Wasting Light Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Over time, I've come to identify myself as "asexual", meaning I have no real attraction to either gender. Even the idea of the actual act of sex is... unpleasant, to me. The "conundrum", however, is that I very much desire to have a "relationship" that's more meaningful than a simple friendship. And I'm not sure how to go about doing that. There's a conflict between what I want, and what I am. I don't think being asexual is any more of a "condition" than being heterosexual or homosexual, so it's not like it can be "cured". So I wonder, how does someone like myself go about dating and having meaningful "relationships" as an asexual? Is that even possible? And even if I were to date someone, what can be done about my apprehension about physical intimacy? Does anyone here have any real experience with asexuality, or is this problem too unusual? Link to post Share on other sites
Mascara Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 I briefly dated someone several years ago who I thought was definitely asexual, and from research I did then, I know that there are asexual dating sites if you do a Google search. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Easy, date people who have a low to zero sex drive. It's not going to work if you have to settle & end up having sex for their pleasure only. I guess it would be ok to do it for having kids. From what I've read in other forums, there's quite a few asexual women. The ones in relationships with sexual guys seem to look at sex as a chore they have to do to keep their partner with them. They seem very frustrated talking about it & doing it. They seem to wish the sex would stop & never happen again. Must really suck for both sides. I don't get why they get involved with sexual people. I made a thread about it awhile ago. The strangest thing about it to me is that many asexual people enjoy masturbation. Maybe those should be called selfsexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 (edited) I googled and found this site.... Asexualitic . com I suspect you find others like you just like hetero and homosexuals do...you actively search for them. I know of an asexual couple who have been married for thirteen years. The husband and I work out together occasionally at the gym. They procreated for children only. Nice couple. Good luck, Grumps Edited June 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wasting Light Posted June 28, 2015 Author Share Posted June 28, 2015 Easy, date people who have a low to zero sex drive. It's not going to work if you have to settle & end up having sex for their pleasure only. I guess it would be ok to do it for having kids. From what I've read in other forums, there's quite a few asexual women. The ones in relationships with sexual guys seem to look at sex as a chore they have to do to keep their partner with them. They seem very frustrated talking about it & doing it. They seem to wish the sex would stop & never happen again. Must really suck for both sides. I don't get why they get involved with sexual people. I made a thread about it awhile ago. I wonder, though, out in the real world, how do you really identify those people? Usually, it's not overly difficult to tell if someone is heterosexual or homosexual, but I can't think of anyone I've met over my entire life that seemed "asexual", to me. Even on a basic level, it's difficult for me to identify someone I'd even want to pursue to ask on a date in order to get to know, because my sense of attraction is... "different". At least someone who is heterosexual or homosexual can identify people they find attractive on a basic level, and go from there. What does one do that isn't "attracted" to anyone? I suppose online dating sites are an option. Maybe some day, I'll relent and give it a try, but I'm really not a fan of online dating. The strangest thing about it to me is that many asexual people enjoy masturbation. Maybe those should be called selfsexual. I guess my views on sex are a bit more complicated than I originally stated. I'd say I have something resembling a slightly below average "sex drive", but my urges are never really directed at anyone or anything specific. It's like my body just decides that it's "in the mood". I do masturbate once every couple of days or so, but it's not very enjoyable, because I don't really "fantasize" or think about anyone or anything while I'm doing it. It's just a means to an end. I also seem to have a weird fascination with sex. I watch porn fairly regularly (not "professionally" done stuff, I hate that stuff; I mean "amateur" videos of real couples), and I guess I get aroused by the visualization, but I'm more fascinated at just seeing people performing the act together. I don't know why I find it so fascinating in that way. But I just can't imagine myself ever actually participating. I don't even know why I say that, exactly, I just can't imagine myself doing that, and honestly, I really don't think it would be very pleasurable or satisfying for the other person if I did. Link to post Share on other sites
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