Ready to date but it's not happening....

[misspond]

Hi all, long time lurker, first time posting.

 

Forgive me if this turns into a long post. Four years ago my 10-year relationship ended since then I've focused on making a home for and bringing up my two young children (now 11 and 6). I've done some very half-hearted online dating (maybe one date a year?) and not really connected with any of them, and in truth I mostly get attention online from much younger men looking to gain a notch on their bedpost (nope) and much older men whose pictures and profiles don't seem appealing (which I know makes me sound shallow but...)

 

In January I met someone through friends and we went out on four dates but we were both looking for different things - he said he enjoyed my company but wasn't looking for a relationship so I drew a line under it, luckily before any feelings were involved, although I'll confess that being rejected was a little hard on my ego.

 

I'm 48 years old and would like to meet someone but it's hard to get out a lot as I only have two child-free weekends a month. I go out with friends when I can but appreciate that doing the same old same old doesn't always lead to circumstances where I can meet new people. With this in mind I'm going to attempt getting out to some Meet Up events locally, although I am a bit nervous about this. And I'm trying to be positive, if I'm honest my head really hasn't been in the right place for dating until about 6 months ago, but now I'm ready to go! (I think.)

 

Problem is I think I'm my own worst enemy. I did have an OLD date recently that led to a second but he was a bit over-keen for my liking. Getting multiple texts, love songs and a gift within the first few days blew my mind a bit if I'm honest so I politely cancelled our third date.

 

So I'm trying to work on my self-esteem, and hopefully will eventually meet someone? It all seems a bit pointless though if I'm honest. Do I really just need to give up and accept that I've got a great life (work, kids, friends) and be content with that?

[StalwartMind]

I don't see any reason to just give up and see yourself "content" with what you have. If your heart and mind desire something more then by all means you'll just be fooling yourself. Some people may be able to pull this off but I don't believe it's the right call for those that have that feeling they are destined for something more, even if that ends up being just the pursuit.

 

The more restrictive a person is in requirements of a potential partner, naturally the smaller the market becomes. Despite that I still don't see any reason for anyone to "lower" their expectations if it's going to end up making them unhappy or unfulfilled, shallow or not.

 

The date you had with the guy sending multiple texts, love songs, gifts, etc. I can understand that being a bit overwhelming but there could be any reason as to why he chose that approach, insert X,Y,Z. Sometimes other people just need a bit of patience and guidance and it doesn't hurt to tell someone to maybe tone it down a bit.

 

Either way I would only encourage you to give life and yourself another chance, especially if you feel somewhere inside of you there is that pull. A 10 year relationship can take a lot of time to process, anything that has been a significant part of our relative short life on earth does take a lot of space. You are still young, plenty of time to enjoy many wonderful moments on this planet with someone else and in the meantime enjoy your kids, friends family and whatever else that consumes your life.

[misspond]

Thank you for your thoughtful words StalwartMind, they're much appreciated.

[youdunsay]

I'm ready to date too. 27 and still single. So what's going on actually?

[misspond]

So what's going on actually?

 

If that's a general question then I'd guess life and circumstances