guy at work

[amyO]

I started working at a special needs school in January and the first month I met a really nice guy. I wasn't sure where to bring one of the children and he was in the hallway and was happy to help. A few times I even floated into the classroom that he usually works in. He would always come directly to me and talk to me. we would discuss college and random things like that. I always thought he was really cute...safe to say I have a big crush on him.

 

As time went on though, I didn't get to see him that much and never floated back into his room. In a weird way, I feel things have gotten awkward between us.

 

whenever we see one another in the hallways or in any part of the school-we both get so nervous and look away. It's like we're both so anxious to even make eye contact. I don't know how it got this way, but I think we both find each other attractive and are on the shy side so we get easily nervous. we went from saying hi and smiling when seeing one another, to being scared to make contact.

 

we are always looking at one another from a distance but as soon as we're 2 feet away from one another- we freeze. I would really like to talk to him again and break this weird ice we've built up around one another. I'm just so F-ing nervous around him. I know he's the same way.

 

I talked to my therapist about it. It has been a big thing on my mind lately at work. I even thought about him when I was talking/hanging out with someone else.

 

I know it sounds like nothing but a silly infatuation, but I don't know...there's something about him that has stuck with me. I'm unsure of what to do and how to handle this.

[todreaminblue]

i think the more you push things the worse it becomes it builds up to this barrier as soon as you get close.......i am shy like this too with guys i actually have interest in...most people dont undestand how shy i can actually get ......love for me is always awkward to begin with...the more time i spend with the guy the more i feel relaxed to let my feelings show..........luckily it doesnt happen much i develop interest and i have quite a few male friends....because that si all they are to me...i think the only way to go is to not expect anything.....do eye contact anyway.....smile often....no one hardly ever gets to creepy or clingy status for being friendly and open....so dont hide or freeze....know he is shy too............say hi when you can ....and be easy on yourself....and on him...it will work out if it is meant too...good luck...deb

[salparadise]

I know it sounds like nothing but a silly infatuation, but I don't know...there's something about him that has stuck with me. I'm unsure of what to do and how to handle this.

 

Oh I can tell you exactly how to handle this... catch him near a closet or empty office, smile and take him by the hand and lead him in... say, "I've been thinking about this for too long now," and plant a big wet kiss on his lips. Give him about five seconds to get over the shock and do it again. Then stick a scrap of paper with your phone number on it in his pocket and tell him to call you at 6:30, smile at him again and walk out.

 

Problem fixed. Let us know how it goes.

[amyO]

We finally talked again!

 

I was helping one of my students while in gym. My class left and the class he was with left as well. So it was me, my student and him together. He made a joke about something towards me and that's how the ice finally broke between us!

 

I was really happy especially since the tension between us was crazy this week. We kept running into one another everywhere and would both get so flustered.

 

However, the same day we spoke- i overheard co-workers explaing he is leaving at the end of the summer to student teach at another school

 

I feel a little sad as i was hoping we could continue talking to one another..now i'm not so sure.

 

I was telling my therapist all about it and she told me to still smile and talk with him as much as i can. There is definitely some unspeakable connection between us. I decided to add him on instgram (i know it sounds stupid) but as a way to hopefully keep in touch and find out a little more about him lol

 

I feel these last couple of months i've been on the right track and also meeting genuine guys. He just seems so sweet and nice and the fact that he loves working with children who have special needs is the icing on the cake.

 

My therapist told me i should take more risks, especially that this really is a good person. Idk i can't stop thinking about him. I feel like a crazy silly girl who is very infatuated, But there is something so wonderful about him.

 

I'm not sure what "risks" to take to get to know him even more. we're both similar in being really nice, shy and getting nervous around one another. It scares me to say something more to him- but i would love to.

 

Eeek advice!?

[TheLost1]

Go for it! If he is moving to another school, I assume that means he is still in the same general area so there should be no reason you couldn't still see each other. Unless of course I read or understood that incorrectly...

[amyO]

Go for it! If he is moving to another school, I assume that means he is still in the same general area so there should be no reason you couldn't still see each other. Unless of course I read or understood that incorrectly...

 

we live about 15 minutes away from one another. I'm not sure where he will be teaching next, but hopefully it's close by.

[amyO]

I saw a girl talking with him twice this week. I felt hugely defeated. I feel like being shy isn't going to do much for me. A big part of me feels like i need to move on since nothing will change. I saw the girl go up to him twice and they were talking. Idk what to think of it..she's pretty too so i feel like i have no chance now at getting to know him more. I lost to someone who obviously has a lot more confidence than me and isn't afraid to go after someone.

 

I'm trying to stay a little optimistic but it's hard. I feel in my gut i need to stop and forget it all. I guess this is a lesson to try and step out of my comfort zone more :/

[LostOne1]

I saw a girl talking with him twice this week. I felt hugely defeated. I feel like being shy isn't going to do much for me. A big part of me feels like i need to move on since nothing will change. I saw the girl go up to him twice and they were talking. Idk what to think of it..she's pretty too so i feel like i have no chance now at getting to know him more. I lost to someone who obviously has a lot more confidence than me and isn't afraid to go after someone.

 

I'm trying to stay a little optimistic but it's hard. I feel in my gut i need to stop and forget it all. I guess this is a lesson to try and step out of my comfort zone more :/

Amy... you wanna know something funny....

 

The same thing is happening to me. Except, I'm the guy.

 

This girl was saying Hi and smiling. Then she just stopped and it became odd between us. I never said much, because I wasn't sure if she was being friendly or if she is interested.

 

Well.. I have to see her any where from 2-3 times a week after work at the gym. But, if she is there tomorrow. I plan on approaching her after our gym class and just going for it.

 

Yeah, I'm a little nervous, because I have NO idea if I even stand a chance. For all I know others around me might watch or judge me. She might be taken or was just being friendly. Or maybe she does like me too.

 

In the end I realized, if I don't take action every time I see her I'll always think "what if....". Imagine when this guy leaves Amy.... you'll be left thinking... "what if" each day at work.

 

This is your chance to take action like I am.... I've already told myself if she is there tomorrow. I don't care if I have to interrupt her with people around. Because, in the end... I want her and I have to go for what I want. My end goal is... I can't let her get to the car. From the point of us finishing up to her walking to the door... I have a chance to do something I've wanted for a few weeks now. It's my goal now and I can't let MYSELF fail.

 

Think of it as a goal. I wanted a degree.. I went for it, worked my ass off and got it. But only because I took action and wanted it bad enough to take the plunge.

 

So if I like her enough, then I have to take the plunge and do it. So must you.... forget the other girl that talked to him.... she didn't ask him out. Who cares if she's more pretty.... confidence will beat it down... I promise!

 

So do it Amy... it's not hard and what do you have to lose? But everything to gain!

[amyO]

Amy... you wanna know something funny....

 

The same thing is happening to me. Except, I'm the guy.

 

This girl was saying Hi and smiling. Then she just stopped and it became odd between us. I never said much, because I wasn't sure if she was being friendly or if she is interested.

 

Well.. I have to see her any where from 2-3 times a week after work at the gym. But, if she is there tomorrow. I plan on approaching her after our gym class and just going for it.

 

Yeah, I'm a little nervous, because I have NO idea if I even stand a chance. For all I know others around me might watch or judge me. She might be taken or was just being friendly. Or maybe she does like me too.

 

In the end I realized, if I don't take action every time I see her I'll always think "what if....". Imagine when this guy leaves Amy.... you'll be left thinking... "what if" each day at work.

 

This is your chance to take action like I am.... I've already told myself if she is there tomorrow. I don't care if I have to interrupt her with people around. Because, in the end... I want her and I have to go for what I want. My end goal is... I can't let her get to the car. From the point of us finishing up to her walking to the door... I have a chance to do something I've wanted for a few weeks now. It's my goal now and I can't let MYSELF fail.

 

Think of it as a goal. I wanted a degree.. I went for it, worked my ass off and got it. But only because I took action and wanted it bad enough to take the plunge.

 

So if I like her enough, then I have to take the plunge and do it. So must you.... forget the other girl that talked to him.... she didn't ask him out. Who cares if she's more pretty.... confidence will beat it down... I promise!

 

So do it Amy... it's not hard and what do you have to lose? But everything to gain!

 

 

Thank you for this. So funny hearing from the "other side" so to speak. It's awesome to hear how you are going after someone you want. It's very ispiring and it makes me feel like i want to do the same.

 

Best of luck. But major probs for your confidence and will power. Hopefully i can muster up some as well very soon

[LostOne1]

Thank you for this. So funny hearing from the "other side" so to speak. It's awesome to hear how you are going after someone you want. It's very ispiring and it makes me feel like i want to do the same.

 

Best of luck. But major probs for your confidence and will power. Hopefully i can muster up some as well very soon

Well if you want a follow up... I did it today.

 

I went in today even though Tuesday is NOT my normal day.

 

I walked around and I know she must have seen me. I even made short eye contact and then she finished up her workout. She sat down alone for a bit...

 

That's when I took a deep breath and walked right towards her. She saw me coming and eventually smiled and said HI.

 

Then, I sat down right next to her and we talked for a very short time.

 

Morale of the story... just do it girl!

 

At least you have broken the ice with him. All you need to do is the last bit with asking him out to something. Or hope he is like me and sucks it up sooner or later and just asks you himself.

Edited August 12, 2015 by LostOne1

[amyO]

Lostone-

 

I'm so happy to hear that! That is awesome.

 

I'm very unsure about everything now. I feel he really doesn't like me. I've been sensing it and today while i was walking back from lunch toward the building and he was walking out of the bulding, it was just us two crossing paths. I said "hey" and smiled. He like gave me a dreadful "hey.." I think it was pretty clear how he felt.

 

Idk if something was bothering him. Yesterday the same thing happened but i was walking in with a male friend (who is gay and he is friends with everyone) . My crush saw us and smiled and said hey guys.

 

So idk what happened. I can't tell if he was just be friendly because i was with my friend and then today since i was alone he could care less to be friendly.

 

I'm gonna try to forget it all. i feel it's a lost cause. It's like pulling teeth.

 

If anyone saw someone they liked, especially one on one- how hard is it to smile? Or to say a nice hi or hello? I think that interaction made me realize i need to move on.

[sid3]

Yeah, trust your gut(instincts) something is telling you this guy isn't that kind of into you, big deal, there's hundreds of thousands if not more that you'll find attractive that will be. I think women should get the same advice when it comes to going after what/who they want. Grow a pair and go for it. Rejection only stings for a little while, and the risk/ reward factor makes it worth it, JMHO

[amyO]

I literally want to become a nun at this point. I give up on guys haha

[LostOne1]

Okay Amy you are being stupid...

 

I'm a guy and I find I never smile unless someone else smiles. The naturally I have to smile.

 

I've also done half ass smiles to women I liked, because I was frustrated that it wasn't going anywhere.

 

Honestly, if the guy is leaving why not ask him? What's the worst that happens? he says he isn't interested and you both go on with your lives?

 

I used to be like you... thinking of if a miracle doesn't happen then she isn't the one for me. I think that's bogus... that's like taking no action for a job and expecting a job will be handed to you.

 

You gotta put in some effort to make things happen.

 

Of you can sit here and whine about how you should be nun.. and no man ever asks you out. Or you can do something about it for once in your life....

[Qboro90]

Since you know he is going to be leaving and student teaching somewhere else after the summer that is a perfect excuse to ask him for his number. Next time you see him, cross paths, or see an opportunity where he's alone go up to him, say hello, ask him how his weekend was, if he did anything fun..... He'll answer and might elaborate which starts a conversation going. Then it's your turn where you can say "I was just talking to ____ and ____ (people you work with), and they told me you're leaving at the end of the summer!, where are you going to teach? We should exchange numbers and stay in touch, once you leave I'm gonna be the only ridiculously cool person working here so that's gonna suck!" In a playful/joking tone. Then pull out your phone and he'll give you his number. Very simple and non aggressive way to ensure that the line of communication stays open even after he leaves.

 

And if you really want to take charge of things.... In a day or two you should send him a text after work hours and text something such as "just saw ____ an so and it made me think of you.... Or just saw/watched this happen and I couldn't help but think you'd get a kick out of it." (Can send him a short vine video or meme that's humorous that you know he'd find funny). That way you establish communicating outside of work. This is really important to separate yourself from being just a work colleague and becoming a personal relationship because you'll talk outside a work setting. Shows him that you're approachable and outgoing. It's also good for you if you're shy because you don't necessarily have to see him and talk at first. Texting outside of work can at least give you the confidence to know he's into you. And if he gives you one word answers or doesn't follow up and text replies that can extends the conversation then you know for sure he wasn't interested and you can stop wondering. Go for it before it's too late!

[amyO]

Okay Amy you are being stupid...

 

I'm a guy and I find I never smile unless someone else smiles. The naturally I have to smile.

 

I've also done half ass smiles to women I liked, because I was frustrated that it wasn't going anywhere.

 

Honestly, if the guy is leaving why not ask him? What's the worst that happens? he says he isn't interested and you both go on with your lives?

 

I used to be like you... thinking of if a miracle doesn't happen then she isn't the one for me. I think that's bogus... that's like taking no action for a job and expecting a job will be handed to you.

 

You gotta put in some effort to make things happen.

 

Of you can sit here and whine about how you should be nun.. and no man ever asks you out. Or you can do something about it for once in your life....

 

 

of course I was being stupid. The next day after this post I could tell something was different. He said hi and smiled at me. I felt he kept looking at me. He's been liking my instagram pictures (I know stupid) but he never did before and now he is.

 

I also found out he isn't leaving!! Which made me feel a little better. I feel I have an opportunity to actually talk to him more.

 

Although, I'm nervous because the one girl I saw talking to him- just added him on instagram. Which i know doesn't mean anything, but I know she likes him. I feel like I'm competing with her over him. It scares the **** out of me.

 

We're both pretty girls, but again, she is a lot more assertive. I really need some balls next week when back at work to approach him.

 

I'm so cynical when it comes to dating and guys. I'm trying very hard to stay optimistic, but there's a part of me that is so drained from past dating experiences and relationships. I feel like I lost a lot of confidence and hope in terms of guys.

[LostOne1]

of course I was being stupid. The next day after this post I could tell something was different. He said hi and smiled at me. I felt he kept looking at me. He's been liking my instagram pictures (I know stupid) but he never did before and now he is.

 

I also found out he isn't leaving!! Which made me feel a little better. I feel I have an opportunity to actually talk to him more.

 

Although, I'm nervous because the one girl I saw talking to him- just added him on instagram. Which i know doesn't mean anything, but I know she likes him. I feel like I'm competing with her over him. It scares the **** out of me.

 

We're both pretty girls, but again, she is a lot more assertive. I really need some balls next week when back at work to approach him.

 

I'm so cynical when it comes to dating and guys. I'm trying very hard to stay optimistic, but there's a part of me that is so drained from past dating experiences and relationships. I feel like I lost a lot of confidence and hope in terms of guys.

So do you want this other woman stealing a guy YOU want?

 

I can tell you now, if there was a guy hitting on a girl I liked... I'd move fast.

 

My past experience has shown me that when you don't take action. Well someone else will snatch that person away from you.

 

The other girl is assertive? no... no... she just knows WHAT she wants and HOW to go for what SHE wants.

 

So why can't you do the same? Tell yourself this... isn't this guy worth fighting for? Or do you want to see her and him together all the time.

 

I remember one girl who I liked, I never asked her out. Some other guy tried too and she always pushed him off, because she wanted me to take action. I never did and she decided to go for the guy that was chasing her instead of the one who was sitting around saying nothing....

 

A few years later we talk and she tell me she was waiting for me to say anything.... And she was mad even after all these years that I never said anything or did anything. And here I thought I had no chance against those assertive men... all I had to do was also be assertive for once in my life.

 

So if you're okay with seeing him with another women. Then sit there and don't take action and all.

 

But, if you want something for YOURSELF.... then you gotta do something that's maybe out of your bounds. But, great things happens to those that have the courage to ask and go for what they want.

[amyO]

So do you want this other woman stealing a guy YOU want?

 

I can tell you now, if there was a guy hitting on a girl I liked... I'd move fast.

 

My past experience has shown me that when you don't take action. Well someone else will snatch that person away from you.

 

The other girl is assertive? no... no... she just knows WHAT she wants and HOW to go for what SHE wants.

 

So why can't you do the same? Tell yourself this... isn't this guy worth fighting for? Or do you want to see her and him together all the time.

 

I remember one girl who I liked, I never asked her out. Some other guy tried too and she always pushed him off, because she wanted me to take action. I never did and she decided to go for the guy that was chasing her instead of the one who was sitting around saying nothing....

 

A few years later we talk and she tell me she was waiting for me to say anything.... And she was mad even after all these years that I never said anything or did anything. And here I thought I had no chance against those assertive men... all I had to do was also be assertive for once in my life.

 

So if you're okay with seeing him with another women. Then sit there and don't take action and all.

 

But, if you want something for YOURSELF.... then you gotta do something that's maybe out of your bounds. But, great things happens to those that have the courage to ask and go for what they want.

 

Yeah i'm feeling the pressure now :/ i really don't want to miss a chance with him. Idk if i should wait a week until we are back at work to talk to him or maybe send him something over social media? I guess i've never really had the guts to intiate with a guy either way. I've always let a guy do one or the other first (talk in person or message me).

 

When we do go back next week- we have a day of orientation and then a few days off because of labor day weekend. So even if i do see him, I won't be able to talk to him because we will be watching presentations and lectures all day.

 

Would it be strange for me to message him since we've only said a few words in person to one another? And only look at eachother and smile? Lol

 

I'm terrified to come off as creepy or weird.

[LostOne1]

Yeah i'm feeling the pressure now :/ i really don't want to miss a chance with him. Idk if i should wait a week until we are back at work to talk to him or maybe send him something over social media? I guess i've never really had the guts to intiate with a guy either way. I've always let a guy do one or the other first (talk in person or message me).

 

When we do go back next week- we have a day of orientation and then a few days off because of labor day weekend. So even if i do see him, I won't be able to talk to him because we will be watching presentations and lectures all day.

 

Would it be strange for me to message him since we've only said a few words in person to one another? And only look at eachother and smile? Lol

 

I'm terrified to come off as creepy or weird.

 

I think I would only go with social media if there was no other way for me to contact a person.

 

If I can see them still, I rather do things in person.

 

I agree he should take action. But sometimes guys just don't or... women don't hint or make it obvious enough even when they think they have....

 

My guess is you haven't hinted enough that you want him to approach you.

 

BTW, why can't you both talk on the presentation/orientation day? There must be breaks in between at times? or a lunch break? Best time to sit down next to him and chat about stuff.