I Hate Rejection To No End

[Iron Bubba]

So I've been living in this apartment for a year and a half now and i have a neighbor who is a good looking black girl that I really liked. We also get along really good, too.

 

So I've been thinking about what i should do about it. Should i try and ask her out or something like that? All sorts of questions raced through my mind. I went through worse case scenarios. I went through best case scenarios to try to prepare for any reaction she might have.

 

So tonight i finally catch her alone and i ask if she would like to see a movie and have some dinner with me. She said she had a boyfriend.

 

She was nice about it of course, but I hate rejection to no end, and right now I am in an extremely depressed and angry mood.

 

I don't fault her in any way. She was simply being honest about it and she didn't react with any kind of vitriol or did not put me down like other women have done. I am not angry at her at all.

 

But I am really disappointed and very angry.

 

So I'm just going to keep to myself for a long while and get lost in my Minecraft or other computer games until i get over this.

 

I hate being rejected. Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE.

[madjac74]

You didn't really get rejected. She had a boyfriend. That isn't rejection

[kenmore]

Hey dude, I hear ya!

 

I got so sick of the "sure, we can do something" then when I ask it was "oh, sorry, busy that day" bullsh*t. It was a mixture of pity and antipathetic pacifism that it just made me retreat too.

 

I'd try to find a more useful outlet for your rage and time. Definitely spend some time playing the game but try to do something that will improve you. Lift some weights, go for walks daily (this really helped me, gave me time to think without distracting my brain at all which is what you are doing with your games), cook a healthy gourmet meal and if you don't know how, use some time to learn how. That really impresses the ladies!

 

Finally, make sure you kill it in that game! Nothing will make you feel better my friend!

 

Ken

[Gloria25]

Hang in there, sometimes that's just "life"...

 

I mean, don't take it personal that she's "taken"...That's not a rejection of "you", that's the simple fact that she's unavailable.

[StalwartMind]

The good thing is that you don't fault her, not every person on this planet will put you down. Like others have mentioned, you weren't rejected though, I mean if we should even talk about rejection, then we would have to assume that she should just willingly leave her boyfriend to go out with you. If that was the case and if we are going to such extremes, then I would question her as good relationship material.

 

I don't expect you to appreciate this view, you don't have to because it is after all just a very different perspective on "rejection". Think of any direct and fast rejection as them doing you a favor, no matter how much it may hurt. The person is not getting your hopes up or wasting your time, in other words they are actually helping you. Sure most people don't like being rejected, but if you can turn it into something positive, you'll also not take them as hard as you currently do.

 

There are plenty of other women that would of taken you up on that offer. You may think, sure but how does that help me this very moment? The answer to that is it wont and nor does it have to, but again having a positive attitude beats a negative one. No one is asking you to walk around with a big smile and go "heck yeah, I got rejected". I do however know that a good attitude and kindness get you further than being destructive, either to yourself or others.

 

Try take some comfort in how she handled it, and by all means, if you just browse a bit this forum you'll quickly learn how a lot of people are being treated poorly, there's basically always someone out there somewhere who could really use someone to treat them nice, regardless of age range.

[Got it]

I would deep dive why you allow it to define you so much. Like another poster said, she didn't reject you, the proposal wasn't even accepted due to her having a boyfriend.

 

Would you have felt rejected if she had said she is gay?

 

Really adjust your thinking, it really isn't about you, it wasn't a reflection of your worthiness or appeal.

[ascendotum]

I would deep dive why you allow it to define you so much. Like another poster said, she didn't reject you, the proposal wasn't even accepted due to her having a boyfriend.

 

Would you have felt rejected if she had said she is gay?

 

Really adjust your thinking, it really isn't about you, it wasn't a reflection of your worthiness or appeal.

 

I agree with this. You are stewing over this girl's knock back too severe. I'd say its because you have been admiring this girl for some time that you built up the expectation of her being with you way too much. While I use the word knock back it was really a rejection of your proposal and not specifically you. I've received more brutal rejections than this. What about if the girl had told you with sneery look on her face 'I can **** way hotter than you' or if she just looked at you for 5 seconds then walked off and said nothing. I've copped both of those. If you put too much stock in one knockback and a mild/legit one at that, it will smash your self esteem too much down the road with rejections like the ones above.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Sorry OP but I'm with madjac74 and Got it on this one.

 

I don't see this as a rejection in the traditional sense. Unless you find yourself always asking out women who are taken in which case you might want to dig a bit deeper to find out WHY that is otherwise chalk it up to c'est la vie!

[GravityMan]

The word "rejection" has a negative connotation, therefore it's emotionally unhealthy to extensively be in that mindset and allow yourself to be consumed by it. Just live your life, go do fun things, and try not to think about it so much and stop letting "rejection" define you.

 

She had a BF, so it obviously wasn't a rejection. You could've been Denzel Washington and she still would've said no. She's probably just happy, in love and committed to her relationship. So you may as well accept that and get over it.

 

Heck...even if she WERE single, it's still not good to think of it as a rejection and definitely not good to beat yourself up over it. It's normal human behavior to dislike being rejected, but you gotta learn to take these things in stride. She might have thought you were a great guy who will soon find a good woman...but she just wasn't feeling any spark, or she just had different preferences in the kind of guy she likes (meaning, that guy is not necessarily objectively better than you, but is likely a more compatible "fit" for her). Sometimes, being turned down is a blessing in disguise.

 

Next time you meet an interesting woman, don't put her on a pedestal.

[GoodOnPaper]

But I am really disappointed and very angry.

 

So I'm just going to keep to myself for a long while and get lost in my Minecraft or other computer games until i get over this.

 

I hate being rejected. Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE.

 

I don't blame you one bit. I last year I was single, I lived the same story over and over -- take forever to work up the nerve to ask a girl out, actually ask her out, and in less than a second, she dismisses it by saying she has a boyfriend. Every one felt like a total rejection. I was so beaten down by the time I met my wife, I figured that if I didn't date her, it would be years before I met another woman who would admit to me that she was single.

 

You don't want to reach that point, and while I do agree you need to do your best to get past this, depending on your emotional sensitivity, it can be very difficult to "just get over it." In reading your post, I can understand the disappointment, but I'm curious about exactly what makes you angry? Is it losing out on the opportunity to date this woman? Is frustration about all the mulling over about asking her out? Something else or all of the above? Much much later, I realized that what made me so upset after getting the "I have a boyfriend" line is that I felt foolish for sticking my neck out and inferior because she had a full-blown relationship (with some "superior" guy) while I was struggling just to get a first date.

 

Mourn this rejection the best you can as quickly as you can and move on. You're feelings are totally justified but probably not the most rational.

[Teraskas]

Sadly I know the feeling of being rejected better than most.

These last 3,5 years have been a complete pain.

 

I'm seriously starting to wonder when being rejected will finally stop, as one eventually becomes used to expecting the same outcome over and over again, despite having a different outlook on an identical situation.

Like you, I am also sick and tired of being rejected over and over and OVER again on top of being disappointed.

 

One could say that luck hasn't exactly been on my side these last few years, heh.

Edited July 27, 2015 by Teraskas

[Iron Bubba]

I suffer from clinical depression and I don't have a lot of social skills. I am also a very blunt and straightforward kind of guy and far too many people in America just are incapable of handling that kind of thing because they all think they are superior and can not be criticized or disagreed with in any way.

 

So I get rejected a lot.

 

You know what the definition of insanity is?

 

Repeating something over and over again expecting a different result.

 

It's always the same thing over and over again.

 

Always.

 

I will always be rejected.

 

Always.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I suffer from clinical depression and I don't have a lot of social skills. I am also a very blunt and straightforward kind of guy and far too many people in America just are incapable of handling that kind of thing because they all think they are superior and can not be criticized or disagreed with in any way.

 

So I get rejected a lot.

 

You know what the definition of insanity is?

 

Repeating something over and over again expecting a different result.

 

It's always the same thing over and over again.

 

Always.

 

I will always be rejected.

 

Always.

 

As they say, if you believe it you will achieve it!

 

Seriously OP, as much as I may sympathize with your struggles sitting around and feeling sorry yourself will NOT help matters.

 

What, if anything, are you doing to help yourself?

[RoseVille]

I suffer from clinical depression and I don't have a lot of social skills. I am also a very blunt and straightforward kind of guy and far too many people in America just are incapable of handling that kind of thing because they all think they are superior and can not be criticized or disagreed with in any way.

 

So I get rejected a lot.

 

You know what the definition of insanity is?

 

Repeating something over and over again expecting a different result.

 

It's always the same thing over and over again.

 

Always.

 

I will always be rejected.

 

Always.

 

I'm pretty blunt and straight forward, some people don't like it. I don't consider our incompatibility to be "rejection" of me.

 

And this gal with a girlfriend really didn't reject you. I'm confused why you're very angry about it. Did she flirt with you and lead you to believe she was single and interested?

[Iron Bubba]

As they say, if you believe it you will achieve it!

 

Seriously OP, as much as I may sympathize with your struggles sitting around and feeling sorry yourself will NOT help matters.

 

What, if anything, are you doing to help yourself?

 

Getting lost in my music, computer games, and my writing. And a friend is coming over tomorrow to watch some Star Trek with me.

[preraph]

I think he would have known if she really had a boyfriend since they live by each other, but maybe I'm wrong. It very well may have only been an excuse. Anyway, he'll be able to tell if she has a bf or not and then he can move on.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Getting lost in my music, computer games, and my writing. And a friend is coming over tomorrow to watch some Star Trek with me.

 

That is not what I was hoping to hear but pretty much explains a lot.

 

When I'm asking what you're doing to help with your depression, watching movies, playing video games, listening to music or anything that basically transports you to some fantasy world rather than dealing with reality is not going to help you get out of your funk.

 

Writing is another thing and can be very cathartic, similar to journaling. As for the rest you might consider doing them more in moderation rather than "get lost" in them.

 

Depression can be overwhelming and spiral out of control if you're not careful and particularly if you don't seek out some professional guidance (counselling and/or medication).

 

My apologies for changing the direction of this post but I think THIS is the real issue here.

[RoseVille]

That is not what I was hoping to hear but pretty much explains a lot.

 

When I'm asking what you're doing to help with your depression, watching movies, playing video games, listening to music or anything that basically transports you to some fantasy world rather than dealing with reality is not going to help you get out of your funk.

 

This is really insightful, and I agree.

[kenmore]

That is not what I was hoping to hear but pretty much explains a lot.

 

When I'm asking what you're doing to help with your depression, watching movies, playing video games, listening to music or anything that basically transports you to some fantasy world rather than dealing with reality is not going to help you get out of your funk.

 

Writing is another thing and can be very cathartic, similar to journaling. As for the rest you might consider doing them more in moderation rather than "get lost" in them.

 

Depression can be overwhelming and spiral out of control if you're not careful and particularly if you don't seek out some professional guidance (counselling and/or medication).

 

My apologies for changing the direction of this post but I think THIS is the real issue here.

 

Occasionally I have to agree with Michelle. I saw that in your first post, that you wanted to escape.

 

Go ahead and treat it like Preraph said and assume it is a lie. Perhaps it is. I always assume the worst, and I'm never disappointed.

 

But, you need to get a tough skin and be able to grieve the attempt one day and get that big smile that StalwartMind mentioned the next. It's the only way!

 

I saw you said you're clinically depressed and I am sorry. That is very difficult and you won't feel happy inside, but you can look happy outside, and that can make all the difference. Perhaps when you find a woman who accepts you for yourself (trust me, there are plenty out there) and loves you, it may help alleviate some of that depression. I was never clinically depressed but I have been severely depressed for over a year now. It definitely sucks.

 

I do wish you the best. Get some exercise. Between Star Treks, spend some time walking around town. A mile per show. At first you'll feel like sh*t, but soon you will find yourself feeling better inside.

 

Ken

 

P.S., get more resolution.

[Iron Bubba]

There is no place for me in this world so I have to make one of my own.

 

I am too different, and American culture is a culture of hatred, intolerance and bigotry, coercion and conformity.

 

And those who do not conform must be correct and punished to achieve that correction.

 

Those that don't conform will be ostracized from their world.

 

And thus, there is absolutely no place that I can go to be a part of your world.

 

It is always the same no matter where I go.

 

There is nothing but hatred and intolerance for me because I am too different than you. You want us all to be the same and conform to your utopian ideals.

 

I want something better.

 

You can have your utopia. I want one of my own.

 

As you have rejected me I shall reject you.

 

There is no one for me out there.

 

No on at all.

[kenmore]

There is no place for me in this world so I have to make one of my own.

 

I am too different, and American culture is a culture of hatred, intolerance and bigotry, coercion and conformity.

 

And those who do not conform must be correct and punished to achieve that correction.

 

Those that don't conform will be ostracized from their world.

 

And thus, there is absolutely no place that I can go to be a part of your world.

 

It is always the same no matter where I go.

 

There is nothing but hatred and intolerance for me because I am too different than you. You want us all to be the same and conform to your utopian ideals.

 

I want something better.

 

You can have your utopia. I want one of my own.

 

As you have rejected me I shall reject you.

 

There is no one for me out there.

 

No on at all.

 

Well, that depression is definitely guiding you. I want to tell you that it's not that black. That's just how you see it.

 

Do you really see it as you against the world? If so, sure it seems hopeless. The world is not against you. I'm not against you. I find people rarely give a crap about me, but there's nothing unusual about that, most people don't give a crap about anyone but those immediately in their lives and themselves. Reverse it, how many of those around you are you truly concerned with tonight? If that lovely black woman you spoke of earlier wanted to kill herself tonight because her BF broke up with her, would you know? Would you care if you knew after the rejection?

 

Ask yourself those questions. Reflect on how you treat life as well as how it treats you. If you are a better person, then congratulate yourself for that! If not, then place yourself with the masses. Remember, in order to feel isolated, there has to be a reason for it. What is the reason? Are you more lonely, more beautiful, more rich, more intelligent, more coordinated etc than everyone else to be isolated, or are you doing the isolating?

 

My guess is you're pretty awesome but I can't know. I know I am, but that doesn't help you. Make life work for you.

 

Hey, I fell for the BS at work: "fake it 'till you make it", I did that, then they told me I have no more time to make it even though I wasn't done faking it. *ssholes! I'd like to shove that poster up my bosses...anyway; get your head into a better place. If you use drugs, they promote this kind of thinking. If you don't get exercise (I know, too much about exercise), if you don't eat right, it adds up. Most of all, try to put that sh*t eating grin on your face and suck it up. It's what you have...make the best of it.

 

Best

 

Ken

[Iron Bubba]

Sorry, but I'd rather be the fool that i am than the fool that I am not so I won't be putting on a fake grin to please anyone else.

[SteveRR]

It is alwaqys better to laugh than to be brought to depression by others

[Got it]

I don't blame you one bit. I last year I was single, I lived the same story over and over -- take forever to work up the nerve to ask a girl out, actually ask her out, and in less than a second, she dismisses it by saying she has a boyfriend. Every one felt like a total rejection. I was so beaten down by the time I met my wife, I figured that if I didn't date her, it would be years before I met another woman who would admit to me that she was single.

 

You don't want to reach that point, and while I do agree you need to do your best to get past this, depending on your emotional sensitivity, it can be very difficult to "just get over it." In reading your post, I can understand the disappointment, but I'm curious about exactly what makes you angry? Is it losing out on the opportunity to date this woman? Is frustration about all the mulling over about asking her out? Something else or all of the above? Much much later, I realized that what made me so upset after getting the "I have a boyfriend" line is that I felt foolish for sticking my neck out and inferior because she had a full-blown relationship (with some "superior" guy) while I was struggling just to get a first date.

 

Mourn this rejection the best you can as quickly as you can and move on. You're feelings are totally justified but probably not the most rational.

 

Wait, so you dated your wife because she was better than the long drought you were anticipating??? Wow. Does she know she is getting such glowing remarks?

 

Maybe it would help people to realize to not get so worked up about asking someone out because statistically they won't be in a place where they can accept your proposal to begin with. So all the energy and mental gymnastics to get to that point was pointless.

[Got it]

I don't blame you one bit. I last year I was single, I lived the same story over and over -- take forever to work up the nerve to ask a girl out, actually ask her out, and in less than a second, she dismisses it by saying she has a boyfriend. Every one felt like a total rejection. I was so beaten down by the time I met my wife, I figured that if I didn't date her, it would be years before I met another woman who would admit to me that she was single.

 

You don't want to reach that point, and while I do agree you need to do your best to get past this, depending on your emotional sensitivity, it can be very difficult to "just get over it." In reading your post, I can understand the disappointment, but I'm curious about exactly what makes you angry? Is it losing out on the opportunity to date this woman? Is frustration about all the mulling over about asking her out? Something else or all of the above? Much much later, I realized that what made me so upset after getting the "I have a boyfriend" line is that I felt foolish for sticking my neck out and inferior because she had a full-blown relationship (with some "superior" guy) while I was struggling just to get a first date.

 

Mourn this rejection the best you can as quickly as you can and move on. You're feelings are totally justified but probably not the most rational.

 

Wait, so you dated your wife because she was better than the long drought you were anticipating??? Wow. Does she know she is getting such glowing remarks?

 

Maybe it would help people to realize to not get so worked up about asking someone out because statistically they won't be in a place where they can accept your proposal to begin with. So all the energy and mental gymnastics to get to that point was pointless.