Understanding subtle humor

[SJC2008]

I struggle with this a lot. If someone doesn't "sound" like they're joking,or aren't being sarcastic, I usually take it literal. It bothers me because I want to be able to engage with everyone.

 

I've gotten to the point with my insecurity that I even thought I might be an aspie or have a touch of it. Deep down I don't think I am though, I can read body language. I'm very animated & talk with my hands like I'm Itallian lol. I like stand up & comedies. I can "see a joke coming" etc.

 

 

The strange thing is, it almost seems like a social class thing in my experience. I didn't run in to as much of this type of humor at my lower paying jobs. I see a lot more of it where I work now. Maybe it's a coincidence...

 

Can anyone relate to this? Tips?

[bluefeather]

Maybe a British comedy show.

[scorpiogirl]

Sense of humour can be a tricky thing as different people find different things funny.

 

I will usually bond very quickly with someone who gets my humour and I have been told that sometimes people don't know if I'm kidding or not- probably because I often say things in a deadpan voice.

 

I don't like obvious humour, toilet humour, slapstick.

 

I like smart funny, so yes sometimes it does come down to bring an intellectual match, among other things. I don't mean booksmart necessarily but similar interests, backgrounds or experiences.

 

The thing is though that I don't think humour is something that can be learned or taught. I think it just happens according to who you're surrounded by from very early.

 

My sister and I have a very sarcastic, sometimes inappropriate sense of humour. Our brother came along when we were 15 and 13 respectively and he just picked up naturally the way we teased or poked fun at each other, despite our huge age gap.

 

If I'm attracted to someone but we can't laugh at the same things, my attraction wanes. If I'm lukewarm about someone and we find the same things funny, my attraction grows.

 

It's so subjective. Probably your best bet is to stick to people that match your sense of humour otherwise you or they might get a bit frustrated. I find it's like talking past each if you don't really click. That doesn't make for fun or interesting conversation.

[GravityMan]

Your sense of humor is a key part of your core personality. It can't be taught...it's innate. But it can be "refined" with time and life experience around the right people...similar to how a person acquires social awareness in general. That said, "right people" is a VERY subjective thing.

 

I think that if you'd just relax and loosen up, your sense of humor (whatever it is...deadpan, sarcastic, slapstick, etc.) will eventually surface naturally, especially if you're around people that you're comfortable with. Likewise for understanding the humor of others. Being genuinely happy with your own life also helps. Your humor will mesh great with a small percentage of people. The majority of people will probably recognize your humor (and some may even find it funny from time to time) but it won't exactly be their ideal cup of tea. And lastly a small percentage of folks won't get your humor at all and/or be very turned off by it. That's just the way it is. BTW, nobody's perfect...everyone occasionally makes a joke that doesn't go over well due to bad timing or wrong situation.

 

Most folks who seem serious and literal all the time are either insecure, uptight and/or can't get outside of their own head. Or perhaps they're in an unhappy or depressed stage in their life. It's difficult to banter and shoot the breeze with someone who's too deep in their own head. They think too much and won't get out of their own way.

 

Figurative language is an important part of communication.