Does someone's family members determine compatibility

[LookAtThisPOst]

I've met a few nice women, but I know of one that I'm attracted to, but come to find out when I was chatting with her...I asked her "How her day was" and she said, "I was visiting my son in jail" I was thinking, "WOAH, Red flag!!"

 

We've been acquaintances on Meetup for a while, good friends, but I didn't bother taking it further for that reason as it was revealed to me her son has a criminal history and still runs in those circles. Her son is like 19 or something.

 

If it's not criminal, it's always a sibling, parents, etc...that you'd be embarrassed to bring your new boyfriend/girlfriend to only because well, they're a**holes.

 

Dated this local woman once, though she was a pretty nice woman...she said she rarely sees her parents except maybe the holidays, even though they are only 3 hrs away. Only because her father is a social misfit...she told me how he and her father was at a local Lowes or Home Depot when she ran into some friends, and he went right on walking...he wouldn't introduce himself. And she claims her sister is a selfish *itch...her words.

 

So those are just examples, but if the person you were dating seemed okay...but their parents or siblings were too much to bear....would this be a dealbreaker for you if you were considering marry into the family?

[Toodaloo]

I am not embarrassed at all by any of my immediate family. Those that are black sheep (i.e. jail etc I don't think I would recognize, closest is about 3rd cousin I think)...

 

You need to start dating a better class of people... There will be exceptions as some families are unfortunate to have a bad egg... but really???

 

Are you a rough sort yourself? Do you look as though you are rough in any way to be attracting these sorts of women?

[Haydn]

My mother put pay to quite a few girls.....

 

She is so horribly vain....

 

Once she asked a girl i brought home...

 

`What are your intentions with my son`

 

My sister pissed herself laughing...

 

My GF keep the conversation fixated on my mother... Seems to works.

[elaine567]

So those are just examples, but if the person you were dating seemed okay...but their parents or siblings were too much to bear....would this be a dealbreaker for you if you were considering marry into the family?

 

I think that there are genuine nice, honest, decent people mixed up with no hopers and jailbirds in their family.

It seems that wayward 19 year old sons are not restricted to any particular class in society either, so perhaps best not to judge her too harshly for that. I guess he may grow out of it, hopefully for her sake anyway.

[todreaminblue]

how i look at it is ...i dont have to live with a guys family ....i have to be polite show respect and be a guest in their home...no matter what i think of them or how bad they are ...i dont have to participate in anything i dont want to and that would be criminal activity...i would say catch ya another time ...and hoep the guy i was with would do the same thing.....i dont have a record and like to keep it that way.........or if they are hard to handle.....i would handle it.....what matters more to me is the guy i am with.....if he treats me with respect and ultimately treats his family with respect and loyalty..... no matter how pissed off they can get him......we were born into our families for a reason......they are our family...like it or lump it....they are your family...and for that reason alone...a person can be born into a family and be completely different and still be loyal.....respectful.....and compassionate..........i have to add that doesnt mean taking crap either...it means knowing when to say goodbye and I will see you another time......

 

 

if you have red flags they are your choices to make....and if you are not comfortable with family of said person you are dating that is just how you are.....if you are uncomfortable its perfectly understandable you see it as a red flag.....deb

[coryreply]

I think it's interesting that she didn't try to hide the fact that her son was in jail. It could mean that it's not that big of a deal to her, something she's not too embarrassed about. Or it could mean that she trusts you.

[MissBee]

It's all contextual. It depends on their closeness to their family members, geographic location, nature of the issues and various things.

 

If I'm marrying a man for example and his family is god awful for some reason or he had kids who were in and out of jail and trouble, that would affect our relationship a lot and it might be a deal breaker.

 

If they have a family member who has issues or is a black sheep but it doesn't impact our relationship or we only interact infrequently with them then it's not a problem.

 

But if he has a god awful family and always wants us to spend time with them, has to constantly be giving money to family members, picking them up from jail or it starts being a constant situation of him having to rescue or take on their problems it might not work.

 

I am close to my family and want a man who is close to his as well and would prefer for it to be a relatively easy going situation. But it all depends. I'd have to be in a specific situation to know. Marriages have been broken up for example (true story) because a husband has a coke headed dad who he is codependent with and enables and the husband is siphoning money away from the household to help support dad, who of course blows the money on his drug habit, husband always needs to go pick up dad from out of trouble, husband ends up also doing coke with dad and all of that leads to the marriage falling apart. This has also happened with people who have friends who are like family but they have these "wayward friends" that they are better off than and feel they owe it to them to "help" and so they divert attention, time and even money from their spouse/family/SO to deal with the dramas of their friends. I can't deal with stuff like that. If you have family members with issues or friends with them sure, so long as you have boundaries and aren't sacrificing yourself or our relationship to take on other people's burdens.

[xxoo]

Every family has their Roger Clinton.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I knew of a couple of women that would air their family laundry out on Facebook. There was one I was considering dating, but then she would routinely post this stuff online and I feel that's a bit disturbing and disrespectful...also, obviously embarrassing.

 

Another woman I just knew of, would talk bad about her mother on Facebook...she had a boyfriend at the time and I almost came close to posting a comment about how I would be ashamed to be her boyfriend if I had a girlfriend that disrespected family like that publicly.

 

Going back to the woman with the young adult criminal son, well...having that to deal with would be probably be a problem to most men. Said woman hasn't been in a relationship for a while...so maybe that's why.

[MidwestUSA]

 

Another woman I just knew of, would talk bad about her mother on Facebook...she had a boyfriend at the time and I almost came close to posting a comment about how I would be ashamed to be her boyfriend if I had a girlfriend that disrespected family like that publicly.

 

 

"Almost came close". Whew, close call. I'd consider your odd habit of calling people out, whether it be for lies about age or the fact that someone's underwear is showing in the grocery, to be as much of a deal breaker as family misfits.

 

Honest question, is this a hobby?

[Michelle ma Belle]

It's all contextual. It depends on their closeness to their family members, geographic location, nature of the issues and various things.

 

If I'm marrying a man for example and his family is god awful for some reason or he had kids who were in and out of jail and trouble, that would affect our relationship a lot and it might be a deal breaker.

 

If they have a family member who has issues or is a black sheep but it doesn't impact our relationship or we only interact infrequently with them then it's not a problem.

 

But if he has a god awful family and always wants us to spend time with them, has to constantly be giving money to family members, picking them up from jail or it starts being a constant situation of him having to rescue or take on their problems it might not work.

 

I am close to my family and want a man who is close to his as well and would prefer for it to be a relatively easy going situation. But it all depends. I'd have to be in a specific situation to know. Marriages have been broken up for example (true story) because a husband has a coke headed dad who he is codependent with and enables and the husband is siphoning money away from the household to help support dad, who of course blows the money on his drug habit, husband always needs to go pick up dad from out of trouble, husband ends up also doing coke with dad and all of that leads to the marriage falling apart. This has also happened with people who have friends who are like family but they have these "wayward friends" that they are better off than and feel they owe it to them to "help" and so they divert attention, time and even money from their spouse/family/SO to deal with the dramas of their friends. I can't deal with stuff like that. If you have family members with issues or friends with them sure, so long as you have boundaries and aren't sacrificing yourself or our relationship to take on other people's burdens.

 

My sentiments exactly.