** Are These Decent First Messages For Online Dating ??? **

[contactadam2002]

Ok so here are some of my messages that I’ve sent out to women I’m interested in on POF (plenty of fish) which have had some partial success to a degree (in that I’ve got some responses) however if you scroll through the messages you’ll see what I sent and what I was replied with (when someone replied) and I just want to see if there’s any further advice or comments people could offer as that’s as far it’s it’s got thus far, Thanks.

 

http://i59.tinypic.com/wryznl.jpg

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

There's too much going on in these initial messages and too much ego boosting of the other party. Too many compliments in an initial message. Never address someone as "out of your league". Why would you want to start off putting that in someone's head? Send one simple, witty, short message, then give them time to respond, not send a follow up 4-5 sentence paragraph when you haven't heard back yet.

 

The message where you put "if my one wish weren't to have someone like you in my life"... Just too much. You don't know this person. Stop it.

Edited May 30, 2015 by Smthn_Like_Olivia

[contactadam2002]

There's too much going on in these initial messages and too much ego boosting of the other party. Too many compliments in an initial message. Never address someone as "out of your league". Why would you want to start off putting that in someone's head? Send one simple, witty, short message, then give them time to respond, not send a follow up 4-5 sentence paragraph when you haven't heard back yet.

 

The message where you put "if my one wish weren't to have someone like you in my life"... Just too much. You don't know this person. Stop it.

 

For those that do respond (one of which I've been chatting to more today) they do seem to like what I have to say, however you're not the first to say that it sounds too ego boosting etc so I'll bear that in mind. I do worry too much that I've either said something offensive (though I'm better at concealing such doubts) but without looking at the chat you're referring to, I guess the one thing I was wanting to avoid (having begun a conversation from which they've responded) is to allow an unresponded message (for whatever reasons) to go on unresponded and thus me forgotten. Although remember it's not showing the time intervals between messages, though we're only talking a day or so at most between each.

 

I think I'm just afraid that if I sound too ordinary or send a very simple message that they'll move very quickly on to responding instead to a comparatively average looking guy or to a much better looking guy that realistically has probably messaged them.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

Attractive women are getting hundreds of messages regardless. Semi-attractive women get tons of messages, so the compliments are a dime a dozen.

 

You should put more focus on interest type things and maybe how you relate, but in a witty manner. I once received a message related to a recent current event. It simply said, "Did you see that ____ on the news yesterday?? That was crazy!" (I don't remember what the event was, but I liked the approach and the conversation went from there to several dates.

 

If you're getting responses, you're ahead of the game, but if you want to secure a date, I would tone down the compliments and league thing. Women are attracted to confident men.

[contactadam2002]

Are you a woman?

 

Well I'ts not enough to brag about, I haven't done the calculations but one in every 7 or 8 messages I sent out (over the last week) got a reply (normally just a thankyou of some kind). It's better than what some guys get (after-all online dating is there to make guys feel worse about how fewer girls care about most of them and seems to be a settling game because it's normally only the girls they're not looking for that seek them out in the first place, the forums are overflowing with one's who had to eat sh*t and give up or settle).

 

I think if I sent a comment based on a news-worthy event I'd worry it just wouldn't really stand out (it's difficult enough trying to do that as is). I am tempted to give it a go but I guess I'm afraid of wasting each opportunity I get.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

Im a woman. Met my guy online in Nov 2013. We are still going strong and living together today. I went on 14 dates before I met him. His initial message was, "Hi, how are you?" ;-)

 

I was his first and only date from OLD.

Edited May 30, 2015 by Smthn_Like_Olivia

[contactadam2002]

Girls will crucify any guy sending a message like the one you were 'kind' enough to reply to. Literally it's mentioned so often (along with no sex requests etc) in so many profiles I read as something they'll ignore.

 

Ok so you'd keep the intro message to a couple of sentences or less?

 

Would you be asking an open question based on something interesting though or better off introducing yourself a bit by telling her one or two things about you or devoting it to showing you've actually taken the time to read her profile by commenting a bit on hers (as I aim to do)?

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

I would stick to the profile and try to tie in a common interest. The women that put too much weight on the intro are missing the bigger picture. Personally, I think OLD gives them the inflated ego. I tried to remain open minded and looked for individuals that fit what i was looking for. I sent a good deal of first messages myself. I say, why let a good prospect pass you by because he didnt meet your intro messages requirements?? Such a silly way of thinking if you ask me.