Jump to content

Is there something wrong with a woman if she doesn't have alot of friends?


Recommended Posts

I'm not sure if there's something wrong with me not having "alot" of friends or even having an active social life. In the past, I've tried numerous times to make friends..only to realize I was doing all the initiating and making the effort. If that person doesn't want to be friends with me, there's nothing I can do about it..I can't force someone to like me. Maybe its my age--mid 30's-everyone seems to be settled with kids now. Bar-hopping and clubbing seems kind of old for me, don't you think?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm late 30's and have a good number of friends, both married and single. I cannot think of any women my age that don't.

 

Do you struggle with other relationships? Romantic, family, professional?

Link to post
Share on other sites

One of the STUPID gender expectations is that all women aspire to be surrounded by lots of friends and family, and if you want to be a lone wolf, there's something wrong/you're a loser.

  • Like 14
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't think there's something wrong.

 

Its really hard to make a good friend and I mean the type willing to hang out frequently and actually try and be a good friend.

 

It was a lot easier when you're younger less judgment and you could bond over things easier.

 

Im heading into my 30's soon, me and my best friend of 12 years just grew apart and im noticing that the majority of people just have acquaintances rather friendships its hard to make decent friends.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
stupidkittten

I don't think there's anything wrong. I'm pretty similar. Some people just aren't social. I feel really drained if I hang out with people too much. I'm 21 and I probably have about 4 friends and only 2 of those I hang out with and even then the time between hanging out is stretched.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
StalwartMind

There is nothing wrong with not having many friends period, no matter if you are a woman or man. In fact if you should find yourself with no friends at all, that doesn't mean much either. Finding a friend isn't difficult, but to meet someone where connect on a really meaningful level, this is more challenging.

 

As a man, the female friends I have, don't have many friends at all (less than 3 if a number means anything to you), there are many reasons as to why that is, again I would say it's mostly because others don't really know or care to make the effort in order to understand them. As far as I know they are more than content with this, (age rage goes from mid twenties to early forties) so it's not unlikely for women both younger as well as older than yourself to find themselves in such a position.

 

We all have a different definition of what a friend is, and in case someone prefers to be a lone wolf, that is just as fine if you ask me. The more people can free their mind from social expectations and standards, then I believe they'll find more peace within themselves. After all it is our differences that makes us interesting, if we all thought, behaved and wanted the exact same thing, then I would imagine things would get boring fast, and we'd not have many new experiences at all to discover. So find comfort in what you are, I don't feel there is a need to question if there is anything wrong with you, because to me it seems perfectly normal.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

There is something wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you think and behave like there is something wrong.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why does it have to be her fault?

 

Maybe she's just in a bad place and the people around her have no sense of decency and integrity?

 

That's the thing about people. They never seem to see or understand the things they do so it must always be the other person's fault.

 

There are far too many people out there who demand one way relationships.

 

And they will always use dirty rotten tricks to turn things around to other people instead of themselves.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle

I used to have a gaggle of "friends". Looking back now I realize that they weren't so much friends as they were acquaintances at best. VERY few of them were ever enjoyable to be around and even fewer had my back when push came to shove. Lessons learned the hard way I'm afraid.

 

The beauty of getting older is that you tend to get wiser (hopefully) and your tolerance for crap lowers significantly and quality becomes more important than quantity regarding most things in life, friendships and relationships in particular.

 

Over the years I've become extremely picky about how I spend my time and with whom and have been unapologetic when it came to distancing myself from and even cutting many "friends" from my life for one reason or another. Apart from a handful of a very small and select group of girlfriends I can sincerely call my friends in the truest sense of the word, I no longer have a lot of close friends and that's exactly how I prefer it!

 

I don't see anything wrong with it but then again it's a personal choice rather than something that's outside of my control.

 

OP, are you fine with not having a lot of friends or is this something that sincerely bothers you, others be damned?

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't have many friends myself. I can be sociable, but I prefer quiet nights in. I actually hope that my next GF is similar. Not a hermit, but a homebody for sure.

 

Because I don't have much of a social circle, I would be fine with her not having much of one, either. In fact, I rather her not have a BIG one, because it probably wouldn't make us very compatible if she's constantly talking to them or going out with them.

 

My bro and sis-in-law both have very small social circles, and it works for them.

 

I wouldn't say it's a red flag for a girl to have few friends. It's always a case by case basis, too. I think guys with few friends have much more of a bad stigma than girls with few friends.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm not sure if there's something wrong with me not having "alot" of friends or even having an active social life. In the past, I've tried numerous times to make friends..only to realize I was doing all the initiating and making the effort. If that person doesn't want to be friends with me, there's nothing I can do about it..I can't force someone to like me. Maybe its my age--mid 30's-everyone seems to be settled with kids now. Bar-hopping and clubbing seems kind of old for me, don't you think?

most people have 2 or 3 close friends at most

Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm not sure if there's something wrong with me not having "alot" of friends or even having an active social life. In the past, I've tried numerous times to make friends..only to realize I was doing all the initiating and making the effort. If that person doesn't want to be friends with me, there's nothing I can do about it..I can't force someone to like me. Maybe its my age--mid 30's-everyone seems to be settled with kids now. Bar-hopping and clubbing seems kind of old for me, don't you think?

 

You don't have 1 or 2 good friends to hang out with? You don't need alot of friends, just good ones.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I have many acquaintances, as I get along easily with people, but I only have a handful of die hard "if the world goes down in an apocalypse this is my crew" friends.

 

Which is perfect. I'm naturally introverted and do have those slight "lone wolf" type tendencies, and am quite happy just on my own. My close friends know this and we complement each other well.

 

It does NOT mean that a woman is awful (enigma!! haha), she might just prefer things exactly the way they are.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Trust me, I don't judge that fast lol. I am a bit of the lone wolf type myself. My GF is still occasionally shocked by my hermit-like behavior. I have just known a few women that did not have a lot of friends because they screwed everyone over, not because they were loners.

 

Even worse, my 2 best friends are men! I'm just a big walking red flag :p

 

While all in all my core group of friends are mixed male and female, the 2 that I am closest with and have known the longest, are men. They refer to themselves as my big brothers.

 

Naturally anyone who knows me well knows that I'm a well behaved and appropriate person, and likewise, my friends are the same.

 

None of that "oh, we used to cuddle all the time, but it was just platonic!" nonsense that people try to pass off as normal -___-

 

Just some people that truly happen to have a lot in common and are easy to hang out with, great friends...and who cares what kind of genitalia any of us have in our pants? Nobody is about to pass up friendship based on that!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Don't feel bad, I see more red flags than any other guy I know :laugh:

 

The fake platonic people are the reason why opposite sex friendships are such a big red flag. That, and guys like me who generally sleep with their female friends :p

 

:mad:

 

Oh enigma... what ever will we do with you? :laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites

My ex had no friends. only family. But she was happy with that. It didn't bother me either. She was a good person to me. And definitely to everyone else. She had lots of aqaintences and lived a full life. On the other hand my current has lots of friends. Mostly male. But you have to accept people the way the are. And trust them. There is no correct way. each to their own

Link to post
Share on other sites
RecentChange

I don't have many friends. I have a handful of close friends who have been in my life for 10-25 years now... And I have a number of acquaintances (usually through my partner, he is a social butterfly)...

 

But, I don't have many "friends" and I hang out with them even less.

 

For me though, this is by choice. While I am FAR from shy, and do enjoy stimulating conversation, I REALLY enjoy alone time. I joke that I could be a "hermit in the woods" - and I HAVE spent well over a month before, alone, in a cabin in the woods - some people would HATE that, I loved it.

 

Like someone else said - I am quite happy to be a "lone wolf". I am VERY independent (have been since a young age), and enjoy doing my "own thing".

 

I have embraced the fact that while "out going" deep down an introvert. Social interactions wear me down, rather than "energize" me like they would an extrovert. I also do not seek, or feel the need for other's approval or recognition.

 

And none of this has to do with the way I treat my friends (no, I don't sleep with their men). And I actually have people "pursue" me for friendship often "lets hang out!" - but I usually find an excuse to wiggle out of it, or blame my already stacked schedule - as I really don't have much room in my life for "more people" at the moment.

 

I realize this isn't EXACTLY what you were looking for OP - but just sharing my experience in light of a few comments that a lack of friends would be a red flag.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Who cares about the # of friends. Quality >> Quantity.

 

The only thing that would bother me is if she had zero friends, zero acquaintances and just seemed antisocial in general and unwilling to interact with people (including her own family). I've never met a person who was THAT isolated and walled off from society. Even the very shy women were at least a little social and expressive from time to time and had a friend/acquaintance or two.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Some women just dont have a lot of friends. Ive never had real friends, only acquaintances. Ive never had much need for friends as im fine doing most things aline most of the time. As a child id play alone for hours and was fine. Ive always been like this. Sone women just arent social butterflies.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Honestly, I don't remember the last time I actually had a "friend". There is a few people that I get along with but that is about it. We only see each other at the times we are expected to meet.

 

For examples, for co-workers, I only meet them at work. Once we are off work, we don't see each other again until the next working day.

 

To add to this, most people is really not pleasant at all. There typically is one red flag that kills any desire for me to take a acquaintance to an actual friendship.

 

One "friend" who picks me up for work is of a different religious and is addicted to anime and horror movies. He also talks way too much, typically pisses other people off, and loves to complain after the day is done. He also does his own "rituals" which is just creepy beyond belief.

 

Another "friend" who takes me home from work on Tuesday night is more a race-car driver. He has one of those vehicles that can go up to 100 MPH in a matter of seconds. It's like he has a nitro tank attached to his car. Also, every time he looks at me, he is laughing like 98% of the time. It is like my emotionless face that I constantly employ is just so amusing to him.

 

If those 2 were to leave my job the next day and I have no more contact with them, I wouldn't even miss them.

 

I am also "friends" with my 2 direct supervisors but one is quick to stir up trouble with those she doesn't like and is completely set in her ways and the other can get a bit defensive at times. While I will speak to them on work-related matters, I also keep my distance from them. One of my supervisors (the defensive one), however, does talk to me about her personal life and she is a decent person overall, having been able to get me to open up about my own life. She also likes to try and get me to make a complete fool out of myself, which I don't mind overall. She is basically the only person that I would truly consider as a friend. I just congratulated her for being a grandmother this morning. While she has her own "issues", it is not so bad that I actually want to completely avoid her.

 

As I said before, I don't remember the last time I have met anyone who has any interest in me and didn't have some issue that disturbs me (except for my supervisor).

 

So, honestly, I rather have a woman that didn't have a lot of friends because that would tell me that she isn't just another person that wants attention just for the sake of it.

 

Of course, there is also some people that is simply charming and capable of getting friends easily but I doubt they would understand why I got no friends and yet they had like 10-15 people they can call and talk to at any given time. Not to mention I am pretty confident in saying that at least half of them isn't really "friends" in such a state. I have yet to meet a person who has at least 10 people that actually want to be a part of his or her life. You know....REAL friends.

 

After all, to me, I want actual friends and not just another number on my friends list. I will be content with just 1-2 actual friends than 10+ fake ones that I don't give two craps about. If I want that, I can get 50 "friends" too if I wanted to try.

Edited by ltjg45
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd say nothing wrong is a woman always has a few close friends but not a lot of friends. But if a woman is running through a lot of friends and can't keep them, then yes, something is wrong.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...