Asking my dentist out. Yes or no?

[regine_phalange]

1) I'm his patient for the last 5 months or so. He has a private practice.

2) We don't have much time for conversations because my visits are short and for relatively easy work (that needs to be done nevertheless). He's good and fast! And there are always many people waiting so there's time pressure.

3) But there's something strange in the air. When we do talk and when he sees me his face is lighting up and he can't stop smiling at me (he's usually serious). I smile back, like a fool

4) I've caught him checking me out (he looked away fast both times). Once, however, he looked in my eyes when I was about to leave, and lingered there. In close distance. It sounds awkward but it wasn't. I felt as if he wanted me to say something to him, but I didn't *bangs head on wall*. I just flashed a smile and after a while I said "bye!".

5) It's not unethical in my country to date your dentist (it's such a corrupted country that this seems like an insignificant detail - laws like these are there for decoration ). However, I've been thinking that he hesitates asking me out because there's the risk for his reputation if there's a chance that he misinterprets me and I'm not interested (I AM interested, but it's not clear to him).

 

I don't normally ask guys out. Nothing against it and I don't like when men don't appreciate women who go for what they want. And I think it's better to pick someone you like than have men you don't quite like pick you. Plus I'm an egalitarian. It's just that I'm kind of shy so I don't end up asking. But this seems like a unique circumstance and I'd go out of my comfort zone.

 

I'm going for vacation in some days, but I'll be back there for a routine cleaning in a month or so.

 

So, what do you think? How can I proceed? Any hints? Shall I just try and chat with him more and try to probe about his personal life (aka finding out whether he's single)? Shall I take an evening appointment (the last one possibly) so I can mention that I'll go to X place and I'd love some company?

 

**Pick up lines like "I want you to drill me!" aren't classy for a lady like myself. Only after marriage.

[d0nnivain]

Do not ask out your dentist.

 

 

Licensed professionals are prohibited by law from dating their patients. Patients often feel attracted to their caregivers but that is a classic condition known as transference. In all likelihood whatever you think you feel is all in your mind.

[regine_phalange]

It's not openly prohibited where I'm from. So this is not a concern.

 

Plus I've had another young and good looking and nice dentist in the past and I wasn't attracted in the least.

[d0nnivain]

Unless you read the statute, the administrative code and the code of ethical conduct from the ADA you can't say it's not prohibited.

 

 

If you bump into your dentist somewhere socially fine, ask away. If you ask him out at his office it will be awkward, he will say know & I would not be be shocked if he also said he can no longer be your dentist.

[regine_phalange]

I'm not in America.

 

Why wouldn't he want to be my dentist after I asked him out? No hard feelings from my side if he said no!

[d0nnivain]

It will be incredibly awkward. How much time would you want to spend around somebody you know liked you but you didn't reciprocate?

[PrettyEmily77]

I'm in the UK so arguably things may be different here but I have been asked out by patients before (I'm a medic) and have always turned them down. It may not be prohibited by law but it would be unethical and unprofessional for him to accept to go out on a date with you as his patient.

 

 

If you really think there's something there worth pursuing (could be, by the looks of it ), could you go to another dentist, let him know you're not his patient anymore one way or the other and take it from there?

 

 

In any case, enjoy the butterfly feelings

[regine_phalange]

Well, I;m not going to run to him and blatantly say that I like him and that I want to take him out on a date. I'll just invite him to something I'd go to anyways. He'll be able to say an excuse if he's not interested (eg that he's had a long day or that he has something else to do). I see it as a compliment to be invited places from members of the opposite sex, and if they don't make a fuss over my "no" and they don't let it get to them, I don't see where the problem lies. It's just an invitation, not a confession of deep feelings with poetry.

[regine_phalange]

I'm in the UK so arguably things may be different here but I have been asked out by patients before (I'm a medic) and have always turned them down. It may not be prohibited by law but it would be unethical and unprofessional for him to accept to go out on a date with you as his patient.

 

 

If you really think there's something there worth pursuing (could be, by the looks of it ), could you go to another dentist, let him know you're not his patient anymore one way or the other and take it from there?

 

 

In any case, enjoy the butterfly feelings

 

I'm in Greece! Rules are meant to be broken in this part of the world.

 

But I see what you;re saying. It's just that he's a really good dentist and I don't want to go to another one.

 

But why dating would be unethical? It cloud the med's judgement? What if a dentist has feelings for a patient but no one acts on them (maybe not my dentist, let's say any dentist)? It's outwardly proper, but it could still cloud his judgement, right?

[jen1447]

Asking my dentist out. Yes or no?

 

So, what do you think? How can I proceed? Any hints? Shall I just try and chat with him more and try to probe about his personal life (aka finding out whether he's single)? Shall I take an evening appointment (the last one possibly) so I can mention that I'll go to X place and I'd love some company?

 

If you say it's socially acceptable where you live, sure, why not?

 

I think the easy approach would be to just ask him if he's single. That's a very clear indication of interest without saying it outright. (Why else would you ask really?) If he says "yes!" then say you want to take him out. (Or even better, tease him and say "that's interesting" or sth like that and leave it for the time being. ) If he gets all nervous or uncomfortable (or tells you about his wife, haha) then you know it's a don't go there moment and you can still be his patient bc you didn't actually cross any boundaries my making 'small talk.'

 

You only live once.

[PrettyEmily77]

I'm in Greece! Rules are meant to be broken in this part of the world.

 

But I see what you;re saying. It's just that he's a really good dentist and I don't want to go to another one.

 

But why dating would be unethical? It cloud the med's judgement? What if a dentist has feelings for a patient but no one acts on them (maybe not my dentist, let's say any dentist)? It's outwardly proper, but it could still cloud his judgement, right?

 

It's all about duty of care and things getting potentially messy mixing professional and personal (potential breach of patient / doctor confidentiality, risk of losing license, potential damage to reputation, not being objective anymore, etc.) - it's just bad practice; it's all in Hippocratic oath (he was Greek, wasn't he? ).

 

 

If you're really interested romantically, discharge yourself from his clinic and see where it goes - that would make things easier for you both. If it doesn't work out, you can always come back to his clinic as his patient, no harm done. Good luck

[TouchedByViolet]

Just ask him out. I don't see the problem at all. You can always get a new dentist...

[newmoon]

if you're intent upon asking him out then find another dentist first, and then pursue him. or mention to him that his office is too far and you'll be switching dentists. if he shrugs and says good luck, you already know he doesn't care. you're putting a professional man in a really awkward position if you do this at his workplace and you'll just look like any of the other women that likely do the same to him. i'm sure doctors/dentists are used to it and you're not original by pursuing him that way. in the US the doctors cannot date people they treat, unless the person is no longer a patient, so that tells you it's not ethical, whether it's the norm where you are or not. try being classy and do it outside his office at least.

[gaius]

You don't need to find a new dentist or anything. I would just present an opportunity to hang out outside the dental office and see if he responds. As long as you don't get too aggressive and still let him make the actual moves I think you'll be fine.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

He hasn't gone lion hunting lately, has he?

If so, this could end very badly!

 

Sorry I couldn't help myself.

[Poppyolive]

Awesome!!! Go for it.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

1) I'm his patient for the last 5 months or so. He has a private practice.

2) We don't have much time for conversations because my visits are short and for relatively easy work (that needs to be done nevertheless). He's good and fast! And there are always many people waiting so there's time pressure.

3) But there's something strange in the air. When we do talk and when he sees me his face is lighting up and he can't stop smiling at me (he's usually serious). I smile back, like a fool

4) I've caught him checking me out (he looked away fast both times). Once, however, he looked in my eyes when I was about to leave, and lingered there. In close distance. It sounds awkward but it wasn't. I felt as if he wanted me to say something to him, but I didn't *bangs head on wall*. I just flashed a smile and after a while I said "bye!".

5) It's not unethical in my country to date your dentist (it's such a corrupted country that this seems like an insignificant detail - laws like these are there for decoration ). However, I've been thinking that he hesitates asking me out because there's the risk for his reputation if there's a chance that he misinterprets me and I'm not interested (I AM interested, but it's not clear to him).

 

I don't normally ask guys out. Nothing against it and I don't like when men don't appreciate women who go for what they want. And I think it's better to pick someone you like than have men you don't quite like pick you. Plus I'm an egalitarian. It's just that I'm kind of shy so I don't end up asking. But this seems like a unique circumstance and I'd go out of my comfort zone.

 

I'm going for vacation in some days, but I'll be back there for a routine cleaning in a month or so.

 

So, what do you think? How can I proceed? Any hints? Shall I just try and chat with him more and try to probe about his personal life (aka finding out whether he's single)? Shall I take an evening appointment (the last one possibly) so I can mention that I'll go to X place and I'd love some company?

 

**Pick up lines like "I want you to drill me!" aren't classy for a lady like myself. Only after marriage.

 

I wonder myself as to why a lot of men are turned off by an attractive woman asking them out

[Targetlock]

I wonder myself as to why a lot of men are turned off by an attractive woman asking them out

 

i dream of them that, never happened to me sadly.

 

Also best of luck to you, the social event thing seems to be a good idea.

[regine_phalange]

Thank you all guys for your replies!

 

You don't need to find a new dentist or anything. I would just present an opportunity to hang out outside the dental office and see if he responds. As long as you don't get too aggressive and still let him make the actual moves I think you'll be fine.

 

What is too aggressive and what are the actual moves?

 

Even though I'm shy asking guys out I'm not afraid of kissing them. Maybe I should try that directly.

 

Just kidding. He may have a girlfriend or a wife (I can't really see what lies under these damn gloves). But in general it's a great way to see if someone's really enamoured with you or with your perceived detachment (until the kiss). A great way to test someone's genuine interest for you.

[minimariah]

But in general it's a great way to see if someone's really enamoured with you or with your perceived detachment (until the kiss). A great way to test someone's genuine interest for you.

 

not really.

 

it can be a huge turn off - especially when it comes out of NOWHERE (no dating or even flirting before that) & ESPECIALLY when it's in your workplace.

 

that's crossing some serious personal boundaries, if you ask me. if he gets uncomfortable, it doesn't mean that he isn't interested in you - it just means that he isn't comfortable with your approach.

 

start flirting & directly ask him for a cup of coffee. just be direct, you got nothing to lose. of he is interested & single - he'll let you know and you can go from there with the patient - doctor issue & if it's a really big deal... you can change dentists so you can date freely.

[Popsicle]

Yes, ask him!!

 

At the very least, he will be flattered, even if he says no and probably LOVE IT when you come in after that.

[regine_phalange]

not really.

 

it can be a huge turn off - especially when it comes out of NOWHERE (no dating or even flirting before that) & ESPECIALLY when it's in your workplace.

 

that's crossing some serious personal boundaries, if you ask me. if he gets uncomfortable, it doesn't mean that he isn't interested in you - it just means that he isn't comfortable with your approach.

 

start flirting & directly ask him for a cup of coffee. just be direct, you got nothing to lose. of he is interested & single - he'll let you know and you can go from there with the patient - doctor issue & if it's a really big deal... you can change dentists so you can date freely.

OMG not without any history of flirting (extensive touchy-feely flirtation) or dating! That would be creepy! But you know, it often happens that I go for the kiss first. It's just that if a man expects me to act a certain way -because I'm a girl- he likes his own idea of me and not me...

[Veb]

OMG not without any history of flirting (extensive touchy-feely flirtation) or dating! That would be creepy! But you know, it often happens that I go for the kiss first. It's just that if a man expects me to act a certain way -because I'm a girl- he likes his own idea of me and not me...

 

I have some experience with this. I work in the medical field and am interacting with physicians professionally, so it may affect how my doctors see me, I am not sure. For some reason many of the doctors treating me have made their interest clear in various ways.

 

- making more time to chat about my life. Asking lots of questions about me, which were not medically relevant.

 

- lots of eye contact from him. When leaving staying very close and looking into my eyes. Very long handshake, holding my hand for several seconds.

 

- extending the appointment time by an hour or more, just talking. Mentioning some of their private interests, laughing, making jokes.

 

- giving me their private cell/home number and telling me to call any time, while looking into my eyes.

 

- with a dentist I consulted he also made sure to not let anyone else do anything, including doing regular teeth cleaning. His assistants were really confused about that. Took me a while to figure out that he was interested.

 

- this dentist also gave me a brochure for a venue he owned and kept telling me I would probably enjoy going there.

 

Just some examples. I am not usually very observant when I am the patient myself, so it is always a surprise to see interest coming from the treating physician.

 

I was only interested in one person, ever. In that case I told him I could not be his patient anymore. Then I told him I would prefer to continue our fun conversations in a more relaxed setting. He was very happy, asked me for my number immediately and called some days later to set up getting together.

 

Let me know if you would like more information. It is not something I normally talk about, but am happy to help!

[regine_phalange]

Oh, wow! That's a great post about your experiences!

 

So after all he may not really be interested, he may be just flirting. Because he doesn't really chat me up! Even though the first times he asked me some questions about myself (how old am I, what do I do, etc). But I was a bit nervous and in pain and didn't really continue the conversation. Maybe I gave off unavailable vibes (I do give them off often, damn it!). Or maybe he's taken.

 

Did you have conversations with your dentist? It's difficult to talk with this sucking device in the mouth (the one for the saliva ). We don't have dental hygienists where I live, the dentist does all the job and he has a helper to clean and hand him the dental tools, book the appointments etc. What happened in the end with your dentist, did he make his interest more clear or did you just ignore his invitation to his venue and that was it? I hope mine had a venue, but he's only at the office, 9am-9pm.

[newmoon]

Thank you all guys for your replies!

 

 

 

What is too aggressive and what are the actual moves?

 

Even though I'm shy asking guys out I'm not afraid of kissing them. Maybe I should try that directly.

 

Just kidding. He may have a girlfriend or a wife (I can't really see what lies under these damn gloves). But in general it's a great way to see if someone's really enamoured with you or with your perceived detachment (until the kiss). A great way to test someone's genuine interest for you.

 

lol, i tried this once. i just completely, 100% out-of-the-blue kissed a guy i found attractive. we'd been chatting at a local coffee place for a few months and he seemed interested but shy. he was gay, as it turns out. it was mortifying, probably one of my worst memories ever. i just went for it - big time - and he was so stunned he couldn't kiss back.