amyO Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 About a month and a half ago, I went out with 2 of my friends and one of their close friends from our college came too. He was a nice guy, but i didn't think anything more of the interaction. I guess he really liked me and the next day friended me on facebook. He kept messaging me and asked for my number. I felt bad, but i wasn't interested at all. i was also talking/kind of seeing someone else at the time too...I kept taking a while to respond to his messages, but still answering nicely. After two weeks of him still messaging me, i actually forgot to respond to his last message. However, when i remembered, i figured it was best as maybe he would realize that i wasnt feeling the same way. I feel awful for even writing this post as I am someone who has been with the wrong guys or have had guys stop responding to me or fade away. It's a sucky feeling. The difference is though, i met this guy once for an hour compared to me hooking up with those others guys, talking/hanging out with them or dating them. I felt it was okay that i didnt keep responding, since i hardly knew him. However, randomly today he messaged me again on facebook. I'm unsure of what to do. I hate being a mean person. It's not in my nature haha I feel bad if i don't respond, but at the same time i feel if i keep responding he might assume something. However, i also don't want to straight out say "i'm not that interested" as again, i met him once and i don't think it warrants that type of answer. I've been in this situation before, that's why i'm posting this on the forum. I want some advice as to what i should do? I feel like i'm in a pickle. I'm also worried if i hangout with the same people again and he shows up. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 And so now you're getting a second chance to practice what you didn't do the first time, and that is tactfully--and gently--let him know you arent interested in dating! How exciting, no? But it's a good skill to develop, and one you'll likely have to use throughout your lifetime. Some may think you don't owe him anything after only speaking to him for an hour in person. But I think kindness is the best course of action, and it's not kind to continue showing interest when there is none, or to suddenly disappear. So, maybe saying something along the lines of "I enjoy talking to you (if that's true) but I am concerned about giving you the impression that Im interested in anything more than friendship. That's not the case. So I understand if you want to stop messaging, but if you're open to a friendship, so am I :)" What do you think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 i also don't want to straight out say "i'm not that interested" as again, i met him once and i don't think it warrants that type of answer. Sorry, but I think this exactly what you should do. If you are uncomfortable doing the blunt delete and block then I would suggest that you respond to his message by saying something like, “You seem like a nice guy but I have to be honest, I’m not interested in you romantically and I don’t want to waste your time”. The thing about this random comment is that it will either be a wake up call that he is making you uncomfortable or he will think you are so up yourself (when in his head he is only making polite conversation) that you aren’t worth talking to anyway. Either way he should leave you alone which is what you want right? He may not think very highly of you but he isn’t a friend so it shouldn’t matter in the long run. I would get this straightened up as quickly as possible, for his sake as well as yours. If you don't want to get to know him more and he keeps sending you messages then you will need to take further action such as deleting his from your friends list. It is a good lesson for the future. Don't accept friends requests from people you aren't really friends with as it can get a bit awkward. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 And so now you're getting a second chance to practice what you didn't do the first time, and that is tactfully--and gently--let him know you arent interested in dating! How exciting, no? But it's a good skill to develop, and one you'll likely have to use throughout your lifetime. Some may think you don't owe him anything after only speaking to him for an hour in person. But I think kindness is the best course of action, and it's not kind to continue showing interest when there is none, or to suddenly disappear. So, maybe saying something along the lines of "I enjoy talking to you (if that's true) but I am concerned about giving you the impression that Im interested in anything more than friendship. That's not the case. So I understand if you want to stop messaging, but if you're open to a friendship, so am I :)" What do you think? So that's what you were getting at when you wrote that to me? I guess it's nice what you wrote, but I'd be wary of offering friendship to someone you're really not interested in hanging out with going forward. Maybe it's a way to get them to move on on their own and the friendship never has to materialize. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 So that's what you were getting at when you wrote that to me? I guess it's nice what you wrote, but I'd be wary of offering friendship to someone you're really not interested in hanging out with going forward. Maybe it's a way to get them to move on on their own and the friendship never has to materialize. You "guess" it's nice? Enough of the fence sitting, J, is it nice or not?! OP--I offered an example of something you can say. Use the parts that are applicable. This being a free service, you are under no obligation to use my words verbatim or in their entirety. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 You "guess" it's nice? Enough of the fence sitting, J, is it nice or not?! OP--I offered an example of something you can say. Use the parts that are applicable. This being a free service, you are under no obligation to use my words verbatim or in their entirety. Aside from the advice given to you on this thread OP, please do not ever listen to anything else that Cerridwen says. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Aside from the advice given to you on this thread OP, please do not ever listen to anything else that Cerridwen says. ..Seconded.. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 ..Seconded.. There's a phone call for you.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 You "guess" it's nice? Enough of the fence sitting, J, is it nice or not?! I think it's noce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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