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There has been a lot of posts by the Struggling Dudes on here saying that women are ready to shoot down any guy who doesn't meet The Looks Threshold (I never knew there even was such a thing!). That if you dare talk to a woman you don't know, you will be branded a creep, that is, unless you look like Tom Brady.

 

I am concerned about this, because there are a lot of impressionable young men who come on here. Well guys, I can assure you, the negative stuff just isn't true. Single women want to meet you too. Approach them.

 

I talk to people all the time. Often it is just a quick exchange. Sometimes it is a longer conversation. Thing is, I have never been insulted and called a creep. I HAVE gotten sex, friends, dates though.

 

I've learned to stay away from the PUA stuff. That stuff is rather greasy and weird. Either she is willing to talk or she aint, and having a bunch of routines and lines will not help your cause in either case. What you do want to do is be respectful, observant, and at ease with yourself. Takes practice but is doable. And did I say respectful? IF she doesn't want to talk that's cool, don't badger her. Guys who don't get that or guys who get too sexual too fast are the ones who get called creepy. If she is putting effort to keep the conversation going, that's great! Get her number.

 

By the way, in case anyone is wondering, I am short. ;)

Edited by Imajerk17
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JuneJulySeptember
There has been a lot of posts by the Struggling Dudes on here saying that women are ready to shoot down any guy who doesn't meet The Looks Threshold (I never knew there even was such a thing!). That if you dare talk to a woman you don't know, you will be branded a creep, that is, unless you look like Tom Brady.

 

I am concerned about this, because there are a lot of impressionable young men who come on here. Well guys, I can assure you, the negative stuff just isn't true. Single women want to meet you too. Approach them.

 

I talk to people all the time. Often it is just a quick exchange. Sometimes it is a longer conversation. Thing is, I have never been insulted and called a creep. I HAVE gotten sex, friends, dates though.

 

I've learned to stay away from the PUA stuff. That stuff is rather greasy and weird. Either she is willing to talk or she aint, and having a bunch of routines and lines will not help your cause in either case. What you do want to do is be respectful, observant, and at ease with yourself. Takes practice but is doable. And did I say respectful? IF she doesn't want to talk that's cool, don't badger her. Guys who don't get that or guys who get too sexual too fast are the ones who get called creepy. If she is putting effort to keep the conversation going, that's great! Get her number.

 

By the way, in case anyone is wondering, I am short. ;)

 

Well, I agree things are exaggerated here, but the initial screen is what gets guys dejected, and that typically is about looks. You don't have to look like Tom Brady, but the less attractive you are, the rougher go you'll have of it.

 

I won't do it for privacy reasons, but I'd love to show you my OLD account and how many women have never responded to me. None of them are taller than me, none of them are hot, none of them make over $100,000.

 

It's just kind of the way humanity is. If women were doing the approaching, then men would be shooting them down for their looks by the boatload and they WOULD be on here whining.

Edited by JuneJulySeptember
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I talk to people all the time. Often it is just a quick exchange. Sometimes it is a longer conversation. Thing is, I have never been insulted and called a creep. I HAVE gotten sex, friends, dates though.

 

Great post, and great point.

 

I, too, talk to people all the time (I'm a woman). I talk to men who are old, young, short, tall, hot, plain, disabled, able-bodied, etc. I talk to women, too! Most people are adequately social to make a little small talk when in shared space. I understand that I invite this by meeting eye contact and giving a small smile, and respond to the same in others.

 

Just get out there and practice chatting with people. It should be fun! And connections will happen naturally.

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I'm not good at approaching strangers with small talk especially women.

 

It takes me awhile to open up..I think very outgoing people who socialize easily just cant relate or fathom how hard it is for some of us to just approach a stranger from the opposite sex and begin smoothly chatting..

 

So while your intentions are good saying to somebody very shy how is it easy to just go up and approach someone is extremely difficult for some of us..

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I'm not good at approaching strangers with small talk especially women.

 

It takes me awhile to open up..I think very outgoing people who socialize easily just cant relate or fathom how hard it is for some of us to just approach a stranger from the opposite sex and begin smoothly chatting..

 

So while your intentions are good saying to somebody very shy how is it easy to just go up and approach someone is extremely difficult for some of us..

 

Do you make eye contact with strangers?

 

I literally make eye contact with every person I pass in the park, and 95% return it. That's men, women, and children.

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JuneJulySeptember
I'm not good at approaching strangers with small talk especially women.

 

It takes me awhile to open up..I think very outgoing people who socialize easily just cant relate or fathom how hard it is for some of us to just approach a stranger from the opposite sex and begin smoothly chatting..

 

So while your intentions are good saying to somebody very shy how is it easy to just go up and approach someone is extremely difficult for some of us..

 

Do you talk to people in your social circles?

 

Roughly half of my friends are actually female over the years.

 

You need to be able to talk to talk to women in your social circle before you talk to the woman waiting for the bus (which is really in general not a productive plan).

 

Keep in mind though, talking to someone and making chat does not equal generating attraction. I don't think most guys here have problems chatting with women who are friendly to them. I don't. If they do, then that is where they should start.

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Since characterizations of LoveShack as a forum or its members as a group or segments of a group are disallowed, discussion of this assertion as a rant may proceed uninhibited by moderation:

I've learned to stay away from the PUA stuff. That stuff is rather greasy and weird. Either she is willing to talk or she aint, and having a bunch of routines and lines will not help your cause in either case. What you do want to do is be respectful, observant, and at ease with yourself. Takes practice but is doable. And did I say respectful? IF she doesn't want to talk that's cool, don't badger her. Guys who don't get that or guys who get too sexual too fast are the ones who get called creepy. If she is putting effort to keep the conversation going, that's great! Get her number.

 

Take shots at other members or groups of members like 'Struggling Dudes' at your own risk. Thanks in advance for your cooperation with this moderation directive.

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Do you make eye contact with strangers?

 

I literally make eye contact with every person I pass in the park, and 95% return it. That's men, women, and children.

 

I think when men do it to each other it can mean something totally not in a good way to the other person so we can't do that to each other too much on a regular basis lol

 

As far as with women as hard as it is I try at times but never get a smile or stare back they just look straight ahead so I stopped

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There has been a lot of posts by the Struggling Dudes on here saying that women are ready to shoot down any guy who doesn't meet The Looks Threshold (I never knew there even was such a thing!). That if you dare talk to a woman you don't know, you will be branded a creep, that is, unless you look like Tom Brady.

 

I am concerned about this, because there are a lot of impressionable young men who come on here. Well guys, I can assure you, the negative stuff just isn't true. Single women want to meet you too. Approach them.

 

I talk to people all the time. Often it is just a quick exchange. Sometimes it is a longer conversation. Thing is, I have never been insulted and called a creep. I HAVE gotten sex, friends, dates though.

 

I've learned to stay away from the PUA stuff. That stuff is rather greasy and weird. Either she is willing to talk or she aint, and having a bunch of routines and lines will not help your cause in either case. What you do want to do is be respectful, observant, and at ease with yourself. Takes practice but is doable. And did I say respectful? IF she doesn't want to talk that's cool, don't badger her. Guys who don't get that or guys who get too sexual too fast are the ones who get called creepy. If she is putting effort to keep the conversation going, that's great! Get her number.

 

By the way, in case anyone is wondering, I am short. ;)

 

Words of wisdom to live by! You summed it up brilliantly.

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I'm not good at approaching strangers with small talk especially women.

 

It takes me awhile to open up..I think very outgoing people who socialize easily just cant relate or fathom how hard it is for some of us to just approach a stranger from the opposite sex and begin smoothly chatting..

 

So while your intentions are good saying to somebody very shy how is it easy to just go up and approach someone is extremely difficult for some of us..

 

One of these days you've got to wake up and realize that you have complete control over how you choose to act. Just because something is hard doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. If something isn't working for you, seriously, all you have to do is change it. It's all a part of growing up. You can be however you want to be.

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I have approached plenty of women and while a number said no only one ever was harsh and mean about it and that was when I was minding my own business not even knowing she was there and she assumed I was harassing her for some reason.

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The great thing about when someone rejects you is that you then know 100% that he/she was not right for you anyway. It's the ambiguous ones who make a mess of things.

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CrystalCastles

Great post!

 

I think the problem with men who find it difficult to date is that they seem to be unable, or reluctant, to look at themselves. Its much easier to blame stuff you have no control over, like women, their preferences, your own height, looks, paycheck, whatever, than to look at how you behave around women.

 

A lot of these men, I have noticed, tend to miss cues a woman gives off when she doesn't want these men around her. I know some men who continue to push and push and badger the woman endlessly, bombarding her with messages and harassing her, when she makes it perfectly clear she is not willing. These men tend to also have an entitlement complex, I noticed, and they tend to believe that a woman is a b!tch (or some other nasty word) if she refuses them. I noticed they also tend to speak of women with hate and bitterness, and put women down as if they are an inferior gender.

 

I agree, its not a good mindset for anyone to follow. I think it comes down to acknowledging that women are people too, they are free to make decisions as they see fit.

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I noticed they also tend to speak of women with hate and bitterness, and put women down as if they are an inferior gender.

 

Yes, I believe that that why some are so unsuccessful with women.

Their inherent misogyny shines through their interactions with women.

NO emotionally healthy woman wants to be around men that fundamentally hate women or look down on women.

 

I guess some of that "hate" is bound up with fear though.

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There has been a lot of posts by the Struggling Dudes on here saying that women are ready to shoot down any guy who doesn't meet The Looks Threshold (I never knew there even was such a thing!). That if you dare talk to a woman you don't know, you will be branded a creep, that is, unless you look like Tom Brady.

 

I am concerned about this, because there are a lot of impressionable young men who come on here. Well guys, I can assure you, the negative stuff just isn't true. Single women want to meet you too. Approach them.

 

I talk to people all the time. Often it is just a quick exchange. Sometimes it is a longer conversation. Thing is, I have never been insulted and called a creep. I HAVE gotten sex, friends, dates though.

 

I've learned to stay away from the PUA stuff. That stuff is rather greasy and weird. Either she is willing to talk or she aint, and having a bunch of routines and lines will not help your cause in either case. What you do want to do is be respectful, observant, and at ease with yourself. Takes practice but is doable. And did I say respectful? IF she doesn't want to talk that's cool, don't badger her. Guys who don't get that or guys who get too sexual too fast are the ones who get called creepy. If she is putting effort to keep the conversation going, that's great! Get her number.

 

By the way, in case anyone is wondering, I am short. ;)

 

It must be lovely to live in utopia but as someone else said you fail to acknowledge that some people are inherently shy, for example I wouldn't dream of talking to some random female.

 

Why, simply because one needs to assess as far as possible if the person is actually single.

 

Enjoy the utopia world of meeting females, having sex while some of us cannot even get into the friend zone but to come say "its easy" doesn't sit well with me because for a great many people its not easy at all.

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LookAtThisPOst
It must be lovely to live in utopia but as someone else said you fail to acknowledge that some people are inherently shy, for example I wouldn't dream of talking to some random female.

 

Right...I mean, I've attempted this a few times...but they've been very short with me in the coffee shop line or wherever. They give me this, "Why is this guy I don't even know, TRYING to get to know me?!"

 

I even got a female perspective from a woman that had been approached by strange men...these women think that they are ONLY approaching based solely on their looks and nothing more, which if you think about it is usually the reason...and than in itself is a turn-off as the approach is considered disingenuous.

 

I know a woman that said she was approached at some government building when waiting on some paperwork to go through. It made her very uncomfortable, and she told me herself that simply isn't a venue she would be desiring to even BE approached. She kind of faulted the guy for making his move at a venue that isn't conducive socially.

 

Yep, that's pretty much the reaction I've gotten most times when approaching strange women WITHOUT reason for approaching. So you're better off making small talk with a woman if you've been invited to a house warming party, BBQ event, pool party, etc where people are gathered together for a single purpose of comrade.

 

They figure if you are a friend of the host of the party and they are, too...then there's no real anxiety to the approach.

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Right...I mean, I've attempted this a few times...but they've been very short with me in the coffee shop line or wherever. They give me this, "Why is this guy I don't even know, TRYING to get to know me?!"

 

I even got a female perspective from a woman that had been approached by strange men...these women think that they are ONLY approaching based solely on their looks and nothing more, which if you think about it is usually the reason...and than in itself is a turn-off as the approach is considered disingenuous.

 

I know a woman that said she was approached at some government building when waiting on some paperwork to go through. It made her very uncomfortable, and she told me herself that simply isn't a venue she would be desiring to even BE approached. She kind of faulted the guy for making his move at a venue that isn't conducive socially.

 

Yep, that's pretty much the reaction I've gotten most times when approaching strange women WITHOUT reason for approaching. So you're better off making small talk with a woman if you've been invited to a house warming party, BBQ event, pool party, etc where people are gathered together for a single purpose of comrade.

 

They figure if you are a friend of the host of the party and they are, too...then there's no real anxiety to the approach.

 

Do you understand why an approach is OK sometimes and why it isn't yet though?

Have you now sussed it out?

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LookAtThisPOst
Do you understand why an approach is OK sometimes and why it isn't yet though?

Have you now sussed it out?

 

I think I may know what you mean when you say "sussed." But apparently, it seems the men here make attempts anyhow, regardless. I mean, that's how my parents met, if my dad didn't "suss" it, I wouldn't be here. :laugh:

 

I recall seeing post made by another woman though, that is a counterpoint to this one...about "Why men stare, and not approach" apparently, she was hoping these men would approach, regardless of them checking her out.

 

So...you'll have women complaining about how they aren't approached either, so in a sense, the only "sussing it out" I've came to realize is that it depends on the person, opinions are like arsholes, everyone has them, and there's always some kind of risk a man takes when he makes an approach and that risk really shouldn't be faulted because otherwise it would be unnatural.

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. So you're better off making small talk with a woman if you've been invited to a house warming party, BBQ event, pool party, etc where people are gathered together for a single purpose of comrade.

 

They figure if you are a friend of the host of the party and they are, too...then there's no real anxiety to the approach.

 

I challenge anyone on the forum to prove this is not the honest truth. Dating depends as much on your social circle as it does on any inherent character, physical and confidence traits you may have.

 

Simply put: no friends= no dating.

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It must be lovely to live in utopia but as someone else said you fail to acknowledge that some people are inherently shy, for example I wouldn't dream of talking to some random female.

 

Why, simply because one needs to assess as far as possible if the person is actually single.

 

You are taking this all too seriously, the OP is speaking about just talking to women in general and if there is a connection take it further, if not then who cares. If she is married - back down, if you do not get good signals - back down, but you will find your shyness will disperse the more people you talk to.

All interactions are a learning experience. If you find you are being ignored or looked upon as creepy, change your approach.

You cannot hold out for this one girl who you will instantly connect with across a crowded room and expect her to be all things you desire.

She may be standing right next to you at the check out, but if you do not reach out to people, you will never find out.

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LookAtThisPOst
I challenge anyone on the forum to prove this is not the honest truth. Dating depends as much on your social circle as it does on any inherent character, physical and confidence traits you may have.

 

Simply put: no friends= no dating.

 

Exactly, just Google "Social Capital" . :cool:

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You are taking this all too seriously, the OP is speaking about just talking to women in general and if there is a connection take it further, if not then who cares. If she is married - back down, if you do not get good signals - back down, but you will find your shyness will disperse the more people you talk to.

All interactions are a learning experience. If you find you are being ignored or looked upon as creepy, change your approach.

You cannot hold out for this one girl who you will instantly connect with across a crowded room and expect her to be all things you desire.

She may be standing right next to you at the check out, but if you do not reach out to people, you will never find out.

 

Explain to me then why its always the guy who must put himself out there and look like a total idiot? To be honest anyone who says that find anything intellectually interesting about a person in a brief conversation in a q clearly has pretty low "wow" threshold.

 

Fact remains you speak to random people in public and unless there is something to talk about "oh this train is late again" its impossible to strike up any conversation.

 

My opinion is speaking to random people with the intention of taking them out putting your self confidence on an absolute hiding to nothing, such will be

 

A: the disappointment at the calibre of person

B: the utter rejection one will get

C: the realisation that most physically appealing people are taken

D: the fact that females don't want to be picked up by random guys, they would prefer to meet people in a circle of friends OR at a socially orientated place like a club or bar.

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Explain to me then why its always the guy who must put himself out there and look like a total idiot?

 

Because that is just the way it is, if you wait for a special women to choose you, then I guess you will be waiting a long time.

You want a smart, intellectual woman, who is good looking on some level and will fit into your classy set. However, she is unlikely to want a guy who doesn't even have the courage to talk to her.

OLD isn't working for you and I guess such a woman is not hanging about street corners either.

You need to go where the chances of running into such a woman are high. Where do all the classy young women hang out in your town/city?

If you are truly unwilling to go and find, and are inherently shy, then perhaps an elite matchmaker service may be more appropriate for you.

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Because that is just the way it is, if you wait for a special women to choose you, then I guess you will be waiting a long time.

You want a smart, intellectual woman, who is good looking on some level and will fit into your classy set. However, she is unlikely to want a guy who doesn't even have the courage to talk to her.

OLD isn't working for you and I guess such a woman is not hanging about street corners either.

You need to go where the chances of running into such a woman are high. Where do all the classy young women hang out in your town/city?

If you are truly unwilling to go and find, and are inherently shy, then perhaps an elite matchmaker service may be more appropriate for you.

 

Matchmaking amounts to throwing good money after bad because what you end up with are gold diggers of epic proportions. My point with this thread is the OP paints a picture of utopia of approaching random people but neglects to mention the significant and pervasive downside associated with doing so. The downside far outweighs any upside, that being you find someone truly amazing. Again amazing being what you deem it to be.

 

As for me, I have largely given up, bars, clubs and churches are not my scene and seeing as the people I know are older than me, settled down. My outlook on that front isn't positive either.

 

Furthermore I actually think there are a great many females who enjoy rejecting guys none more so than those who use online dating.

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