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Decent looking.. not getting the time of day


Stage5Clinger

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Stage5Clinger

Online dating.. just joined another website. This one tells you every time someone views your page or does anything with your profile (likes, messages, etc.) and it's depressing how many women totally overlook me.

 

I'm not crazy hot or anything but I'm a good looking guy. I got my **** together and what-not. I just don't get it. There are girls on here that I "like" and message who I would never date because they are incredibly unattractive to me and they blow me off like yesterday's news.

 

I know online dating is really heavily weighted in the woman's favor but god damn! Girls aren't even viewing my profile after liking and messaging them. I liked/messaged over 100 girls today and only got 1 message from a girl I already know in real life (who I can't date for other reasons).

 

I mean seriously, wtf? Are there no girls looking to actually talk to a man online? Feels more like I'm playing a game or writing a blog then interacting with women.

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Nikki Sahagin

Hey OP.

 

TBH, I haven't really played the online dating game but from what I've heard, it's very hard for a man to stand out online. I mean, women are SWAMPED with messages and likes and adds from men. Many of these men are commenting and talking to them. Most women do not even look at every man's profile or read every message simply because the influx is too much.

 

I also think it's easier to stand out online for women because men are basing their opinion largely off of the visual; her breasts, figure, face etc. Women have to 'read between the lines' to uncover the truth about men online often.

 

So it's important to remember that there is nothing wrong with you. It's just that online dating is hard for everyone.

 

You either get totally ignored or totally mobbed and can't see the wood for the trues. Add in a few fakes, people in relationships, perves, creepers, weirdos and time wasters and it's a big mix.

 

Just give it time.

 

It's like giving your CV in to a job. HUNDREDS of other CVs are on there table. What makes yours stand out?

 

I'd also always say...don't necessarily give up online dating but meeting IRL is always better when possible.

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Stage5Clinger

OKCupid.. liked and messaged every girl within ~50 miles who has been on in the past couple of days. I have had 9 visitors and close to zero messages back. One girl I see on these websites and kinda know in real life -- friended her on Facebook and accepted. Messaged her and she didn't respond. Getting a little rediculous...

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The only way I used online dating was just to see what was in my area. I just kept my search to within 5 and sometimes 10 miles of my zip. I'd see women out and about (usually at the gym) that I saw were doing online dating.

 

On paper, I don't meet the requirements that these women put down. I am not tall enough (5'11") and I am not white (I'm white/Asian). I really don't know how it'd work out for me if I actually did OLD. I do know that in person, the same women that list I need to be "this" tall and white like me fine in person.

 

You're taking a step down for yourself when you do OLD. Go meet them in person like a man. No doubt though there are guys out there that do very well with it, I just don't think it's for me.

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Welcome to the world of online dating. I'd suggest you get off of there before OLD starts to mess with your self esteem even more. It's not worth the trouble.
This, completely.

 

Unless you look like a male model and make six figures, even some of the trolliest women will ignore you. It's a combination of them getting overwhelmed with messages, which inflate their egos, which in turn raises their already impossibly high standards.

 

OLD is a bad thing for men.

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impatiently_patient

Man, online dating discussions do go misogynistic quickly. :confused:

 

That said, welcome to my world, OP. I don't know what it is, but there's some intangible about online dating towards getting anywhere with it... and I honestly don't think it has much to do with being independently wealthy and working as a male model. Some people are at least marginally successful with it, and nowhere near that lofty perch.

 

Look at that video I posted. No way that "coffee expert" guy is pulling down stacks (especially with respect to the Manhattan market), he's average looking at best, and if you pause the video, his profile is dull as dirt. I've seen guys on forums who are handsome as hell, witty, and financially set that are getting WTF?! results. For instance, there was a cute alternative girl at lunch at the table next to me, the type usually into me, and her boyfriend was hot mess. He could be a cool guy and that should play into things, good on him if so, but I'm an interesting guy (at least I'd like to think), and the equivalent girl online wouldn't give me the time of day. Maybe there's a specific way people want to be communicated with online. Every other sentence in Farsi or something. He'll if I can figure it out. It's the quandary of our time.

 

Seriously though, not all women even like GQ guys with old money and the attitude that goes with it. Just like I will pass on the Barbies with high maintenance copy in their respective profs.

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Not sure how your OLD website works but possibly there are a lot of woman like me don't start with the "pay to join" until they know if it's going to be worth it.

This means we can see but not contact paid members.

 

My reasoning was that men are visual creatures. If I did not get interest from the guys that were interesting to me, then I'm not attractive enough. Seems silly to pay to be rejected.

 

Who knows I may have had a different experience as a paid member but I don't think so. :)

 

The few I was approached by were much older than myself or lived impossibility far away. The whole process did my head in.

I would also like to add that anyone who did message me ,I sent a polite (unable to be sent :/) reply to because I felt their efforts should be acknowledged.

 

Perhaps these websites could add a single drop down reply box with a generic list eg: thanks but you are too short,tall,fat,thin,old,young To encourage a reply. ???

 

Sorry after reading my post it doesn't really help with your situation but does show that women are not always on the winning team.:confused:

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Stage5Clinger
Welcome to the world of online dating. I'd suggest you get off of there before OLD starts to mess with your self esteem even more. It's not worth the trouble.

 

Probably good advice. Are women that much different than us men? I want someone to watch Netflix with, have sex with, eat dinner with, and share things with. Impossible?

 

Also, are women typically looking for sex only or a man to be in their life? I feel like maybe I'm messing up by wanting companionship in addition to sex...

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Stage5Clinger

This is a good one too.. Messaged a girl "Hey ;)" she viewed my profile and blocked me :X

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Online dating is a pain.

 

No matter what you write, who funny you are or not funny. Women do not answer unless you are some rich doctor with face of brad pitt.

 

Normal guys don't make it anymore. I am normal guy, i have good looks , i just can't get anyone even to respond to me.

 

My ex (who i found from Online Dating) was somekind of a lottery win. But then she dumped me.

 

I am personal when i aprroach women, i never just write "Hi! how are you". For example, a woman listens trance music, i approach her and tell her i am trance music producer. You would think that would be interesting right? I mean if woman would approach me and tell she was a game developer, i be like "OH really?!?! WOW!!! Tell me more!". But in this case, she viewed my profile and did not even aswer :D And yes, i wrote something else to her as well.

 

They don't even answer! But i think it this way: If she does not answer, you are not ment to be.

 

I found my ex-gf by pure coincidence. I was already giving up the whole online dating thing, then decided to look someone from further cities (100-200km away). Then i found her profile. I aproached her by ssaying something completely stupid. Because i like to differ from the masses. I was like "here goes nothing!", and my god, she answered and the rest is literally history.

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Frank2thepoint
Online dating.. just joined another website. This one tells you every time someone views your page or does anything with your profile (likes, messages, etc.) and it's depressing how many women totally overlook me.

 

This sounds like you keep placing your hand on the fire and are surprised each time that it hurts. Just stop doing online dating. Go approach women in the real world. Introduce yourself, try to strike up a conversation, and hopefully you get a date.

 

Pro tip. That last sentence I wrote in the previous paragraph, is exactly what happens if you were to get lucky with online dating to get a date with a woman. You're skipping all that noise by meeting women offline. That's efficient. :cool:

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Stage5Clinger
This sounds like you keep placing your hand on the fire and are surprised each time that it hurts. Just stop doing online dating. Go approach women in the real world. Introduce yourself, try to strike up a conversation, and hopefully you get a date.

 

Pro tip. That last sentence I wrote in the previous paragraph, is exactly what happens if you were to get lucky with online dating to get a date with a woman. You're skipping all that noise by meeting women offline. That's efficient. :cool:

 

I agree with this - but the reason I'm on there to begin with is that I never run into single women in real life. I don't know where to go or what to do to meet these kinds of people in real life. Instead my daily interactions are very cut and dry, and all the people I meet in real life are taken.

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What bothers me most in OLD is people telling things like

 

-I'm open and always up for new experiences

-I am happy and trustworthy person :)

-I loooove to meet new people :)

etc.

 

Then you write them thinkin "well, this person seems nice because she has good values". BS. They never answer. If they are so nice etc. why don't they at least answer "hey, thanks for writing but i don't think you are what i'm looking for".

 

I answer to every woman (if someone contacts me). Always. Ugly or not, everyone deserves to be treated like human beings.

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I don't have much to contribute to this thread, other then saying thank you. This has shown me what I should/shouldn't do when I get messages from guys i'm not interested in.

 

If they take the time of day to read my profile and message me, i'm no longer going to ignore it if they aren't the type of person i'm looking for.

 

Thank you! And i'm sorry you are having a tough time :(

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NinjaTurtlesAreCool

I'm intrigued by this because my experience of OLD is quite different to what is being said on here.

 

I'm not a male model or anything like that! I don't think I'm bad looking - in fact, I rather like the way I look! But my experience has generally been a positive one and it has been pretty good for my self esteem.

 

I joined OKC about 3 years ago and within a day or so of joining, I was messaged by two women. I never met either of them as they turned out to not really be my type but it was a good start! Since then I've had many dates from OLD. At first I was disappointed when they often didn't turn into anything but once I saw them as a chance for a nice evening out, it became much more enjoyable.

 

I've had two relationships from OLD sites and the chance for at least a couple more but they weren't what I am looking for.

 

I've been messaged first on a number of occasions. Most tend to be "Hey" or "You sound nice" or similar and tend to fizzle out but there are some who clearly do read my profile and message me.

 

Ironically, I'm yet to meet the woman who I feel is a good match for me (and me for her) as I'm attracted to geeky/nerdy women and I don't seem to find them on OLD sites (or indeed in 'real life').

 

Out of interest, one night I decided to open my profile on one of the sites to 'anywhere in the world'. I actually got quite a few messages from all over! I'm still in touch with a couple of ladies in the States, purely as friends (as I'm not looking for a long distance thing where I only see someone once or twice every few months) but it was interesting to see the number of visits I got (and a nice confidence boost too).

 

I'm not sure why my experience seems to be so different (not that I'm complaining)?

 

Anyway, I'm currently giving OLD a rest for various reasons. The main one being I just don't seem to find my geeky/nerdy match out of everyone on there. Talk about Sod's Law! lol

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This is a good one too.. Messaged a girl "Hey ;)" she viewed my profile and blocked me :X

 

This isn't the type of message to send if you want a response. A "hey" is a pretty good indication that you didn't read the profile and are merely messaging every girl on the site hoping for a response. I never responded to messages like that. You don't have to write a book, but at least write a couple sentences referring to something in her profile.

 

This idea that you have to be a male model or millionaire to get a date on OLD is absurd. I dated plenty of normal guys when I was doing OLD, and my male friends and coworkers who are also normal guys got plenty of dates.

 

How is your profile? Is it unique? Does it stand out? Are you using flattering pictures? Are you sure? I could never get over how many guys had blurry, crappy pictures, or used a group shot so I couldn't even tell which guy he was. Are you messaging women who want what you have to offer? Etc...

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I will say that I have had plenty of experience in not getting replies on POF and OkCupid. However, what I don't understand is when I get a message from a woman first and I respond, but then they don't reply to my response. I am usually one of those people who are willing to give someone a chance, so I am not really that picky.

 

However, I do somehow have to check to see if there are things that I don't like in a person before messaging her. I have read plenty of profiles that say "I only like white guys" or something to that effect. I am sure that some women have been called racist for that.

 

I sometimes question why I still have accounts on POF and OKC. However, like someone said here, in real life it's hard to find a woman who is single. Most women who I know in real life are spoken for.

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Welcome to the world of online dating. I'd suggest you get off of there before OLD starts to mess with your self esteem even more. It's not worth the trouble.

 

Agree with this.

 

Online dating has created a glut of entitled princesses. There are enough women on cyberspace dating sites with a staunch list of requirements that excludes over 80 percent of eligible, available men.

 

My advice is avoid online dating and stick to the real world of approaching women.

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fitnessfan365
There are girls on here that I "like" and message who I would never date because they are incredibly unattractive to me and they blow me off like yesterday's news.

 

Dude, explain this to me. Why in the hell would you contact women you're not attracted to and don't want to date in the first place? Makes no sense..If anything, women you don't want not writing you should be a good thing right?

 

Now either you're looking for an ego stroke because you figured that girls you deem unattractive would jump at the chance to talk to you, or you have such low confidence that you'd actually settle to date a woman you have no desire for. Either way, that's a bad place to be. Start valuing yourself more and only focusing on women you'd actually want. Anything less is a waste of your time and ultimately their time because you'll never truly be into it and lead them on.

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I'm kind of in the opposite situation.

 

I'm new to online dating; I never trusted that before (even for now) only because a friend of mine saying that this new online dating tool excludes creepy people. Getting like is not extremely difficult to me, but getting the conversation going is like hell. Guys are really not into texting (unless you start flirting or sexting) or not patient at all, and I really have no idea what to keep the chat interesting with only texting. Yup it's all about putting up an attractive photos. Men never read the profile, never. I'm one of the few sincere ones that really mean what I posted: a man who is willing to spend time with me.

 

I don't know how it is on men's side; but if you are just a visual person who only make judgement on the profile pictures, women are doing the same to you.

 

I won't say stay out of it, but don't have any expectation.

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OKCupid.. liked and messaged every girl within ~50 miles who has been on in the past couple of days. I have had 9 visitors and close to zero messages back. One girl I see on these websites and kinda know in real life -- friended her on Facebook and accepted. Messaged her and she didn't respond. Getting a little rediculous...

 

If you're able to send that many messages then you're probably sending some sort of generic message, and most women won't respond to that or even check out your profile.

 

You gotta make that first message about them. Make it clear that you read her profile not just check her picture. Comment on something she wrote and relate to it.

 

You're better off sending 1/10 the amount of messages that have quality content than volumes of plain vanilla messages that won't stand out among the dozens or even hundreds that the more attractive women get every week.

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impatiently_patient

-I'm open and always up for new experiences

-I am happy and trustworthy person :)

-I loooove to meet new people :)

 

Sounds like she's good for a threesome. I'd message the hell out of that. :cool:

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I don't get this. My head hurts. Ok, i joined OKCupid. I people talk with me...yes. BUT.

 

Not anyone from finland. So far i've been contacted by pretty russian girl who likes anime,

woman from brazil who likes finnish singer and a woman from poland who lives in sweden.

 

What the hell is going on :D

 

I don't care if my soulmate would be russian, brazilian, or from sweden. But i wish i could find someone little bit closer. Maybe finnish women are just picky.

 

Maybe i need to go "clubbing" some weekend. I just don't like the idea though.

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Nikki Sahagin
I don't get this. My head hurts. Ok, i joined OKCupid. I people talk with me...yes. BUT.

 

Not anyone from finland. So far i've been contacted by pretty russian girl who likes anime,

woman from brazil who likes finnish singer and a woman from poland who lives in sweden.

 

What the hell is going on :D

 

I don't care if my soulmate would be russian, brazilian, or from sweden. But i wish i could find someone little bit closer. Maybe finnish women are just picky.

 

Maybe i need to go "clubbing" some weekend. I just don't like the idea though.

 

Every bf I've ever had has been foreign. I think it's actually easier to meet a foreign person as you'll always be exotic to each other. In your own country, you're just a dime a dozen.

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