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When You Don't Want the Alpha Male


Cupid's Puppet

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Cupid's Puppet

Ladies, you ever been in a situation where you were liking a particular guy at a party and an annoying alpha male gets in between it? This happened to me twice this weekend. Like yesterday, I don't know if this guy liked me, but I was totally into him. He did the approaching, he bought me a drink, he talked mostly to me at the party, etc. Then here comes the alpha male...

 

Naturally the other guy backed away like a beta male. He totally allowed the alpha male to steal my attention even though I didn't want him. I was desperately hoping the beta male would ask me out, but he just allowed the other guy to swoop in and ask me out. The beta did ask me for my phone number, but I doubt he will ever call now. Any similar stories?

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that's terrible that alpha male did that, you should go out with him

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You know, it's just up to you to not let him do that. Yes, I have had similar things happen. Not sure I'd call the interlopers all alpha males. Just pushy and a bit rude. What you need to do is just like you'd do, say, if you were married to the guy you liked and were talking to before: Tell them, Excuse me, and turn on your heel and leave and go back to the guy you like. If he likes you at all, he'll LOVE that.

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Tell them to get the eff our of your face. Be blunt and forceful. This is not a man respectfully approaching and flirting with a woman but a jerk who wants to one up another guy.

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loveweary11
Ladies, you ever been in a situation where you were liking a particular guy at a party and an annoying alpha male gets in between it? This happened to me twice this weekend. Like yesterday, I don't know if this guy liked me, but I was totally into him. He did the approaching, he bought me a drink, he talked mostly to me at the party, etc. Then here comes the alpha male...

 

Naturally the other guy backed away like a beta male. He totally allowed the alpha male to steal my attention even though I didn't want him. I was desperately hoping the beta male would ask me out, but he just allowed the other guy to swoop in and ask me out. The beta did ask me for my phone number, but I doubt he will ever call now. Any similar stories?

 

Why wouldn't you just follow the guy you like and ignore the annoying one?

 

Pretty simple...

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SycamoreCircle
He did the approaching' date=' he bought me a drink, he talked mostly to me at the party, etc. The beta did ask me for my phone number.[/quote']What about that signifies beta male? He backed off when some obnoxious guy butted in? Sounds like he avoids drama and realizes that force does not necessarily equal power. I reiterate, what is beta about that?
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There were choices to be made.

 

 

Beta, alpha, whatever. You had a huge part in how things went.

 

 

What he allowed was for you to make a choice. Nothing beta about that.

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Clarence_Boddicker

Societal roles can be hilarious sometimes. Sucks you were "forced" to submit to the unattractive Alpha. Too bad you couldn't ask for the attractive beta's number when he gave you his. Must be tough tip toeing around like that.

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It's funny when you see women who buy into this alpha/beta bullsh*t.

 

So he allowed him to steal your attention?

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I would have decked him on the spot to prove my alphaness....

 

Then I would have talked about it for the rest of the week

 

:p

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PrettyEmily77

Not much of this story makes sense to me but I was wondering: if you exchanged numbers, what is there to stop you from calling him yourself? That way he'll know for sure where your interests lie and won't wonder whether he's second choice to the obnoxious dude...

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Sounds like you switched your attention to the Newcomb m e, he picked up on it and thought "I don't play this game " and ducked out.

 

 

You didn't really do anything to stop it.

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That guy is not an "alpha male", he's just an obnoxious a-hole.

 

Alpha/beta males are dumb terms, anyway. I haven't met anyone IRL, man or woman, that uses those terms.

 

Also OP, stand up for yourself a bit more. If this kind of scenario happens again, politely tell "alpha" dude that you were in the middle of a conversation, and then go back to the other guy you liked. If jerk-boy doesn't get the hint and rudely butts in again, then it may be necessary to be a little more blunt (but be careful).

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Why wouldn't you just follow the guy you like and ignore the annoying one?

 

Pretty simple...

 

This. You could have always said to the "beta guy" "Hey, want to go to x with me?" Or you could have simply continued focusing on "beta guy", "alpha guy" would have searched elsewhere once he noticed you weren't interested. And of course beta guy won't call you now, he thinks you're the easy type of girl alphas use for their ONSes and FWB relationships.

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Cupid's Puppet
You know, it's just up to you to not let him do that. Yes, I have had similar things happen. Not sure I'd call the interlopers all alpha males. Just pushy and a bit rude. What you need to do is just like you'd do, say, if you were married to the guy you liked and were talking to before: Tell them, Excuse me, and turn on your heel and leave and go back to the guy you like. If he likes you at all, he'll LOVE that.

 

I am starting to think the other guy probably just didn't like me like that. And you're right, all interlopers are not alpha males. Maybe I should have said jerks versus shy guys. I would love to know how to get a shy guy to ask you out when you feel like he's interested in you. They too often let the other guy beat them to the punch.

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Cupid's Puppet
I would have decked him on the spot to prove my alphaness....

 

Then I would have talked about it for the rest of the week

 

:p

 

I did kinda do this but he liked it lol.

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I am starting to think the other guy probably just didn't like me like that. And you're right' date=' all interlopers are not alpha males. Maybe I should have said jerks versus shy guys. I would love to know how to get a shy guy to ask you out when you feel like he's interested in you. They too often let the other guy beat them to the punch.[/quote']

 

It's because once the Alpha Male swoops in many men see it is a lost cause.

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Cupid's Puppet
Not much of this story makes sense to me but I was wondering: if you exchanged numbers, what is there to stop you from calling him yourself? That way he'll know for sure where your interests lie and won't wonder whether he's second choice to the obnoxious dude...

 

I believe the man should initiate the phone call if he's interested. The last time I initiated the phone call it led to a 7 year relationship that went nowhere. That is because after initiating the phone call, I initiated everything else in the relationship. I initiated "I love you". I initiated "Am I your girlfriend?" I initiated "Do you see us getting married?" I initiated the talk on kids. Nah...not going down that road again as the initiator.

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ascendotum
I am starting to think the other guy probably just didn't like me like that. And you're right' date=' all interlopers are not alpha males. Maybe I should have said jerks versus shy guys. I would love to know how to get a shy guy to ask you out when you feel like he's interested in you. [b']They too often let the other guy beat them to the punch.[/b]

 

As NL said the shyer guy seeing you now engaging in banter with the new bigger interloper will assume you are happy with the shift in focus to new dude, and will saunter off to find another prospect. Hopefully the shyer guy will learn his lessons on how to deal with situation in future. Though staying on in a 3 way conversation by her side is not really a winning outcome either especially if the bigger cocky guy is up for the challenge so will use posture/shifting her towards him/dominating the conversation/touching her while talking and so on to leave the shy guy on the sidelines.

 

I've no doubt some of the interlopers get a kick out of it. I guess for you the shy guys comes off as weak, but imo the woman also come of as weak. They both miss out on what they wanted, but the one with the bigger control (and with less chance of confrontation) would be the one at the center of attention. Quite often women (more so younger/less assertive in these situations) don't necessarily get the guy they wanted or the guy that's the best for them. The one that wins out is the more assertive guy, the one that gets his dick in first wins. either a ONS or often the woman will tend to just keep staying on if the guy keeps his interest up in her. She is not taking a more active role in determining her fate with a guy that suits her best. (not saying this is how the nite ended up)

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Cupid's Puppet
It's because once the Alpha Male swoops in many men see it is a lost cause.

 

That is what I don't get! Men these days are becoming too passive. They are too cool and mature to compete with another guy. What is up with that? If you like me just say you like me because I might like you too. Forget about the other guy. Guys will never get anywhere with that mindset because a lot of men will approach a woman especially if she is good-looking. Heck, I am average-looking, borderline ugly, and I get suitors. But I can't even say yes if you stop showing interest because another guy starts flirting.

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fitnessfan365
Ladies, you ever been in a situation where you were liking a particular guy at a party and an annoying alpha male gets in between it? This happened to me twice this weekend. Like yesterday, I don't know if this guy liked me, but I was totally into him. He did the approaching, he bought me a drink, he talked mostly to me at the party, etc. Then here comes the alpha male...

 

Naturally the other guy backed away like a beta male. He totally allowed the alpha male to steal my attention even though I didn't want him. I was desperately hoping the beta male would ask me out, but he just allowed the other guy to swoop in and ask me out. The beta did ask me for my phone number, but I doubt he will ever call now. Any similar stories?

 

I think the term "alpha male" gets a bad wrap. Some people like the OP tend to think in extremes labeling the overly aggressive attention seeking douchebag an "alpha". However, true confidence and leadership often comes with a sense of calm. Guys that try to act "alpha" are often over compensating.

 

That guy that approached you originally started out well and good. But his lack of true confidence and backing off is what did him in. For example. If I was that guy that originally approached and I knew you were digging me all night long, I would have said "Sorry man she's with me", then leaned in to kiss you softly on the lips. After that, I'd lead you away from the douchebag by the hand, and say "There's no way I was letting him get in the way of the two of us going out sometime. What's your number?" Since you liked him and he'd built rapport all night, something tells me you would have enjoyed that. Am I right?

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Cupid's Puppet
I think the term "alpha male" gets a bad wrap. Some people like the OP tend to think in extremes labeling the overly aggressive attention seeking douchebag an "alpha". However, true confidence and leadership often comes with a sense of calm. Guys that try to act "alpha" are often over compensating.

 

That guy that approached you originally started out well and good. But his lack of true confidence and backing off is what did him in. For example. If I was that guy that originally approached and I knew you were digging me all night long, I would have said "Sorry man she's with me", then leaned in to kiss you softly on the lips. After that, I'd lead you away from the douchebag by the hand, and say "There's no way I was letting him get in the way of the two of us going out sometime. What's your number?" Since you liked him and he'd built rapport all night, something tells me you would have enjoyed that. Am I right?

 

Yep. And things like what you said is what makes me think that this guy just was not that into me. Men talk that shy crap all day. There is a handsome guy at work that claims he is shy, but he has a child. So I see he was bold when he wanted to be. A man will break his shyness if he likes what he sees. My belief...this guy didn't like what he saw. So I am moving on.

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PrettyEmily77
I believe the man should initiate the phone call if he's interested. The last time I initiated the phone call it led to a 7 year relationship that went nowhere. That is because after initiating the phone call' date=' I initiated everything else in the relationship. I initiated "I love you". I initiated "Am I your girlfriend?" I initiated "Do you see us getting married?" I initiated the talk on kids. Nah...not going down that road again as the initiator.[/quote']

 

 

Ok. He did initiate the conversation / exchange of numbers though, so he did show his hand. If you really, genuinely like him, the nice thing to do would be to call (or text, whatever) to let him know the obnoxious guy was more a nuisance than anything else, and that you really enjoyed his company, and let him go the rest. He's obviously not shy, given the evidence; probably wondering if you chose the obnoxious guy instead. If neither of you make the effort, there was nothing there in the first place, so really nothing to regret.

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