The fade

[LookAtThisPOst]

This is an interesting article on the Slow Fade - Think You?re Being Nice by Slowly Fading Away? You're Not. -

 

They are saying that bad thing about this is that the person STILL stays in touch, thinking that if they "fade away" out of your life, it's letting you down easier when in fact, this is an unhealthy thing to be doing.

[JuneJulySeptember]

This is an interesting article on the Slow Fade - Think You?re Being Nice by Slowly Fading Away? You're Not. -

 

They are saying that bad thing about this is that the person STILL stays in touch, thinking that if they "fade away" out of your life, it's letting you down easier when in fact, this is an unhealthy thing to be doing.

 

This is only an issue because people rely so heavily on physical attraction.

 

Rejection SHOULD BE mutual most of the time. That's how it's meant to be. You might 'sorta' like some things about someone's personality and they reject you (in which case it shouldn't faze you much), but it's relatively rare for one person to think you totally clicked while the other thought the date was horrible.

 

But then, looks get in the way. One person thinks the other is hot, and the other does not.

 

Otherwise, slow fade should not bother anybody.

Edited May 24, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[Emilia]

Well some of us don't like spending time with a person we are not into. So their rejection hurts, as a result. Why would I date or hang out with a guy whose fade or rejection didn't bother me? That would mean he had no role in my life and was completely disposable to me. Who wants a 'relationship' like that?

[JuneJulySeptember]

Well some of us don't like spending time with a person we are not into. So their rejection hurts, as a result. Why would I date or hang out with a guy whose fade or rejection didn't bother me?

 

Uh. To get to know them, to see if they are somebody who is like you, so you might want to live with them for the next 40 years?

 

If that is not likely then, why would I be upset? If we are not that, then she probably doesn't feel it either.

 

Here is where 'women get rejected'. Out of say 20 men, they pick the guy who is hot, or gets their blood boiling for some other largely intangible reason, and after meeting on a date (or dating for a while), he just doesn't think they are compatible or just dislikes her personality. It's ironic but I believe in general, women reject for looks, men reject for personality. Essentially when you are being 'dumped', it is because your personality is not a match.

 

Of course, that is just general. There are some women who play the game like me (and/or have less options), otherwise I'd never have a date.

Edited May 24, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[misspond]

Well some of us don't like spending time with a person we are not into. So their rejection hurts, as a result. Why would I date or hang out with a guy whose fade or rejection didn't bother me? That would mean he had no role in my life and was completely disposable to me. Who wants a 'relationship' like that?

 

When you're still in the getting to know you phase and someone pulls a slow fade it's a wee bit confusing, particularly if they have up to that point shown signs of having enjoyed spending time with you.

 

As the pursuer in my last (and very rare) "getting to know you" adventure I would have preferred for the man in question to have said, "Ah, no thank you, I'm busy," instead of, "Yeah great! Let's meet again," and being sneery with me on the last evening we spent time together. After that I was going to pull a fade on him (despite his sneeryness in person he was all over my social media the next day, no doubt in an attempt to ensure that I'd hover around forever) but decided against it and I contacted him and suggested we draw a line under things. Still made me scratch my head as to why he'd spent time with me when he clearly wasn't that into me.

 

People eh?

[xxoo]

When you're still in the getting to know you phase and someone pulls a slow fade it's a wee bit confusing, particularly if they have up to that point shown signs of having enjoyed spending time with you.

 

As the pursuer in my last (and very rare) "getting to know you" adventure I would have preferred for the man in question to have said, "Ah, no thank you, I'm busy," instead of, "Yeah great! Let's meet again," and being sneery with me on the last evening we spent time together. After that I was going to pull a fade on him (despite his sneeryness in person he was all over my social media the next day, no doubt in an attempt to ensure that I'd hover around forever) but decided against it and I contacted him and suggested we draw a line under things. Still made me scratch my head as to why he'd spent time with me when he clearly wasn't that into me.

 

People eh?

 

Reminds me of this:

 

[Emilia]

Uh. To get to know them, to see if they are somebody who is like you, so you might want to live with them for the next 40 years?

Why would you want to be with someone you don't find attractive for 40 years?

If that is not likely then, why would I be upset? If we are not that, then she probably doesn't feel it either.

But why be there on a date in the first place? Of course it isn't going to last if the sexual interest isn't there. This isn't about building a friendship. Dating for the long term partnership is about exploring romantic compatibility. Surely it's a complete waste of time to 'date' someone you will never have sexual interest in. If their rejection doesn't bother you it's a sign that you don't care. Waste of time.

Here is where 'women get rejected'. Out of say 20 men, they pick the guy who is hot, or gets their blood boiling for some other largely intangible reason,

Intangible to you but not to them - or me. I know exactly what attracts me to a man and I would feel my life was wasted if I gave up on love and attraction just to be with someone. Why spend 40 years with someone you feel 'meh' about when you have to potential to be with someone for 30 years you have the hots for?

 

and after meeting on a date (or dating for a while), he just doesn't think they are compatible or just dislikes her personality. It's ironic but I believe in general, women reject for looks, men reject for personality. Essentially when you are being 'dumped', it is because your personality is not a match.

 

Of course, that is just general. There are some women who play the game like me (and/or have less options), otherwise I'd never have a date.

Yes I believe most people get dumped for personality. Looks are there from the start after all.

 

Everyone has a choice. It's whether they choose to be scared and go for safe options or not is what matters. Personally I think not taking physical attraction into account backfires long term because it's exactly how people go off each other and stop having sex.

[Emilia]

When you're still in the getting to know you phase and someone pulls a slow fade it's a wee bit confusing, particularly if they have up to that point shown signs of having enjoyed spending time with you.

 

As the pursuer in my last (and very rare) "getting to know you" adventure I would have preferred for the man in question to have said, "Ah, no thank you, I'm busy," instead of, "Yeah great! Let's meet again," and being sneery with me on the last evening we spent time together. After that I was going to pull a fade on him (despite his sneeryness in person he was all over my social media the next day, no doubt in an attempt to ensure that I'd hover around forever) but decided against it and I contacted him and suggested we draw a line under things. Still made me scratch my head as to why he'd spent time with me when he clearly wasn't that into me.

 

People eh?

You can be only responsible for your own feelings and actions. If someone doesn't treat you with respect or you are just an option, it's best to walk.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

But why be there on a date in the first place? Of course it isn't going to last if the sexual interest isn't there. This isn't about building a friendship. Dating for the long term partnership is about exploring romantic compatibility. Surely it's a complete waste of time to 'date' someone you will never have sexual interest in. If their rejection doesn't bother you it's a sign that you don't care. Waste of time.

 

Because my life isn't like yours.

 

I don't have Category A for the sexually attractive (those who get dates) and Category B for the sexually unattractive (those who wallow in the friendzone pit for eternity).

 

People look bad some days, some days they look good. ****, just yesterday I went out with a gal and she looked great indoors and not so great outdoors (beautiful day out BTW). But compatibility looks good in all kinds of lighting.

 

And also, it's your opinion that's its not about building a friendship, not mine.

 

And I know everybody does things differently, but just remember, YOU responded to MY post!