MetalGear Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Hi everybody I’m new! I graduated college in June and I just got my first real job which I’m really excited about. Technically it’s a three month internship, but it’s full-time and I’m getting paid, though it’s only minimum wage. Today was the start of my forth week there. Since I just got out of college and I’m not making a lot of money, I moved back in with my parents to save cash. Of course that’s going to make things more difficult. When I was in college I had roommates so it was OK to bring girls over, but now that’s not really possible. There is a girl that has caught my eye and I’m slowly talking to her more. Because of the nature of my job I walk by her desk several times a day, and say hi or smile. But since she is almost always busy I can’t just sit down and talk to her. I want to make some kind of move soon, but this is an environment that I’m not really used to so I don’t know how to precede. Also since this job will be short term, I don't really care if things become uncomfortable or whatnot. Right now I just want to have some fun. Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 I'd recommend waiting until your last week to make a move. That way you can get to know her better, scan for red flags, and even if things go south right away, you won't have it lead to awkwardness for the whole office. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MetalGear Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Thanks for the reply! I don't think waiting a few months would be the best move here. What if she gets a boyfriend by then? Also there are people in the company who are dating. The guy who sits next to me has been dating a coworker for several years. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Just get to know her first, before you commit to making moves on her. Keep saying hi and smiling, but try to get in a quick conversation, like asking her how her weekend was, what did she do, interests, etc. Since she's busy, all of this will have to happen at opportune times. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Internships can lead to job offers. That is actually the point of an internship so the fact you think you can do whatever you want because it's a short term gig tells me you are shortsighted about your love life AND your career. I'd hold back with the having fun with your colleagues until you find out if you will be offered a permanent positioned. You don't want to blow your financial future for a few dates / quick sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 It doesn't matter what your coworker does; he's worked there for years. Your situations are not similar. Surely you have other opportunities to meet women that won't be so potentially complicated? At this point in your career, it's just not a smart move. Internships are about making good impressions and using your time to gain experience and better job opportunities for yourself. Your employers and colleagues might pick up on your "don't really care" attitude, especially if you try to use the office as a singles bar; this can affect your reputation at work and a future recommendation from this company. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MetalGear Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 Just get to know her first, before you commit to making moves on her. Keep saying hi and smiling, but try to get in a quick conversation, like asking her how her weekend was, what did she do, interests, etc. Since she's busy, all of this will have to happen at opportune times. That's what I want to do! It's just hard to find a time when she's not busy. I can ask her how her weekend was on Monday, that's a nice easy conversation. Though when I run into her tomorrow I'm not sure what I should say to her. I barely talked to her today as I didn't have any good conversation starters. I wonder if I should try to make plans with her outside of work? My work schedule is very flexible so I can take my lunch or get off the same time that she does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MetalGear Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 @ d0nnivain Few dates and quick sex is exactly what I need right now It doesn't matter what your coworker does; he's worked there for years. Your situations are not similar. Surely you have other opportunities to meet women that won't be so potentially complicated? At this point in your career, it's just not a smart move. Internships are about making good impressions and using your time to gain experience and better job opportunities for yourself. Your employers and colleagues might pick up on your "don't really care" attitude, especially if you try to use the office as a singles bar; this can affect your reputation at work and a future recommendation from this company. I really don't see anything bad happening that could affect my reputation at work. I take my job seriously as I know how important it is for my career and playing around with a girl isn't going to change that. Just to be a little clearer, this isn't a thread asking if I should date girls at work, but how As for meeting other girls. This is my first time actually working a full-time job and I'm amazed at how much time and energy it actually takes. My position requires me to walk around a lot and when I get home I'm just tired and don't want to go anywhere. The weekends have been pretty much me getting dragged around by my dad. I don't really know the area or what's here. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Get your few dates & quick sex elsewhere. You can date people at work but not casually. A bad break up or misunderstanding can spill over into work & prevent you from getting the job or cause you to get fired. If you "play around" with the wrong woman at work & she screams to HR about you, then you will have problems. As an intern you need to be above board & that precludes casual love 'em & leave 'em. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MetalGear Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 The purpose of this particular internship isn't to get a job at this company, it's to gain experience in my field so I can get a job once this is done. The details are a bit more complicated than that and how it got set up but that's the basic point. There is a chance I could be hired but even then I'd try to transfer to a different branch as I don't like the area. When I don't know where I will live in three months it's hard to think about a serious relationship. I sure as heck know I'm not going to keep living with my parents. If this girl is fine with a short term thing that will most likely not last more than a few months, why not go for it? Link to post Share on other sites
JP100 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 dont date women at work. your just asking for trouble. when you fight at home, your workplace is your refuge and place of peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MetalGear Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 dont date women at work. your just asking for trouble. when you fight at home, your workplace is your refuge and place of peace. Fight at home? I don't think I'd be living with this girl anytime soon Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Fight at home? Fight on the date . . . & then have to deal with it the next day at work. It's when your world's collide. Much of your reasoning is sound . . you don't know where you will be, you don't want any thing serious . . . OK fine. Just don't look for that at work. Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Go ahead. Even though if I were you I'd chat her up for 2.5 months and when my internship was about to end I'd ask her out (on the other hand they may keep you after it ends, so why delay it?). Link to post Share on other sites
Author MetalGear Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 She didn't come in to work at all last week. I overheard some people talking about her and it sounded like she was actually out of the state. I'd like to make a move on Monday, I'm just not sure how. My options seem to be to take our lunch together and eat out, or do something after work. Or just straight up ask her out on a date? I don't know what she likes to do for fun yet so I don't know about that. Right now I'm thinking something like starting a conversation when she seems not too busy, Me: "Hey I haven't seen you at all last week." Her: "Oh I was at X doing Y." Me: "That's cool how was X." Her: "Great... Sorry I'm busy now, how about we talk later?" Me: "Sure! Lets do lunch." Or I could suggest drinks after work, though I wonder if that will take more notice and planning? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Me: "Hey I haven't seen you at all last week." Her: "Oh I was at X doing Y." Me: "That's cool how was X." Her: "Great... Sorry I'm busy now, how about we talk later?" Me: "Sure! Lets do lunch." Or I could suggest drinks after work, though I wonder if that will take more notice and planning? Stop imagining how it is going to layout because 99% of the time, it will be different than what you are planning. The "let's do lunch" line implies something less casual than you want. Ask her on a proper date where you are paying if you really want to get to know her. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I'm late but go for it! Do it! And don't worry about living with your parents at such a young age. If she's as young as you, she won't mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MetalGear Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 Stop imagining how it is going to layout because 99% of the time, it will be different than what you are planning. The "let's do lunch" line implies something less casual than you want. Ask her on a proper date where you are paying if you really want to get to know her. I'm just basing it on our previous conversations. Most of the time she doesn't have a lot of time to talk as she is at work. My position gives me a lot more freedom than she has. Would would be a proper date? I prefer to do one casual thing before a real date. I'm annoyed that even though I've been working there for a little over a month now, I've haven't been able to talk to her for 10 minutes straight yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MetalGear Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 I'm late but go for it! Do it! And don't worry about living with your parents at such a young age. If she's as young as you, she won't mind. Thanks for the encouragement! She's in my age range, but I'm sure she's making a lot more money than I am (I heard that she's a manager at the business) and probably expects the guys she dates to be more self-sufficient. I know I'm jumping the gun thinking about this, but she wouldn't be able stay over at my place, if she came here at all. That's a bridge I'll cross later if it ever comes into view. Link to post Share on other sites
Trane Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Hi everybody I’m new! I graduated college in June and I just got my first real job which I’m really excited about. Technically it’s a three month internship, but it’s full-time and I’m getting paid, though it’s only minimum wage. Today was the start of my forth week there. Since I just got out of college and I’m not making a lot of money, I moved back in with my parents to save cash. Of course that’s going to make things more difficult. When I was in college I had roommates so it was OK to bring girls over, but now that’s not really possible. There is a girl that has caught my eye and I’m slowly talking to her more. Because of the nature of my job I walk by her desk several times a day, and say hi or smile. But since she is almost always busy I can’t just sit down and talk to her. I want to make some kind of move soon, but this is an environment that I’m not really used to so I don’t know how to precede. Also since this job will be short term, I don't really care if things become uncomfortable or whatnot. Right now I just want to have some fun. Don't dip your pen in company ink! Don't screw the crew! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MetalGear Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 After many delays and working myself up to it, I finally asked her out. First a little backstory, last Friday she invited me to go to a brewery with a few other people with work. I really enjoyed that as it was my first outing with work people. I didn't get to talk to her as much as I wanted but that was to be expected. Near the end of my shift I go up to her, "Hey lets get a drink when you get off." "Sorry I can't tonight, I'm going to the gym" (She did show up to work in gym clothes instead of a dress) Knowing that she is playing softball on Wednesday and leaving for Vegas on Friday, I ask about Thursday and she says that she has to pack for her trip. Since she has given me legitimate reasons she can't make it, I part with, "OK how about next week" as I'm walking away, she answers "possibly," then I reply in a joking with "maybe." So yup, that's it. Now I'll just treat her like anybody else at work and not go out of my way to talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
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