sica77 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Ok. I'm going to try to get to the point as quickly as I can. I work at a golf course that my boss owns. His best friend is the company's banker. Both my boss and his friend are married with children. I, myself, am also married. Last year, my boss' friend basically professed that he "liked" me.(this all feels so childish to type). I didn't really have any response to this and let it drop. I was actually a little rude to him. This year, it continues. He tells me how "hot" I am and how he wants to take me out. I've rejected his advances. My boss knows all of this- not because I said anything, but his friend has. A couple weeks ago he said something about taking me to go to see 50 Shades of Gray. I again declined. Today, over the phone as we were discussing work related topics, he said that he'd get us a room at a specified hotel and that he's ready to make me his "girlfriend." I don't know what to do. There is no HR department. I can't go to my boss as he already knows and has actually made jokes about it with the staff. If I know he is coming to our work, I make myself scare. I've rejected him repeatedly. I don't flirt or lead him on in any way. Part of my job is customer service related, so I do have a friendly disposition but nothing outside of professional. I really like my job. Being "flirted" with at work happens as I deal with a lot of men but 99% of it's harmless and jovial. This one has me stumped and I'm considering leaving my job because of it (amongst other things). Any advice on how to navigate this would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Tell your husband. And then tell the guy that you have told your husband. And tell your boss you don't appreciate his friend making comments that make you uncomfortable and you are considering leaving your job over it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I've been in some weird situations before too where you have to be careful not to rock the boat too much. My tactic was twofold. Laughing in their face works rather well. You know, get boisterous and loud about it: "Oh, RIGHT, by all means let's us two old married folk go out on a date. Hahahahahaha." My other tactic was to intimidate them by first sizing them up visually for a moment and then saying, "Nah, you wouldn't like it." In this situation being discreet is actually what is getting you in trouble. You need to talk too loudly anytime he's around so he knows you're not in cahoots with him about cheating on his wife. He will run off if you are loud and make it known you'll talk about it and talk about it loudly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sica77 Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 LOL. MY friend and I discussed the same thing. I might just need to be an a-hole about it. Not my style, so easier said than done. Such a pig. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Either that or just have a heart-to-hearter w/him where you explain nothing is going to happen and he needs to let it go. I don't much like the idea of being held hostage by your boss as a surrogate adulteress for his business partners. I've got to think some government entity would take an interest in that if it became really problematic. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I think you just need to deal with him on a personal level and let him know it ain't gonna happen, ever. If you can deflate his ego with humor by implying that you just don't consider him to be worthy of serious consideration that might be enough. If not, then take him aside and tell him that you've tried to be good natured about it but since he can't seem to take a hint, you're putting him on notice that his advances are unwelcome and what started as a minor annoyance is about escalate in a way that he will not be happy about. Involving third parties is probably unnecessary and may result in unintended outcomes. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) LOL. MY friend and I discussed the same thing. I might just need to be an a-hole about it. Not my style, so easier said than done. Such a pig. No, you really don't have to come off as an ahole. Seriously, just start acting like you're an indiscreet woman who thinks his suggestions are really funny, but you don't have to be nasty. You will have a big laugh on your face every time he approaches you. He will eventually get it, I imagine. One of my situations involved a married boss I really liked. We had lots of laughs. He knew I was looking for a new place to live and asked what if he bought a rent house for me to rent from him near his place and what could I afford. It was kind of a serious conversation to me at first. But then he followed up with, Of course, I'd have to have a key and be able to come over anytime I wanted. And I said back and rather loudly, "No, your WIFE would have the key. " That ended that idea. Edited June 11, 2015 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 you don't need an HR department to bring sexual harassment charges against someone, and that is what is going on here. even though the guy doesn't work there your boss is condoning the behavior by allowing it. you should start by 1) telling you boss that his friend's comments are unwelcome and not appropriate 2) writing down your complaint and giving it to him as well 3) writing down all the instances of when this has occurred 4) ask for a resolution from your boss, and hope that it stops. if not, contact a lawyer and talk it over for free. you can easily have a case against someone once you report the problem. and, if he fires you at least you get benefits whereas quitting makes that harder. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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