Alley00pster Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 So I accidentally put this in dating ----- So my first post here is gonna be depressing.. I'm a 26 year old male. I'm quite active. I play soccer and basketball. So I'm pretty slim but I'm like 6'3. I'm always trying to make others around me laugh and one friend basically said my attitude alone can just make a entire table start smiling. I love traveling and experiencing new things. I went to VCU for college and now have a decent job. Yet I have no luck finding someone. I've tried online sites like match and free sites. I've tried apps. It seems like everyone around me finds happiness and I can't find anything. It's like I'm unloveable. My best friends even say I just must have the worst luck personal life wise. It's not like my standards are high. I just want a nice sweet woman. I mean after the last few relationships ending with the girl being a jerk and the other cheating a nice woman all I want. Funny thing is I had no luck in a college that is known for being good to guys in the dating side because it like 65% women. Not like I've been looking for models are anything. I was out with my best friend and his wife yesterday at a amusement park and I saw plenty of girls I found attractive all around the park. I wondered to myself why I couldn't find one the entire time. Recently I thought maybe I was finally catching a break when I meet this sweet cute girl. Late college girl. Then after a few dates she said I was everything she was looking for (charming, sweet, goofy, funny) but she couldn't never see anything romantic between us. I don't think I'm Brad Pitt but I do stay in shape with working out and sports so I guess I thought I was decently attractive. Been questioning that recently after that happened though. I guess I'm just starting to think there's no one there for me. I can't say this to my friends but I've been bottling this up and needed to get it out. Link to post Share on other sites
okc85 Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 26 is still pretty young, so I don't think you should get discouraged. My advice is that you should just try not to place so much emphasis on finding 'the one.' Just date and try to relax, be yourself, and I think you'll find a girl fairly soon. Just don't rush it. Have some fun with dating. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Well at least you've had a girlfriend before Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alley00pster Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 (edited) Well at least you've had a girlfriend before You could gladly take my last two. A cheater after years together. It's a stab right in the heart man. The other just turned into a jerk to the point I didn't recognize her anymore. We broke up the day after my b day....after she yelled at me in front of my family because she felt I wasn't fancy enough looking for the place she was taking me (Khakis and button down shirt. Note I wasn't told where we were going or how to dress.). Then after the break up lied to everyone about the whole thing to cover up what she did. Edited June 29, 2015 by Alley00pster Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 I would desperately rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, even if it means getting cheated on Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Since your friends seem to know the situation, ask them if they have anybody they can fix you up with. If one has a GF with whom you are particularly close, with his permission ask her if she sees anything that you are doing wrong. Maybe it's something you don't realize. When you play these sports, are they co-ed teams? if not think about joining a co-ed team to expand your circle. Also consider doing activities with your alumni association. You will already have something in common with the women. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Great advice, as always, from donnivan! My only other suggestion would be to reign in the goofiness a little bit. The class clown is fun to be around, but not necessarily someone one would want as a boyfriend. A sense of humor is a positive, but not when done to excess. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 26 is not too old, it may happen any moment, get out there I totally agree. It'll happen. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 During these dates you had with her, were you two at least kissing? Or did you never make a move and then when you did, she said no? I'm wondering if you waited too long to make your romantic intentions known is all. Not saying you did. Just curious why so many dates and then she says that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alley00pster Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Great advice, as always, from donnivan! My only other suggestion would be to reign in the goofiness a little bit. The class clown is fun to be around, but not necessarily someone one would want as a boyfriend. A sense of humor is a positive, but not when done to excess. My humor and such is generally highly regarded. My friends like to say I light up a room with it. Yeah I can occasionally be a little too goofy but not anything too crazy. During these dates you had with her, were you two at least kissing? Or did you never make a move and then when you did, she said no? I'm wondering if you waited too long to make your romantic intentions known is all. Not saying you did. Just curious why so many dates and then she says that. She knew the intentions were there. She was suggesting things we should go to and see together. Places she wanted to take me. Then I texted her after a few dates she dropped that one on me. Basically that my personality was great but I wasn't good looking enough to be with her. Like I said I'm a very active person and really in shape. I don't honestly remember last time someone suggested I was unattractive either let alone straight up say it. Im hardly a ego maniac but I think I'm pretty attractive us my height helps too. The reason I never made a move for a kiss is I sensed her not putting everything out there. Like she held back. I was being funny, telling some great stories, etc and I just felt her not locked in. I'm not gonna make a move on someone who isn't dialed in on the date. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 My humor and such is generally highly regarded. My friends like to say I light up a room with it. Yeah I can occasionally be a little too goofy but not anything too crazy. Okay. But let me ask you this: Are you looking to add another friend or to find a girlfriend? Your choice: friend zone or girlfriend? It's a matter of degree. A sense of humor is attractive. Goofy class clown not so much in the dating arena. Realistically, where on this continuum are you? Since you're known as the "funny" guy in your social circle and apparently in the whole room, I would guess you lean towards the latter? Also, she called you goofy. Goofy is not a word many women use when describing a romantic partner. Quite the opposite--that's your male BFF. You were surprised she called you unattractive, because physically you aren't. Slim, athletic, tall, and socially popular are all definitely working for you. But there are many facets to attractiveness. Personality and perceived maturity are two important pieces of that puzzle. Has your goofiness and your knack for lighting up the whole room with your jokes gotten you the girl thus far? If not, just rein it in a little. See if that helps next time around. That's all. Link to post Share on other sites
amyO Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 How long ago did your last relationship end? I'm only asking because if it ended recently or in the last year (and you mentioned to another user you were with her for a long time) then i wouldn't worry too much about not being in another relationship. Some people click right away with another person, while others it may take a few tries . (Something i'm learning a lot about recently). If your last two relationships didn't go so well, i think you should take the time to relax and enjoy other things for now. You've been in 2 long and serious relationships and they were in no way a reflection of you. They were probably very hard and emotionally draining. You should spend as much time as possible with your friends and family. I'm sure you will find another girl one day soon to be with. You sound like a great person. It may take a little while, but it will happen Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 If I were you. I would just try to enjoy life. Don't try to force things to happen. Pick a hobby and delve into that. I do find a lot of people just try to force love into their lives, just frustrated. I doubt you will be single forever. I am trying that now. I think a lot of us searching for love, feel like we are missing out on something. Its like we are basically saying if we do not have a romantic partner. We are doing something wrong or are not as happy as other people around us. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 i wouldn't worry about it.. love the people around you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Some just aren't good at attracting women, regardless of attempts to improve. Sometimes I think it's fate. For example, my brother has a friend who, is for the most part negative, lazy, out of shape, and still manages to have women in and out of his life (average or above). It was literally as easy as him breaking up with a girl, calling another one up, and her staying the night that night he called. My initial thought was "How does he pull it off, and I can't?". Personally, I don't care, as much, but I just take it as fate, and move on with my day. I've been single for the last four years, and have adjusted to being alone. The only time things get rough is on the weekend. I usually don't feel anything on the weekdays, because of work. Just have to mitigate that pain, broseph. Link to post Share on other sites
biggles6087 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 just be confident be happy in yourself it take times it took me ages mind you the amount of trouble I have with them, I wish I didn't find them in the first place lol only joking they are all no bad.Anyway man chin up it will happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 i know the feeling mate, my love life has gone quiet but i keep on truckin' onwards and upwards, nothing lasts forever 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hc154 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 i wouldn't worry about it.. love the people around you Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 So I accidentally put this in dating ----- So my first post here is gonna be depressing.. I'm a 26 year old male. I'm quite active. I play soccer and basketball. So I'm pretty slim but I'm like 6'3. I'm always trying to make others around me laugh and one friend basically said my attitude alone can just make a entire table start smiling. I love traveling and experiencing new things. I went to VCU for college and now have a decent job. Yet I have no luck finding someone. I've tried online sites like match and free sites. I've tried apps. It seems like everyone around me finds happiness and I can't find anything. It's like I'm unloveable. My best friends even say I just must have the worst luck personal life wise. It's not like my standards are high. I just want a nice sweet woman. I mean after the last few relationships ending with the girl being a jerk and the other cheating a nice woman all I want. Funny thing is I had no luck in a college that is known for being good to guys in the dating side because it like 65% women. Not like I've been looking for models are anything. I was out with my best friend and his wife yesterday at a amusement park and I saw plenty of girls I found attractive all around the park. I wondered to myself why I couldn't find one the entire time. Recently I thought maybe I was finally catching a break when I meet this sweet cute girl. Late college girl. Then after a few dates she said I was everything she was looking for (charming, sweet, goofy, funny) but she couldn't never see anything romantic between us. I don't think I'm Brad Pitt but I do stay in shape with working out and sports so I guess I thought I was decently attractive. Been questioning that recently after that happened though. I guess I'm just starting to think there's no one there for me. I can't say this to my friends but I've been bottling this up and needed to get it out. But you've HAD relationships in the past. You've been successful. You'll get one again. It's just a matter of WHEN. This is a far cry form some guys who've never had relationships, only constant failure at establishing one. To those people, I would say the hell with women and do something else. Link to post Share on other sites
nouedis Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Just let go of it man Link to post Share on other sites
johndoe2 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Some just aren't good at attracting women, regardless of attempts to improve. Sometimes I think it's fate. For example, my brother has a friend who, is for the most part negative, lazy, out of shape, and still manages to have women in and out of his life (average or above). It was literally as easy as him breaking up with a girl, calling another one up, and her staying the night that night he called. My initial thought was "How does he pull it off, and I can't?". Personally, I don't care, as much, but I just take it as fate, and move on with my day. I've been single for the last four years, and have adjusted to being alone. The only time things get rough is on the weekend. I usually don't feel anything on the weekdays, because of work. Just have to mitigate that pain, broseph. It's a probably a natural talent that can no more easily be learned as an adult than speaking Navajo. Many around here think that giving hope to the hopeless is charity but seems more like sadism in the end. I met a nice girl not long ago at a bar, had common interests, a nice conversation, she even seemed to like me. She gave me her number and invited me to something the next day at her friend's house. I was so excited..... and then it turned out it was all a ruse to try to convert me to her ****ing religion, as the event was just a meeting of the faithful or something. Every time after that I would try to text her after and ask her out or anything, she'd just defer to try to get me to go to her cult meetings. That was really the nail in the coffin there. One can just try and get as far through life as possible with prostitutes and copious amounts of alcohol. The internet makes finding the former easy. Review sites abound. I'd post a link if I wasn't sure it's against the rules of this prudish site. Link to post Share on other sites
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