.

 

I don't regret trying - I've had a great time, made some brilliant new friends but to say it's disappointing that I haven't found even one who could possibly be something more would be a bit of understatement.

 

At least I know I've tried though. I think that had I just given up without spending all of this year really getting myself out there, I would have always wondered whether I just hadn't tried hard enough but I can honestly say I feel like I really have made a good effort and I don't feel like there's anyone out there like that for me.

 

I don't want a super long distance thing so the friends I've made on OLD will stay just as friends, which is no bad thing.

 

I've already cut the number of cons I'm doing next year. As much as I enjoy them, the number I've done this year have been a bit tiring so next year I'll do three or maybe four.

 

I have one left this year - a big Doctor Who one in November but I'm not going to be looking to meet someone there. I shall be going to enjoy the con and have fun - but if I meet someone there I'll eat my 4th Doctor scarf! I don't think cons are a place to meet potential dates!

 

So I'm officially giving up on that dream now. I know I've said that before but this isn't something I've spontaneously decided, it's something I've been thinking over for weeks.

 

I'd love to have my own family and - if I carry on in this futile search - I rather think I'll still be looking when I'm in my 40s if I don't rethink the whole thing.

 

I'm busy with other stuff in work and life now anyway so I shall get myself back out there, probably some time next year.

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What online dating site? I am a man and i would just love to get known to geeky women from outside finland. There is NONE here. Just someone who would once a while touch a gaming console and age over 20.

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JustGettingBy

There are geek/nerd specific OLD sites out there (Geek2Geek, Geekmore). Maybe some of them are popular in the UK.

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NinjaTurtlesAreCool
What online dating site? I am a man and i would just love to get known to geeky women from outside finland. There is NONE here. Just someone who would once a while touch a gaming console and age over 20.

 

OKCupid was the best for me. Good luck and hope you find someone! :-)

 

There are geek/nerd specific OLD sites out there (Geek2Geek, Geekmore). Maybe some of them are popular in the UK.

 

I tried those - they never seemed to have many female members in the UK. Just to give you an idea, I joined a Doctor Who one - lots of female members - all in the US, apart from two who lived right up the other end of the UK. That's two, out of the whole country! lol

 

Thanks for the suggestions though. :-)

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Thanks. Gonna try OKCupid. I just need someone to talk with. I don't care if she is from texas or spain.I am just curious of there is ANYONE out there for me :D Just need someone to talk with. of course i wish i could find someone little closer.

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I have one left this year - a big Doctor Who one in November but I'm not going to be looking to meet someone there. I shall be going to enjoy the con and have fun - but if I meet someone there I'll eat my 4th Doctor scarf! I don't think cons are a place to meet potential dates!

 

^When you say this...this is when it will happen

 

Hope you have a wonderful time at the convention and an amazing time in the city ;)

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Why does she have to be a geeky woman? :confused: My girlfriend is no geek but I'll still geek out with her sometimes, watch Star Trek or Battlestar Galactica. As long as you find a woman with an open mind you should be fine. You don't need to find a female clone of yourself, who shares all the same interests.

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NinjaTurtlesAreCool
^When you say this...this is when it will happen

 

Hope you have a wonderful time at the convention and an amazing time in the city ;)

 

Thanks! :-)

 

Why does she have to be a geeky woman? :confused:

 

Why not? Everyone has their preferences. :-)

 

You don't need to find a female clone of yourself, who shares all the same interests.

 

I doubt that every person who considers themselves geeky is a clone of me. Although that would be cool. We could form a band or a club.

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Do you have sites like meetup in the UK? In my area there are nerd and geek meetings. They are a little heavily attended by men but there are geek women at these places.

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impatiently_patient

My suggestion as I'm in the same boat (as a muso, instead of being a geek), but geek and gamer culture wasn't considered "cool" by much of a female demographic until the Millennials, so you're going to have to date younger. My last girlfriend was a big gamer and into geeky stuff and she was 23.

 

If thirty-something women are going to be elitists about geeky stuff, then forget 'em. Let 'em watch vapid reality TV alone on their thrones.

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I can't find anyone. I have almost given up. All i get is "yeah, i would love to meet you but i am very busy next week".

 

"how about week after that?"

"oh i dont't know yet".

 

Well f*ck. Just be a woman enough and say it to my face. I can take it. I may be simple but i am not stupid. You will HAVE time. Always. If you want to meet someone, you WILL have time. Time and distance are just poor excuses. Well, distance is a poor excuse if it's under 300km.

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NinjaTurtlesAreCool

Work has been going really well (looks like another promotion is on the cards) and I'm getting a lot done to my house at the moment so I've more or less put the whole dating thing on the backburner for the moment.

 

It isn't just sci-fi that women I meet seem to be put off by, it's anything that seems to involve learning anything about the world or the universe. I'm off to the Natural History Museum this weekend on my own. I've asked in the past and had the standard "that stuff is boring", "why would you want to go there" and was recently told that "the only women that go in places like that are the cleaners" (that was from a woman, by the way). I'm sure that's not true and there are women out there that love to learn... but I sure as heck can't find them.

 

Anyway, that's why I've given up and decided I'll do that kind of stuff on my own. I need to have a rethink about dating and stuff like that and I'll probably start again in the new year but I'll just have to accept that I won't meet a geeky/nerdy woman.

 

I have been asked out for coffee by someone so I'll see how that goes I guess but I'm not expecting much to come out of it as she already seems a bit bemused by the fact I'm visiting a museum! lol

 

Ah well, you never know I suppose! :-)

Edited by NinjaTurtlesAreCool
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I'm all for people going for whom they are attracted to, but you do seem to be cutting your pool rather fine. What if she doesn't necessarily identify as 'geeky' but would otherwise be a good fit with you? What if she's 29 or 41, not in her 30s? What if she lives in Germany or Sweden and not in the UK? :laugh: You have to understand that when you limit yourself that severely you are going to take a while to meet someone.

 

Geeky women aren't that rare, but a single woman in her 30s living in the UK who is geeky AND who is also either on OLD or outs herself as female on gaming forums is likely to be fairly rare. That being said, the responses you got when you suggested a date at the natural history museum also seem to indicate that you are asking out only a certain type of woman, adding even more parameters to your search. What type of women do you usually ask out? Do you have a physical 'type'?

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Do you have sites like meetup in the UK? In my area there are nerd and geek meetings. They are a little heavily attended by men but there are geek women at these places.

 

Yes we have meetup here :)

 

Hope you enjoyed the Natural History museum though turtle. Children are on half term from school so it might have been busy...

I don't think museums are boring. They are a good way to kill time, especially if you are skint :laugh:

Being as I am leaving London in a few months I need to take a trip to that section and visit the V&A as part of my leaving London bucket list.

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NinjaTurtlesAreCool

The Natural History Museum was great! I had a really nice day there - saw the Smilodon (Smilodon Fatalis to be precise), otherwise known as a sabre tooth cat, the Baryonyx and loads of others I could list here...

 

Coffee was ok - she was really nervous and I tried to get her to chill a bit and she sent me a message after saying she felt she messed it up. I told her I understood it can be a bit like that and that she hadn't messed up at all but I haven't heard from her since, which is a bit of a pity.

 

I've actually had a really busy time - no time to to even think about dating or relationships really. I'm actually typing this from a hotel room as I'm staying overnight for a Doctor Who con in London. This is the first time in the last couple of weeks that I've actually been able to have a proper rest! lol

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Same here... I am part of geeky meetups for women and for singles in NY. Truth is I never went to one, but still I am part of them ;)

 

Honestly I'd move to the other side of the world if I found the right geeky guy. I wouldn't limit myself geographically if I were you...

 

Do you have sites like meetup in the UK? In my area there are nerd and geek meetings. They are a little heavily attended by men but there are geek women at these places.
Edited by edgygirl
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NinjaTurtlesAreCool
Same here... I am part of geeky meetups for women and for singles in NY. Truth is I never went to one, but still I am part of them ;)

 

Honestly I'd move to the other side of the world if I found the right geeky guy. I wouldn't limit myself geographically if I were you...

 

 

I've looked at Meetups but they all seem to be too far away and on weeknights (no way can I do stuff like that with work the next day). Not sure why people don't want to do stuff like that at weekends - surely it's a time when most people would be free?

 

I seem to have everything else good right now so I wouldn't be keen on moving far - I'm trialling working on something new at work which is a step towards something much bigger and better than what I'm doing now (which I enjoy anyway) and I really like where I live. I think it would be a big ask of me to expect someone to move for me when I'm not keen on doing it myself...

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That is unfortunate about some women being negative about even wanting to go there. In the US, at least in the cities I have been, the science museums and aquariums are pretty busy with a wide range of people.

 

That being said, I am also geeky, but more with natural world type stuff, such as organism ID (birds especially), ecological theory, microbe production of foodstuffs and chemicals.

 

I regard geekiness as a tendency to gather a lot of information about, and spending at least a fair amount of time, with specific areas of interest, and having an unabashed sense of enthusiasm regarding those interests. That is quite a bit broader than this cluster of interests that many identify as needed to be considered a geek: gaming, computer programming, fantasy, sci-fi, comics and manga.

 

I think it may be worth your while to broaden the pool, and go for people who show a lot of enthusiasm for their interests, and are not openly negative about an event or place that is easy to incorporate into a date. Lighten up on interests that are more solitary, like manga, and match those with interest that are compatiable, even if not the same (ie an avid reader of any genre).

Edited by LurkerXX
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Are you having luck finding women in general? If a "non-geeky" woman is into you, there's a pretty good chance she can get into what you like.

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LookAtThisPOst
Same here... I am part of geeky meetups for women and for singles in NY. Truth is I never went to one, but still I am part of them ;)

 

We have the same time of "Geeky" Meetups here, too. That's okay, I typically private message the non-attending on the members list and get to know them that way. :laugh:

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NinjaTurtlesAreCool

I think it may be worth your while to broaden the pool, and go for people who show a lot of enthusiasm for their interests, and are not openly negative about an event or place that is easy to incorporate into a date. Lighten up on interests that are more solitary, like manga, and match those with interest that are compatiable, even if not the same (ie an avid reader of any genre).

 

Someone similarly geeky (i.e. not necessarily about the same thing) would be welcome - the nearest I came to that was someone I met a few years ago who was a trained geologist and she was really into that. Really interesting and I really liked her - but she was moving back to Scotland (about as far away from me as she could be while still being on the same land mass). Typical! lol

 

Sites like OKC seem to be devoid of women with interests like that - I've disabled my profile on there for the moment as I'm pretty busy now and felt bad when I checked and saw messages I'd been sent but hadn't had time to answer. I have messaged them now and apologised but I think it's best that I take a break from it until after Christmas, when things will (hopefully) quieten down a bit for me!

 

If I want to meet women obsessed with travel and mountains - I'd be spoilt for choice it seems. While those things are nice, I wouldn't class them as a major interest and when you see hundreds of profiles that all look the same and say the same thing, it gets a bit boring for me. I guess I'm looking for someone rather rare and unique.

 

Are you having luck finding women in general? If a "non-geeky" woman is into you, there's a pretty good chance she can get into what you like.

 

I have quite good luck with meeting women of a non-geeky kind but they either don't 'click' for me or they severely dislike geeky things that I like. If it was just a case of meeting someone to tick a box and say I have a girlfriend, I've no doubt I could have done that by now but that isn't what I want - I really want someone that I love being with and they'll love being with me. Someone to be silly with and also is interesting and - to be honest - I just find geekiness attractive in a woman. Only if it is unashamed geekiness though. If someone is embarrassed about being smart or having a particular passion for something, then it's a real turn-off for me. If only Velma Dinkley was real! ;-)

 

I've met some nice women both through sites like OKC and out and about but I just haven't felt the interest there or something I can connect with them on. And the love of sci-fi and geeky pursuits seems to really annoy a number of women I meet too.

 

I wouldn't want to try and change someone - I don't think that's a good thing to have in mind when getting into a relationship with someone, personally. If there was a genuine interest or curiosity there then that would be different but I've experienced the opposite in past relationships where a girlfriend has tried to convince me to give up things I enjoy because she finds it embarrassing or detests it for some reason (the one that threatened to smash all my stuff springs to mind).

 

We have the same time of "Geeky" Meetups here, too. That's okay, I typically private message the non-attending on the members list and get to know them that way. :laugh:

 

I joined some geeky Meetup groups over the weekend but they're not particularly local or active. I'll keep an eye on them though. :-)

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Oh man. My ex-gf's best friend once showed us pictures of this guy she was talking to. She wasn't sure about him because he was too geeky. Into dressing up like anime characters and stuff.

 

The dude looked like a freaking Greek god and she didn't want to go on a date with him because he wants to dress up like a comic book character every know and then? Its an extreme example but people can be very irrational about "geekiness", if only because they're brainwashed to be by pop culture.

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