HansonGirl Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 big fail, eh? that's how i feel. I mean, a dull, short response is bad too, but I feel like a lack of a response at all is like, "ouch" and along those lines, what about when they DO respond, but take like 24 hours or more, at that point I think they ought to not respond at all. I feel like this goes int he same category as a lack of a response. But it might even be worse because then at least with a lack of a response you know where you stand, but when they do respond, now you're thinking, ok great does this mean he IS interested or isn't? What do you think? But it sucks when you text someone and they don't even text back. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Don't talk to them again? Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 I guess it depends on the guy. I've said before on this board that if I'm ever single again and back in the game, I'd be the guy who woman come here complaining about not texting. To me, texting is a marginal form of communication and a general nuisance. I might be interested as hell and still be a little reluctant to engage by text. If it's a deal breaker for you, fair enough, but I would be a little hesitant to make too many judgments based on either the lack of a text or for that matter, what a particular text may mean. Lord knows I've seen enough of those questions here as well, which kind of goes to my point about texting being a woefully inadequate means of communication in the first place. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Sometimes a text doesn't require a response so it doesn't bother me. If I have only just met someone I also tend not to be bothered as neither of us is the other's priority at that stage and also neither of us knows each others texting or communication style. If it bothers you though then stop texting him and don't reply if he does. (?) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 I guess it depends on the guy. I've said before on this board that if I'm ever single again and back in the game, I'd be the guy who woman come here complaining about not texting. To me, texting is a marginal form of communication and a general nuisance. I might be interested as hell and still be a little reluctant to engage by text. If it's a deal breaker for you, fair enough, but I would be a little hesitant to make too many judgments based on either the lack of a text or for that matter, what a particular text may mean. Lord knows I've seen enough of those questions here as well, which kind of goes to my point about texting being a woefully inadequate means of communication in the first place. I wouldn't say it's a "deal breaker" - I think for me (and a lot of other people) who feel like they put themselves on the line with the text, they feel rejected by the lack of the response. If I felt more secure about the feelings between us, and where I stood and whatnot, then sure, I definitely would not mind so much. But I am not really referring to using texting as a general means of communicating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 To clarify - i am talking about texts during the stage of - I am into him, can't figure out if he's into me, but I think he is.....I just sent him this cute text... oh wait he hasn't responded... maybe I was wrong, and he's not interested... oh now I feel bad about myself.... that stage 1 Link to post Share on other sites
toscaroscura Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Texting requires so little effort that, if a man can't even be bothered to return my text, I know he is unwilling to put in even the laziest effort. The only exception is is he is making efforts in other ways, like calling and/or seeing me often. But in cases like the OP this is rarely happening. I say, next! PS, don't let it effect your confidence OP. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 Texting requires so little effort that, if a man can't even be bothered to return my text, I know he is unwilling to put in even the laziest effort. The only exception is is he is making efforts in other ways, like calling and/or seeing me often. But in cases like the OP this is rarely happening. I say, next! PS, don't let it effect your confidence OP. what I find more frustrating is a text that comes really late. Once a guy texted me back like 3 days later. like, who is looking at their texts from 3 days ago in order to respond? If I havent' responded within the same DAY, i probably will not be responding at all. but 3 days...... Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Well don't put yourself on the line then. He doesn't respond once or twice and doesn't call, don't talk to him. He ain't interested. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
toscaroscura Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 what I find more frustrating is a text that comes really late. Once a guy texted me back like 3 days later. like, who is looking at their texts from 3 days ago in order to respond? If I havent' responded within the same DAY, i probably will not be responding at all. but 3 days...... Meh, all the more reason to just move on. Don't even respond! If you two aren't going out on actual dates, getting to know each other, then the 3-day-later text means nothing. In fact it's kind of insulting. 3 days is way too much time lapsed to be respectful, but just enough of a breadcrumb so he hopes to keep you a bit interested. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 Meh, all the more reason to just move on. Don't even respond! If you two aren't going out on actual dates, getting to know each other, then the 3-day-later text means nothing. In fact it's kind of insulting. 3 days is way too much time lapsed to be respectful, but just enough of a breadcrumb so he hopes to keep you a bit interested. I agree with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 Well don't put yourself on the line then. He doesn't respond once or twice and doesn't call, don't talk to him. He ain't interested. Thanks but I wasn't really asking for advice. Just griping. ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
RedButton Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Don't forget there are so many mixed messages out there for guys on what to do in this situation. So many sites and people will them 'Bro, don't respond to the text until AT LEAST a day later, or the woman will think you're CLINGY and break up with you!' Etc etc. Maybe sometimes they want to respond but they're getting told to wait or they are nervous about seeming too needy or like they are 'waiting by the phone'. Link to post Share on other sites
toscaroscura Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Don't forget there are so many mixed messages out there for guys on what to do in this situation. So many sites and people will them 'Bro, don't respond to the text until AT LEAST a day later, or the woman will think you're CLINGY and break up with you!' Etc etc. Maybe sometimes they want to respond but they're getting told to wait or they are nervous about seeming too needy or like they are 'waiting by the phone'. Maybe, but 3 days is obviously too long for HansonGirl and that's ok. They probably just aren't compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 (edited) Maybe, but 3 days is obviously too long for HansonGirl and that's ok. They probably just aren't compatible. Well first of all you are right. If someone is either so scatterbrained they cannot respond before three days or is deliberately waiting for whatever reason (game playing?) we probably are not compatible. Don't get me wrong I don't expect an IMMEDIATE response but there is a certain period after which it seems like the moment has passed. But I'm just thinkng of me personally. If I got a text I would just respond when I got it because Id forget otgerwise. But in definitely not going back through my texts from there days ago. Those are ancient history. So I'm either responding within a few hours or not at all. Can't even picture someone looking at texts from days ago. If I did, it'd include a message such as "sorry I didntsee this text til now" or something similar. And also. What do you think. If someone responded three days later after you forgot about the text you wouldn't think twice about it? And also. This isn't even about a three day period. I merely mentioned that one as an example of something from a few years ago. I knew that guy wasn't interested but he could've just left it. Why text at all ya know? I mean I would assume someone waiting three days isn't interested but I guess my whole point was you might as well just not text at all if you are not interested so there is no mistaking it And it's also like a reminder to the rejected person that they have been rejected: " hey remember three days ago when you felt totally rejected after working up the courage of contacting me ? Well let me just remind you. " Of course I'm talking about wurh there is no acknowledgment of the passage of time Edited June 26, 2015 by HansonGirl Link to post Share on other sites
toscaroscura Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Well first of all you are right. If someone is either so scatterbrained they cannot respond before three days or is deliberately waiting for whatever reason (game playing?) we probably are not compatible. Don't get me wrong I don't expect an IMMEDIATE response but there is a certain period after which it seems like the moment has passed. But I'm just thinkng of me personally. If I got a text I would just respond when I got it because Id forget otgerwise. But in definitely not going back through my texts from there days ago. Those are ancient history. So I'm either responding within a few hours or not at all. Can't even picture someone looking at texts from days ago. If I did, it'd include a message such as "sorry I didntsee this text til now" or something similar. And also. What do you think. If someone responded three days later after you forgot about the text you wouldn't think twice about it? And also. This isn't even about a three day period. I merely mentioned that one as an example of something from a few years ago. I knew that guy wasn't interested but he could've just left it. Why text at all ya know? I mean I would assume someone waiting three days isn't interested but I guess my whole point was you might as well just not text at all if you are not interested so there is no mistaking it You can drive yourself nuts giving people all these chances, thinking well maaaaaybe he's shy, maybe he's awkward, etc. until the cows come home. But the truth is you're probably dealing with the 99% (people who don't care/aren't into you) rather than the 1% (people who don't respond because of bizarre or contrived reasons). Such is the path of the delusional, the path of rationalization, and you end up tolerating behavior you never should. When dating or pre-dating, things usually are what they seem. Occam's Razor and all that. And you are right. If it truly WAS just a misunderstanding, he would try his best to make things right. But he isn't, it's not a misunderstanding. Don't waste anymore energy on him, love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 You can drive yourself nuts giving people all these chances, thinking well maaaaaybe he's shy, maybe he's awkward, etc. until the cows come home. But the truth is you're probably dealing with the 99% (people who don't care/aren't into you) rather than the 1% (people who don't respond because of bizarre or contrived reasons). Such is the path of the delusional, the path of rationalization, and you end up tolerating behavior you never should. When dating or pre-dating, things usually are what they seem. Occam's Razor and all that. And you are right. If it truly WAS just a misunderstanding, he would try his best to make things right. But he isn't, it's not a misunderstanding. Don't waste anymore energy on him, love. What rationalizations and chances? This was a hypothetical example. Nobody waited three days to respond to me (not recently anyway. Years ago but I didn't give that person any chances. I knew what it meant and I was just curious as to why he even had bothered responding at all ) I also edited the post you quoted to add something to the bottom. Again I'm not looking for any advice or anything. Just looking to discuss the topic. Link to post Share on other sites
toscaroscura Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 What rationalizations and chances? This was a hypothetical example. Nobody waited three days to respond to me (not recently anyway. Years ago but I didn't give that person any chances. I knew what it meant and I was just curious as to why he even had bothered responding at all ) I also edited the post you quoted to add something to the bottom. Again I'm not looking for any advice or anything. Just looking to discuss the topic. Sorry, I was more talking about RedButton's post, specifically this sentence: "Maybe sometimes they want to respond but they're getting told to wait or they are nervous about seeming too needy or like they are 'waiting by the phone'." I mean, yeah, MAYBE he is like that, but it's more likely he just isn't into you. I used to give guys more chances in the very beginning, and think like RedButton, but I ended up getting burned when it turned out he was just uninterested at best and a disrespectful jerk at worst. (No offense, RedButton, I've been there! ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 (edited) Sorry, I was more talking about RedButton's post, specifically this sentence: "Maybe sometimes they want to respond but they're getting told to wait or they are nervous about seeming too needy or like they are 'waiting by the phone'." I mean, yeah, MAYBE he is like that, but it's more likely he just isn't into you. I used to give guys more chances in the very beginning, and think like RedButton, but I ended up getting burned when it turned out he was just uninterested at best and a disrespectful jerk at worst. (No offense, RedButton, I've been there! ) Oh ok. You quoted mine so that's why I thought you were talking to me. Yeah I agree with you. It's stupid to come up with all there excuses for the person when the person is either uninterested or inconsiderate ! (Or both) But Ive done it too. Nowadays if I've moved on and then the text comes in, I'm like sigh... Whatever. Edited June 26, 2015 by HansonGirl Link to post Share on other sites
toscaroscura Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Oh ok. You quoted mine so that's why I thought you were talking to me. Yeah I agree with you. It's stupid to come up with all there excuses for the person when the person is either uninterested or inconsiderate ! (Or both) But Ive done it too. Nowadays if I've moved on and then the text comes in, I'm like sigh... Whatever. Exactly. In an actual relationship, excuses can be used, because you know them and they have earned it. But some dude we haven't even been out with yet? Newwwwp. Link to post Share on other sites
missmac Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Yessssssssssssssssssss!! Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 big fail, eh? that's how i feel. I mean, a dull, short response is bad too, but I feel like a lack of a response at all is like, "ouch" and along those lines, what about when they DO respond, but take like 24 hours or more, at that point I think they ought to not respond at all. I feel like this goes int he same category as a lack of a response. But it might even be worse because then at least with a lack of a response you know where you stand, but when they do respond, now you're thinking, ok great does this mean he IS interested or isn't? What do you think? But it sucks when you text someone and they don't even text back. It shouldn't be this complicated. If a man is into you, you'll know. He'll try to engage you. If he doesn't and if you have to sit around dissecting his lack of response or extremely late responses, suffice it to say, he is probably not all that into you. Link to post Share on other sites
Renton Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 In my experience of using texts to get know each other it usually involves something getting lost in "text" form. I have never been a fan of texts though so maybe that's why Link to post Share on other sites
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