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For men having trouble attracting women—how to attract women


popcornpuff

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Inspired by the recent post about volunteering for people having trouble attracting women, I thought I would write one that actually tells you how to attract women. So, here goes:

 

When it comes to approaching women, I would talk to her as if I was curious about her and want to know more about her. There are few things women love more than honest appreciation of them, and approaching her with a sense of curiosity is one of the best ways to show that.

 

So, take the woman in this picture for example:

 

https://candidkay.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/fotolia_70591745_subscription_monthly_m.jpg

 

What do you notice about her? Yes, she’s hot—I noticed that too! But let’s go a little deeper…what else do you notice about her?

 

• She’s reading a book

• She has a cup of coffee on her table

• She’s looking out the window somewhat pensively

• She’s wearing a watch

• Her iPhone is on the table

 

If we approach with a sense of curiosity, each of these details leads to a question:

 

• What is she reading?

• What kind of coffee is she drinking?

• Why does she appear pensive?

• What kind of watch is she wearing?

• What iPhone model does she have?

 

So, let’s go with that first question. We can approach her and ask something along the lines of:

 

“Hey, I’m Steve. I saw you over here and thought you looked interesting. What book are you reading?”

 

She might reply: “Hi, my name is Jane. I’m reading Don Quixote.”

 

From her reply, there are now more questions that we can ask her—even if we have not read that book before! Some examples of follow-up questions you can ask if you have read the book:

 

• “I love that book! How far are you?”

• “Didn’t you love the part where Don Quixote charges into the windmills?”

• “What do you think of the squire Sancho Panza?”

 

And here are some questions you can ask if you have not read the book:

 

• “I’m not familiar with Don Quixote. What’s it about?”

• “What made you decide to read that book?”

• “What do you think of that book?”

 

And then depending on her response, you can ask another follow up question or go back to the list of details that we noticed before and ask her one of those questions.

 

So, when it comes to approaching women, the best way to go about doing it is with a sense of curiosity. Who is she and what can we learn about her? When we looked at the woman in the picture we quickly noticed five different things about her. From there, we have at least five different questions we can ask to learn more about her. Based on her reply, we can dig deeper and ask follow-up questions.

 

Virtually every guy who sees the woman in the picture will notice that she is hot. She probably gets several guys reminding her of this every day and she’s tired of it. Heck, every guy she meets is interested in her looks! Let’s go deeper and see what else we can notice about her. When you approach her with a sense of curiosity and ask questions to learn more about her, you send the message that you’re interested in her values, attitudes, experiences, and opinions…you’re interested in who she is as a person.

 

Women love that ;)

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What do you notice about her? Yes, she’s hot—I noticed that too! But let’s go a little deeper…what else do you notice about her?

 

• She’s reading a book

• She has a cup of coffee on her table

• She’s looking out the window somewhat pensively

• She’s wearing a watch

• Her iPhone is on the table

 

You forgot:

She;s wearing 'natural-looking' make up, and has beautifully-manicured nails. This implies she values her outward appearance, and is most likely aware of her attractiveness.

Her hair would appear to be carelessly done, but she knows it suits her, that 'just thrown together' look. Very hip, very trendy, very 'now'.

No jewellery - not even a simple, fine neck-chain. She doesn't need additional finery, not with a clear; lightly-tanned skin like hers....

(And the 'phone is face-up, inches away from her book. Whatever she's reading will be dropped like a brick if someone texts or calls her. She's not as intellectual as she seems to be.)

The girl is in fact, a 'fashion victim'.

 

If we approach with a sense of curiosity, each of these details leads to a question:

 

• What is she reading?

• What kind of coffee is she drinking?

• Why does she appear pensive?

• What kind of watch is she wearing?

• What iPhone model does she have?

 

So, let’s go with that first question. We can approach her and ask something along the lines of:

 

“Hey, I’m Steve. I saw you over here and thought you looked interesting. What book are you reading?”

 

She might reply: “Hi, my name is Jane. I’m reading Don Quixote.”

She's far more likely to reply, falteringly,

"I'm sorry... I don't know you, I'm waiting for someone, so thanks, but no thanks."

 

Why?

Because any trendy young lady who is this self-aware, can spot a chat-up line a mile off.

 

From her reply, there are now more questions that we can ask her—even if we have not read that book before! Some examples of follow-up questions you can ask if you have read the book:

.....

And here are some questions you can ask if you have not read the book:

.....

And then depending on her response, you can ask another follow up question or go back to the list of details that we noticed before and ask her one of those questions.

 

So, when it comes to approaching women, the best way to go about doing it is with a sense of curiosity.

 

Sadly, if you've actually managed to get this far, the sound of desperation will begin to get on her nerves....

 

 

Who is she and what can we learn about her? When we looked at the woman in the picture we quickly noticed five different things about her. From there, we have at least five different questions we can ask to learn more about her. Based on her reply, we can dig deeper and ask follow-up questions.

This is so contrived and calculated, there's no way any guy is going to exude a natural curiosity.

I'm sorry, but it absolutely fog-horns "I'm trying to chat you up".

 

Virtually every guy who sees the woman in the picture will notice that she is hot. She probably gets several guys reminding her of this every day and she’s tired of it. Heck, every guy she meets is interested in her looks! Let’s go deeper and see what else we can notice about her. When you approach her with a sense of curiosity and ask questions to learn more about her, you send the message that you’re interested in her values, attitudes, experiences, and opinions…you’re interested in who she is as a person.

I hate to break this to you but if she's hot, then she's probably heard every trick in the book.

Frankly, she looks downright glum to me, and she's probably wondering why all guys are so damn predictable. They feign interest, but all they're really thinking is 'She's hot!" which means one thing, and one thing only.

Their primary interest is in getting their loin-buddy to join in at some point.

 

Women love that

No.

Seriously, I promise.

We don't.

Edited by TaraMaiden2
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Great thread, popcornpuff.

 

@TaraMaiden2, your analysis is off. I know this because I DO the stuff popcornpuff so eloquently spelled out in her thread. MOST of the time, I get a good reaction. Even if she isn't in the mood to talk, nothing bad happens. I just walk away.

 

Sometimes we will just have a few friendly exchanges then and there and that is it. And oftentimes we will end up having a nice conversation in e.g, the coffee shop and that is it too. But sometimes both of us ARE interested in more. It has led to dates, sex, friendship, and even a girlfriend.

 

Not every woman wants to meet a man via cold approach. But someone like popcornpuff is open to that, and as I like women who are open-minded and friendly, I tailor my approach to women who are that. Thus, I walk over and say something, and the popcornpuffs of the world respond positively.

 

Anyway popcornpuff, thank you for posting this. This forum needs more uplifting threads such as yours.

Edited by Imajerk17
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My view is entirely subjective, Having been in the position of the young lady, I hve had my fair share of triers.

The one thing ladies tend to respond to more readily than anything, is a touch of humour.

The efforts in the first post just seem so contrived and false, I'd be inclined to roll my eyes and think "goddammit, not again...!"

 

Maybe popcornpuff and I come from opposite ends of the spectrum.

I daresay one approach can't suit all comers.

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Great thread, popcornpuff.

 

@TaraMaiden2, your analysis is off. I know this because I DO the stuff popcornpuff so eloquently spelled out in her thread. MOST of the time, I get a good reaction. Even if she isn't in the mood to talk, nothing bad happens. I just walk away.

 

Sometimes we will just have a few friendly exchanges then and there and that is it. And oftentimes we will end up having a nice conversation in e.g, the coffee shop and that is it too. But sometimes both of us ARE interested in more. It has led to dates, sex, friendship, and even a girlfriend.

 

Not every woman wants to meet a man via cold approach. But someone like popcornpuff is open to that, and as I like women who are open-minded and friendly, I tailor my approach to women who are that. Thus, I walk over and say something, and the popcornpuffs of the world respond positively.

 

Anyway popcornpuff, thank you for posting this. This forum needs more uplifting threads such as yours.

 

And by the way:

popcornpuff is male.

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I'm a woman and I'm with Popcorn and Imajerk on this one.

 

Plus all of those 'other' things to talk about are also a way for a woman to just ask a question and approach a man too just to start a conversation.

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Very constructive and useful post, thanks.

 

I think attracting people is probably partly about appearance and partly about the confidence one exudes with them.

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https://candidkay.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/fotolia_70591745_subscription_monthly_m.jpg

 

What do you notice about her? Yes, she’s hot—I noticed that too! But let’s go a little deeper…what else do you notice about her?

 

• She’s reading a book

• She has a cup of coffee on her table

• She’s looking out the window somewhat pensively

• She’s wearing a watch

• Her iPhone is on the table

 

 

Also notice the cup of coffee is very full. No sips taken. Also notice the handle is facing away from her, EXACTLY where her right handed boyfriend sitting across from her would be expect it. AND she's looking out the window, perhaps looking for said boyfriend.

 

However, you left out the most important part. Before doing any cold approaches, AT LEAST make a bit of flirty eye contact before hand, to pre-frame the situation.

 

Otherwise, never know if you ask, eh?

 

A good way to start any cold approach is to lead with, "I know this is going to sound like a lame pickup line, but...."

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I think the situation we have here is that the 'pretty young thing' in the photo is prime material for chatting up, and is new to the dating world, and may well find such advances interesting, stimulating and believable.

 

Me? I'm more advanced in years, have "been there, done that, read the book" (Not Don Quixote!) .."Seen the movie and know what's coming."

 

Hence my cynicism.

I've heard it all before.

In all likelihood, she hasn't, and will therefore be more open to the frankly manipulative and agenda-driven approaches of a man who purports to show interest because he's intellectually drawn. Ye.e.e.e.s.......:rolleyes:

 

The motive is transparently ulterior.

The OP's first comment about the young lady, is "She's Hot!"

Not - "OMG! In this day and age of Kindle books and laptops, mobile phones and hi-speed technology - she has an actual BOOK(!) in front of her!"

 

Probably the same reason I positively detest so-called 'Chick-flicks'.

 

Yech. Because life is so like that. Romantic and fairy-tale.

I'm afraid I no longer subscribe to the term 'sucker'.

 

It may be a sad indightment, but I can read guys 'like a book'.

 

(Maybe she's reading "The Female Eunuch"......! :laugh:)

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thefooloftheyear

I'm with TM here....

 

While the one guy is going about it the way the OP states. the minute an aloof and tatted up guy that looks like Pauly D walks by, she is biting her lip and staring him down like a dog on a raw roast beef...

 

...and the first guy is standing there like a dumbell while she off in dreamland..

 

Seems too contrived...Good looking women see right through that...Better be bringing more to the table,,,

 

IMO. that type of approach only works on shy and awkward women that dont often get male attention...

 

TFY

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This is more how to approach women than how to attract women.

 

If she's interested, she'll make the conversation easy. If she's not interested, she'll give short answers and keep looking down at her book or phone, or out the window. Then you just bid her a lovely day, smile, and move on.

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This is more how to approach women than how to attract women.

 

If she's interested, she'll make the conversation easy. If she's not interested, she'll give short answers and keep looking down at her book or phone, or out the window. Then you just bid her a lovely day, smile, and move on.

 

Actually that's a very good distinction, and one I'd missed.

Good point.

Attracting women is a whole different ball-game, and TFOY alluded to it in his post.

I also think one needs to home in on what to all intents and purposes may appear to be 'like-minded' individuals.

 

There's no point in a guy approaching a young lady with the above scenario if the only thing he ever reads are marvel comics and Hellblazer.

A guy interested in books, will approach a young lady who's reading because if he really can't hold his own in reading literature and discussing various authors and their works - the whole discussion will rapidly descend into the farcical....

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LookAtThisPOst
What do you notice about her? Yes, she’s hot

 

I was speaking to a female friend of mine about men approaching women like this in a public setting, cold turkey. A person they don't even know.

 

She says that a lot of women aren't really open to this because they ONLY reason a man approached them the way they did was due mainly in part to physical attraction.

 

Women pretty much know this is why men they don't know approach them and dismiss it as a disingenuous, "He is only approaching me because he thinks I'm cute"

 

And thus he's probably into one-night stands or only out for a piece of arse.

 

Sad, but true that most women assume this, but in this modern era, women tend to be a bit more skeptical than our parents and grand parents method of which was more cold approach than anything.

 

If she's interested, she'll make the conversation easy. If she's not interested, she'll give short answers and keep looking down at her book or phone, or out the window. Then you just bid her a lovely day, smile, and move on.

 

My outcome about approaching women in public had mostly been the aforementioned latter. Thus my reason for joining Meetups and going out to already pre-ordained and scheduled events where people are mentally ready to be approached by opposite genders.

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BronzeAgeJaeger217
This is more how to approach women than how to attract women.

 

If she's interested, she'll make the conversation easy. If she's not interested, she'll give short answers and keep looking down at her book or phone, or out the window. Then you just bid her a lovely day, smile, and move on.

 

Some dating coaches I read advice from, they say women will often not say much during conversation with a guy, not contribute much to the conversation, as a way of testing the man, its one of women's ways of "testing" men, to see how he is under pressure, as in expect the man to do most of the talking in the beginning

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JuneJulySeptember

I think your advice should be geared more towards men who do pretty good with women but want hotter women.

 

Your audience is guys who do poorly with women, but you suggest approaching a hot woman cold in a cafe. There's a disconnect. I mean, c'mon, that photo is ridiculous. :lmao:

 

I'd love to meet you man. I'd love to show you what I look like and the type of women I message and the type of responses I get. But only for the sake of conversation, to show you a different side, not to try and improve my dating odds.

 

As far as REAL advice for guys who do poorly, I'd say meeting through friends of friends. It's a tough road, but the only thing that has ever worked for me. Unfortunately as you get older, your social network shrinks and that pool is much, much smaller.

Edited by JuneJulySeptember
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impatiently_patient

As far as REAL advice for guys who do poorly, I'd say meeting through friends of friends. It's a tough road, but the only thing that has ever worked for me. Unfortunately as you get older, your social network shrinks and that pool is much, much smaller.

^

This x all the particles in the universe.

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Some dating coaches I read advice from, they say women will often not say much during conversation with a guy, not contribute much to the conversation, as a way of testing the man, its one of women's ways of "testing" men, to see how he is under pressure, as in expect the man to do most of the talking in the beginning

 

I'm someone who would let the guy talk more than me, but not as a test. IME, guys find it flattering when a woman takes an interest in what he has to say, so it's a way of showing interest. Plus, I'd get to learn about him.

 

In that case, she's showing her interest with eye contact and asking questions or contributing comments that show she's engaged in the conversation. The short answers designed to show disinterest are clearly different.

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impatiently_patient

Not to mention OP's cheeseball spiel had nothing to do with attracting women.

 

If I'm sitting down in a coffee shop and reading a book and a woman asks me, "What are you reading?" with intent to flirt THEN I'm attracting women.

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LookAtThisPOst
Some dating coaches I read advice from, they say women will often not say much during conversation with a guy, not contribute much to the conversation, as a way of testing the man, its one of women's ways of "testing" men, to see how he is under pressure, as in expect the man to do most of the talking in the beginning

 

 

It's just bull crap fluff used to take up space on their blogs to get traffic to the site. They say it as if they KNOW it's a TEST.

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impatiently_patient
How to attract, have money or have looks, nothing else matters.

 

I make pretty good money, and have been considered good looking by people and I haven't had a date in two years. There's obviously more to it than that.

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I think OP has the right idea, but following his "prescription" isn't quite enough.

 

I am an attractive woman, with smooth skin, a nice smile, fit body, sense of style, etc., and so I do get approached by men a lot. And I can smell a mile away when someone is just trying to get me to like them, versus when someone is genuinely interested in finding out about me. Most of the time, the latter is not the case. Why? Because the definition of GENUINE interest in someone is that you are more interested in THEM than in the OUTCOME of the interaction--e.g., will she agree to a date / a kiss / sex / etc.

 

It baffles me, because if someone is worth investing in as a date, than surely she is worth getting to know just for its own sake, regardless of the outcome. But I can't tell you how many times guys just vanish as soon as it's clear you're not going to just give in to their agenda, and have an agenda of your own. And it's so off-putting, because OF COURSE I have my own needs and wants, and OF COURSE I'm going to assert them rather than just capitulate to whatever some guy I scarcely know wants. But a lot of guys think if they just push hard enough, you'll eventually give in.

 

For me, nothing would be more attractive than someone genuinely captivated by ALL of me, not just my outward appearance. Someone who might be attracted to me and want to date me, yes, but who is open to wherever it leads and just letting a mutual attraction unfold on its own time. I just cut off a guy who kept pushing to spend more and more time with me, telling me I was "so pretty, amazing, intelligent," then pushed to kiss me, and when I said "no, not yet," he pushed harder by telling me what a great boyfriend he is and a true gentleman, blah blah...and then, on a date, he parked so that the passenger door was about 5 inches from a solid picket fence, and asked me to climb over the driver's seat to exit from that side. I mean, seriously??? It showed that all he was really interested in was getting me to bend to what HE wanted, rather than letting something unfold between us, or getting to know ME for ME. I cut him off after that. He for the life of him cannot understand what he did wrong :confused::rolleyes: (And, I should add--when he asked why I was cutting him off, I actually took time to explain. And he STILL doesn't get it. We work at the same place, and I as well as all our female coworkers think he's a huge douche; meanwhile, he doesn't understand why the car thing was wrong.)

Edited by GreenCove
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I make pretty good money, and have been considered good looking by people and I haven't had a date in two years. There's obviously more to it than that.

 

Go to bar, throw enough money around and I'd hazard you will find a date quite easily.

 

 

Ridiculous I know but my own cynical view is nothing attracts females more than success, being defined as money.

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